Chapter 30: Why and Why Not

Sunday, October 13, 1985

By now, church was pretty much just a habit. We were enjoying going and no one was griping about getting up ‘early.’ Mind you, ‘early’ on Sunday was still later than we got up any other day of the week.

We dressed up a bit more than usual today, but only a bit more. A nice shirt and slacks for me and nice dresses for the girls.

After the sermon, Reverend Mark called the new members up front. They had a call-and-response ceremony where we were pledged to respect the church and its members and the congregation (those present, anyway) pledged to respect us, welcome us, and nurture us. The whole thing felt really nice.

What felt even nicer was seeing the smiles on Cammie and Angie’s faces. The others, too, but the two of them had probably had the toughest journey to this point. Cammie had largely rejected churches for a period of time. So had Angie, albeit in a different way.

For her part, Mel was grinning at Cammie. It meant a lot to her, too, I knew. Mel caught me noticing and gave me a quick wink.

Mom and Dad wouldn’t truly understand, but they would support us. We could be (and would be, I suspected) amongst the more Christian-leaning UUs. Cammie could follow the teachings of Jesus the way she saw them, free of some interpretations none of us believed in, and everyone would support her in doing so. I could stay somewhat Christian, too, but I’d already done that.

For Angie and me, the stakes were a bit different. We knew there was more to the universe than the here-and-now reality we could see and explain. It didn’t line up with the teachings of any religion, but it didn’t have to. As UUs, we were encouraged to follow a free and responsible search for truth and meaning, and we would do so.

We might never share the results of that search with anyone but those in the innermost circle of our lives, but that was fine. And we might never learn anything about why we were here and how it had happened. We would keep asking questions and making guesses, though.

It was, after all, who we were.

Mel and I worked on our camera project in the afternoon. After a few hours’ work, I had a solid enclosure, relatively easy to use and easy to lock, that would hold the camera in a good position to take pictures of our miscreant. Just the lens was exposed, and it was positioned at an existing knothole in the fence. I tweaked it a bit, but unless you knew what you were looking for, the camera wasn’t going to be obvious at all.

I put a piece of fairly thick glass in the way, then took a few pictures to make sure of positioning. The goal was to prevent the culprit from poking the camera with a stick and breaking it. He couldn’t expose the film, almost certainly, but he could cost us our camera. Even a piece of glass would slow things down enough that he would just run off, what with lights flashing and an alarm sounding.

Meanwhile, Mel put together the circuitry for the infrared sensors, countdown timer, attention-grabbing beeper, lighting, shutter trigger, and connections to the alarm system. We tested it all and everything worked on the first attempt. Mel gloated a bit at that, as was her right.

After all of that was done, I took the film to the nearby grocery store and dropped it off for processing. We didn’t need it immediately, so I marked it for pickup tomorrow.

We still had to get the sensors actually installed (and try to make them hard to spot), and that was tricky. IR sensors are notoriously easy to misalign and somewhat tricky to debug. We could make it work, but it would involve some trial and error.

Still, our target was a guy who’d been here before, wasn’t expecting IR sensors, and wasn’t going to be looking at things all that carefully, especially in the iffy nighttime lighting. We intentionally hadn’t added any new lighting in order to lend a false sense of security.

A picture very likely wouldn’t do much for us — there are thousands of people in Bryan / College Station who generally match the description I had of the guy — but it should at least put the culprit on notice that he wasn’t as safe as he thought he was. And we might get lucky; perhaps he would have on a distinctive shirt or something else.

Angie and I exchanged a look around eight. In an instant, I knew what she was thinking. I agreed, too.

A nod later, she was whispering to Paige and I was telling Jas that Angie and I were thinking of spending the night together.

Jas was all for it. Both because she understood, and also because she was fairly eager for some time with Paige. So far, she hadn’t found an outside girlfriend after Katy. Jas didn’t necessarily need ‘girl time’ (as she put it), but she was happier having it.

That reminded me that I should make time for Paige, too. As we’d said before, scheduling things would be silly. But, if we weren’t going to schedule things, we needed to remain aware that it had been a while and we enjoyed getting together every time we did.

Paige certainly could be the one to approach me, but it was just fine if I was the one who made the first move.

Jas was hardly going to be upset about quality time with Angie, either. That was always a good thing in her book.

Angie fetched her PJs from upstairs, then kissed Paige and Jas on her way into our bedroom.

Cammie and Mel chuckled a bit.

“It’s still funny,” Cammie said. “But it’s so sweet, you can’t help but love it.”

“I know, right?” Jas said, grinning. “It really is.”

Angie nodded.

“We think so, too!”

“We do!” I said.

I kissed Jas goodnight, then surprised Paige with a kiss, too. Cammie and Mel just giggled when I did.

Once in the bedroom, I started undressing.

