Chapter 8

August 30, 2018 (Thursday)

Author: Padme Fahrad

[This is my first contribution to our journal, and I’d like to start it with a synopsis of ... how I’m doing as part of the LA. As noted by Kim in conversation with Darren [Chapter 5], I’ve finally been ... infected by the LA bug. That is, I’ve personally discovered why there is an activity called masturbation. While I don’t have to wait as long as Civ and Mare, my 14^th birthday is not until January 30. Behind the scenes, Civ helped me ... a lot ... understand how she’s been getting through days in which her guy has a lot of sex with everyone but her. While I don’t have a specific guy, I’ve recently discovered that my mind has been filling in the scenes that my eyes have not been permitted to observe, but which my ears have been allowed to hear. I have difficulty in translating what I hear to mental images, but I know what orgasms feel like to me, so I understand at least a little of what the orgasming girls I hear are feeling. However, the older girls all say that the feelings created by masturbation frequently don’t hold a candle to the feelings one can get from a partner ... or partners, plural, and there seems to be a lot of plural in LA loving.

Unlike the adult women who’ve been writing for us, my English skills are not rusty. Even though I knew very little English when we left India, Mom (that still hurts!) insisted I leave behind both my native Tamil language and the Hindi I had begun learning before we left. She said Kai and I needed to speak English fluently, and as soon as possible, so that we would stand out less in our adopted land. When I think of Mom, it makes me sad that, in India, she was not allowed much schooling. It makes me sad because she was so smart. Had she been born farther north in India, she might have had a life with much more learning rather than so much breeding.

I took Mom’s commands about language to heart, so much so that most Americans cannot hear much or any of India in my speech. More importantly here, is that I was among the best writers in my class last year, even winning a school writing competition, despite that I was only a sixth grader in a middle school. Living with Beth and some of the others has...

A quick aside: There is a word that shows up a bit in Beth’s diary that has become frequent in the LA’s journal with so many more voices being heard in this venue. That word is “bootstrapped,” and it plays a critical role within the LA, as virtually all of us have been bootstrapped into adult-like personalities, into adult-like ways of looking at our world, and that ... bootstrapping may be the single largest cause of so many disparate girls being able to live together so enjoyably despite that we’re all constantly in each other’s pockets.

Living with Beth and some of the others has bootstrapped my interest in and facility with writing and language, in both technical and creative aspects. Hopefully, I can make evident in my journal entries the huge, positive impact those girls have had on me.]

[Beth, responding after the first read-through of Padme’s first journal contribution: Padme, I’m crying, for the loss of your homeland and of your mother and for the effectiveness of your writing. If you want, I’d be happy to have you contribute more often to the journal. I love you.]

At breakfast, since I already knew I was journaling for at least the early part of our day, I asked Meka, “How did your ... non-date with Jamaal go?”

“It was good. He was fairly excited about coaching the team. However, we also got to just talk, allowing each of us to learn more about the other. You must understand that, while we were sort of friends in the past, that semi-friendship was based mostly on the debate team and partly on the pickup games we had with the boys. As an example, I’ll bet you didn’t know he has an interest in calligraphy.”

Taylor, as the LA has encouraged her to do, asked about calligraphy, and what it was. Meka explained, then ordered, “A learning task for you today: Learn more about calligraphy. You may start with the Wikipedia page, but you must look more deeply.”

I smiled when Taylor gave an oft-repeated refrain about loving her new life, living in the J, and having so many sisters helping her learn so much. I appreciated her words, perhaps, more than most others, as I have appreciated being here for many of the same reasons she has.

I vocally nudged Meka, “Come on. Give. There must be more.”

Meka rolled her eyes dramatically at me, grinned, and then said, “He asked me out, specifically as a date. Yes, I had asked him before, but, surely, Padme, you understand why that’s important.”

I nodded and replied, “He’s not letting it go, which strongly suggests he has a real interest in you.”

With a big grin, Meka responded, “In one, Girl!” She moderated her expression and said, “I’d like to see you play a larger role here. Everyone knows you’re smart, very smart, and very capable in school. However, now that Char’s opened fully to being an LA girl, you’re the member most ... enigma-like.”

