Chapter 9: Welcome to the Machine

San Luis Obispo, California

June 30, 2003

Jake’s Navigator was parked in the airport’s general aviation lot and he and Celia were in the front seat. It was 6:35 PM, the sun was still fairly high in the summer sky, the sky was blue and it was a pleasant seventy-two degrees with a mild breeze blowing. Both of them were looking out toward the northeast, the direction the aircraft they were expecting would approach from.

“Nervous?” Jake asked her. It was mostly a rhetorical question. He could plainly tell that she was. He was himself.

“Si,” she said. “Also excited. It’s been so long since I’ve seen them last.”

“Do you really think we’re going to be able to pull this off?” he asked.

She smiled a little. “Hopefully,” she said. “And if it all falls apart because Caydee says something or because we overlooked something ... well ... I guess we just tell the truth and they’ll have to accept it, just like we did with your parents.”

“Will they accept it?” Jake asked. “If that becomes necessary?”

She nibbled her lip a bit. “That is mostly what I’m nervous about. I have no idea how they would react if they knew the whole truth. They are devout Catholics, after all.”

Jake chuckled a bit at this. “Are you ready to take Mama and Papa to church with you on Wednesday?” he asked her.

She gave him a sour look. Her mother was indeed very excited to attend a service at her daughter’s church (and to have a tour of the mission in SLO). As such, Celia had started attending Sunday services shortly after the arrangements were made for her parental units to visit. She finally met Father Standish at Saint Anne’s and introduced herself to him. He had been more than a little tongue-tied at first, but had genuinely thanked her for the monthly donations she had been providing—she had been mailing checks for ten thousand dollars every month ever since publicly moving in with Jake. It was a pittance to her, but it made her Saint Anne’s biggest private contributor. She had let it be known to the good Father that her parents would be visiting soon and that they were under the impression that she, Celia, was a weekly visitor to the church and that anything the good Father could do to further that impression would be greatly appreciated. The good Father, who knew which side of his toast had the butter on it, agreed to give them such an impression and told them he was looking forward to meeting them. He was even fluent in Spanish and would be able to speak to them.

Jake spotted the aircraft first. He had pilot eyes and caught the glint of sun flash off the fuselage. He pointed it out to Celia. “There it is,” he said. “Two o’clock. On the approach path. Just finished the turn for final approach.”

“I see it,” Celia said after a moment.

The plane grew larger in their vision and soon resolved into a Learjet. Its gear and flaps were both down and it touched down neatly on the runway. It then taxied over to the general aviation area, which was on the other side of a security fence from where Jake and Celia were sitting.

“We’d better get inside,” Jake said. Celia nodded and they left the Navigator and walked in through the external terminal door.

It was another five minutes before the door from the secured tarmac to the terminal building opened and Mama and Papa Valdez entered, each with a rolling suitcase in tow and a carry-on bag in hand. Both were dressed casually, in blue jeans and simple shirts. Both were looking around curiously at this place they had ended up at after a very long journey that had taken more than fourteen hours when you threw in layovers.

“My Daughter!” Maria cried when she saw Celia standing there.

“Mama!” Celia returned, rushing to her.

They embraced warmly, Maria giving Celia several kisses on the cheeks. She then looked her up and down, liking what she was seeing. “You are indeed pregnant, My Daughter. No doubt about that.”

“Not much,” Celia agreed.

She greeted her father next, giving him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek as well. “Thank you for flying all this way to see me, Papa,” she told him.

“I would not miss this for the world,” he returned in Spanish. “Except ... you know ... the last part.”

“I understand,” Celia said.

The two parents then turned to Jake. This was the first time he had been face to face with them since the two of them had revealed that they were a couple, let alone married and with child. He felt a little awkward.

“Roberto, Maria, welcome to San Luis Obispo,” he told them in passable Spanish (he had rehearsed). “We welcome you to our city and welcome you to our home.”

“Thank you, Jake,” Roberto said. He did not hold out his hand for a shake. Instead, he stepped forward and wrapped Jake up in a big family hug. A startled Jake returned it. Maria repeated the sentiment and then did the same.

“It’s good to see you, Jake,” Maria said in broken English. “You make us happy. You make us grandparents.”

