Chapter 3

In the past when Andrew had wanted to block something out mentally he studied relentlessly. It had been that way all through Lent Term. But his motivations changed. He returned to Cambridge on the evening of April 12^th and had two full weeks until his first exam. But although the three weeks in London and Edinburgh had been tumultuous, and Edinburgh in particular, he had also studied at least 60 hours each of the first two weeks and more than 50 hours even with Suzanne and Ara in the flat. He felt prepared and so when he called the house he told them he would work all day in Cambridge on Friday but would be down after dinner. And he would stay until Sunday morning. Time off had been beneficial and spending two nights and a day with Ara and Suzanne was his reward.

He hadn’t gone to Addenbrooke’s and didn’t attend OTC. Andrew studied. About two thirds of his time was spent on revision for the exams with the balance keeping his project moving forward. Olivia was not quite as manic as him but she too had a punishing revision schedule. But after dinner in Hall on Friday night he caught one of the last trains down to London. The feeling walking up to the front door of the house was something new and exciting. He was coming home. It was just under 36 hours of love and connection. The week together for Ara and Suzanne had been good for them, there was a closeness to them that augured well. There were no games, lots of sex but no games, just time spent reinforcing their love. And leaving on the Sunday morning wasn’t as hard as he thought. He had already decided he was going to do the same thing the following weekend. He arrived back at Cambridge and just immersed himself right back into his studying.

The next seven days were identical to the previous seven. Andrew ferociously studied for the very last week, kept his project ticking over and shut out the world for 12 hours a day. But he was cheerful, relaxed and had lost the manic edge to his studying, even if the hours were still high. The second weekend was even better than the first, Suzanne and Ara made him laugh and drained him dry. He sat on the train back to Cambridge on the Sunday before his exams tired but emotionally and mentally calm. The week of exams was tough, the toughest yet, unsurprisingly. Andrew still had things to write at the end of each and every one of the exams. He was disappointed at the end of Foundation Engineering, his first exam, only to realise that everyone had struggled with time. It was to be the refrain all week. But on the morning of May 1^st at 11.10 in the morning his university exams were over, Dynamics in Civil Engineering the coda to four years of intense but satisfying work.

He and Olivia walked out the back of the department and up the path at the side of the River Cam. It was the way to Newnham and Andrew would carry on north, past the Library and into Trinity that way.

“Fini.”

She was right, it was over.

“Well the exams.”

“The project can wait until Monday. I am going to take the weekend off. A couple of other women from College and I are going north to the Norfolk coast, get away from this place. One of them finished yesterday and has gone home to get her car today. It will be nice to not think about engineering for a weekend.”

Andrew nodded.

“I know what you mean. I am going to be back on Sunday afternoon though. I am losing four days to bloody job interviews, the week after next. What about you?”

“Mine are all mixed in with the week of presentations. I have to present on the Thursday as I am away for interviews for the first three days of that week. But at least it is after the submission deadline.”

“How do you feel about them? Confident?”

“I am not going to be falsely humble, but at the same time I am not sure I am confident. The career event in France knocked my belief that if I worked hard enough I would do well. I worry that I will always be passed over for a man, or not given a chance, despite the fact that I am trying to be the best civil engineer at Cambridge University. Mind you, some damn man keeps stopping me.”

She smiled and tiredly whacked his arm. Then the smile faded.

“I figured if I could keep up with you then I had a chance when it came to the real world. Hopefully they all go well and my fears are for naught. I will come and get you at 6.30, meet me at the back gate and we can go to the dinner together.”

Andrew napped that afternoon, went for a second swim, called Ara at the house and then Suzanne at Nikki and Fran’s flat. It was good to hear their voices, he would see Ara the next day, and the two of them would phone Suzanne on Sunday to wish her luck before her first final.

Olivia and Andrew did not sneak off early from the course end of term dinner. They did not go as hard as most of the people but were not alone in taking it easy, relaxing and enjoying the end of their exams as opposed to self-medicating for amnesia. It was a fun night, and Andrew made an effort to try and talk to at least half the class. Sometimes he thought he was a cross between a hermit and a misanthrope except with Olivia, but the two of them did talk to lots of people most days in the department. But it was all at the acquaintance level, happy to share a table, moan about a lecture, but it didn’t extend beyond that. So there were plenty of people to chat to that evening. Equally there were plenty to avoid as well, although Engineering’s percentage of hoorays was much lower than the Arts Faculty. Still there were several groups that Andrew never really talked to, the one with ‘Johnno’ most of all. Mind you he also knew he was a bit odd. He studied insanely all the time, he hung out with the French woman, they spoke French two days a week, and they were top of the course. They weren’t invited to hang out with the cool kids. Oh well.

