Chapter 31: Weighing My Options

January 7, 1984, Chicago, Illinois

"Hi," Teri said when I walked up to her.

"Hi."

"Would you like to have lunch? I know this is probably not the best timing, but I leave for Champaign tomorrow."

My first inclination was to say 'no', but I reconsidered and decided that no real harm could come from having lunch. Whatever Teri's motivation, she would be at UofI until June, except for breaks. In my mind, that made lunch with her 'safe', similar to having CeCi as my companion the previous night for dinner and a movie.

"Sure," I replied. "I'll need to call home to let Bianca know so she doesn't worry because she's expecting me home. I can use the payphone here before we leave."

I walked over to the payphone, dropped in a quarter, and dialed the house. Bianca answered, and I let her know I was going to be late because I had something to do. I suggested that we could do the shopping when I arrived home, and she agreed. I thanked her, then hung up and walked back to Teri.

"All set," I said. "Where did you want to go?"

"The diner just off campus where we went that one time is fine; it's not too cold to walk, and that way, you don't have to drive."

"That works for me," I replied.

I pulled on my gloves, put on my wool cap, and we left the building. The temperature was in the upper twenties, which wasn't bad compared to the previous year when it had been downright frigid. It took about five minutes to walk to the diner, and we were seated in a booth about two minutes later. The hostess gave us menus, and the waitress asked for our drink order almost right away.

"How are you holding up?" Teri asked once the waitress left.

"I think the best way to answer that is that I'm not curled up in a little ball crying, but I'm also struggling. It's worse when I'm not working, and I've been somewhat withdrawn. That's actually not as much of a problem as it might seem, given I was mostly a loner growing up, except for having a single close friend. How was your first semester at UofI?"

"I avoided the 'Freshman 15', but otherwise pretty typical for a first semester, I think. Straight A's, practicing violin, taking lessons, and playing in the symphony."

"How is Troy?"

"The same, basically, though he's done a bit more partying than I have. He's dating a girl from Florida and a girl from California."

"Blondes, right?" I asked.

Teri laughed softly, "Right the first time."

The waitress set our drinks on the table and asked if we were ready to order. I knew the menu by heart, so I was ready, and Teri said she was as well. We both ordered, and the waitress left to put our orders in with the kitchen.

"Things at work are OK?" Teri asked.

"Yes. I was promoted to Head of Research a few weeks after you left for UofI."

"Congratulations. That's your third promotion in two years, right?"

"Yes."

"How are your investments doing?"

"I'm happy. I finished second to Noel Spurgeon, the founder of the firm, in total returns."

"That's good, right?"

"Very good. That number is somewhat meaningless except in terms of the competition. Total real returns are lower because new capital flows in all year. I won't bore you with the details of the calculations; suffice it to say it was a very successful year at work."

"From our past conversations, I think it's OK to ask what might be sensitive questions — did you write the obituary?"

"No. That was written by Keiko's grandfather."

"May I ask about a Shinto wedding but a Buddhist funeral?"

"You may, and I'm OK with talking about it, just not as the focus of our conversation. Japanese are, as the saying goes, born Shinto but die Buddhist. The two religions are intertwined in a way so as to be inseparable in Japan, despite efforts to do so in the past. Shinto has taboos around death, and as such, funerals are conducted by Buddhist priests. Cremation is the norm and is, in fact, mandated by law in Japan."

"How do those ceremonies line up with our disagreement about religion?"

"First, Buddhism isn't theistic and is really more philosophy than religion. As for Shinto, Keiko and I agreed to honor the traditional rituals, though neither of us believed in the deistic aspects. We honored the spirits of our ancestors in the same way we, as Americans, honor George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, or Martin Luther King Jr. That was sufficient to respect her family's traditions without binding us to any specific beliefs about gods or spirits or an afterlife."

"I suppose I see the difference, but I don't think that's a productive conversation to have at this point."