Angie grinned from the bed and said, “Woo-hoo!”

“Hey, you already changed,” I said.

“I can strip,” she said.

“You know I wouldn’t object.”

She grinned and stayed where she was.

I was quickly through the bathroom, in my own PJs, and in bed.

Angie stretched a bit, then snuggled up and rubbed noses.

“We ... done good, big brother,” she said.

“Church?” I said.

“Church,” she agreed, nodding. “It’s ... I never thought I would belong anywhere that way, you know. I mean, first-life me. Second-life me, kinda, that too. Differently, but still. And Cammie just made it harder, ‘cuz ... she needs this. It’s good for the rest of us, but she really needs it.”

“Yes,” I said. “I knew we could. We just had to get there. In a way, Jas and Paige were the trickiest. They don’t need church, at least consciously. I think they’ve come to agree that it’s good for them to go, and they’re enjoying it, but they weren’t going to drive this, and they had to buy in for it to work for you and me. Cammie and Mel could have done their own thing, but Cammie would have dragged her feet without the rest of us nudging.”

“Which means we done good. Like I said.”

I chuckled and gave her a kiss.

“I agree,” I said.

“Switching subjects ... I’ve been thinking,” she said. “Which is ... well, not the reason for this, but it’s a good conversation for now.”

“Oh? Should I be nervous?”

She giggled.

“No! Definitely not. No. It’s ... well. That first trip, we did ... okay, not a lot, but ... you know.”

“I know,” I said. “Some very fond memories.”

“And the second, and third, and ... well. The point is, we don’t now. I’ve been thinking about why.”

“Part of it has to be Paige joining us on trips. Well, and Jasmine.”

“Oh, definitely! We weren’t explaining the sleeping-together thing at all right then. And we weren’t going to do anything at home. But...” she said.

“But we haven’t picked back up.”

“Before you ask, no, I’m not suggesting we do. It’s more about why.”

“Enlighten me,” I said.

She giggled and elbowed me a bit, then said, “It’s because ... well ... because I’m serious about some things now, maybe. I mean, this wasn’t conscious until recently, but now it is.”

“Oh?” I said, raising an eyebrow.

“Kids. Meaning the possibility of me having yours. Ours. Anyway ... you know.”

“I know.”

“So...” she said. “It’s about Mom. I agree with you. If I can’t tell Mom, or if she isn’t completely with us, it’s a no-go. She deserves to know, she needs to know, and ... well. You’ve had experience with Mom and Dad pretending to be fine with something they weren’t fine with. I’ve been thinking about that, and thinking about how sucky that would be. I completely trust them with respect to Paige, mind you. They love her. That’s obvious. They’re not just pretending or being polite.”

“I agree,” I said. “She’s pretty much already a daughter-in-law.”

“Just like Jasmine. And, I mean, that’s partly the ‘tell’ here. They treat both of them the same, and it’s not in some silly obligatory way.”

“Definitely.”

“Anyway!” she said. “That’s a sidetrack. An important one, but still. So ... the thing is ... as soon as I tell Mom we’re even thinking about it, she’s going to immediately fire up her Mom radar at the highest possible setting and ask herself if we’ve behaved. And ... we have. We absolutely have. I know that in my heart, so I’m immune to Mom radar.”

“Same with me,” I said.

“But ... the more we do even little things, the more I’m not sure if that’s true. I mean, being immune. I would have to think about whether we’ve behaved, and hesitation breeds suspicion. She might agree, in the end, but everything ... well, it matters.”

“Does this mean you’ve decided?”

She shook her head.

“I really haven’t. This is a case where I want Mom to be completely honest and give me good advice. Not just her, but she’s a big part of it. She’s ... well. Like Paige and Jas represent ‘this world,’ Mom represents ‘our family.’ It’s not just Dad she’ll influence. If Mom approves, she’ll get everyone but Aunt Helen to approve. It’s how she is. Only Aunt Helen is immune. And, flipping it around, if it would be bad for the family, she’ll say that. And she won’t mean Helen, she’ll mean the whole thing.”

“That’s ... I like that. I’ve decided to the level of saying I’ll provide what you need unless something big changes to where that’s a bad idea. And, if something did, I trust you and Paige would respect that.”

“Duh! Obviously, we would! I think Paige is pretty definite. It’s not an issue with her. Oh, some people will freak out if they figure out that her brother-in-law is the biological father of her kids, but that’s not ... you know.”

“I know,” I said, nodding.

“Anyway ... it’s not a never, it’s a ... not for right now.”

“I agree with that. I mean, of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because you’ve got the hottest blonde in the world in your bed and you’re a guy,” she said, batting her eyelashes at me.

“If I was that way, you wouldn’t be in my bed, and I wouldn’t have nearly the life I have,” I said.

