Variation on a Theme, Book 6
Copyright© 2024 by Grey Wolf
Chapter 130: Cats Gone Wild
Thursday, April 24, 1986
During our morning classes, I invited Darla to lunch at the Hullabaloo Cafe. We headed there together, holding hands, and both of us said hello to Amy when we arrived. Darla joined me in expressing happiness that Amy hadn’t died, which made Amy grin (and put confused looks on a few customers’ faces). Amy returned the sentiment, of course.
After ordering, we took a table near the windows. It wasn’t too busy, so we wouldn’t have that much trouble talking. That was good, because I was intending to bring up a slightly awkward subject, though hopefully in a socially acceptable manner.
“So...” she said, “Any particular reason for the lunch date? Not that I mind! At all!”
I chuckled and nodded.
“There is, and you can probably guess.”
She blushed slightly and said, “I’m guessing it involves the ... ahh ... group studying we did. With books and all.”
“That’s it,” I said.
She giggled a bit, still slightly red, and said, “I’m still in favor of it.”
“Good,” I said. “Very good, even! I’m mentioning it because part of it was new. And it’s likely not the last new thing.”
She nodded quickly.
“I kinda hoped it wasn’t! And ... well ... maybe we’ll wind up there again.”
“Maybe we will.”
“Anyway, you were saying?” she said.
“I don’t think this will be a surprise, but I want it to be ... top of mind.”
“That sounds ominous!”
“It’s not, or maybe it is. Just a little. Anyway, what I mean is: new things are risky by nature. Jas meeting us at the library went great, and I wasn’t worried, but it could have turned out to be something you really didn’t like,” I said.
She nodded quickly and said, “Oh, it could have! I had to think about it. Because ... it’s almost like getting caught. I mean, it made me feel like I’d been caught, just a bit. And getting caught would be ... bad.”
“Very, very bad!” I said. “But you got to the heart of it there. There’s not a rule, but there are very few rules. The real rule there is...”
“Grandma and her basket,” Darla said.
“Exactly!”
“I don’t want to ... um ... just do that.”
Just then, our order got called. I went and fetched it, and we kept talking as we munched.
After a bit of nibbling, I said, “I know you don’t want to. But I want to be really clear about something. Not only will I not be upset with you if you do, I’ll be proud of you if you do, if that’s coming from worries, uncertainty, or even just some vague ‘I don’t know if I’m comfortable with this’ feeling.”
She looked a little surprised, but then smiled and nodded.
“Okay! That makes sense. I was thinking ... well, it’s good if I follow your lead, right? If I can, I mean. But ... yeah. If I just push through the nerves, maybe that’s not good. I guess ... I don’t have to be certain it’s okay. But I have to be certain that it’s not... not okay. If it’s fine to do once, I should do it. If it’s ... well, now I’ll have done this thing that maybe I don’t want to have ever done, then I need to stop until I’m at least okay with the idea of doing it once.”
“That’s even more elaborate than what I was going to say, but it’s very much right,” I said. “You want to know where the lines are. Also ... well. If you’re constantly worrying about the lines, we’re doing something wrong. But, if you know there’s a question — not a concern, just a question — maybe that’s a time for the basket to come out for a bit.”
She nodded a bit, then said, “That makes sense. You should be nudging. Pushing. Pressing the advantage. Being a Wolf. But you can’t do that if you’re worrying about sending me astray. And ... yeah. Like, the library, we kinda knew that was okay. And there are other things where ... I think I know it might happen, and I think it’s okay. But I want to be surprised when I can be, and...”
She took a deep breath, then continued, saying, “We accomplished a lot by talking things to death in the fall. And we are right now, too. But some things ... well, if you make me decide first, I’ll never decide. Saying yes to the first big thing? I think that happened mostly because I could get right up to the instant and know I could stop. If I’d had to say, ‘Yeah, that’s okay!’ before we got right there, we’d still be trying to get there. I actually did ‘basket’ that, and I’m glad I did, but mostly it was just that I could double-check and make sure.”
“It worked out really well, but if you’d stopped it, it still would have worked out well. We would have learned something. It’s, um ... yeah. Talking some things to death won’t work.”
“This is good. I’m assuming you’ve got stuff in mind that’s edgy, and that’s good. I’m not going to learn more about myself without ‘edgy,’ and I want to. Curiosity killed the tomboy! Or ... well. Not killed, but a lot of interesting things!”
I chuckled and nodded, then said, “My plans aren’t definite at all, but yes. Some things should risk a grandma or at least a basket, and it’s much better if I can take the lack of one as something a bit more than, ‘Well, okay, I can put up with this.’”
“Though, ‘Well, okay, I can put up with this’ is also kinda fair. Sometimes.”
“Oh, it is. But you have to decide it’s okay, whatever it is, not just feel like you have to try anything.”
“And I might have,” she said. “I totally agree. I might have.”
She paused, looking thoughtful, then said, “Um ... so. This is interesting.”
“Oh?”
“Well. It’s like I said a long time ago. A lot of things feel like what I would ask for if asking for it made sense. But asking really doesn’t make sense. I can’t script things. If I’d asked you to do the things you did at the Hilton, that would have been all fucked up. But it can be like I’m in a story I might write for myself. And, if something is happening that I just plain wouldn’t write, that’s cause for at least some thought.”
“I like that,” I said. “Definitely.”
“Sometimes, though, I have to adjust along the way. The library wasn’t in one of those stories until the first time. Now it is, and now someone surprising us there is, too. Or ... like, over the break. Something outside was, but it was very much a story. Making it real life was different. But it was really good.”
“I’m glad it was really good,” I said, grinning. “Because maybe there’ll be more this summer.”
She sighed, squirmed a little, and grinned back.
“I think that’s a good thing. I mean, the search for Mister Right matters. No question! But so does not going crazy this summer! And it’s tricky. There’s a good chance I won’t be able to date Mister Right much over the summer, unless I get really lucky and find someone soon, and he’s a Houston guy, too. Otherwise, you and I will keep going for a while and move on later. Which is good. And, yes. Saying I’ll go crazy without more is a little ... well. You know.”
“Embarrassing.”
She giggled and blushed.
“That. Other things, too. Good things! But, yeah, it’s different. It’s me, though, and I like being me and knowing who I am. And I like embracing that, instead of just pretending that being sexless will be fine over the summer. Obviously, I could, but I won’t, and things will be less satisfying if it’s all just ... me.”
“Not going to let that happen,” I said. “We’ll figure things out.”
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