"It's probably best we set that particular topic aside," I agreed. "There is one thing I don't believe you know — Bianca is six months pregnant and is due in early April."

"Was Keiko aware of that?" Teri asked.

"Yes. We had her blessing. Chemo and a potential bone marrow transplant would have almost certainly rendered Keiko permanently unable to conceive, so she agreed Bianca and I could have a baby together, so long as Bianca was pregnant before Keiko and I married, which she was. Bianca and I are going to have a baby girl we'll name Sofía Angélica, and her surname will be Kane-Pérez."

"Your life was always going to be complicated, wasn't it?"

"Actually, not until I moved to Chicago. Back home in Ohio, it was pretty simple. It was when I moved here that things became interesting."

"That's a word for it. How is your friend Bev?"

"Don't ask," I said, shaking my head. "That totally spiraled out of control, and my hope is that it won't do any permanent harm to Heather."

"That's her daughter, right?"

"Yes."

"What happened?"

"It appears that Heather's biological father was a bit too free with his affections, including with Freshman girls at the High School where he taught."

"Under seventeen is illegal."

"Under sixteen in Ohio, but same difference, in the end. There's a warrant out for his arrest, and Bev and Heather are ostensibly with him."

"That's just ... just wrong."

"Which part?" I asked.

"Seducing your students, especially underage ones! Was Bev underage?"

"That's not possible, given Glen Rodgers moved to Goshen to teach at the High School after she turned sixteen. Bev was seventeen when she got pregnant, which was after I had moved to Chicago."

"Are they on the lam?"

"It would appear they are," I replied. "I spoke to the FBI and a Sergeant from the Clermont County, Ohio Sheriff's Department."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

The waitress brought my double cheeseburger and Teri's French dip, then refilled our soft drinks.

"What happens when they're caught?"

"I'm not exactly sure about Bev, but Glen will be extradited to Ohio to face charges there."

"Isn't she a victim?"

"Not if she went willingly with him. She's nineteen and, as I said, was seventeen when she got pregnant, so she was over the age of consent in Ohio."

"She could be in serious trouble then. What will you do?"

"At this point, given everything that happened, Bev is on her own. I'm concerned about Heather, and all things considered, I think she'd be much better off with her grandparents than with Bev."

"Given everything you've said, I have to agree."

When we finished eating, I left a tip, paid the check at the register, and we walked out of the restaurant.

"Did you walk here?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Let's walk to my car, and I'll drop you at home."

"Thanks."

Six minutes later, I pulled up in front of Teri's house.

"Thanks for having lunch," she said.

"You're welcome."

She opened her purse and handed me a 3x5 card.

"My phone number and address at UofI. Call if you want to talk. If it's OK, I'll call you when I'm home for Spring Break."

I accepted the card and said, "Sure."

"I'm really sorry for what happened with Keiko."

"Thanks."

She got out of the car, and once she was safely inside the house, I headed home. I didn't bother putting the car in the garage, as the weekly shopping needed to be done. I went into the house, greeted Bianca, used the bathroom, then went upstairs. I got my suits and shirts, headed downstairs, and then out to the car with Bianca.

"OK to ask what it was you had to do?" Bianca inquired as I pulled into the alley behind the house.

"Teri Maguire was waiting for me in the lobby of the building where my class was held and asked me to have lunch."

"Seriously?" Bianca asked.

"I know what you're thinking, and while I strongly suspect that is her underlying motive, she was considerate, kind, and didn't even hint at anything like that."

"OK, but what other reason could she have?"

"Human decency?" I suggested. "Compassion?"

"Be careful."

"She gave me her number and address at school and said I could call if I wanted, and then asked if it was OK to call me when she's home on Spring Break."

"She changed tactics," Bianca observed.

"Or she changed her behavior knowing that how she had behaved in the past was not appropriate because Keiko died."

"You really believe that?"