“I know, and I’m working to change that. You must know, though, that I was ... adrift for quite a while, not truly understanding my place here, my place in the ... larger world. Particularly, though, I didn’t understand about sex, about libidos, about one of the underlying bases and driving forces of the LA. I still don’t understand much in that vein, but I’m finally coming to ... not understand, but get an ... inkling about ... umm ... sexual feelings and interests.”

Lana called out, “Scrum on Padme!”

I broke down as all my sisters put what skin on me they could manage, even the three of our members more than 30 years old. In fact, Katherine had been next to me at the table, and she had stood me up and wrapped herself around me from behind. I’ve always liked it here, but that was the first time that I’d truly understood at some level ... the LA, but more importantly, why there is even this entity called the LA, and I wondered how many of the LA understood that we’re a ... huge pack of misfits. Some of us had many friends in school, but most of those friends were ... like Civ and Mare before Civ realized that she could allow herself to have good ... even very close ... friends who weren’t LA members. That is, some of the girls’ friends were more superficial [how do you like my 13-year-old English-as-a-second-language vocab, girls?], didn’t truly understand us, mostly because we didn’t reveal all of us to anyone other than the very closest of friends. I’d had no very close friends until the LA saved Kai and me. Now, I live with a gob ... or two (depending upon the specific meaning of “gob”) ... of close friends. My time in the middle of that scrum also made me realize that everyone in the LA has one or a few closer friends among LA members and that I’d been keeping something back from all of them. With happy tears running down my cheeks, I promised myself I’d open myself further to friendship.

As we prepared to walk to the practice pitch, Kai pulled me aside to tell me, “I don’t have to work the rest of the week. Could we do something together, you and me, after lunch? I haven’t been getting my recommended daily dose of my genetic sister.”

I hugged her and then surprised myself by putting my mouth on hers and kissing her in a way I’d never done before. I didn’t know at the time if it was any good, but I love Kai more than anyone, and I wanted to tell her that with that kiss.

She leaned back and, with a look in her eyes I’d not seen before, said, “Wow, Pad. That was pretty good. Have you been learning from Lana?”

“A little bit, but I don’t know that I’m all that good at it.”

She smiled and responded, “It was more than fine.”

“It’s okay if you didn’t think it was great. I ... need more practice.”

“If you want, that could be one thing we do on our afternoon together.”

I looked into her eyes and told her, “I’d like that. Thanks, Kai, for...”

I think she knew what I was going to say, as she interrupted me, “You’re my favorite sister, and have always been my favorite sister; even now when we have so many more sisters than I could have imagined a few months ago.

“I have a question ... a serious question for you. Do you want me to keep my ... sexual experience and experiences away from you or would...”

“Please tell me ... at least some stuff. I’ve been wondering and you’ve not told me anything, so I haven’t known whether you were fully in with the LA.”

“I’m sorry. Sex is ... everywhere but here, a personal thing. If you want, I’ll treat you like most of the older girls treat Civ and Mare.”

“You’ll tell me that ... things take place, but you won’t provide details?”

“Is that what you want?”

“Yes! No! I’m ... I’m sorry, but I’ve been wondering if you’ve been drifting away from me, our individual lives are so ... dissimilar, now.”

Kai closed her eyes in apparent pain, opened them, and then said, “I’m very sorry. That’s certainly my fault. Why don’t you come straight home from practice, take a shower, and we’ll go out to lunch and spend a few hours telling each other what we’ve neglected to relate recently?”

“I’d love to, Kai.”

“And, Pad, remember that I’m also your official guardian.” When I frowned in non-understanding, she added, “I’m permitted to explain everything about sex to you.”

Oh.

While we were warming up, Coach announced that we had a new team assistant and explained Jamaal’s general and specific tasks, with the latter being the Offense coach, then asked him to say a few words about himself.

Personally, I don’t know how he managed that. I know some people have trouble speaking even to small groups, but that was not why I wondered how he managed. My point was that he was talking to a bunch of girls, some, like me, as young as 13, and some with whom he might well share senior classes once school starts. Also involved in my wondering was that all 38 of us were doing stretches, some of which can be titillating to viewers. Oh, yes, and that all of the girls were at least reasonably attractive, although with two of them being guys.