“Celia makes me happy,” he told her in broken Spanish. “Very happy.”

Jake and Roberto handled the luggage and they headed out of the terminal to the parking lot. Jake told the couple that Elsa, their housekeeper, was preparing a late dinner for them, simple American fare of beef stew loaded with fresh vegetables and served with homemade bread. Roberto passed this information onto Maria and they both declared they could not wait. They were famished, as the last food they had eaten had been midway through the flight from Houston to LA.

“This is your vehicle?” asked Roberto when he saw the Navigator.

“It’s one of them,” Jake replied.

“It is muy grande,” he said, obviously impressed.

“It is the most appropriate for this mission,” Jake said. “I knew you would have baggage in tow. Normally I drive my BMW. Celia has a Mercedes Benz.”

“Very nice,” Roberto said, nodding.

Jake loaded the bags into the back of the Navigator. Celia then climbed into the middle seats with her mother while Roberto climbed into the front with Jake. In the back, the two women began speaking in rapid-fire Spanish that Jake was unable to follow. He started the engine and pulled out, making his way slowly out of the airport and back to the main road that led home.

“Long day of travel, huh?” Jake said to Roberto while the women continued to chat.

“Very long,” Roberto agreed. “I am quite out of sorts.”

“Did you get any sleep on the flights?”

He shook his head. “None at all. I do not fly often and I am not comfortable doing it. I have never been able to sleep on a plane. Maria is the same.”

“That’s a bummer,” Jake said. “Maybe Laura and Caydee can give some lessons to you. They both go out like lights whenever they fly. I’m not too bad at it either, as long as I’m not the one behind the controls. It’s a very useful life skill.”

“It would seem so,” Roberto agreed.

“You’re probably a bit jet-lagged as well,” Jake said. “What is it, three hours different from Barquisimeto to here?”

“Si,” Roberto agreed. “It feels like bedtime to me.”

“Take it from an experienced traveler,” Jake told him. “Stay up until at least ten o’clock our time tonight, no matter how tired you are. That’ll get you pretty much acclimated to our time by the morning.”

“I will make an attempt,” Roberto said. “I cannot promise ten o’clock though. We did have to get up at 4:30 in Barquisimeto to make the first flight.”

“That’s really freakin’ early,” Jake said with sympathy.

“Indeed,” Roberto agreed.

Jake deliberately took a route that led them by the mission in SLO, pointing it out to the elder Valdez couple. Both of them made the sign of the cross as they passed by. After a moment, Celia did the same.

“We will be able to attend Wednesday mass and I’ll be able to meet this Padre of yours?” Maria asked her daughter.

“As long as I am not in labor,” Celia promised, even managing to sound enthusiastic. “Padre Standish is very eager to meet you both.”

“He’s a good priest?” Maria asked. It was obvious she had her doubts about an Irish priest.

“He is one of the best I’ve ever met,” Celia assured her. “Gives a wonderful service. Fully traditional, even on the Wednesday mass.”

“That is good to hear,” Maria said.

They left San Luis Obispo city behind and soon entered the coastal area. For the first time, the Pacific Ocean came into view before them. Both Valdez elders stared at it in wonder. Neither had ever seen it before. And the day was absolutely perfect for seeing it for the first time.

“It is so blue,” Maria said. “So calm.”

“That’s why they call it the Pacific,” Jake said in Spanish, and then switched back to English. “Although it can get quite riled up on occasion when the weather is bad.”

Celia translated this last part for her. She nodded in respect.

“Do you ever deep sea fish, Roberto?” Jake asked.

“I have done some in my life,” he said. “Always out of Caracas in the Caribbean. It has been many years though.”

“If you’re interested, I know a guy who would be willing to take us out on a charter boat to catch some rock fish off the coast. Just you and I and whoever else in the immediate family or circle of friends wants to go. We can do that after the baby is born if you’re up for it.”

“I think I would enjoy that,” Roberto said.

“I’ll make it happen,” Jake said. “It will have to be on a weekday though. My friend relies on the weekends for most of his income.”

“I have no job to go to,” Roberto said. “The day of the week matters little to me.”

