Chapter 8

Led Zeppelin’s “Whole Lotta Love” blasted through the stereo—I knew this one instantly. It was loud and electric, setting the perfect tone for the party; Sexual, high energy, with a cool beat and guitar shredding.

Robert Plant’s unmistakable vocals and Jimmy Page’s guitar – it was a cool song -everybody seemed to dig it.

“These men said you have a pussy that looks like a Roast Beef sandwich. Do you agree, Blitzen?” I asked as Eddie spun me around for my attempt.

“I guess so,” Blitzen tee-heed playfully.

“Simple question, simple answer from a simple twat,” I insisted on a yes or a no. The blindfold made me feel anonymous – and allowed me to stop looking at my mother and father’s faces and thinking about their reactions to the things I said. Dad had said some pretty mean things to the girls – especially Blitzen. He still might think that I hadn’t earned the right to do the same. “You’ve played with it enough – does your Pussy look like a beat-up roast beef sandwich?”

“Yes, Master! I mean, Sir! It, um, I mean, my twat looks like an Arby’s roast beef,” Blitzen could barely say the words without breaking up in hysterics. I used the sound of her voice to locate her – approximating her position. She had to be at least six foot four inches tall – towering over me. I knew her ass wouldn’t be where any of the other women’s asses were before. I ignored all the chatter – all the “Warmer/colder/hotter” stuff. It was going to send me in the wrong direction.

“Do you think that you deserve to be in the winner’s circle, Twat?” I asked. I felt guilty about using the word twat – it sounded so insulting, and yet, it’s what this was. The women called themselves reindeer and twats. This was Twatmas, as far as I could tell.

“Not particularly, Sir! I am just a humble, fat twat – even if you pin me, I’ll make everyone happier if I am out Christmas caroling with the other girls.”

I didn’t like that. I knew the goal was to tease the girls, but I loathed her self-esteem. “What if I told you that I didn’t give a fuck what everybody else wants, and I wanted you to win?”

I heard some supportive whistles and a few people cheering me on. I was close now – I had to pick my moment. If I tried to strike too early, this would all be for nothing and quite anti-climatic.

“I’d think you were a liar, Sir. No offense. I appreciate it; I am just a chubby hubby with a big butt. Every girl here is hotter than me!”

“That’s true!!” Harold yelled out from behind me.

“She ain’t lying!” my dad teased.

“You took TWO enemas today to clean all of the shit out of your Alabama hot pocket,” I said. I knew I got the terms wrong about what an Alabama hot pocket was, but I was on a roll. “You aren’t going to do that for nothing! When I pack this candy cane so far up your ass it comes out of your throat, you are going to skip over to that Winner’s circle, thank me, praise me, and give it your all! I don’t give a fuck if you don’t want to win! You are my reindeer, and your actions reflect upon ME!”

I heard Blitzen start to say something, and then she gasped – possibly in pain.

I stabbed – blindly- hoping beyond hope that I had hit my mark. I hit something. I could have rammed it into her eye, her back, somewhere I shouldn’t have.

“Keep going, Sir! Keep going,” she begged. I was at the tip of her ass. I had my hand on her ass cheek – I drove the dildo into her butt, but I had to fuck it in – in and out a few times to get it to stay in. With my mom, it had slid right in – no problems. This wasn’t going in at all.

“Hey, he’s Magellening!” one of the guys called foul.

“He’s Lion Kinging,” Eddie decided, “Behold! The new king of Pride Rock!” he removed my blindfold, made a semi-circle on my forehead with sex lube from the dildo, and declared me, “Simba!”

It was so profoundly funny that I nearly dropped the dildo. It hadn’t quite stuck fully into her ass -at least not in a way that would keep it from falling out. Blitzen was a big girl, and you might think that just because she was big, she had a big asshole to scale. However, I had to fuck it in – with her help.

“Loosen up, relax,” some of the girls told her.

“Shit, I am sorry, Sir,” Blitzen apologized for not taking the dildo more easily and making me fuck it into her butt a quarter inch at a time. She gritted her teeth, and her face twisted in anguish. “I really did practice for this!”

“Damn, a reindeer with a super tight asshole? Hell, I would have bid on that!” Gary laughed.

Vixen, his reindeer, reminds him that she has an amazing asshole. “You can slide down the chimney and find out, Sir!”