“One of the many reasons we all love you, big brother. Honestly ... when you told me about the open relationship thing, I was fine with it, but I didn’t understand it. Not what it meant. I think ... it’s partly why our house works. Paige really likes getting some of your time. She doesn’t need it, but she likes it. Cammie likes being able to say she loves you without anyone freaking out. Mel...”

She shrugged.

“I don’t think Mel’s done with you. She’s just biding her time.”

“I have no signals either way. Well ... one little signal, recently, but that was vague.”

She nodded.

“And then there’s Candice. Yeah, you and her are not just a ‘no’ but a ’Hell, no!’, but that doesn’t matter. The point is, here we are in a house where you’ve had sex with three of the girls who aren’t your girlfriend, done sexy stuff with a fourth, done ... well, some stuff with a fifth, plus been watched by her. If Jasmine had a jealous bone in her body, this place would be a three-ring cat-fight!”

I chuckled.

“That’s an image! Heck, even Cleo and Tony don’t fight.”

“She’s the boss. He knows that. Everyone’s happy!”

“That seems like it in a nutshell,” I said.

“Anyway ... it’s that. It’s ... the reason why we’re a successful little family starts from being open to love being this thing we share because we feel it, not hold back on because someone would be jealous. I think ... it’s who Paige is, anyway, but we got here because of Jas. Like, without Jas making it kinda thoughtful and structured, I’m not sure even Paige would have wanted it. We’re...”

She paused, blew out a breath, and said, “Fuck, we’re in love! Like, so much it hurts. Which is awesome and everything I ever wanted, but it’s scary. Not in a bad way, so much as ... just ... would we risk it on letting other people in? Being monogamous is a nice, safe, easy default. Jas showed the way and we just followed.”

“Same here! I never would have brought it up — not for a second. But ... if you step back and look around, there would be some huge differences in my life.”

“And in mine, Paige’s, Jessica’s, and probably Sue’s, Sheila’s ... I mean, heck, the list goes on and on!”

“All is for the best...” I said.

She giggled and elbowed me.

“Sometimes it feels like that, but ... I think this was just real luck. Or, maybe, my being more perceptive than I give myself credit for. I mean, I knew at the time Jasmine would be good for you. And some of that was her being more open with relationships. I just didn’t know it would work for you and...”

She waved her hand, then said, “Well ... anyway. We’ve been over that. It’s a really good thing, and ... it’s kinda beside the point, which was ‘Why don’t we do anything more sexy?’ It’s definitely not that I don’t want to, and it’s not that I think we won’t, but ... for now...”

I nodded and said, “I’m curious, but not in an ‘Oh, God, when?!’ sort of way.”

She giggled quite a bit, then said, “I don’t think I’ll have kids until after grad school, if that’s what you mean.”

“It was.”

“Paige might sooner. We’ll stagger them no matter what. Or ... I think we will. There’s something cute in the idea of having them grow up very close together, but...”

“We might want to ask Mark and Morty about that,” I said.

“Oh, they hated it! Teachers comparing them — everyone comparing them! — and all of that. Obviously, it worked out very well for them, but that’s because Emily is ... Emily. Not many girls could do that. She makes it look easy.”

“It wouldn’t have been on my list of ‘relationships that will last’ when it started,” I said, chuckling.

“Everyone thought it would crash and burn! Including Emily!” Angie said. “She told me that she thought one of them would totally fuck it up. There was that one little spat, but ... honestly, that had blame on all sides. They didn’t fuck it up, though, and I really don’t think they will.”

“Which is pretty awesome.”

Angie stretched a bit.

“So ... mad at me?” she said.

“Of course not,” I said. “It actually makes a lot of sense. I’ll have to be in on these conversations with Mom — if they happen — and I would be in the same boat. I know we’re behaving and have been behaving. But I also know Mom might take a different view, and ... yeah. If we’re getting to the two of us mixing our DNA, Mom will have opinions. I’m not going to make the mistake of guessing what those opinions will be.”

“Me, neither,” Angie said. “I totally guessed wrong about her and Paige, and that was a lesson. Mom did right then. I think she’ll do right with this, but ‘right’ might not mean saying it’s a good idea. Because ... it could be a terrible idea. It solves one very big problem, and it’s really a beautiful thing, but the world is what it is and we would be saddling any child with either a big secret or an odd thing to explain.”

“We’ll get there,” I think. “And ... this whole thing is ... different. I had two kids in my first life. Neither had my DNA, but they were absolutely my kids. In this one, I’m looking at anywhere from two to perhaps six or more.”

“Four is probably the low number,” she said. “Cammie and Mel are set. Unless you say no, that’s two. And Jas wants at least two — everyone knows that.”

“Including me. I mean, we did talk about two point five.”

She giggled.

“Yeah, yeah!”

She yawned, stretched, and then said, “Sleep?”

“Well, we’re not going to...”