Chapter 29: Friends

Thursday, October 10, 1985

It had been much too long since I’d seen Lindsay, and too long even since I’d talked to her, so I gave her a call in the late afternoon. We made a lunch ‘date’ on Monday at Hullabaloo Cafe. I really wanted to catch up with her, and this felt like one of those semesters where we would either grow apart or build a lasting friendship. I wanted it to be the latter, and I was pretty sure she did, too.

Tonight was our last UU membership class, which actually made it a big deal. Reverend Mark went over much of what he’d already taught us and confirmed that we agreed with it all. Or, rather, that we didn’t disagree with it so much that we wouldn’t join. Being a UU wasn’t necessarily about agreeing so much as about agreeing to disagree politely and support people’s right to think things you didn’t agree with, as long as they supported you right back.

I felt for Reverend Mark (or, at least, for UU ministers at large). At my church decades from now, we’d had a little fight where some people in the congregation complained about the word ‘God’ in hymns we sang with the traditional wording, all while another group of people complained about its omission in hymns that had been reworded. Hardly surprising, perhaps: it’s entirely possible to be an atheist (or even anti-theist) UU. But UUs have a habit of believing things strongly and sometimes that leads to annoying clashes.

Still, I suspected it was a rewarding career. He could directly help people and minister to those who might have no other spiritual outlet without him. That had to feel good.

At the end of class, we all signed the membership book and made a token first contribution as members. With that, we became voting members of the congregation for the next year.

All of us were the conscientious type, so I figured we would be there for congregational meetings and votes.

They would have a brief ceremony to formally welcome us to the church next Sunday. We were all looking forward to it.

I picked up Darla at her dorm and we walked to dinner at the MSC cafeteria. Once we had our food and had settled at a table, I said, “So ... I thought it might be better to share that I’m planning to go out on a date with Amy next weekend.”

She giggled a bit and said, “Amy? That’s ... well, I think it’s unexpected, anyway. Not that I know her very well, but ... well. Anyway, next weekend is fine, obviously. I mean, I’ll be out of town.”

“It is unexpected,” I said. “I don’t know her very well. The date is ... well, we were getting into a fairly serious conversation and it wasn’t a good fit for her workplace.”

“Let me guess,” Darla said, grinning. “This is about your dating history and ... circumstances.”

“Good intuition!” I said, chuckling.

“I would say that it confuses me, but it doesn’t,” she said. “It did, at one point. Linda helped me with that a lot. Oh, it was self-serving, maybe, since we were both interested in you, but ... well. I would say that Mom isn’t all that religious, and that’s probably true, but ... well, Southern Baptist. Even the not-so-religious ones are kinda ... you know.”

“I do,” I said, nodding. “Could be worse. She could be in one of the anti-dancing sects.”

Darla giggled and nodded, then said, “I wasn’t about to get left out of the dances! No, she’s fine, but ... I mean, Mom would not understand. She would be upset with me for seeing you, you for dating more than one girl at a time, and Jasmine for putting up with it. And I mean, I know Jasmine isn’t just ‘putting up with it’ at all. But I don’t think Mom is ready to deal with a girl who wants ... what you have.”

I nodded again, saying, “That all makes sense.”

“Anyway, so ... well, Linda helped. And, for me ... I’m kinda serious about church, but also not. I think, from seeing you, you get that.”

“I do. Oh, I’m further from the church I grew up in than you are, but I recognize that there’s a lot of value in the teachings, at least broadly. And there’s a lot of room for acknowledging that there might be more to the world than nuts and bolts, facts and figures. We’re getting involved with the Unitarians. They believe everyone should be encouraged to follow their own search for truth and meaning. They won’t try to give you the answers, just support you in asking good questions.”

“I think ... I could get into that. Mostly. So, um ... anyway ... where were we?” she said, then paused. After a second, she said, “Oh! Amy! Yeah. I think ... she probably isn’t confused in the way I was, but I totally get being confused. And ... well. You and I aren’t exclusive and we’re never going to be exclusive. I’m glad you told me, but...”