Today was the day Coach made the cuts for the school team. With two of the less-skilled girls already cutting themselves, she will need to cut two, and we all know how much she hates having to tell girls that they aren’t good enough.

Practice was a lot of fun, at least partly because Meka had discussed with Coach what we LA girls had talked about yesterday. Coach had us try some different formations. While I was on the sidelines after coming off the pitch when Coach switched things around so we were practicing a 4-3-1-2 against a 4-3-3, Coach took Melanie, the girl we thought had no chance of making the team, and must have told her she was being cut. I was surprised that Melanie seemed to have asked to hug Coach and even more surprised when Coach allowed it.

On her way back to the sideline, Coach caught me watching her, raised her eyebrows at me, and then gave me a little smile. I interpreted that last to mean that when she took Mercedes aside, I watched, even though they would be nowhere near close enough for me to hear anything they said.

A commotion on the pitch captured my attention, so I turned to see what was happening and watched Jess score a pretty goal off a great cross by Nicole Parker. When I finally turned back, Coach and Mercedes were walking back to the sideline together.

Coach told Meka, “Mix the personnel of those two teams up, replace someone on one of the teams with Lucia, and change the defending team’s formation to something with a four-strong midfield in whatever precise formation you want.”

Meka acknowledged her with a simple, “Coach,” then blew a long blast on her whistle and stepped out onto the pitch taking Lucia with her.

Coach called an end to practice surprisingly early but had us plant our butts on the ground in the shade near the building.

“This is informational and to give everyone a bit of a breather in the shade. Meka says that practice has been, and I quote, ‘interesting’ [air quotes]. As some of you might suspect, I’ve made two cuts and need to let everyone know about one of them, although I’m sure Crewe doesn’t need an explanation.”

Crewe shouted, “Welcome to the staff, Mercedes!”

Mercedes, who’d come off as somewhat brash surprised me by acting like she was somewhat embarrassed by Crewe’s shout.

“Yes,” Coach responded, “Mercedes has agreed to a position with the team like Crewe’s last year. She’ll practice with us, and I want all of you to help her improve her game. She barely missed the cut and has shown a lot of promise, and I want her to learn enough that she’ll make the team next year. Of course, she’ll be the low girl on the staff totem pole, so will get some of the worst tasks, although please don’t make her regret taking a staff position.

“With the cuts made, it’s now time to elect captains. Like last year, we’ll elect captains of the D, the midfield, and the O, and then select an overall captain. Liya, take it away while I discuss more of Mercedes’ jobs with her.”

Liya said, “Since I’m smarter now than I was last year, I have assistants who will help me with this task.” She waited for, and got, a laughing response, then announced, “Brit will take a tablet around and get the votes for the D captain. Similarly, Lana will get the votes for the midfield captain, and Cera the O captain. Once we’ve got all those tabulated, we’ll go around and select a Team Captain.”

Once the voting had been tabulated, Liya got everyone’s attention, again, then stated, “Anyone whose name I announce as a captain may decline if she wishes, but please say so immediately.” After she had looked around to be sure everyone understood, she continued with, “The Captain of the D is Gracey García.” Girls near her patted her on the back or shoulders as Liya asked, “Do you accept, Gracey?”

When Gracey agreed, Liya glanced around us, then stated, “The vote for midfield captain was somewhat surprising, and I need to confer with Coach. Hang on.” After her short confab with Coach, she announced, “The vote was tied, with Jess and Jules getting 11 votes each. Coach said she’s fine with...”

Jules interrupted Liya, saying, “Hang on. Wait. Considering that the two of us will usually be on the pitch together, that doesn’t make a lot of sense. I’ll gladly cede the honor to Jess.”

Coach stepped in and said, “Hold up. Liya, was there an untied third place?”

“Untied, yes, but the remaining six votes were widely split.”

“Okay. Liya, please organize another midfield vote, but exclude Jess and Jules from the candidates list?”

“Sure, but I’ll need to take a few minutes to alter the form.”

“You don’t need to do that. Team, in this vote, do not vote for either Jess or Jules. Got it?”