Andrew walked Olivia back to Newnham at the end of the night, told her to enjoy the weekend and would see her in the library on Monday morning. The following morning, after his exercises he grabbed his backpack and ran out to the car, still parked all the way out at the caravan park. He walked the last quarter mile cooling off but was in the car before 7.00. Arriving back at the house he parked the car in the garage and quietly opened the door into the house. Ara must have been still asleep, and with their bedroom at the back of the house she didn’t hear him park in the garage. Of course turning up so early and unannounced even if he was bearing coffee made her scream in fright but after a good telling off she forgave him. She peed, they both cleaned their teeth and climbed into bed.

“I thought you were out at a celebratory dinner last night?”

“I was but I had the choice of getting drunk and not seeing you until later or taking it easy so I could make an early start. It was an easy choice.”

She beamed and kissed him, all minty fresh.

“This place seems so much bigger when it is just one person in it. I can see why you were thinking about not living here if you were on your own. But Suze and I had a great time wandering round the place thinking about all the different rooms. You are right though, that room on the ground floor is bloody enormous. Quite high ceilings as well. Still once we get some bookcases.”

Andrew stopped her from what was shaping up to be a long drawn out recitation of all their plans, and instead kissed her. He could sense Ara smiling as they made out. She straddled him, grabbed him to line them up and then dropped down, drawing smiles and oohs from both of them.

“I have missed you, we both missed you. We talked about it in bed most nights. We ambushed you with our plan and a week later if felt normal. Do you think it is strange that we didn’t have any hesitation?”

“I think it is related to who we are as people. You said it that first afternoon. You wanted it all. We want it all. As I drove away when I had dropped you off I was heading to Cambridge, the place I was most comfortable, the closest thing I had to a home. Three weeks ago things had changed. I was leaving my home and the two of you. That is why I came down both weekends. Cambridge was different as soon as I got there and so I studied hard for six days and then came home.”

Ara hips started to move quicker.

“Based on the little hints that first weekend I am guessing Suzanne was naughty all week?”

“Yeah, we went a bit crazy the first night but then it calmed down. As you can imagine we had lots and lots of pillow talk.”

He could imagine.

“She explained, and refined it over several later nights, about her submission, the different aspects to it. She had told me everything, from the baby steps up to now. We had done that all winter but this was more in depth and I was able to interrupt and ask lots of questions. One of the things we are excited to discover is how often do we need to dominate and submit. She talked about how it was something that only happened during the breaks at university. It was the same with me and dominating. And I didn’t really dominate. When I look back at what I did to poor Gwen it was so cack-handed. I think bullying is a better description. Remind me to tell you about my visit to Gwen.

“So Suze and I talked a lot. We have so much to learn, so much to discover. A lot is going to be whether this is something that is all consuming in our sex life, and it is a daily need, or whether it is just a facet of who we are but is not a constant. She talked about how you have changed with her. She talked about the difference between dominance and punishment. And how you were much more dominant now, yet you punish a lot less. The whole constant or consistent gentle dominance. That made me think. At the moment it is the punishment that turns me on. When Suze described some of the things that you had done to her, what you had done for her. I thought I was having an anxiety attack. In fact we reckoned I got a shot of adrenaline just thinking about doing things like that to Suze, and it was the shakes as it was reabsorbed into my system.”

Andrew let Ara talk away, their hips were in care and maintenance mode, just keeping him hard, not actively fucking.

“We are both excited to go to Amsterdam, well back to Amsterdam for you two.”

“What in particular?”

“I think for me it is how Suze described it. I want to see for myself that I am not a freak. Just imagining standing in front of a whole wall section with crops and floggers and paddles. I can feel my heart racing just thinking about it. And then it is just being there with the two of you, seeing what catches our eye. I am excited to explore that part of my life.”

“Do you think it is drowning out the rest of you at the moment.”

Ara smiled and kissed him, her hips sambaing in his lap.

“No. There was a lot of talking, a fair bit of fooling around but it just needed to be purged from my system. The two of us made love most nights, and on other nights we just cuddled up and fell asleep. We talked about our future life, living in the house, where is the nearest supermarket, being able to walk to work, all these sorts of things.”

Ara stopped her hips and looked down at him.

“I think we both worry that we have seduced you into this with the whole two women for sex angle.”

Andrew’s brows furrowed.

“Starting a consultancy business, using the offices you bought for the engineering company, letting us live here, letting me have the opportunity to take a job without worrying about the pay. We worry about taking advantage of you, and conversely we are uncomfortable with having a sugar daddy looking out for us.”

“Sugar daddy. You are older than me.”

Ara’s smile didn’t reach her eyes.