“See, that’s one of those places where I have to know where you’re coming from,” I said. “Yes, we’re not exclusive, but that’s one of those things you have to work out for yourself. Does that work for you? If it doesn’t, that’s fine, but it’s your decision. It’s not ‘Well, it has to work for me ‘cuz that’s how things are with Steve.’ If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t.”

She nodded, looking thoughtful. After a little bit, she said, “I don’t know. Or ... I know it works. I just don’t know how well it works. But ... that’s good, I think. I’m learning. Because ... well. See ... the thing is, if you were some other guy, I might think we were exclusive when we weren’t. Or I might think he was committed when he wasn’t. I can trust you to not be exclusive or committed, but also to care about my best interests ahead of ... well ... selfish guy stuff.”

She grinned at that, both blushing and winking. That was, as much as anything, the crux of the matter. How much of that ‘guy stuff’ was actually what Darla wanted out of this? And was she in a position to admit that to herself? Or act on it?

We weren’t getting answers at this dinner, but her raising the questions was itself a good thing.

By the end of dinner, things remained as they had been. Neither of us was sure where we were going. Darla needed me to chase, and chase I would, but she was definitely not ready to be caught. If there was a difference, it was her realizing that she didn’t want to be caught yet, just for herself. Before, I think, it was something between ‘my mother wouldn’t approve,’ ‘my church wouldn’t approve,’ and ‘good girls don’t.’ Darla was beyond that, now, and was making decisions based on what she wanted and was ready for.

Or so I thought, anyway. Not being a mind-reader, perhaps I was misunderstanding her. It seemed fairly clear to me, though.

We might do some of that ‘guy stuff.’ We might not. And we might not now, then do something spectacular years in the future. Part of the fun was in not knowing, and her not knowing made it more fun, not less.

‘The Final Countdown’ was both as good, and as not-good, as I rather vaguely remembered it being. What was on screen was generally fine, but it was, at best, about half of what it should have been.

Still, the action scenes were good, there was a reasonable amount of drama, at least some romance, and the Nimitz and its crew came off well.

Darla and I held hands during most of the movie and snuggled up a bit for some of the action scenes. It lacked real drama, as one never feels like ‘the good guys’ are in serious danger (the Nimitz easily outclassed anything the Japanese could dream of fielding in the 1940s), but that was fine.

After the movie, I walked Darla back to her dorm. As before, we parted on a fairly aggressive goodnight kiss. The part of Darla that wanted me to catch her and not hold back when I did was still clearly hoping for a pleasant surprise.

When I got home, the others were hanging out in the living room. When they’d gotten home, there was a surprise on the answering machine. Megan had left a message saying she and Calvin were coming to the game. It would be great to see them!

After listening to the message, the others had apparently been teasing Angie about the movie and were happy to add me to the list.

The synopsis was that the two of us were the Nimitz and Pearl Harbor was the Challenger disaster. Angie argued — and I supported her in it — that we were hardly the overpowering force the Nimitz was.

While that argument was silly, the bigger point was not. At the time when the captain of the Nimitz is deciding whether to destroy the Japanese fleet, he has no idea if he can return to the future. If not, the decision becomes fairly clear in two ways. First, the world of 1941 would likely be better had the US not lost the fleet at Pearl Harbor, but did have proof of Japanese intent to attack the United States. Second, and perhaps more pressing, what other decision is reasonable? Either he would have to hide a mammoth aircraft carrier for four years or more (with it holding not nearly enough resources for those four years) or enter the war at some later point.

Obviously, entering the war would have consequences. In the case of ‘The Final Countdown’, it would necessarily put 1980s technology under review by 1941 scientists, thus having a ridiculous impact on the future well beyond merely its combat capabilities. Oh, the captain could refuse access, but at what cost? Declaring war on the United States as well?

Our choices were more nuanced. Taking action on Challenger didn’t necessarily mean changing anything else. Even if we were successful, Gene Thomas would never know if I actually knew the future or was just a lucky guesser. Perhaps launching in the cold would have been fine. Who could tell?

