Chapter 7: Tourist Time

First to wake, Steve mind filled with uncomplicated joy, as if he was 8 years old on Christmas morning and found a new bike parked beside the tree. On his left, he watched Lisa’s breasts rise and fall with her slow breathing. Against his waist and hip, Chris snuggled her silky bottom, as if Steve was her husband of many years.

Imagining a constant companion in his bed permanently sharing love and comfort overwhelmed his feelings for a moment. Then he turned his head back toward Lisa, and realized his attraction for her was just as strong.

“In my wildest dreams, I never imagined this,” he thought, wanting to avoid disturbing them. “I’m part of a romantic triangle. An equilateral, no, an isosceles triangle—I’m the base, and they are two sides of equal length that meetat an apex centered above me. I can’t choose between them, and they don’t show any jealousy towards each other.”

Thanking his lucky stars, Steve’s delighted contemplation only stopped when he confronted three problems. First, Nature wasn’t calling him; she was kicking him in the groin demanding that he find immediate relief. Second, he couldn’t extract himself from the bed without disturbing the women. He was the “meat” (stupid pun!) and they were the sandwich bread.

Third, once off the bed, his ankle was going to stop him from traversing the carpet to the bathroom. Even if he made it upright, the pain might cause him to dribble, to leak piss.

“Chris? Sweetie? I’m sorry, I need to get up and pee.”

“Aw, shit, Steve. Talk to Lisa.”

“Lisa? Why?”

Lisa answered in a bleary voice, “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry, Lisa, I need to pee, and I need some help to go into the bathroom.”

“Oh, Steve, forget it. I’ve got you covered. Along with the chair, I got you a urinal. Just a sec. Chris, pull off the blanket. But watch out, his weapon is loaded and dangerous until he can release the pressure.”

“Wow. He’s really hard. OK, you have that thing open. Steve, what should we do?”

“Put my cock into the opening, Lisa, and push it sideways toward my hip, not straight up. It’s going to take me a minute or so; I need to soften enough to pee. Chris? Put a pillowcase across my eyes so I can’t see your bodies.”

“Steve? Why?”

“Chris, I know what he’s doing. There’s a valve inside men with two positions: yellow and white. Hard-ons flick the valve to white, blocking the yellow. Boys and men get hard while they’re sleeping, some think that stops bedwetting. He’s thinking of algebra or something, trying to soften himself and move his valve back to yellow. With your spectacular tits in his eyesight, he can’t deflate.”

Validating Lisa’s explanation, urine started flowing into the vessel. Ramping up into a powerful flow, his stream rattled the plastic walls of the urinal. Chris took the pillowcase away and put it back on the pillow. Lisa took the urinal off and held it up to the light.

“Wow, Steve, you’re a supertanker. The scale on the side awards you 850 milliliters. Maybe I should have bought two of these things.”

“At my high school’s winter carnival, I won an writing award. They lined us guys up at a pristine snowbank, and I wrote “Wee the People” spelled W-E-E; I won because I was judged to have the most legible penis-writing.”

Lisa tried to hold it in, but then her laughter burst out.

“Bwa-ha-ha!”

“Lisa, watch out! Don’t spill that. Give it to me, I need the bathroom also. When I come back out, I’ll help our man of (yellow) letters into his wheelchair, and you two can take a shower together while I start coffee and breakfast.”

Fifteen minutes later, Chris walked into the steamy bathroom with a big travel mug of hot coffee.

“Here’s your coffee, made the way you both like it. This mug won’t shatter if you drop it in there.”

“You’re an angel, Chris, thank you.”

“What about me?” Lisa whined.

“You’re the sexy devil on my other shoulder, putting all those nasty suggestions in my ear.”

“I thought you two might be getting it on in there,” Chris suggested.

“No, I don’t feel secure in here with only one leg to support me. I promised Lisa she’d get everything she wanted, so long as I was on the bed. Same for you, Angel.”

“Finish your shower and dry off, you two. I’ll have your breakfast ready in 20 minutes.”

At the table, Steve eyed his plate.

“This is different.”

“Yup. This is bratwurst, a traditional German sausage, and scrambled eggs enhanced with green onions and also red and green chili flakes.”

“Fuck! Chris, will you marry me?”

“You can’t marry him, Chris, he has to marry ME.”

“But aren’t you still married to Gilbert? Isn’t there some sort of six month delay before a divorce is official?”

“Not if I have him killed. That speeds things up, legally. Well, somewhat legally. Rotten bastard.”

“I think both of you are ladies jumping the gun. How many days have we known each other? Yeah.”

Both women pouted, like little girls ordered to clean their rooms and make their beds. Lisa decided to change the subject.

“Guys, I want today to be dedicated to tourist time. I came to California to see the sights. My guess is that you two haven’t done any of these things yourselves for a long time. There’s a lot of things in Austin to visit that I have never gotten around to.