Chapter 6

“You did not!” Heather struggled to keep her coffee from coming out her nose. She had a contagious cackle, a whole-body laugh that made it difficult for anyone around her to stop from joining in.

Paul made no such attempt anyway.

“Yes!” he exclaimed, nodding and slapping the tiny fourth-grade desk he was uncomfortably stuffed into. “I just thought, you know what, this is way too much of a coincidence! There’s only one person in the entire world who would call him ‘Melvin’ — the universe of pussy has spoken! Who am I to stand in the way??”

Heather guffawed again, and the both of them looked at Andrew as he took a well-timed sip from his Oh Yes Wyoming! mug.

“I can’t believe,” Heather said between recovering breaths, “you stole his keys. What if she woulda just, like, left him outside his front door??”

Paul shrugged, a smug grin on his face. “Just gotta trust the universe of pussy, Heather. She will provide.”

He took a swig of his own coffee and leaned back as much as he could without breaking the tiny desk — which wasn’t much.

It was about 7:30, still a half hour before school would start. Andrew’s students would frequently pop into his classroom in the mornings before class started, just to ask (mostly inane) questions, or, it seemed, just because they were bored.

While he liked to believe that meant he was one of the cool teachers, it also meant there was too much traffic for the three of them to chat like, well, people, instead of as teachers on a Monday morning.

And Paul’s office was next to the boys’ locker room, where there was zero chance they’d be uninterrupted with the steady stream of his players coming in and out.

So, Monday morning coffee in Heather’s fourth-grade classroom was basically a tradition by this point, since elementary kids didn’t have the same freedom to just wander in before class started. Sometimes there were even treats ... Okay, there were only treats when Heather made them. Either way, this wasn’t one of those mornings, unfortunately.

“So? Did the universe of pussy provide?” Heather’s eyes danced with way more energy than a Monday morning deserved, although Andrew couldn’t pretend he didn’t feel just as energized.

He grimaced. “Well, even if it had, I was way too drunk to remember.”

“So what you’re saying is, it might as well have!” Paul said, looking to Heather for approval. She held up her mug in a toast, agreeing. The motion carried — Andrew got laid, even if he couldn’t remember it.

“Better than my weekend,” she said, inviting a change of topic.

“Uber guy didn’t earn his 4-and-a-half stars?” Paul asked.

“Turns out he could only drive stick,” Andrew said with a tsk, making Paul laugh. Heather didn’t.

“Psh, if he could drive something, I coulda worked with that.” Heather rolled her eyes. “It was like if one my students tried to drive a car. Even if this guy had a buddy to work the wheel while he was on the pedals, not sure he woulda gotten it outta the garage.”

Paul and Andrew looked at each other, puzzling out what was what in that simile.

“That was ... vivid,” Andrew said.

“Or maybe ... complete nonsense?” Paul offered, just throwing it out there.

“Either way, I think we know now that Heather would really like to have a threesome with a pair of midgets.”

“That’s what I got out of it, yeah,” Paul agreed.

Heather put her hand up, as if taking an oath. “Hey, if they know what they’re doing, what do I care? However many it takes!”

“There’s definitely a lightbulb joke in there, right?” Paul said.

“‘How many little people does it take to screw Heather’s lightbulb?’” Heather said, getting them all to laugh.

“Well, I gotta go,” Paul sighed, stretching after he maneuvered out from under the confining desk. “I know you classroom teachers can just sit around all day sipping coffee, but us gym teachers got some educating to prepare for!” He smirked and they said their goodbyes as he left.

Andrew still had some time, and so did Heather, so he stuck around. That wasn’t unusual either. Each of them was fine hanging with just one of the others or with both. Andrew liked that. There wasn’t an awkward side of their triangle.

“So,” Heather said, her tone a little more serious now, “Paul said you ... saw Mallory?”

Oh boy. Here we go.

He nodded. “Yeah.”

She sighed and looked at him pityingly, like he was some kid who’d put his hand back on the stove immediately after getting burned by it the first time. “Andrew, why didn’t you just leave?”

Now he sighed. He honestly wasn’t sure himself.

“I guess ... I guess I just figured that like, it’s about time I ... get used to it, you know? I’m gonna see her around. Should I just leave every time we happen to be in the same place?”

Heather was choosing her words carefully. He knew she was trying not to offend him, which he appreciated ... but it also offended him a little bit.

“It’s just ... this happens to you, you know? You know that. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s something you’re struggling with, Andrew. That’s okay to admit.” She looked at him warmly from across her desk. Stuffed into a fourth-grader-sized seat, it all only added to how much he already felt like he was being childish.

She hesitated, clearly wanting to ask him something, but again not sure how to phrase it.

“Andrew, can I ask you ... why do you think she still has such an effect on you?” Her emerald eyes were kind, doing their best to let him know she wasn’t trying to judge him for whatever the answer was.

He gave it some real thought — more than he had in a while. Generally, he tried not to give it much thought if he could help it.

“I guess...” he started, searching a map of the United States on the wall for the answer, “it’s just hard because every time I see her, I still see, like, my wife, you know?” He looked back at Heather now, a little surer of how to express what he was feeling. “I still see the woman who was happy with me, and all the moments we had over the years.

“I mean, things were good for a long time, you know? We dated basically through all of college, and then we got married. There were a lot of really great years there.”

Heather nodded, though Andrew doubted she really knew the depth of what he was talking about. She’d never been married, never had that kind of connection before, as far as he knew anyway. But he continued, hoping that maybe saying it all out loud might help exorcise the feelings forever.

“You remember that, don’t you? I mean, you knew her when things were still ... still good,” he said.