Still, the fundamentals were the same. We couldn’t go back to ‘our own time’ (nor would we choose to if given the opportunity), and we had to live our lives doing the best for the world we lived in now. There would inevitably be negative consequences to some of our actions, but we might not even know what they were.

This was a far less important time travel movie than the one now including Jess, but any time travel story would resonate with us, most likely.

Friday, October 11, 1985

We left Megan a message mid-day, letting her know we could meet her and Calvin for lunch in the MSC if they would be here in time. Otherwise, we’d meet them whenever it was convenient for them if we could. Our time after the game would be limited given the President’s Endowed Scholar reception. We all needed to get home, clean up, and change between the game and the reception.

We arrived at Jolly Rolly plenty early for the concert and got settled. After a bit of discussion, everyone passed on t-shirts and other souvenirs. This was hardly the best concert any of us would attend this year. Dire Straits alone beat it, and Live Aid completely outclassed it for those of us who had been there. Candice and Sherry were the most torn, since they were still calling it their first ‘college concert,’ but they didn’t feel strongly enough about either band to purchase anything.

Admittedly, I was somewhat sentimental about Cheap Trick. I hadn’t shared the story of seeing them with my kids, but I probably would at some point. It wasn’t about not being whapped, though. It just felt like something to share after the concert, not before.

Cheap Trick was the opening act, and they were good. Surprisingly good, really! I thought that later concert was better, but they were in good form and seemed to be having fun. We all sang along to a few of their bigger hits.

Cammie and Candice shared a bit of a bonding moment over ‘Surrender’ during the gap between sets. The notion of Candice’s parents making out on the couch to KISS was ridiculous, while it was simply unthinkable with Cammie’s. Neither Angie nor I could imagine Mom and Dad doing that, either, but it was simply a matter of taste with them, not an absurdity. Mel thought it ‘highly unlikely’ for her parents, too.

On the other hand, Paige ranked it a ‘who knows?’ for hers, and Jasmine said she wouldn’t be surprised if Camille and Francis had actually done that. She avoided saying ‘not necessarily with each other’ in front of Candice and Sherry. They knew Jasmine’s parents also had an open relationship but hadn’t spent nearly as much time considering the reality of that as I had, and there was no reason for them to start.

Night Ranger, on the other hand, was something of a conundrum for me. Here and now, in 1985, it was easy to see why they were the headliner and Cheap Trick was the opening act. Cheap Trick was generally considered a past-their-prime 70s band with a solid catalog of hits but little prospect of a major resurgence. Night Ranger, on the other hand, was an up-and-coming 80s band with a major recent hit and plenty of potential.

For me, with a totally different perspective, both bands were survivors, but they were very different. Both were still active in the 2010s, but Cheap Trick would have been a much bigger draw for the average person, and you would be much more likely to hear ‘Surrender’ on a classic rock station than you would be to hear ‘Sister Christian’. Not that the latter is a bad song — I thought it was quite good — but ‘Surrender’ was a classic and remained familiar to later generations. ‘Sister Christian’ really didn’t.

It was a fun show, and we were all glad we went. On the other hand, it was hardly an essential concert. We wouldn’t have driven to Houston for it, much less anywhere farther. But, for a show we could walk to, it was well worth the walk.

Since we were in the area anyway, we headed over to Kyle Field after the concert. As with all home games, there would be Midnight Yell Practice tonight. We didn’t go for every game (or, indeed, for most of them), but we’d had fun every time we went, so why not?

There was nothing new in this one, but that was fine. The team came out, Coach Sherrill said a few words, and so did some of the more prominent players. Angie swore she knew which ones amongst the one hundred or so players (including walk-ons and people on the practice roster, not the official team) were Cal and Andy, but the rest of us couldn’t tell.

We practiced yells, certainly. It’s not like we couldn’t remember them, but that is allegedly the point of the whole thing.

But, since Midnight Yell Practice covers all aspects of the game, we also practiced post-score kissing. Cammie and Mel joined in, as they’d increasingly been doing, and that seemed to spur Candice and Sherry to get in on the action as well.