Chapter 5

“What do you mean you grew to like being abused?” Jane asked angrily.

She had listened to her mother describe how she had earned money to pay for their apartment, their food, their clothes and her education, and although she did not like it, she had to admit that this was probably the only way open to her mother to allow them to leave their old house in the slum. But she was not willing to accept that her mother had come to like being a whore and being used by strange men.

“How could you like being a whore? It’s a disgusting and degrading way to earn money,” she began to lose her temper again with Cherry. “Whores are forced by their pimps to fuck as many men as possible, but you have just told me that you liked the way they treated you.” Jane’s voice had begun to rise in anger and her face had become red as she thought about the implications of what her mother had just told her.

She had a sudden memory of her mother giggling in the cubicle when the nurse left her alone. Her mother had been hurt when her face was hit, but not hurt so badly that she was crying in pain. No, she was enjoying the drama that she had created and she was enjoying the sympathy that her injury had created. This made Jane become angry again.

“You liked it when that man hit you, didn’t you?” she shouted. “You liked it when he pissed on you. I bet you wanted him to treat you like a bitch in heat, like a toilet. Did you drink his piss too? Ugghh, I think you are despicable, how could you allow yourself to be so degraded, to be used as a toilet? That is so disgusting. I can’t even begin to imagine what other kinds of low life things you have allowed men to do to you – and that you have enjoyed them doing. I don’t have words to describe what a slut whore bitch puta cunt skank slag you are.” Jan’s words came tumbling out of her mouth without pause, and her voice rose higher as she accused her mother of being lower than a gutter whore.

Jane fell silent, but she continued to glare at her mother with anger and disgust in her eyes.

Cherry knew that she had hurt her daughter, but she also felt a little aroused at how Jane was treating her. Those angry words were like the words that she wanted men to use when they fucked her. She needed to feel worthless, to be treated as a piece of meat and not as a human being. She had a deep desire to be humiliated, to be told that she had no value, that she was only useful when she was fucked, that her only worth in life was as 3 holes that were ready for any man to fuck. But how was she going to explain this needy feeling of having no self-worth, but that she only felt good when she was used and treated like dirt? And how was she going to explain that her face had flushed red and her breathing had become faster and more shallow as she heard the angry words that Jane had used to insult her? She was ashamed, but she was aroused because Jane was treating her as the desperate whore that she was.

“Jane,” she began. “Please let me try to explain.”

She waited for Jane to reply, but the only answer that she received was Jane continuing to glare at her in anger.

Jane did not want to forgive her mother, but some part of her also wanted to hear how Cherry would explain her behavior, so she kept silent and waited for the truth to be revealed.

“That first time when your father helped his friend to rape me, I was ashamed and hurt emotionally and physically. I lost my self-esteem because the man that I had married and who had given me such a beautiful daughter was now a monster who helped another man to rape me. I felt that I had no worth for him, that he was only with me to give him a son. I could see that that was all I meant to him. I was only good for breeding, for being pregnant, for giving birth to a son. That was my function in life as far as he was concerned. It made me feel worthless in his eyes because I could not give him the son he desperately wanted.”