When she got lots of head nodding and other affirmations of understanding, Lana made another trip through the team, after which Liya conferred with Coach.

Coach asked, “Jules, are you against being a captain?”

“No, Coach, but I’m just not sure it makes sense for Jess and me both to be midfield captains.”

“These captains’ jobs deal mostly with off-pitch aspects and, so long as the two of you don’t give opposing orders or suggestions, I see no problem with both of you being captains. If you’d like Jess to be the primary captain...” When Jules nodded enthusiastically, Coach continued, “Then Jess is the overall midfield captain being ably assisted by Jules and ... who’s our third, Lana?”

With a huge smile on her face, Lana announced, “The third captain of the midfield players, who make up more than a third of the team so might appreciate having a larger executive presence...”

The extensive laughter resulting from Lana’s humor cut off her announcement, and she mock glared at everyone, then grinned, and stated, “The midfield’s third captain is ... Kota Brigham!”

Once the cheering died down, Coach wryly stated, “I’m sure Beth appreciates no longer being the only freshman ever chosen as a Central High captain. For those of you who don’t know Kota well, she used to be quite shy, but this spring and summer came into her own and became a critical component of the leadership of a state-champion premier-league team. Yes, she’s very young, in fact, still just 13, but she knows what she’s doing. Do you accept, Kota?”

“Yes, Coach.”

“See, she sucked it up and is taking one for the team and we know she’s being a martyr because administrative busywork is Hell.” When the laughter died down, Coach added, “Now, Beth has lost her other achievement in that she’s no longer the youngest ever captain on the team.” She turned to the two seniors and said, “Jess, Jules, please help Kota learn the job, although she shouldn’t have to learn much.”

Liya took back the figurative podium to say, “The captain of the offense, and it was unanimous, girls, is Beth Williams.” She let a bit of cheering go on, then loudly stated, “Now, we’re voting for overall Team Captain. Available for voting for Team Captain are the other captains, as well as any senior or junior. Lana, are you ready?”

Lana indicated she was by saying, “Each of you should come up to me one at a time and tap on the radio button by the name of the girl for whom you wish to vote. Double-check that the correct radio button is filled, then join the other girls so the rest of the team may vote.”

Once we’d all voted, Lana handed the tablet to Coach and got a smile and a nod, then handed the tablet to Seamus.

He loudly said, “Listen up!” When he had everyone’s attention, he announced, “It pleases me to say that the 2018 Team Captain of the Central High Falcons is ... Jess Bhamra!”

There was a lot of cheering, particularly from Beth.

[Did you see my smirk, Beth?]

Coach cut off the subsequent cheering after a half-minute, and said, “All elected captains, once we’re done with practice, I need to discuss your duties with you.”

“Okay, Coach.”

“Tomorrow’s practice, as threatened, is a classroom session. We’ll be in Room 109, but we’ll troop over there after warmups and laps, but no rondo. Clear?” When she got understanding, she finished, “Now, up and at ‘em for your practice-ending three laps... with inserted sprints!”

After laps, and Coach’s quick confab with the captains, the premier-team girls mobbed Kota, congratulating her on being named a captain. Her Scandinavian complexion produced a truly superb scarlet blush, but she held her head up and thanked us.

As girls began heading home, I saw Jess heading toward Beth. While it would not be at all odd to have two team captains conferring about something after practice, I got a very different vibe from Jess, so got closer so I could hear the conversation, and, because I’m journaling, I’m very glad I did.

“Beth, may I talk to you for a bit?”

“Of course. What do you have?”

“Mostly I wanted to apologize for ... blowing you off last year about visiting with you girls.”

“No problem. We certainly all know that stuff comes up.”

“No, Beth, stuff ... didn’t come up. I ... just got ... cold feet.” When Beth looked a question at her, Jess dropped her eyes to the ground and quietly – so quietly, I barely heard her – said, “I blew you off because ... I got cold feet ... both times.”

“Cold feet? What do you mean?”

