Chapter 7

“Why Miss Standfield! An unexpected pleasure, truly a delight to find you at my door. There is not much that surprises me these days.”

“I started by trying to find the British Representative – Mr Smythe? But it seems he has been called away.”

“Ah yes, come in, come in. Suleiman! Could you ask for some tea and cake? Thank you so much. What?”

“He is the biggest, blackest man I have ever seen! Is he a servant?”

“No, a slave. But I find politeness elicits much of benefit. Even slaves like to be appreciated. But yes, Mr Smythe. He was more ... he called himself I think. Please come in, come in. Are you tired? No I shall tell you the story, but I would have you comfortable. Ah, yes, this is Caroline and Drusilla. You remember I met you in Alexandria when I was meeting their father.” The Misses Halberd were naked from the waist up. They had been taken by surprise by the sudden entrance to the garden of Solomon with a visitor. “Oh, don’t worry about covering up. I’m fairly certain that Miss Standfield has seen a pair of boobs in her time. And this is Sashille. She is sister of Count Guilleme Ancho-vie, but that may not be his real name, I won her in a game of cards. I know, disgraceful; I nearly lost one of the sisters! I swore off cards for ever ... a vow I kept for a whole month.” he laughed “Sit, sit. Tea and delicious honey cakes will arrive very soon. But to Mr Charles Montegue Aloicuous Turmandy Smythe. Turmandy was, I believe, his grandmother’s maiden name. Well, he was eminently qualified to be the British Representative; correct standing in life – unlike me, I’m far too common – good with languages, friendly with the natives (that was the problem, but we shall return to that). It was never confirmed as permanent, that would have helped. There is a small emolument for permanent representatives, but temporary ones did it for the love of country I believe.

He helped the Jones family leave, well most of them. Jones? No? They are missionaries and United States Consul to the Royal Kingdom of Thailand. I understand they caused offence immediately on arrival by shooting a white elephant in their garden. No matter, they were ship wrecked and rather courageously made their way hundreds of miles to our little centre of debauchery. He provided a loan to enable them to get on their way again – never repaid it, of course. I didn’t ... I mean he didn’t expect they would. Well, yes, a good chap.

Anyway, he became rather taken with a young lady from the Sultan’s court, to whit, one of his daughters. It wasn’t like she was the best looking, or youngest – he has them from thirty down to five I believe – though perhaps she was the brightest. How he even met her is a mystery; you understand that if she was of marriageable age – that’s twelve here – then she would be kept away from men.”

“She was twelve!?”

“What? Oh, no, no. That is the age of marriage here, quite enlightened compared to some places. The next kingdom along, the age is nine. And that can be reduced if the father agrees! No ... anyway, somehow they formed an affection. Somehow they met and fell for each other. I do not believe Smythe could have planned their elopement, and I like the fellow, truly; but not the brightest of flames. So I assume it was her. One night all hell broke loose in the town. Soldiers running round, breaking down doors. I thought it was a coup, they happen fairly often, or attempts. The Sultan has a similarly bright wife, perhaps that is where Talmada inherited it from; I never knew who her mother was; probably neither did she. Anyway coups do not succeed here. But as I say, troops and banging and then there they were. ‘hide us dear fellow’ he asked, well, begged really. His life would be long and very unpleasant if caught. Hers would be even less pleasant I believe. Raped by all the boys and then left in the desert naked and covered in honey, that’s what happened to the last rebellious daughter.

The plan had been a good one, not that dissimilar to my escape from China. Oh, you don’t know about that? Must tell you sometime. Anyway, an eagle-eyed son of a lame she-camel saw them and they were blocked from the ship they were aiming for.

We hid them for three weeks! I say we because if they’d been caught, my darling girls would have been severely maltreated by the palace guards I am sure. With the Sultan’s consent of course. I trust you shall never breath a word? Nor publish it, for goodness sake. No matter how much you obfuscate, I think we should be found out.

Anyway, after three weeks, the furore died a little. Instead of heading for the port, I took them South, across the desert. Then to Midl El Hamit. It’s the kind of port that a rowing boat could barely fit in. They headed off from there.”

“They made it to safety?”

“I hope so, I asked Charles NOT to let me know in case someone saw the letter and added two and two to make six.

Anyway, that’s why the British Representative is not currently in residence. I suspect they will wait now.”

“Until it’s died down?”

“No, until the Sultanate is no more. I hear things. Won’t be long now.”

“Ah! That reminds me! Here. The ransom. Sir Harry stumped half and Her Majesty’s Government the other half.”

“Ohhh, girls! Looks like your troubles are overrrrr. No, wait. This is light. I know how much gold should weigh and ... there is a note!