“That Chimney has been slid down enough times that Santa could drive two sleighs down it, but you’ll do,” Gary told her not to get her pussy lips in a twist.

Meanwhile, Blitzen hugged me – tightly in a bear hug. She picked me up off the ground so that my feet dangled – huge tits pressed up against me. “Thank you, Sweetheart! Do you mind if I kiss you?”

I thought my neighbor was going to give me a quick kiss on the lips. Blitzen took me in her arms and planted a REAL French kiss, and not like the one my mother gave me – this was full-on, tongue in the mouth, across the teeth, mind-blowing, dick-hardening French kissing.

When she dashed over to the Winner’s circle, I told her “That’s your FIRST reindeer tail, and next year I’ll give you another! You are definitely invited back!”

No one challenged me on that, but no one told me I had no power to invite anyone to the party. I remembered how Blitzen said she thought she wouldn’t be invited back because she was boring. I felt empowered to not only extend an invitation but to promise that I’d pin a tail on her again.

I looked at my mom -she and some of the others were busy congratulating Blitzen, hugging her, and welcoming her to the Winner’s circle.

“Alright, alright, that wraps up the games!” Reindeers who won your tails, you know what time it is! Your riders get a prize,” Eddie passed around two Sexxmass cards for the riders of the women who got tailed. He also included a 20-dollar Starbucks gift card. “Husbands of the winners get a Sexxmas card each,” he said and passed out 10 dollar Starbucks card, leaving many of the men with three cards and 30 dollars in gift cards.

I would have and probably should have found that misogynistic. The women who did all the work won the contest, but the rider who swapped for them got the prize. Yet, it worked somehow in the dynamic of the party. The riders were like sponsors – they “owned” the reindeer that they had swapped for the night. The husbands got some credit -almost like silent partners.

The men even made side bets with one another, often passing the Sexxmass cards and gift cards back and forth – betting whether a reindeer would fail a challenge or whether Eddie would tell a particular joke that he said every year or not.

The women, for their part, seemed excited just to have a chance to be in the next game and have a “tail” – which I would have thought would be humiliating and something they’d want to avoid. I still didn’t fully comprehend the motivations of the women and some of the men for bringing their wives to this party.

Some of these women were so beautiful that they were what I’d consider “porn star hot.” My sister especially fits that bill. They could have (and possibly were) made a comfortable living on Twitter and OnlyFans, selling sexy pictures and videos. I couldn’t imagine that if I had a woman like that at home, I’d ever want to share her with anyone.

Yet here we were, and it was really happening! Whether I understood why or not really didn’t matter because I was in the thick of it – this was my mother’s annual adult Christmas party, and I fully understood why she thought I was not ready. I was grateful to just be part of it, and now I was a rider! It felt amazing. If my parents and sister got me NO other Christmas presents this year -I’d consider this the best Christmas of my life.

There was no Red Rider BB-Gun, X-Box, PlayStation 5, Nintendo Switch, or 10-speed bike that could overshadow the present of participating in this party.

This was a present for Blitzen as well. She was so excited to be in the Winner’s circle. She smiled at me sweetly and mouthed, “Thank you!”

“Thank you, Sir!” I mouthed back.

She chuckled but didn’t take me seriously. I assumed she thought I was kidding – but I wasn’t. I glanced over at my mom. She was hard-core about handling the dildo – it looked like she meant business.

I was passed two ‘Sexxmas cards’ along with all the other riders whose reindeer got tailed. One was good for “One free anal sex with a partner of my choosing – anytime.”

The other said I could “Spank titties, ass, or cunt, 10 times, no reason – just for spite if I want,” and it had the words “hands or leather strap only” at the bottom like a term and condition. It didn’t say if it was here at the party or anytime I wanted.

There was a serial number on the back of each card, and it looked like it was well-worn and had been traded many times. It was made of a heavy card stock and clearly intended to be something you hang on to for a while.

I didn’t drink coffee, but I’d find a use for the $20 Starbucks card. I’d probably give it to Blitzen since she was the one who actually earned it.

Presumably to use at the party? Outside of the party? Any time was pretty open ended, and with any partner? I tucked it away. These were currency outside of the game.

He called the Losers by name, Vixen, Cupid, and Prancer - “Stand up Twats, take a bow, turn around, spread your cunts, and admit you are losers!”