Jess, her Indian complexion seeming to hide something of a blush, managed to get her eyes on Beth’s and surprised the Hell out of me by saying, “I was ... sort of sure that ... you girls were...” She glanced around for eavesdroppers, saw me, stared at me for a few seconds, then, while moving her eyes from me, said, “I was fairly sure you girls were ... having sex with Brett ... and I...”

Beth held up a hand at her and stated, “You wanted in and hoped we’d share with you. Yes?”

Jess sighed, then said, “I didn’t have anything ... that concrete in mind, only that I found myself ... umm ... thinking about him ... a lot.”

Beth probably surprised the Hell out of Jess by hugging her tightly and, still wrapped around a nearly frozen Jess, said, “I wish you’d have been brave enough to visit and tell us that.” Beth glanced around and, seeing only me – and nodding at me, told Jess, “Please don’t tell anyone, but we probably would have been fine with sharing him with you if you wanted only a time or two. Have you had a lot of sex?”

Jess ducked her head in obvious embarrassment but picked it up and said, “No. I ... did it with my boyfriend right before we moved over here, but it was ... far from enjoyable for me.”

“And you severed your relationship with him either because of that or because you’d be here for who knows how long?” When Jess nodded, Beth asked her, “What do you think of Seamus?”

“He’s part of ... your group, now. Right?” Jess didn’t wait for acknowledgment, just adding, “Brill. Seamus is nearly as brilliant as Brett.”

“Would you like to date him?”

“Seamus?”

“Yes. We don’t own Seamus, and he’s available for dating, but ... available only to ... team members.”

“Is he as nice a guy as Brett?”

“Absolutely. Are you interested in dating Seamus? I ask partly because he has a car, whereas Brett doesn’t.”

“You’d let me date Seamus?” When Beth nodded, Jess added, “More than once?”

“Jess, he’s available for dating by almost any team member, but his parents have some control over his time, so he can probably go out only once or twice a week.”

“And ... could ... umm ... s-sex be involved?”

“Why is that so important to you?”

Since Jess was no longer facing me, I couldn’t be sure of her response, but I saw her shoulders elevate and it looked like she took a deep breath.

“I ... get so ... turned on watching the guys stretch, and I ... want to get that fiasco that was my first sex out of my brain.”

Beth threw her arms around Jess and hugged her tightly, gave me a short come-here wave of her hand, and then stepped back.

“So long as you don’t monopolize Seamus’ date nights and don’t tell anyone what happens on your dates ... Well, if Seamus agrees, you can tell us. And treat him well and honorably. If you’re going to date other guys, then the offer is rescinded. Oh, and you absolutely must have a recent physical exam and show him a report that you’re sexually clean, that you have no STDs or other nasty things he might spread ... elsewhere. And you must, this is a deal-breaker, have an IUD. You are not to get pregnant.”

Since I was right next to them, then, I could see Jess’ eyebrows haul ass up her forehead, but she responded, “I don’t want that, but why not some other form of ... contraception?”

“Because, other than abstinence, nothing’s as reliable as an IUD and you don’t have to remember to take a pill or get a condom or spermicide or anything. That said, doubling up on methods makes for even more certainty.”

Jess stared at Beth for a bit, then tentatively asked, “How do I get an IUD?”

Beth gave her a small smile; wrapped her up, again, for only a few seconds; and then explained how to get that done.

Once she understood what Beth told her, Jess stared at Beth for a while, then asked, “You girls ... and I don’t know how many are involved, but I’d guess at least you sophomore girls ... are truly fine with ... sharing your guys?”

“At least for now, only Seamus is available for dating. I will tell you that we’re discussing Brett. I’m just curious and wouldn’t hold you to it, but are you still interested in dating Brett?”

“I can’t believe the previous parts of this ... conversation, and this is even more loony. Are you suggesting that it might be possible to ... date both Seamus and Brett, so long as I don’t ... monopolize their ... availability?”

“If Brett wants to make himself available for dates and so long as you don’t monopolize their date nights – although we don’t know, yet, what would define ‘monopolize,’ yes, you could. And Jess, sex is a decision that requires explicit permission, both from you and from the guy you date.”

[I like Beth’s phrase for this, so I’m stealing it.]