"I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. And if you think about it, it was a very smart move. Without doing anything to upset or offend me, she reminded me she's still interested. I'm not about to do anything foolish, and there is no way I'm going to rush into something.

"Beth's concern was that I might never have another relationship like that and that I'd wear my memory of Keiko as a straitjacket. I agree with her that I could do that, but I also pointed out that Keiko said effectively the same thing. I didn't promise Keiko I'd have another relationship like the one I had with her because I couldn't make that promise. But, if I were true to Keiko's memory, I would have a long-term, committed relationship, so Beth's concern is basically self-contradictory."

"Your logic makes my head want to explode at times! I mean, yes, all of that is true, but to synthesize an answer like that? Only Jonathan!"

"The only thing I can do is be true to myself," I replied. "I learned a significant lesson from not being honest with myself about Bev. I want to share something that Mr. Chojnicki said to me."

"Is that her lawyer?"

"Yes, the one who handled the custody dispute and later the child support agreement with Glen. Mr. Chojnicki made the comment that if Bev had been with Glen before she turned sixteen, then she'd be treated as a victim, not an ... accomplice, or whatever you would call her right now."

"But she was a virgin when you guys were together on her sixteenth birthday!"

"That is what she said, but I have no proof beyond her word. With all the virgins I've been with, proof in the form of blood is actually rare, which fits what I've been told, old wives' tales to the contrary notwithstanding."

"That's what I've heard, too. You think she lied?"

"Mr. Chojnicki suggested that possibility because it would get Bev off the hook. That's not possible, given when Glen moved to Goshen, but it did make me stop to think about Bev's honesty. In the past, I'd have simply rejected that idea, but when Mr. Chojnicki said it, my first thought was that it might be true. It took me a minute to remember the timing."

"The fact that you thought it was possible is telling."

"I know," I sighed.

"Not to be a bitch, but if she lied about being a virgin, that would explain her aggressiveness and going six times, or whatever, in a few hours."

"And me doing that?"

Bianca laughed, "Totally different! After our first time, I felt like my insides were scrambled, but two days later, I felt empty every time I thought about you. May I ask a very personal, perhaps insensitive question?"

"Do I plan to have sex anytime soon?"

"That's the one."

"I can't say when; now is not the time. Besides, you are VERY pregnant!"

Bianca laughed, "Just wait for another two months! I'll look like I swallowed a watermelon whole! Think about those pictures of snakes that have eaten something recently!"

I laughed, "Nice image."

"I assume you're going to be with me when I have Sofía?"

"Wild horses couldn't keep me away. And don't worry about me! I'm an experienced professional!"

Bianca laughed again, "One time does not make you a pro!"

"Sez you!"

"I'm glad you can joke; I was worried."

"It's only been eleven days," I replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell all of you."

"Sorry. It's just that we care so much."

"I know. I'm not upset, but I do need to work through this at my pace."

"Yes, you do. I'll try to be less smothering."

"Thanks."

January 8, 1984, Chicago, Illinois

On Sunday, I took the first concrete steps with regard to Keiko's things, taking the boxes of her clothes to her cousin's house and the photo albums and scrapbooks to her parents. I retained the wedding scrapbook she'd made, as I felt that was appropriate. When I returned home, I sat down with the envelopes from the wake, counted out the crisp bills, then wrote a check to the Leukemia Society of America for triple the amount. I addressed the envelope, added postage, then put it in my satchel so I could mail it from work in the morning.

I was about to leave my room when Deanna came to the door.

"Hey," she said.

"Hi."

"I have two paintings finished for you for work," she said. "The other two will probably be ready by the end of next month. I need to work around my coursework."

"That has to take priority. I assume you want me to come see them?"

"If you want, yes."

I followed her from my room up the pull-down steps to her studio, which, as always, looked like a bomb had gone off in a paint factory. Fortunately, she had drop cloths on the floors to protect them; otherwise, there would have been a thick layer of paint on the wood.