“We are losers,” they frowned and fake cried.

“These losers will do us the great service of retrieving the mistletoe wreaths we throw in the next game of anal ring toss – they’ll scurry out on their hands and knees and retrieve them, making sure everyone has plenty of rings to toss! Do NOT bean them in the head when you are tossing wreaths...” Eddie paused and smiled, held up a finger as if to make a point, and added with a facetious grin, “ ... intentionally!! Only by accident! Only aim for their fat butts or tits!”

I had to laugh at that one; it was pretty funny – cruel but funny.

“Oh yes, and to my dearest wife, Cupid! Who are you?”

“I am a losing twat, A dumb little reindeer cum guzzler, Sir!”

Cupid, now bent over and looking mortified, responded to the husband she loved to tease like she was being forced to say it – against her will. I have to admit that I can’t say why I enjoyed this so much, either. The reindeer often said self-deprecating things about themselves enthusiastically, like brainless bimbos, and that was kind of a turn-on.

My mom had said some things to me begrudgingly reluctantly, like calling me Sir through gritted teeth, and that definitely did nothing for me.

However, there was a space between being a dumb bimbo who agrees she’s a cum guzzler like she’s proud of it and that reluctance where my aunt had to PRETEND (poorly) that she agreed she was a cum guzzler but was being forced to say it – that made my dick do a quick loop-de-loop in my pants. There was a tone of “Okay, Eddie, have your fun! I have no choice! Yes, I am a cum guzzler” in her voice, and that inflection just resonated with me.

I was positive that sneaking into this party was the best decision I could have made!

Eddie said that the loser’s mouths were free use before the next game began. “If you want to sit this one out because your favorite reindeer isn’t in the running, or you just feel like getting a little dick lick – the three reindeer over in the loser’s stable will nibble on your dick like a rat does cheese! Warning – if you do not want to cum, you may not want to put your cock in a women’s mouth!” he told his chums. Still, he looked at Marty specifically since he had recently complained about shooting a load into Eddie’s wife’s mouth.

I had no interest in that – despite the fact that I’d never had a blow job, I wanted to see this through with Blitzen. The three losers were told to go back to squatting and Eddie said he was done with them for now. He warned that if a wreath sat on the ground for more than 10 seconds, he’d find a way to turn THAT into a tail for them.

My dad flicked on an overhead light, lighting up the Winner’s circle. They had set up an area in our big living room where the girls were expected to kneel in a straight row – sticking their asses out. They were standing and dancing -several of them hugged Blitzen in a congratulatory way to welcome her to the games.

“You are the winning reindeer,” Eddie walked down the line yanking the dildos out of their asses and pussies and tossing them unceremoniously on the floor.

It was no surprise that some girls pouted or made a wisecrack like, “Hey, I was using that!”

“Don’t worry, you’ll be double stuffed soon enough, but first we have to remind you that you are twats!”

The winning reindeer lost their smiles and groaned almost in unison, the sound low and drawn out. A few slapped their thighs or butts in frustration, their movements sharp and deliberate, like they were trying to vent the irritation. Frowns formed on their faces; their mouths pressed into tight lines. It was apparent they didn’t want to do whatever was coming next, but none of them said anything. Their sighs and stiff posture spoke for them.

Blitzen, for her part, seemed blissfully unaware and curious of why Eddie was yanking out the dildo that I had so carefully fucked into her ass. She scrunched her nose in disgust as she looked at a tiny little bit of yucky yellow on the tip – but it was otherwise clean as he threw it on the floor.

“How many holes do reindeer have?” he asked the winners.

“Three holes, Sir,” the girls replied like raw recruits answering their drill sergeant on a military base.

“What are the only uses of those holes, twats?”

“Fucking and sucking, Sir!” their tone more enthusiastic but still in unison.

“Lies and manipulation come out of this hole,” Eddie grabbed my mother’s chin and stuck a dildo that he pulled from another girl’s bottom in her mouth. The sheer audacity of walking straight up to my mother, accusing her of using her mouth to spread lies, and shoving a latex cock in her mouth just to shut her up was not lost on me.

“Piss and reindeer goo comes out of this hole,” he stuck a random dildo in Dancer’s pussy and pushed it up inside of her hard enough to make her grunt with a pained expression. She wasn’t the tough bitch that put Marty in his place any longer. She nodded in agreement.

