Chapter 1: Completely Honest

Then

Alison Day had always been open with her body. On their very first night in the freshman dorms, she’d unbuttoned her dress shirt and revealed her braless tits to her awestruck roommate. “You like?” Alison said. Casey Carroll, lost for words, could only give a meek nod.

Alison and Casey been inseparable since rooming together freshman year, and when it came time to leave the dorms they didn’t even question whether they’d stick together. Over time, Alison began to wear less and less around their apartment. Most days she didn’t even bother to put on pants, and would walk around post-shower with nothing but a towel wrapped around her hair. Casey relaxed her own dress code, opting for camisoles and yoga pants. Alison had seen her roommate naked a handful of times, but it was never more than a glimpse through a half-open door or a bare back when Casey turned away to change. Until...

Six months after moving into an apartment together, Casey and Alison were marathoning the Yuletide Massacre series, halfway through a bottle of spiced rum. They cuddled together on the couch, Casey in her Christmas pajamas, Alison in shorts and a tank top. The room was silent as they waited for the next movie to load. The winter storm outside had already knocked out the wifi twice so far.

“Case?” Alison rested her head in the taller girl’s lap. She ran her nails down Casey’s leg, tracing the silhouette of a moose on the patterned flannel.

“Ali?” Casey said. Normally she would stop Alison when she got flirty like this, but in that moment it felt too damn good. “Keep doing that.”

“Casey?” Alison said again. “Do you think I’m pretty?”

Casey caressed Alison’s short, self-cut hair, dyed neon orange the week before. “Of course you’re pretty. You’re always bringing somebody new home, guys and girls. I had breakfast with three of your ... conquests just this week.”

Alison flipped onto her back, looking up. “Not what I meant. Do you think I’m pretty, CiCi?”

Casey’s hand paused, resting on Alison’s head. They only called each other by their private nicknames when they were being real. Intimate. “I don’t ... I’m not sure what you mean, Adie. I mean, you know I do.”

“‘Cause I think you’re pretty,” Alison mumbled, her words running together. “So pretty. Tell you the truth ... I’m kinda jealous of you.”

“Of me? Why?”

Alison closed her eyes. “It’s like you don’t even notice how ... how sexy you are. I’m cute, sure but you, you’re beautiful. You don’t see it. You live inside your head, burying yourself in your work, hiding yourself under all these clothes, your ponytails and your button-ups.” She tugged at Casey’s pajama top. “But I see it. I see you.”

Casey shut the TV off. The room was dim, lit only by Christmas tree lights and the streetlamps outside. Snow had been constant since noon, and the streets were pleasantly quiet.

“Ali?”

“Hmm,” Alison hummed, half-asleep.

“I know,” Casey said. “I know how I look. How people stare at me. Even before I got these ... boobs.”

“Don’t say boobs,” Alison slurred. “Issa stupid word. For stupid babies. Stupid babies,” she yawned, “need the most attention...”

“Fine. My breasts. Happy?”

“Eh. I like tits better.” Alison opened one eye and prodded the underside of Casey’s breast with her index finger. “Boop.”

“Stop that!” Casey playfully batted at Alison’s hand. “I guess ... I don’t like being seen,” she continued. “I don’t want to be just the pretty girl. I can’t get through office hours or a coffee date without someone trying to look down my shirt, or go to the gym without feeling their eyes on my butt.”

“Yeah, but ... I do that stuff too. Ogle you. That doesn’t sound right. Oogle? Oggle?”

Casey laughed. “I don’t mind when you do it, you horndog. You’re the only person I can really talk to, besides Cal. You’re my friend, Adie. I don’t...”

Alison sat up and put her arms around Casey’s middle, laying her head on her friend’s chest. “I know, CiCi. I don’t have a lot of friends either.” She sniffled. “I’m drunk.”

“Me too. I thought that was the point.”

“It is. Gotta get you outta that shell.”

“Hey Adie?”

“CiCi?”

“I really don’t mind when you look at me like that. I ... I like it, even, if we’re being completely honest. Is that fucked up?”

Alison shrugged. “A little, maybe. I don’t mind fucked up. It’s not like I’m not. Although if we’re going to do ‘completely honest’,” she said, reaching for the rum, “I think we have a ways to go yet.”

“Your turn, Case.”

“My brother? I think he has a crush on you.”

“Boooo!” Alison said. “You’re supposed to tell me something I don’t know. Drink!”

Casey finished her rum and coke. “You know?”

“Of course I know! He’s not exactly subtle about it. Besides, you think I’m hot, ergo, he thinks I’m hot. Transitive property.”

“That’s not how that works,” Casey said. She let out a small burp and covered her mouth. “‘Scuse me. Like, at all.”

“Definitely would, though.”

“Would what?”

“With Cal. Would bang. Y’know, if he wasn’t your brother, and if he wasn’t dating that ... harpy ... woman. He’s a good-looking guy.”

“Ew. Stop talking! He’s my brother!”

“Like you haven’t noticed! You’re twins! You’ve got the same hair, the same eyes. You’re both sexy, you both act like you don’t know it, you’re both huge dorks–”

“Hey!”

