Chapter 33

[vibe track: disparate youth - santigold]

Cameron ran a fingertip lightly over her newest tattoo, a small wolf howling from the inside of her wrist at her left palm, pointed to her pinkie side. Kendra’s was on her right wrist, so if they held them up together, the wolves would be baying to each other. Calling to each other.

They were only a few days old. The skin underneath was still a little reddish and she had to fight the urge to scratch it. It might not have been the most painful tattoo she’d ever gotten, but it was definitely close.

She wasn’t really sure why Kendra had suggested it — paid for it, even. Kendra wasn’t into getting inked. In fact, Cameron was pretty sure this was her only tattoo.

But Kendra had insisted, even when Cameron warned her it was definitely gonna hurt. It had, and Cameron had tried to keep from smiling a little while she’d held Kendra’s other hand during the whole process. Still, Kendra had gritted her teeth and gotten through it.

The gesture was deeply flattering, if Cameron was being honest.

Tattoos aren’t something you can just put on and take off on a whim. Not like a wedding ring ... Mal. They mean something more. A lifetime commitment — or at least a reminder of a promise meant to last a lifetime.

Every tattoo on Cameron’s body was like that. At this point, most of them were reminders of broken promises, though not all. Some wolves were already Kendra, whether her friend knew it or not. But all of them were about remembering — the story of her that was so deeply a part of Cameron that it was inked into her body forever, bleeding through to the skin from her soul.

The newest tattoo, though, was a promise for the future.

That made Cameron smile. She was alone in her room, music pulsing from her phone while she did nothing in particular. She never had gotten replacement blackout curtains. In the unimpeded sunshine, her body moved to the tinny beat coming out of the outmatched phone speakers.

As she completed a slow, 360-degree turn, she opened her eyes — and there was Kendra, leaning against the doorway, her arms crossed and watching with a smile. It wasn’t her usual grin, but ... something more restrained. Maybe even wistful. Cameron didn’t stop, but motioned for Kendra to come and join her little impromptu dance party.

Kendra smirked a little, holding up a small container of ointment instead. It was to keep their wrists moisturized while the skin healed, and Kendra was pretty anal about it.

Like she is about most things, really, Cameron thought with a little laugh to herself.

“I just wanna make sure I’m doin’ this right,” Kendra said. Cameron put down her arms and stopped slowly gyrating. She tried on her best comforting look, although it wasn’t a shape her face often made — so she wasn’t sure how successful she was.

Kendra came in closer and put a dollop of the ointment on her other hand.

How can you even do that wrong? Why’s she keep asking me about this every day?

“Yeah, I mean, that looks fine,” Cameron said with a shrug. Kendra carefully spread the pasty balm and started to rub it in a little bit at a very deliberate pace.

“You remember when we were gonna start a nightclub?” Kendra said, making conversation and looking up at her friend while she carefully worked in the ointment.

Cameron snorted. “Yeah. Actually I was just telling Henry about that the other day.”

Kendra smiled more warmly. “I’m glad you have Henry.”

“Uh ... yeah, okay, me too...” Cameron felt her brows scrunch together.

Is she dying? Is she super fucking high? Nah, she’s gotta go to work soon, that wouldn’t be like her.

Kendra took Cameron’s hand gently, holding on even after the initial flinch, and Cameron let her put the ointment on her wrist. Kendra applied it just as carefully, looking down at her handiwork the whole time.

Until finally, she sighed, turning up to Cameron. She looked like she was very reluctant to do whatever it was she was about to do. Cameron felt her heart start to beat faster, even if she wasn’t sure what was about to happen.

“So ... you know I’ve been checking out that school in Sacramento?” Kendra said in a voice as cautious as her touch.

Cameron nodded slowly. “Yeah — hey, so, is that what you, like, wanna do?” She was trying to actively show an interest, something she hadn’t done enough of throughout their entire friendship.

“Well ... yeah, Cam, it is. And ... I ... I’m gonna go there starting in November.”

Cameron’s heart started thudding now, her mouth suddenly dry. She blinked. That’s all she could do.

No. Nonononono. Please. No. Don’t do this to me.

“What?” she said, trying to buy more time to process.

Kendra was holding her hand now, the mirrored wolves staring back at them both.

“I’m gonna move to Sacramento in November, Cam,” she said, her voice still quiet and gentle. Her eyes were full of an apology Cameron knew her friend shouldn’t have to make.

The rest of Cameron’s vision seemed to dissolve, a blurry blackness closing in around the wolf on her wrist, all the sounds in the room reduced to a droning buzz in her ears. She fought the overwhelming sensation that she was about to fall, but her hand told her she was steady — held by Kendra’s.

“You’re ... moving...?” she heard herself say. Her voice sounded like it was underwater.