Chapter 1: As Past Tense As A Guy Could Be

Together hand in hand we walked through evening gloom
Long shadows on the pavement, cast from the sunset sky
If only this would last until the end of time
And if this is forever I swear that I could cry
The northern wind starts to blow
And the smell of winter’s in the air
As we take each step upon the ground
The season of love grows near

Snowflower (Yuki No Hana), Mika Nakashima

“No thanks,” I glanced around, not even smiling cursorily. “I’m waiting for someone.”

Repeated for the fiftieth time that evening. I might have sounded a little snappy but that wasn’t intentional, even if I was annoyed. Although of course I tried not to let it show in the slightest. I didn’t enjoy sitting in bars by myself fending off gweilos trying to pick up a Chinese girl who wasn’t even that pretty, which just went to show how drunk they all were. I’d spent the last hour doing just that and here was yet another one wanting to buy me a drink I didn’t want. I didn’t blame them. That was what guys did when they’d had too much to drink and they saw a girl sitting in a bar on her own, even if she wasn’t that pretty.

I mean, I was honest with myself. I knew I wasn’t beautiful, I wasn’t even that pretty. But, okay, I wasn’t one of those girls that the guys said nasty things about brown paper bags about. I was better looking than that. Now, anyhow. Maybe not back at High School but that had been five years ago when I was living at home and I didn’t have an allowance from my parents for anything much and terrible acne and those horrible big square glasses that made me look like a complete caricature of an Asian student.

Not that I hadn’t been a nerd. I had been. I was. But now I was working and I could dress a little better. I’d replaced my glasses too. I’d never forgiven my Mom for buying those just because they were the cheapest.

Right now, not pretty or not, fending off guys was stressing me. I didn’t need that stress and I didn’t need gweilo guys trying to buy me drinks. I had a nice Chinese boyfriend who I was expecting to meet here any moment now. Work had been a bitch. My boss was a worse bitch, this was the night before Christmas Eve and I wasn’t due back at work till the New Year. Everyone was winding down big time.

Except me. I was stressing big time. Kevin was supposed to have been here an hour ago. I checked the time. Again. Where the heck was he? I’d called him half a dozen times and he hadn’t answered and my cell was almost out because I hadn’t charged it for two days.

The big gweilo was still standing there, ignoring my brush off. Go away, why don’t you.

“You are Sara, right?”

Huh? I looked back at him. “Yes. Do I know you?” I didn’t think I did but you never knew.

“No, but Kevin said you’d be here somewhere, he asked me to find you. You’re Kevin’s Sara, right?”

No. I was not “Kevin’s Sara.” I was my own Sara. But going into full bitch mode was just too much effort. It’d been that sort of day. I was wiped. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“Great, he was trying to call you just now, said you weren’t answering your phone. Asked if we could find you. And you’re the only Asian girl in the bar so I figured you must be Sara. Kevin says to tell you he got called into an urgent meeting by his boss a couple of hours ago, he’s going to call again soon.”

That was just great. Kevin was always running late. Always getting called into urgent meetings. Always on the phone with an important client. Something always managed to come up. Why on earth had I expected anything different tonight?

I fished my cell out and looked. Well, it was dead now. Flat battery. I guess that explained that. I still wasn’t happy with Kevin. Dress up, he’d said. Little black dress, he’d said. Go out for dinner together on the night before Christmas Eve, he’d said. Why don’t you book the restaurant for us, he’d said. Pick one you really like, let’s make it a really special night, he’d said.

Hang around in bars by yourself looking silly? He hadn’t said that but he might as well have.

“Thanks,” I said, stuffing my useless cellphone back into the pretty little handbag that I’d spent so much time selecting to match my new dress. Not that it mattered, no one ever looked.

“I’m Teddy.” He smiled. A nice smile. Friendly.

I looked up at him properly for the first time. Not exactly handsome, but a strong jaw, tall, powerfully built, fit looking, a bit on the solid side. Not fat though. Just, solid. Nice suit. Nice tie. Cufflinks. Bright red suspenders. I didn’t know anyone who wore ties and cufflinks and suspenders and who looked elegant in a suit. Not even to go out with girls wearing lovely little black dresses that they’d paid a small fortune for in Nordstrom because someone had suggested wearing one tonight for a romantic evening together. I’d never owned one before. I’d spent all Sunday shopping for it.

Looking up further. Light brown hair, really well styled, nice smile. Blue eyes. Somehow he exuded strength and magnetism, sucking the air from my lungs. I took a breath, shook my head. “Hi Teddy, I’m Sara. Sara Kuo. Pleased to meet you.”

