Chapter 36

[vibe track: delicate weapon - grimes]

Cameron could feel Henry swelling inside her. She needed this. There were so few outlets left for her to make this shit go away.

Henry pounded into her from behind. He was doing his best. He’d been willing to go a little further last time. She’d needed that, too. He hadn’t even seemed like he’d been bothered by it. Pulling her hair wasn’t much, not for her, but it was something at least.

“Ahhhhh pull my hair Henry,” she moaned out now, trying to see if he could pick up where they’d left off.

It always felt good having him inside her. What made it good, though, wasn’t really about his dick. It felt good because it was him inside her.

But this ... this wasn’t really about feeling good. Just like it hadn’t been the other night, either. That wasn’t what she needed right now.

She needed all the shit to just recede to the edges for a while. Just for a half hour where she wouldn’t have to think, wouldn’t have to deal with those doubts and those guilts, and all those fucking thoughts pinging around her mind that just wouldn’t shut the fuck up.

Henry did it, tugging her head up to look at the stucco ceiling over his bed. He wasn’t very imaginative, but she’d take what she could get. She focused on the feeling, letting another moan escape her lips.

The music helped, pumping through them both with a deep bass beat that she hoped would seep into Henry.

It wasn’t just the way every woman in that school had looked at him, or the way everyone there had looked at Cameron, either — like she was some dumb, dangerous animal Henry had, for some reason, decided to try and rehabilitate. It was... fucking everything.

Henry plowed into her again from behind with a grunt.

How I chased off my only real friend.

Cameron tried to get into it, to will herself into feeling like his thrusting into her was doing something for her. But it was barely any distraction at all.

Mal’s fucking legs in that skirt.

He gripped her tighter, forcing his cock deeper into her as he readjusted for leverage.

Mal in his fucking wallet. Mal in the fucking drawer at school. Mal in the fucking drawer in this bedroom.

“Harder, harder, Henry,” she groaned out with each smack of his body into hers. She wasn’t sure what else to say. If it were anyone but him, she knew what she would’ve barked out. But she didn’t want to say something she couldn’t take back. She just ... she just needed this night — maybe the past few days — out of her fucking head. To get lost in something else. At least for a little bit.

Why does he even fucking keep all that Mal shit around.

He tried. He pinned her arm behind her again. It had worked once. It didn’t do much for her this time. Mostly she’d been surprised the first time by how decisive he’d been. She wanted that again from him — wanted him to take control and just make her stop fucking thinking for once, to let her react on instinct alone.

Maybe his friends were right. He’s just keeping her on ice. You know, just in case...

Cameron groaned through gritted teeth, trying to fantasize about her mild-mannered boyfriend ramming her up against the wall, slamming her into it over and over and over. That’s what she wanted. What she needed.

“Fuuuccckkkkk, take me, Henry, fuck me.”

He tried tugging at her hair again, grabbing a handful and yanking. Maybe it was a little harder, maybe it wasn’t.

“Spank me.”

It slipped out before she’d decided to actually say it. She felt him stop, and she froze. She’d said it the other night, too, and she’d known then it was a mistake — one he’d tactfully ignored at the time. She’d just ... needed more.

She could hear his panting behind her and it made her realize she was trying to hold her own breath.

Is it really too much to want to just escape from all the bullshit my way?

“Just ... try it,” she said, trying to sound inviting, warm, as she turned to face him. He looked deeply conflicted, and she could feel him shrinking inside her. “It’s okay, Henry, really. You’re not gonna hurt me, okay?” She tried not to let go of the feeling inside herself she was trying to build on.

He swung back his arm and she returned to facing the wall, bracing. He connected ... but ... barely.

Cameron tried to keep from getting frustrated. She could feel the pile of bullshit feeding on itself, wearing her patience thin.

Mal could probably get him to whack her with a goddamn two-by-four. But he won’t give me more than a fucking sting. What’s that say, exactly?

“It’s okay, really,” she repeated instead. “Harder, Henry.” He tried to keep himself erect inside her, rocking into her a couple of times before trying again.

And again, his palm connected with her ass. This time, at least, it felt like he’d actually put a little bit of force into it. But ... not much.

Fuck. FUCK. Come on, please. Please Henry. Just this one time. Fuck.

But she felt him pull out of her, the moment over.

I shouldn’t have brought this up. I just wanted to fucking forget about everything for like, a half-a-fucking-hour. That’s all. And now ... ARGHHH. I fucking made everything worse. GodDAMMIT.

The bed creaked as he swung off of it, and she slumped down, groaning in frustration — more at herself or him, she wasn’t sure what the pie chart looked like right now.

“No, I’m not doing this, Cameron,” he snapped. He slipped his underwear back on. For some reason, that pissed Cameron off, too. Everything was pissing her off.

She groaned again, crawling off the bed and onto her feet. “What? It’s just a spank, Jesus ... Why can’t you just—”

“What? Go ahead,” he spat, interrupting her. “Say it, Cam.” He pulled on his pants. She was a little surprised at his tone. She’d never heard it before. But that was outweighed by how pissed she was that he was goading her.