“The only thing he’s got that you don’t is...” Alison ran a hand up Casey’s inner thigh, then squeezed.

Casey jumped. She grabbed a throw pillow and and hit Alison square in the face.

“Alright, alright!” Alison said. “Truce! Enough about me and your brother.”

“Let’s hope so,” Casey said, and hiccupped. “You’re up.”

“Completely honest? Your brother? I think he has a crush on you.”

“Oh come on, Ali!”

Alison shrugged. “Wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true.” She swallowed her drink. “Remember when he helped us move in? I was prancing around in cutoffs and a crop top, and he barely noticed me. You, though? Every time I looked over he was watching you. Hell, even his devil-woman girlfriend noticed. Remember how she pretty much dragged him out of there?”

“That’s not...! Cal isn’t...! He doesn’t...! Agh!” Casey shook her head, as though trying to dislodge the thoughts. “And also? Alison? Gross.”

“It’s okay if you’ve thought about it, it’s –”

“I haven’t!”

“It’s completely natural. Everyone’s attracted to themselves, so for twins, right, nature’s like, okay, let’s test this out, here’s a boy you, here’s a girl you. It’s absolutely a thing. I read about it somewhere.”

“It absolutely isn’t, and you absolutely didn’t. Give me that.” Casey snatched the bottle from Alison’s hand and took a long pull. “Gah! Need to scrub that out of my brain. Urp. Right back. Necesito el baño.”

“Lucky for you we’re drinking rum tonight,” Alison said as Casey returned from the bathroom. Alison held the nearly empty bottle up to the light, swirling the last few inches of amber liquid. Casey wavered, looking dazed, then flopped on the couch next to her friend.

“Sure you’re alright, Case? Looks like that last drink is kicking in.”

“‘m fine,” Casey said. “Could say the same thing about you.”

“I may have had a teeny tiny sip while you were washing up. Gotta keep up with you, CiCi.”

“You were saying? Rum? How I’m lucky?”

“So with rum, I get like this. Maudlin, lazy. Like a little kitten. An Ali ... cat.” She nuzzled Casey’s shoulder. “And I talk too much. Or, more than usual. Sappy, sentimental bullshit. Now, you’ve never had tequila...”

“What d’you mean? I’ve had tequila.”

“Hang on,” Alison said, “I thought this was your first time drinking! I was supposed to show you the ropes!”

“Nnnnnoooope. Never said that. I used to party back in high school. Cal and I both did. We weren’t always,” she gulped, “‘huge dorks.’ We just decided to tone it down when we got to college. Start taking things seeeeriously. So yes, I can hold my liquor. Plus, you? You’re tiny.”

“Maaaaan. Did not know that. You seem so innocent, I guess I just assumed. Okay, so anyway, with tequila, I get so.” Alison slid her hand up and palmed Casey’s her right breast over her pajamas. “Fucking.” She licked Casey’s earlobe, then bit it, tenderly. “Horny.”

“Y-yeah?” Casey’s breath hitched as Alison found her nipple. “What would you do?”

“I’ll show you.” Alison grinned, then tackled Casey to the floor and straddled her waist. She was surprisingly strong. “I’d pin you down,” she grabbed Casey’s wrists and held them against the floorboards, “and have my way with you. Abso ... lutely... ravish you.”

Alison leaned in, then paused. Casey’s gray eyes were wide, her dark brown hair splayed across the floor like a halo. Her face was unreadable, some mixture of trepidation and longing and lust.

“Fuck me,” Alison said, straightening up. “Goddamn it.”

“Adie?” Casey propped herself up on her elbows. “What is it?”

“I’m really sorry, Cici. Casey. Completely honest?”

“‘Course.”

Alison took a deep breath. “I really like you. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I’ve only known you for like a year and a half, and it feels like it’s been forever. But there’s more than that, on my end, feelings-wise. I’ve been fucking everything that moves, trying to distract myself. Sorry about the noise, by the way.”

Casey waved her off. “S’okay.”

“Every time, every time, I’m lying next to some stranger, it’s like, what the fuck are you even doing, you know? Casey’s right there. Her door is five steps away.”

Casey nodded.

“And tonight, it just seemed ... right, y’know. It’s Christmas, we’ll have a few drinks, open up to each other, see where ... and then I pretty much attacked you. You looked ... scared. Like a frightened rabbit. My head is going, yeah, no shit, great plan, Ali, you got her drunk and threw yourself at her, literally and figuratively, and of course she’s scared, she doesn’t feel like that about you, she doesn’t even like girls, and did you really think you were going to do anything but fuck this up?, and now I don’t even...” Alison buried her face in her hands. “I talk too much.”

“Alison.” Casey brought Alison’s hands down and gave her a quick peck on the lips. “Shut your stupid perfect mouth. You didn’t fuck anything up. Promise. And I never said I didn’t like girls.”

Alison blinked at her, dumbfounded. “So you’re ... bi?”

“I like who I like,” Casey said. “I don’t really do labels. The two guys I’ve been with, it took a long time to figure out how I felt about them. I’m kind of a ... slow learner with all this, so they got fed up and left. I still love them, in a way. This, tonight was ... look, Adie. I do like you. I love you. I’m still figuring out what that means. This is a me problem.”