I did the handshake thing.

His hand was gentle, gentle but firm. Not sweaty at all. I liked that. Some guys liked to just crush your hand. I had no idea why. Maybe it was to show how strong they are. I’m five foot four. I’m petite. I really don’t need a guy crushing my hand. I already know he’s bigger and stronger than me. I like that in a guy. I don’t like a crushed hand. I’ve only got two. No spares.

He didn’t crush my hand.

“Come and join us until Kevin gets here?” He smiled. “We’ve got a table over there.” He gestured into the crowd of office workers and wannabe executives, all drinking as if there was no tomorrow. Some of them were already hammered. Gotta love the lead-in to Christmas. The place was packed and more guys kept walking in.

“Sure.” Anything was better than sitting at the bar by myself turning down pickup attempts and feeling like a snooty bitch. Not that I wasn’t, but I didn’t like to feel like one. I slid to my feet, picked up my Long Island Iced Tea; following Teddy as he worked his way through the teaming masses. Or maybe that should have been steaming masses. It was cold outside, somebody had turned the heat up way too high.

“The ugly one is Daniel, this fat guy’s Freddie. Guy’s, this is Kevin’s Sara.”

No I wasn’t, but let’s not go there again. Too much effort.

“Hi ... Hi...” Teddy pulled a chair up for me. Polite too. I sat. I sipped. I couldn’t believe my taste buds. God, my drink was so warm, I’d been here long enough that the ice had melted. Before I could wrinkle my nose, a waitress had whisked it away, placed another one in front of me. Iced. Cold. Delicious.

“Thanks.” I probably looked surprised. Because I was surprised. Kevin never did things like that. Kevin would never have noticed. Unless it was his drink, and then of course he’d have asked me to get a fresh one for him before turning back to whoever else he was talking too.

Teddy grinned. “You’re welcome.”

I hadn’t even noticed him ordering. When had he done that? His friends laughed. At Teddy, not at me. That was even nicer, usually it was me that got laughed at.

“Bear here is a sleaze, Sara, just remember that,” Daniel was grinning.

“Bear?” Okay, I got it after slightly more than a couple of seconds. I was never that quick on picking up on jokes. Teddy. And I guess he did look a bit like a bear. Big and solid. Was he furry as well under that suit? I actually liked big and solid guys. Furry? I wasn’t so sure if I liked furry. Kevin wasn’t hairy, let alone furry. Kevin wasn’t big and solid either. And Kevin was all I had to compare anyone to. Kevin was all I’d ever had and I was worried and okay, annoyed. He was so late. I mean, I was used to him being late but this was longer than he usually kept me waiting.

Teddy didn’t answer. His phone had buzzed him or something, he was busy holding it to his ear, listening. One hand covering his other ear.

“Yeah.” Daniel was answering my question. I had Daniel pegged already. The Clown. Funny guy. “Coz that’s what he looks like.”

I had to smile. He did. He really did look like a big happy bear. A bear wearing an expensive Hugo Boss suit mind you.

Teddy interrupted, passing me his phone. “Kevin for you, Sara.”

“Kevin?” I said into the phone. “Are you going to be here soon?”

Stressed? Me? Well, I was. My date was late for a romantic dinner date. Do you know what it takes to work like a bitch all day for a boss who’s a worse bitch by far, rush home to my downtown condo, get changed, fluffed and prettied up, then rush back to a downtown bar. Not to mention shoes, doing my makeup and everything else a girl needs for a romantic dinner date. It’s a major project all of its own. I’d had a crappy day. Kevin hadn’t been waiting for me when I got here. If I haven’t mentioned it already, yes, I was feeling just a bit disappointed.

“Hi Sara, thought I should let you know I’m going to be working late.” Kevin was totally blasé about it. Way to blasé for someone who should be groveling for leaving his date hanging.

On her own.

In a bar.

With about a thousand horny guys all thinking they’re god’s gift to a single girl after half a dozen drinks. All thinking the single and not even very pretty Chinese girl sitting at the bar was just waiting to be picked up by some middle-aged overweight drunk who’s very obviously married. Idiots. The last place I’d get picked up in is in a bar a couple of nights before Christmas. As if! Not that I’d ever been picked up anywhere in my life. By anyone.

“We’re bidding on a new contract, I gotta work on it, going to have to miss dinner, Sara. Sorry ‘bout that.” He didn’t sound sorry at all though. He sounded distracted.

“Tonight? You mean you’re not just going to be late? I booked us.” Utter disappointment washed through me and left me feeling limp. And sad. Standing me up. He was standing me up.