“Age has nothing to do with it. We don’t really know what it all means but there are some things that we wish were not as stark.”

“Really?”

“We want to make our mark on the world, want to be seen as successful career women but we are getting significant help at the start. What you did with the household account was brilliant, and just incredibly thoughtful and calming for us.”

She smiled.

“The whole thing is clouded by the fact that we both love you. And we love you for who you are, the man that you are, not for what you can give us. So we have to deal with that mental baggage. It has already started to lessen but it may take a while for it to go completely.”

Ara and Andrew finally remembered that they were coupled and fucked passionately until he could feel his balls tightening. He gently pulled Ara to him and they kissed as Ara shimmied her nipples against his chest and they both came strongly but quietly. Ara jumped up and went to the bathroom, they were getting better about not staining endless numbers of sheets.

“No condom sex is so much better but it does mean we don’t get to just lie on you.”

Ara came and did exactly that. She had immediately joined in the no condom sex from that first Sunday and now they were only used for anal, and not even all the time then.

“Is there something I can say, something I can do, to help you and Suzanne? Deal with the baggage I mean.”

Ara pursed her lips.

“I think just listen to us, be aware that it is something that we are feeling. What else is there to do? You own the office, you own the house and you set up the company. One of the things that we talked about was if something like Turkey came up again. Not as long as three months, but say I got the chance to work in, pick wherever you want. Our being together would allow me the chance to consider it. And let’s park the discussion about the personal, I know that we all need to work through all that stuff. I get the chance to go because of my ability, the work I have done. But there is no grant attached, little money available. From the talk round the department a lot of advancement is based on how good you are at networking. That the phrase ‘the old boy’s network’ is known and in common usage tells you that it is real. But I would have a chance because I know you would support me.”

“But I am not buying you the chance. It is your ability that would get you the chance. Is getting the money from me any different than getting a grant from the Foreign Office or whoever?”

“No it is not. But it is the naïve idealist in me that wishes there was a level playing field. Having to do unspeakable things for my depraved sugar daddy rather goes against that.”

They laughed and he kissed her.

“Tell me about these unspeakable things.”

“You need no help in thinking up unspeakable things. Although I would like to talk to you about them so maybe it is speakable things.”

There was a lot of kissing that morning.

“Suze talked to me about here submission. It was incredibly helpful to spend several evenings talking about it. It also let me think during the day, let things sink in, prepare follow up questions. She was helping me with my feelings about dominance. Can you tell me your perspective please?”

Andrew marshalled his thoughts, going all the way back to the holiday in Rome.

“We learned a lot of this together, starting from scratch and knowing nothing about what we were doing. We went on holiday to Rome between school and university and spent two weeks together. It is there that we started exploring some of that stuff. And a lot of that exploring was because Suzanne finally talked to me about how she was feeling. It was where we tried the hooker fantasy for example. Over the next year we just kept experimenting. Mainly this was Suzanne pulling me along but we were learning. Slowly, but we were learning. Then when I was in West Germany that summer I had the chance to have a night out in Hamburg. While I was there I bought the corset and cuffs for Suzanne, the first things I ever bought to push Suzanne further. It was a very important moment for us because I saw them and instantly knew she would love them. And she did, which was important in giving me the confidence to continue to help her. We didn’t even know the names dominance and submission at that point. We talked about taking or giving up control. She only found out the names through Phil in 2^nd year. But before that, at the end of the summer we went on holiday to Amsterdam. You said it earlier, it finally got Suzanne to realise and acknowledge that she was not alone. She was not a freak. She said it best, if they are selling all this stuff then lots of people must be buying it. More than anything else, I think that was the moment that she stopped fighting her nature. The whole of first year she had been pushing ahead but it was then that it all slotted into place. It was on that trip that we bought the playsuit, which is the perfect name.

“Then 2^nd year started and we lost touch for six months because of Phil. When we finally spoke again at Easter, just after Julian and Leslie’s wedding she explained a lot of the terminology. She talked about dominance and submission, she also talked about how it was only a part of her life, and how she hated it outside the bedroom. And she also told me that what we were doing, had been doing, was not enough. That was almost the nail in the coffin right there. I think that being away at university probably saved us, let me calm down. I wasn’t angry, but I was upset. But we came back from it, slowly. We did nothing in June, we saw each other but there was nothing more. It was only in September that we got back together. Suzanne had moved into the flat, had committed to it, and so we took straight back up where we had left off. But it was that six month gap and then the following six months where we reconnected that planted the seeds of my doubts about Suzanne and I. The two of us had frightening sexual chemistry and had known each other for years. But I always knew there was something missing, Suzanne had told me that to my face. That is the same summer that you and I reconnected in London, the summer I was in Cyprus.