Jake pointed out a few sights as they passed through Oceano. He did not point out the Johansen spot when they passed it. He turned up the access road, passed the warning signs—which Roberto was able to read, Maria was not—and then pushed the remote button on his visor to open the gate. After pulling through and watching in the rear view mirror until the gate fully closed behind him, he drove onward, up the hill. Soon the house and its magnificent view was before them. The Valdez elders were very impressed by the view. They seemed a bit disappointed in the house, however.

“I expected a larger house,” Roberto said.

“It’s plenty big, Papa,” Celia assured him. “It just doesn’t look like it from the outside. Jake is not pretentious. He has no need to be a showoff.”

“I deliberately designed it to blend into the landscape,” Jake said. “I wanted it to be hardly noticeable from the outside. I think you’ll be pleased by the inside.”

And, indeed, they were. They entered through the garage into the kitchen, where Elsa was putting the finishing touches on dinner, getting ready to serve it. The introductions were made between housekeeper and Valdez elders. All said they were pleased to meet each other. Caydee then made her reacquaintance with Celia’s parents, giving both of them hugs and kisses. Both exclaimed over how big she had gotten. Jake then led them into the entertainment room, where Laura was waiting. This was a bit awkward as they were not sure how to greet her. Laura solved the problem by hugging both of them and welcoming them to their home. Her ring finger was conspicuously bare. Jake then led them to their guest suite.

“This is very nice,” Maria said in Spanish, taking in the view out the window.

“Open the window at night and you can hear the sound of the waves crashing,” Celia told her. “It’s one of the best things about living here. Nice cool breeze and pleasant white noise to help you sleep.”

“We will do so,” Maria said.

They stowed their suitcases and bags and then Jake and Celia led them on a tour of the rest of the house. They were quite taken by the entertainment room and Jake’s composition room. They were also impressed with the office with its security monitors and its computer. The Valdezs had not entered the computer age. They did not even have email. Roberto, a guitar player who had taught Celia and Eduardo the basics back in the day, was quite taken with Jake’s collection of instruments on display. He marveled over the Les Paul signed Les Paul. He did not quite understand the significance of the Jimmy Page guitar, but once it was explained to him, he held it in due reverence.

“Do you still play, Roberto?” Jake asked him when the tour wrapped up.

“On occasion,” he said.

“Maybe you can help us with guitar-sing time tonight for Caydee. We’ll see what you got.”

“Perhaps,” Roberto said.

They sat down to enjoy Elsa’s beef stew. It was thick, savory, and exactly what the Valdez elders needed to fill their stomachs without causing any gastrointestinal distress. They both ate two bowls of it, declaring it delicious, and each had three pieces of bread. Caydee chattered a bit with Mama Valdez in Spanish as they ate. She did not pass on any secrets.

After eating, Elsa shooed them all into the entertainment room so she could clean the kitchen and then retire for the night. Jake poured all of the non-pregnant and non-minors a glass of his best cognac. They sat and sipped while winding down and letting their dinners digest. They talked of travel, of pregnancy issues from both a male and female perspective, of childrearing, of the history of the house. They stayed away from Jake and Laura’s relationship. The conversation was mostly in English, with occasional forays into Spanish by Celia, Caydee, and Jake for Maria’s benefit. Celia often served as translator for her mother. Roberto often served as translator in the other direction.

Celia then took Caydee in for her bath. When she returned, the little girl was dressed in her cute jammies and was clean and sweet smelling. It was time for guitar-sing-flute-harmika. Jake grabbed his own Fender guitar and then set up Roberto with a properly tuned Brogan acoustic from his collection. Laura manned her flute. Caydee had her own guitar and her harmika nearby. Celia had no instrument. She would just sing when needed.

Caydee opened them up with the acoustic version of War Pigs, one of her favorites. She did a fairly good job with it, with only a few clumsy chord changes during the intro and flawlessly singing the lyrics in exact timing with the notes in her high-pitched voice. The Valdez elders were unfamiliar with the piece but were impressed by the little girl’s playing and singing.

“She’s from a music family,” Jake said when they praised her. “It’s in her genes.”

“Or, it’s part of God’s great plan,” Celia said with a smile.

“Or that,” Jake agreed.