Jess rattled her brain hard, but as she was recovering from her near-shock, Beth told her, “You cannot – and, remember, this is a deal-breaker – tell anyone about what goes on, sexually – if anything, during any date, except with express permission from the guy but his permission pertains only to ... LA girls. You can tell anyone whether you enjoyed the date or not and the gross aspects of the date, such as the movie you saw or the restaurant at which you had dinner. You cannot so much as hint about sex. Finally, if you want, you can tell any girls you trust that you heard that Seamus is available for dating, but, please, don’t tell the entire senior class.”

“I’d never do that, as that would be too much competition. The senior girls are well aware of how pretty Seamus is, although it seems he’s turned at least a few of them down.”

“That’s his prerogative, and it would be with you, too. You must ask and abide by his decision, not just about sex, but about dating at all, although I seriously doubt he’d turn you down for the latter.”

Beth and I left Jess in something of a haze, and as we were walking back to the other LA girls waiting patiently for us near the parking lot, I asked, “Will she ask him?”

“Unless the process of getting a checkup and an IUD proves too much for her, yes. At least, I’m pretty sure.”

“I never really understood why you girls are like that, why you like sharing the guys. Now, though...”

Beth finished my words, saying, “Now, you have at least some interest in sex and you’ve probably realized that having sex will be safer and easier for you if you do so within the confines of the LA, and that requires you to share. Perhaps you also have some inkling of what it means to us to share our guys with each other.”

“I don’t ... truly feel the answer, but I still know the answer is that it’s yet another bonding mechanism for the LA. We have wonderful guys ... and access to at least another two wonderful guys, and, in less than a year will have access to another wonderful guy. Why would I want to look elsewhere? Is that your thinking?”

“Precisely. You must realize, though, that it seems most people can’t share a lover, easily or long-term. I have no clue how soccer could be a ... selection criterion, although soccer is a team sport and teams typically do better if everyone’s on the same page. Basketball teams have smaller rosters, and the sport requires strong teamwork to succeed as a team. One could think it might be easier to get something like the LA going within a basketball team versus a soccer team. While I’ve seen no indicators that the Falcons girls’ basketball team members have a boy or two who are theirs, I suppose it’s possible. The thing is, Padme, we have no true understanding of why what we’ve got has worked so well with us, why something like two-and-a-half soccer teams have ... sort of come together, all having nearly the same interests in guys and girls.

“I’ve given up trying to figure it out and have accepted that we girls simply got lucky. We beat some astronomical odds to get what we have, and I don’t want to ruin it by trying to look into it too closely just to get an answer that won’t make any true difference.”

I thought for a bit as we arrived at our transportation, then told Beth, “I can see that.”

Rache, Kim, Kai, and Taylor had sandwich makings ready for us when we arrived, but we took a quick shower, first, and one that Rache, Kim, Kai, and Taylor insisted on joining. There was no sex, not even much horsing around, but I learned a while ago that the group showers are yet another thing the original Go5 girls established, and one that produces team feelings. However, it added to a bunch of things I either learned or finally fully absorbed about the LA today which makes me very glad the girls saved Kai and me. I wish my mom hadn’t died to create that opportunity for us, but if she were going to die, then at least her two daughters found a true haven.

After lunch, Kai and I left in Sandy’s car, and that made me ask her, “How ... and why do you have Sandy’s car?”

“All the compound’s vehicles are now ... essentially ... community property. Sandy has first call on the car that’s quote-unquote hers, just like Celeste with hers, but there’s a sign-out app on the compound system so everyone knows who needs which vehicle when. Pad, as you get older and you get more and more tied into the compound, you might be blown away at how much thinking has gone into how we all live here. Groups of us or even singles of us can put dibs on a car or a room or the pool or ... whatever. The next time you think of something like that, open the reservations app on the big screen. If you wander around in that, you’ll see yet another reason we owe the girls for saving us but also owe them for making our complicated lives as simple as they can make them ... given how complex things are in the compound. And, if you haven’t already, you’ll truly understand that Liya is an organizational genius. I’m now fairly certain that if Liya were not part of the LA, it would have fallen apart by now. Beth and Meka are our leaders, but they wouldn’t be able to do anything if it weren’t for Liya.”