He turned my sister around, grabbed her, stuck a dildo in her ass. “What comes out of this hole, little Reindeer?”

“Reindeer farts and Rainbows, Sir?” she teased playfully. Eddie twisted the dildo, uncomfortably pushing it up my sister’s ass.

“Wrong!” Eddie pinched my sister’s cute button nose hard and slapped her left boob.

Evan looked incensed as if he might jump in to stop Eddie from teasing his girlfriend, but my father put his hand on his arm to warn him to stand down.

“Nasty reindeer farts and reindeer poop, Sir!”

“That’s right, I guess studying with Mama reindeer paid off after all,” he twisted the dildo in her ass.

“You filthy little reindeer had a chance to give yourselves enemas before the games tonight; you knew you’d be getting fucked three ways to Sunday on Twatmas eve – how come some of you got your mess on my wonderful collection of Candy Cane dildos?”

“We’re pigs, Sir?” Dancer offered politely.

“We’re dirty pigs, who don’t know how to clean out our asses properly, Sir,” my mom offered politely.

“We wanted to give you a reason to spank us, Sir?” my sister was still joking.

“What about you, Blitzen? Did you want to give me a reason to spank your big fat ass?”

“No, Sir!” Blitzen answered politely but firmly.

“Yet, look at this,” Eddie told her to pick up her dildo and sniff it. “This was barely three inches up that huge shit box of yours – do you want to suck on that?”

“No, Sir!”

I saw my mom and some of the other girls shake their heads no – as if warning her that she gave the wrong answer to the question.

“A dirty reindeer with standards? What about this?” he pulled the dildo in her pussy out and put it to her lips. “Do you want to lap up the taste of your own sweaty pussy? If you won’t lick it, why would any of us eat you out?”

“Oh, yes,” Blitzen must have remembered how she had been trained to respond to questions like this. It was like a light bulb had just gone off over her head, and she wanted to solve the puzzle on Wheel of Fortune. “I am a dumb reindeer, Sir! I forgot that it doesn’t matter what I want! A good reindeer licks, sucks, or fucks whatever she is told to suck and fuck, Sir!”

“Good Twat,” Eddie was satisfied. He pushed the dildo covered in her pussy juices into Blitzen’s mouth and patted her head. Eddie had to stand on his tippy toes to do it while Blitzen lowered her head to let him.

“Seems to me that you girls need an ass cleaning, but we don’t have time for that! So, you are going to suck each dildo clean as a whistle! I want you to all kneel facing away from me. We are going to form a little production line like Santa’s Elves down at the North Pole, working hard to make more of these dildos for naughty little reindeer sluts! Noses on the floor, asses up! Let’s see those Ho-Ho-Holes!”

Donder, Comet, Dasher, Blitzen, and Dancer turned away from us, and knelt on the wooden floor, each of them leaning forward, revealing their asses and wet pussies – Donder still had the dildo in her butt. They placed their noses on the floor and knelt forward – for maximum exposure.

“We are going to give you slimy, lazy, cum sponges a little attitude adjustment, and you horny twats will clean each dildo with the hole you use to tell lies from. Do you think you can handle that? I want you to be able to EAT off these dildos because you probably will be at dinner time!” Eddie didn’t sound like he was joking.

What shocked me the most was that these were the WINNERS of the game.

“You’ll deep throat them, wash them with your spit, and pass them to the reindeer to your left when I say CUM! The losers will come around, making sure you have plenty of water! Every time you hear ‘CUM!’ you’ll pass the dildo down to the next reindeer, and she’ll clean it again – this is a team effort! All of you know what pussy and ass tastes like! It’s not too late for any of you twats to join the losers?”

None of them did – silence.

“The losers will pack the dildo you freshly cleaned up their asses, waddle back over to the front of the line, and feed it to you to clean AGAIN. We’ll clean all five dildos twice! I heard a lot of wisecracks from you sluts tonight; I want to see ass cracks, not hear wisecracks from cunty-twats that don’t know how to shut up unless they have an ass as red as Santa Claus’s jacket and a dick in their mouth!”

Eddie pulled on Dancer’s clit, and her labia as if he was trying to pull down the blinds on a window. She didn’t stop him. He wanted her to know he meant her as well as all the other women. I assumed that had to do with her dressing down her husband, but he didn’t mention that.