Jake stepped up next, playing out Bad Moon Rising with Caydee accompanying on the harmika and contributing to the chorus vocals while Laura played flourishes with her flute. Celia then sang Songbird, while Jake played the guitar in place of the piano. Then it was Roberto’s turn. He strummed a few times on the unfamiliar guitar and then launched into a Spanish piece with a distinct Spanish flavor to it. He pulled it off remarkably. His playing was quite good and his voice, a baritone, was quite pleasant. Jake only understood a few words of what he was singing—it was something about unreturned love—but he was quite impressed.

“I see where Celia gets her talent from,” Jake told him after he finished up.

“I have but a tenth of her talent,” Roberto replied. “God is responsible for the rest.”

“He does seem to be good at handing it out to certain people,” Jake allowed.

Caydee then performed Let’s Pee in the Corner and Nights in White Satin. Jake and Roberto then wrapped them up with a rendition of Black Magic Woman, a tune both were familiar with. Celia helped out with vocals for that one.

“All right, little girl,” Laura announced after the last number. “Give hugs and kisses and let’s get your booty to bed for read time and night-night.”

“Okay,” Caydee agreed with a yawn. She gave everyone in the room hugs and kisses and then allowed herself to be led to her bedroom by Laura.

“I must say,” said Roberto after the two redheads disappeared down the hall, “you and your ex-wife get along remarkably well.”

“We do still have feelings for each other,” Jake said. “We just could not remain married any longer.”

“I see,” said Roberto slowly. “And you, my daughter, you get along with Laura quite well as well.”

“She is still my best friend,” Celia said, starting to look a bit uncomfortable. “Despite what happened between her and Jake.”

“What exactly did happen between her and Jake?” Mama Valdez asked in Spanish.

“Mama ... that’s personal,” Celia replied.

“More personal than whatever charade you’re trying to pull here?” Mama returned. “Give it up. Tell us what is really going on here. Because it’s quite obvious that it’s not what you’ve been telling us.”

Jake caught the basic gist of the conversation but not the exact words. Celia summed it up for him in five words of English. “They’re not buying our story.”

“I see,” he said after a moment. “What do we do?”

She shrugged. “I guess we come clean? What else can we do?”

He nodded. “I guess you’re right.”

“You tell them,” Jake said. “That way they’ll both understand.”

Celia sighed and then began to speak in Spanish to her parents. “It’s like this, Mama, Papa. Laura and I are both ... uh...” She hesitated for a moment because there were no polite words for lesbian or bisexual in Venezuelan Spanish, only derogatory ones. “We both enjoy having ... uh ... relations with both men and women.”

Mama’s eyes got wide. Papa’s stayed neutral. “You’re saying you are ... involved with Laura as well as Jake.”

“Yes,” she said. “This has been going on since Laura was pregnant with Caydee. Before that, I was involved with a female pilot after Greg and I divorced.”

“That Cabron!” Roberto spit angrily.

“Exactly,” Celia said. “Anyway. What started out as just ... well ... experimentation, turned into love. True love. All three of us love each other as spouses, as equal co-partners in an adult relationship. That is the first thing you have to understand.”

“It is hard to understand that, my daughter,” Maria said.

“It is true, Mama,” Celia said. “Nothing is more true. Jake is my soul mate. I have known that for years, even when I was married to Greg, we were just not able to act upon it then. And Laura is also my soul mate, as I am theirs. We love each other. I can’t explain it any better than that. We’re not just infatuated with each other, we’re not just involved in a sexual relationship, this is love. True love. I know it’s not conventional, not how we were brought up to live, but it is what we have. We have a good and stable and loving relationship with each other. You’ve watched us here. Can you see at least a little bit of what I’m trying to say?”

Maria thought about this for a few moment. “I do,” she finally said. “I believe you speak the truth.”

“Me as well,” Roberto said.

“But why the divorce? Why the charade of Jake and Laura being apart. Of you and Jake being married.”

“I wanted a baby,” Celia said. “And I wanted it to be a legitimate baby. Laura graciously allowed me to borrow her husband for that purpose. Therefore, they got divorced, Jake and I played the game for the media people, and then got hastily married before I conceived my little passenger. He will be born in wedlock, fully legitimate in the eyes of society, the church, and ... well ... my parents.”

