Chapter 19

[vibe track: under stars - aurora]

Cameron’s eyes were harder to open than they should have been.

And there’s ... there’s... holy fuck there’s something down my throat.

Her eyes went wide in alarm, but they were looking into a bright light, obstructed by something that was sticking up out of her mouth. She was panicking, trying to get her hands around the thing, but her arms ... her arms weren’t ... they weren’t quite working right.

Kendra’s face appeared over her. Cameron couldn’t quite process the words ... but she knew she was trying to get Cameron to calm down.

She stopped trying to rip out the tube, even though her arms weren’t moving to do it anyway.

Another face appeared as Kendra’s moved out of her vision. She could only look right above her. Her head wasn’t moving like it was supposed to, either.

It was a nurse. She could tell from the outfit. The nurse smiled at her and said some more words.

I think she wants me to stay still. That I can do.

Cameron felt a bizarre sensation as the nurse started slowly removing the tube. She tried her best not to freak out as it kept getting longer than she thought it had any right to be coming out of her mouth. Then finally, it was out, and she took a breath, immediately coughing and sputtering.

The nurse was trying to get her to ... maybe not do that? Cameron felt herself tilting up, sitting more upright.

I must be on a bed.

It finally clicked as the rest of the room entered her vision.

I’m in a fucking hospital. Fuck. How did I get in here? How bad am I hurt? What happened?

The nurse was fussing with her, checking things that were sticking out of her arm. She was smiling. That was either good, or maybe really bad. Cameron just couldn’t keep up with what the nurse was saying, even though she could hear the individual sounds.

There was someone behind Kendra. Cameron moved her eyes — she had to do it deliberately — and saw Henry standing there, holding a Styrofoam cup.

Must be morning. Can’t start it without a coffee.

Wait. Why is Henry here?

Kendra had said something, she was pretty sure. Cameron turned — her head was working now — focusing on her friend. It looked like she was waiting for the answer to a question or something.

“Wh—” Cameron coughed a few times. “What?” Her voice didn’t sound right. Weak, raspy.

“I said, how you doin’ babygirl?” Kendra said, slower, evidently repeating the question.

“You ... you both look like ass,” Cameron croaked out, moving her eyes between the pair of them. And they did.

They looked at each other, trading smiles.

“Girl, you wish you looked like my ass,” Kendra said with a grin for Cameron. Had Kendra’s hand always been on hers? She wasn’t sure, but she could feel it now.

Cameron tried to sit up a little more, but things still weren’t working quite right. She couldn’t pinpoint where the problem was. Kendra reached behind her and readjusted some pillows. That made things a little more comfortable at least.

Kendra kept looking at her with that expression Cameron had been trying to avoid for days. That look that said she was trying not to look at her friend like she was liable to shatter if somebody looked at her wrong.

Just can’t escape that look, can I.

This time, though, Cameron wasn’t sure what she’d done to earn it. She couldn’t remember how she ended up in here.

I was at the burial—fuck. The burial. Then...

She couldn’t recall exactly, but she knew she’d been in her room at some point.

Xanax. Tequila.

The rest filled itself in, even if she was fuzzy on the details.

Fuck.

“You’re gonna be okay, Cam.” Kendra had been saying something, but she only heard the last part, which she found debatable.

Kendra held Cameron’s face in her hands, making sure she focused on her. It actually was a little helpful.

“I love you Cameron,” she said. Kendra kissed her forehead and hugged her as best she could in the hospital bed. Cameron felt her own hands come up enough to get them on Kendra’s arms, at least. Kendra gave her another squeeze then pulled back, wiping away some tears.

Fuck. I must’ve ... I must’ve been pretty bad, huh.

That triggered a wave of shame inside her, for putting Kendra through whatever it was she’d gone through that led to Cameron waking up here.

Did she find me on the floor or something? Was I choking on my own vomit? Was I breathing? Did she call an ambulance? Did she ... fuck. Did she see the note? I didn’t mean it as ... it wasn’t supposed to be a...

Tears welled up in the bottom of her vision.

“I’m sorry,” she wheezed out before Kendra could step away. Cameron wasn’t certain exactly what for, but she was sure there was plenty.

Kendra’s eyes just got wetter and softer as she took Cameron’s hand one more time. “Ain’t nothin’ to be sorry for, babygirl.”

She wiped away the tears on Cameron’s face and gave her hand a last squeeze. “I’m gonna leave you two alone for a while, okay?” she said, gesturing at Henry.

Cameron’s eyes drifted to him. He wasn’t looking at her like she might break. Or ... maybe he was. She could never read exactly what was going on in those bottomless brown eyes.

Kendra patted him on the arm as she left, closing the door behind her.

Henry got closer.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey,” he said.

“The fuck are you doing here,” Cameron rasped, barely above a whisper. She was more curious than upset, but everything her voice said now sounded more ominous and accusatory than she intended.

He smiled though. That smile. The smile that made her feel like it was just for her. And right now, it was. Maybe he took her being kind of a bitch as a sign that she was herself. She wasn’t totally sure how to feel about that.