"The Spurgeon logo is purple and white, so I stuck with that motif, though the colors range through every hue of purple."

"Do these have names?" I asked.

Deanna laughed, "Yes, but none of them is 'orgasm'."

"That is still the best work you've done, not to take anything away from these two pieces."

"The one on the left is Bull Market, and the one on the right is Bear Market."

I nodded, and it was immediately obvious that the painting on the left was about upward movement and the one on the right, downward movement. I couldn't explain or describe why, but that was the impression they gave.

"Very cool. How do you convey so much emotion with abstract art?"

"I have no idea," Deanna said. "I just see the emotion in my mind and paint it. With «La petite mort», there were no images that were remotely human shapes, and yet it represented how I saw you, Ceci, and me together in my mind."

"It certainly worked. I love these two. Would you do something else for me?"

"Anything!"

"Two more, in addition to the two we already agreed you would do. The two additional ones would go in my private office and should convey something about me."

Deanna nodded, "I can do that, and I already have an idea for the first one."

"I know how this works, so I won't ask you to share."

"Thanks. I know this might not be a good time, but my drawing class needs a male model."

"How many people are in this class?"

"A dozen. You'd be paid for the sessions."

"Nude?" I asked.

"Not at first. The goal of the class is a portfolio of drawings in various poses and clothing, with one male and one female model."

"How would that work with my schedule?"

"You probably didn't look at the calendar, but this class is on Monday and Wednesday evenings. We need the models starting a week from tomorrow until the end of April."

"I'm not sure I could make that commitment. When would you need to know?"

"Soon. The model we had dropped out. My professor called me today because I'd mentioned I might know someone."

"Do you know why they dropped out?"

"Officially? No. But the word going around is that he has AIDS."

"At least Keiko had a chance..."

"Yeah," Deanna agreed. "I know a couple of homosexual guys who have AIDS."

"Just out of curiosity, who's the female model?"

"Sophie's younger sister, Alexa."

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Nice. How old is she?"

"Eighteen. She's a communications major at Northwestern."

"Let me think about it. I know the clock is running."

"Thanks. See you at dinner?"

"Yes. It just dawned on me — I have a conflict with a hockey game on the 25th. Does that make a difference?"

"The professor can work around that."

"OK."

I left the attic and went downstairs to the Japanese room to read.

January 9, 1984, Chicago, Illinois

On Monday, I ate at my desk so I could take my lunch hour to go to the Cook County Clerk's office and get a copy of Keiko's death certificate. Unfortunately, that took long enough that I didn't have time to go to the Secretary of State's office to retitle her car and cancel her driver's license.

When I returned to the office, I saw a sign for the leasing and sales office for condos in the building and remembered what Bianca had suggested. I also thought about Jack and Kristy's situation and came up with an idea. The sales and leasing office was open until 7:00pm, so I decided I'd visit them at the end of the day.

When I was back at my desk, I used the intercom to ask Bianca to come to see me.

"I have an idea," I said.

"About?"

"When we discussed needing more space, you suggested a condo in the building. If we were to do that, Jack and Kristy could rent the house from me. I'm going upstairs to the leasing and sales office after work. You're welcome to come along, and I'll let Jack know we'll be leaving late."

"How would that work with the mortgage you have from Spurgeon?"

"According to the employee manual, I have to refinance the house with a bank because I can only have one low-interest loan. I have the income and capital to refinance all three properties, and I can use my bonus to pay down the principal. And I have about a million in carried interest as of December 31st to back the loan."

"That's just insane!"

"What's insane is about forty percent of that would go to federal and state taxes if I were to withdraw it."

"That's a change of tune!"

"I didn't say I wouldn't pay it! And anything that is long-term capital gains would be around twenty-five percent, which is not insane. Interest rates are unchanged, so all things being equal, if I use my bonus to pay down the principal, my overall mortgage payment would be about the same."