Maria’s eyes got big again. “You mean ... you went to all this trouble ... all of this deceit, just so your baby would be legitimate in our eyes?”

“Yes, Mama,” Celia said. “I’m sorry we lied to you and misled you.”

“This is incredible,” Roberto said.

“How long have you known that we were misleading you?” Jake asked.

“For quite some time,” Roberto said. “Ever since the media reported that Laura was still living with the two of you after the divorce we knew that not everything we were being told was the truth.”

“And you didn’t say anything?” Celia asked.

“Not until tonight,” Roberto said. “Not until it because quite obvious that what we were being told was all make believe.”

“Ain’t that some shit?” Jake said in wonder.

“Indeed,” Roberto said. “And we do appreciate the effort you have gone to. It will be nice that the baby is born in legitimate wedlock.”

“What happens after the baby is born?” asked Maria.

“Well ... I did promise Laura I would give Jake back to her,” Celia said. “Once the baby is weaned, Jake and I will get divorced, amicably, of course. After a few months it will be reported that Jake and Laura have reconciled their relationship. They will then get married again.”

“On our original anniversary is the hope,” Jake said.

“Quite a plot,” Maria said. “And all for our benefit.”

“Well, also for the baby’s benefit,” Celia said. “He will not be a bastard in the eyes of the world. That was the most important thing to me. That was why we went to all the trouble.”

Roberto shook his head a little. “I will tell you something, my daughter. When you plot, you go all out.”

“Don’t do things half-assed,” she said. “Isn’t that what you taught me, Papa?”

“Maybe not in those words,” he said with a chuckle.

Laura came back into the room at that point. “Okay,” she said. “Caydee’s down for the night. Does anyone want...” She took a good look at everyone, noting the odd mood in the air, the strange looks on their faces. “What’s going on?”

“Well, good news and bad news,” Jake told her. “The bad news is the jig is up. The good news is you don’t have to sleep in the guest room tonight.”

Celia climbed into bed naked that night. She immediately cuddled up to Laura.

“Suck my boobs,” she whispered to her.

Laura looked at her knowingly. “Do you really want your boobs sucked, or are trying to get an oxytocin release to induce labor?”

Celia smiled at her. “A little bit of both, I suppose. Now, pretty please with sugar on it, suck my boobs.”

Laura smiled and began suckling her big nipples, alternating from one to the other. Jake watched them for few minutes while Little Jake became interested in the goings on. He then removed his underwear. Celia was now juicy and wet. He put himself between her legs and slid inside of her in one stroke.

“Oh yes,” she moaned as he began thrusting within her. “That’s it. Fuck me good.”

Jake fucked her good, though Celia’s big belly made it a bit awkward because he had to keep in an upright position, which made his back sore after a few minutes. Still, he hung in there until she had an orgasm and then he let his mental block fall and had one of his own. No sooner did he pull out of her (and give his back a little stretch) than Laura went down between her legs and began to lick and suck. Soon, all of the spend was gone and Celia was grunting her way through another orgasm. Jake, by then recharged, slid into Laura from behind and fucked her to an orgasm before shooting a load into her.

Although it was fun, it did not induce labor. They collapsed into a heap and fell asleep, Jake in the middle in the wet spot.

This, of course, necessitated a shower for all involved upon awakening. Celia went first and it was she who got Caydee out of bed and through her morning routine. Jake was second. Elsa had made a breakfast of scrambled eggs, sausage, cheese, and peppers. The Valdez elders appeared just as the food was served. They were very much impressed by Jake’s coffee, but also impressed by Elsa’s cooking skills.

“How is the jet lag?” Jake asked.

“You were correct,” Roberto said. “We both seem to be acclimated at this point. It feels like it is seven thirty in the morning.”

“Take it from someone who moves eight miles a minute for months at a time,” Jake said with a smile.

“Amen,” said Celia from around a mouthful of toast.

After breakfast, while Elsa took care of the kitchen and got ready to start her day of cleaning and fussing, everyone else retreated to the entertainment room. Jake put on CNN at low volume. There was increasing fighting in the cities of Iraq between US forces and “insurgents” who were not in favor of the American occupation of their country. Two US army soldiers had been killed the day before, their bodies dragged through the streets and mutilated.

