Chapter 6 - Adrian

I took a sip of my coffee, frowned, and grabbed a few more sugar packets. Ripping them open, I tipped them into my cup with shaking hands, dropping bits of paper into the milky liquid. Fuck. I fished out the paper then straightened the spoon on the table. Three creamers, five packets of sugar. Avett’s coffee had one of each. Lily’s coffee was black, that I had remembered. Their cups sat steaming on the table in front of their empty seats. I checked the time on my phone. Their class had ended two minutes ago. The café was too crowded, the chatter too loud, and my hands were sweating in the baggy sleeves of my hoodie. I pushed the sleeves back to my elbows and urged myself to just take a fucking breath. I closed my eyes, trying to drown out the noise around me. I wished I could just exist in a public space without needing Avett nearby like a human security blankie.

My anxiety didn’t usually act up this much when I was alone, but the terrifying prospect of our conversation with Lily certainly wasn’t helping. I breathed, counting the seconds in and the seconds out, just like Sir taught me years ago. The conversation needed to happen. I checked the time again. It would, any second now. I reminded myself that Avett would do the talking. All I had to do was sit there. But what if it ended in Lily hating us? What if she thought we were disgusting freaks and never wanted to speak to us again? God, this was bad. We shouldn’t be doing this. It was a stupid idea in the first place; I shouldn’t have let Avett convince me so easily. If we just forgot the whole thing, we could at least stay friends with Lily and avoid traumatizing her.

I opened my eyes. They were standing by the entrance, chatting happily. Avett spotted me and waved, grabbing Lily’s had to guide her over. I stood, as if to greet them, but immediately sat back down. She was wearing my flannel shirt. It was so big on her it served as a dress, buttoned up. Underneath, she wore sheer black tights. Fuck. Did she know what she was doing to me? I looked away, acting super interested by a random framed painting on the wall.

“Adey,” Avett chirped, approaching the table. “What’s got your panties in a bunch?”

“I’m fine,” I snapped. And I didn’t wear panties. Usually.

Lily looked at the drinks on the table. “Black coffee! You remembered,” she exclaimed, clapping with delight, and plopped into her seat. The smell of honeysuckle wafted across me.

“Mmm, thanks,” Avett said, taking a huge swig of his own coffee. I caught his eye and glowered, trying desperately to communicate to him with my eyes that we needed to abort mission, NOW. I knew he got the message, but he just ignored me. “Class was great, Adrian, thanks for asking,” he said sarcastically.

“Yeah!” Lily chimed in. “We watched ‘Dr. Caligari’s Cabinet.’ I liked it WAY better than Hitchcock movies.”

“The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari,” Avett corrected her.

“Ugh, whatever!” Lily rolled her eyes. Deepening her voice, she spoke with a false vocal fry. “Ooh, look at me, I’m Avett, I’m smarter than everybody else and I know everything! And I surf!”

Avett laughed, taken aback. “What? I surf? What kind of an insult is that?”

She shrugged. “Your hair. What, you can do better?”

In a high, wispy voice, Avett said, “Ooh, look at me, I’m Lily. I don’t give boys’ clothes back because I know they look better on me.”

She blushed, unsure of whether to feel wounded or flattered. With a nervous glance towards me, she licked her lips. “Sorry, Adrian. Do you want your shirt back now? I’d just need to go change ‘cause I don’t ... ah ... have anything ... underneath,” she admitted timidly.

Ohhh my Goddd. Avett gave me a swift kick under the table, like, get it together, man. I breathed, and forced an easygoing smile. “Don’t worry about it. Avett’s right, you do look way cuter in it,” I assured her.

“Okay.” She blushed harder, looking down at her fingers for a moment, then changed the subject. “What about you? Do you like horror movies?”

“Absolutely,” I said. “‘Dr. Caligari’s Cabinet’ is my favorite.”

“Ha!” Lily exclaimed, triumphant, and stuck her tongue out at Avett.

He gave me a tiny nod, smirking. WE STILL SHOULD NOT DO THIS, I thought, very loudly and very clearly. Communicating with my eyes hadn’t worked, so I was trying to resort to telepathy.

“Adrian’s feeling a little nervous today,” Avett announced abruptly, and took a casual sip of coffee.

“Really? Why?” Lily looked at me with genuine concern.

“Well, we hoping to have a very important conversation with you today, Miss Lily,” Avett said. Now she looked nervous.

ABORT. ABORT. ABORT, I thought.

“Oh. What about?” She asked.

Avett glanced around the crowded shop. “We should go outside, I think. This conversation is a bit...” He leaned down, slowly, until his lips brushed ever-so-slightly against her ear. “... private.”

ABORT.

Lily shivered, flushed redder still, and started sputtering, “W-We could go to my dorm, I mean, if you wanted to. Um, I don’t think my roommate Cassie is there. She stayed at her boyfriend’s place last night, and I doubt she’s home yet...” she trailed off.

Avett’s face cracked into a devilish smile. “Lead the way, doll.”

“I changed my mind,” I hissed through gritted teeth, grabbing Avett’s arm to stop him in his tracks. We were already in the stairwell to Lily’s dorm, only one flight behind her.

“What? No, you didn’t,” he said, laughing like that was ridiculous.

“Avey, listen to me!” I pleaded. “We shouldn’t do this.” I dropped my voice to an incredibly quiet whisper. “She won’t wanna be our friend after.”

He rested his gentle hands on my shoulders, dipping his head to catch my eye. “Hey.” His voice was soft. “Breathe.”

I breathed in and out, counting. Avett counted aloud with me, under his breath. Then he said, “Look at me.” I did. “Do you trust me?” I nodded. I did. “Good.” He smiled.

Lily poked her head around the corner from the next flight, looking confused, and adorable as ever. “Are you guys coming?”

“Yes,” Avett said. He took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. I sighed and relaxed into his grasp. I surrendered control to him, and followed. I trusted Avett with my fucking life. I could do this.

Lily showed us to her room. It was a cozy little dorm, drenched in natural light and cluttered with furniture and books. Avett fluttered around the room looking at everything, fascinated by the pictures on her wall, the stuffed animals on her bed, and all the little knickknacks on her desk. She stood awkwardly, unsure what to do with herself even in her own home but happy to let him take it all in. “This is so you!” He kept saying, which made her giggle. I mostly watched her watch him, and remembered to keep breathing.

Avett finally settled himself into her roommate’s desk chair, having thoroughly explored the small space. Lily sat on the very edge of her bed, nervous again. “So, um, what did you want to talk about?” She asked. I busied myself reading the spines of the books on the shelf.

Wasting no time at all, Avett began very candidly. “Lily, do you know what a Dominant is?” I tensed. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into my hoodie like a turtle shell.

“Um, like a dominant person?” She asked.

“Yes,” Avett said. “More specifically, a person that is the Dominant in a certain type of relationship, with the other party being the submissive.”

“Oh,” Lily said. “Like BDSM?”