How Harriet Learnt to Smoke and Fuck and Love Jesus

Dear Mr & Mrs Danes,

Harriet has been making excellent progress in her academic studies this term. She is to be congratulated on the fact that the Royal Academy of Fucking have not felt the need to call her for a live audition, but have already offered her an unconditional place based upon her ‘A’-Level Fucking Guided Cuntwork. I know that Professor Cuntslicker, Principal of the RAF, is very keen on expanding the range of fetishes represented in her Academy; Harriet’s will doubtless be a great asset to the RAF, and in due course the world at large.

Harriet, Michael and Janey are working very hard with me to prepare their item for the ‘Smoke-’n’-Fuck’ competition in June. The competition will doubtless be stiff – but such is Harriet’s devotion to honing her technique that I think she stands a good chance of making an excellent impression.

On a personal note, please accept my thanks for your invitation to Harriet’s lecturers to attend her wedding in July. Mme Grossebite, Mr Gropecunt, Nurse Coxucca, Mr Ahss-Faqr and myself will all be delighted to attend. And I am sure they will all join me in commending Harriet on choosing not to let her marriage interrupt her fucking vocation: it is so important these days for young ladies to be fearless in demonstrating to the world the inherent complementarity of the roles of wife and fuckwhore; I am sure you will agree.

Kind regards,