“So...” Celia said when she saw Jake becoming a little too interested in the news broadcast, “what do you two want to do today? Do you want to go visit the mission?”

“I would love to see the mission,” Maria said. “We have never been to one of the Father’s houses in the Americas.”

“It was built in 1772,” Jake said. “It’s one of the oldest buildings west of the Mississippi River.” He thought about mentioning that the Father, Junipero Serra, had used native American slave labor to build the place, but decided they did not really need that tidbit to enjoy the tour.

Caydee was not interested in going. Neither was Laura. Both had been there before. Jake drove himself, the Valdez elders, and Celia there just after 10:00 AM. He paid the twelve dollar per person fee and they did the self-guided tour, looking at the architecture and the artifacts. Since it was a Tuesday morning, there were not many other tourists in the building. No one harassed the famous couple though they did get a few looks from the docents.

The tour took a little more than an hour to complete. After, Jake took everyone to his favorite Mexican restaurant in SLO. They were seated immediately and without fuss—they knew Jake there and knew how to do business with him. Mexican food was not the same as Venezuelan food by any means, so the Valdez elders puzzled over the menu (they had never actually had Mexican food before). Jake recommended the chicken enchiladas for Maria and the chicken tacos for Roberto. They went with his suggestions. They also went with his suggestion for margaritas on the rocks. They both particularly enjoyed the chips and spicy salsa that was served.

“The little passenger loves this salsa,” Celia said in Spanish after taking a huge dip of it on a homemade tortilla chip.

“It does have a nice bite to it,” Roberto said in English, wiping at his forehead a bit.

Maria had a good time chatting with the waitress in Spanish. The waitress—her name was Maria as well—was awed to meet Celia Valdez’s parents and paid them every bit of attention she could. Jake limited himself to one margarita as they were pretty potent in this place. Maria and Roberto had two and soon both of them were a bit giggly. Celia confined herself to horchata. Jake switched to iced tea. When the food was delivered they all tore into it. Jake had the chicken tacos while the little passenger in Celia’s belly apparently wanted the huevos rancheros. The elder Valdez couple were both quite impressed with the flavor and texture of the food and ate every bite on their plates.

“They do make good food,” said Maria, who otherwise had not had anything nice to say about people from Mexico.

“Yes, they do,” Jake agreed in Spanish. “If I had to be stranded on a deserted island and could only have one kind of food for the rest of my life, I would choose Mexican food.”

“Amen,” Celia agreed, sopping up some egg yolk with her rice.

After lunch, Jake drove them to The Campus to show them around. V-tach was in the rehearsal studio and Bigg G and his band were in recording studio A, hard at work. Jake introduced the Valdez parents to everyone and then got out of their way so they could keep working. He showed the Valdez’s the bedrooms and the empty studio. He then took them to another American wonder known as Costco, where he bought nearly four hundred dollars’ worth of food, household staples, and liquor. Maria and Roberto were amazed by the sheer size and inventory of the warehouse store. They had nothing like that in Venezuela. Again, the famous couple were clearly recognized as they wandered up and down the various aisles with their huge shopping cart and waited in line for checkout, but no one approached them.

They got back to Casa Kingsley just before three o’clock. Maria and Roberto decided to lay down for a nap. Jake and Celia did the same, not engaging in any hanky panky. Laura and Caydee worked on her reading and writing, continuing the job of perfecting the alphabet and the basics of combining letters to make words. Caydee was getting pretty good at it. It helped to be naturally intelligent and to have a former teacher as a mother.

The Nerdlys came over for dinner that night. Elsa served up her stuffed bell peppers and more of her homemade bread. Both of the adult Nerdlys were informed that the jig was up and that the elder Valdez couple now knew the real story of the Kingsleys and their marriage/divorce story. Both took this in stride. Nerdly, who spoke pretty good Spanish, had a good time practicing his skill with Maria and Roberto, getting into conversations with lots of laughter that Jake and Laura could not follow.

“I was telling them about the time you and Matt were arrested in Texas and they beat Matt with a telephone book,” Nerdly explained at one point.

“And they thought that was funny?” Jake asked.