Chapter 2

“You’re not man enough for me. If we got together, you’d be the one on your knees,” Ace dead-panned, turning to get my drinks.

“Look at that,” Ben said, pointing to the TV over the bar. It was showing video of the torrential rains the storm was dropping.

“It’s gonna get wet tonight, boys,” Ace said as the collected my money. “I’ve been watching that all night. The storm turned inland, and it’s dropping a hell of a lot of rain. It’s supposed to stall right over us. You know how our storm sewers are.”

“Yeah, if we get an inch of rain, Main Street turns into a river,” Ben said.

“I know,” Ace replied. “Look!” he said, gesturing toward the screen. He grabbed the remote, turning the music down and the TV volume up.

“ ... streams and creeks are flooding. Viewers in low-lying areas are urged to keep watch on rising waters and to obey all evacuation advisories. Motorists and pedestrians are strongly cautioned to avoid standing or running water. This storm could dump ten inches of rain or more in our area over night. Folks, this is a bad one,” the weatherman said.

“Shit!” I said. “That’s a lot of rain.”

“Ten inches?” Ace exclaimed. “That’s almost as big as me.”

Ben ignored him. “If we get ten inches of rain, this town will be an island. Every road in and out crosses a bridge.”

“It was raining when I came in, but not that hard,” I said. “I wonder how it is now?”

A couple came downstairs into the bar, looking like they had been fished out of a lake. “There’s your answer,” Ace said. “Hey, Gary! Hi, Cheryl! Is it raining?”

The dripping guy said, “Not funny, Ace. Got any paper towels?”

“In the restrooms.”

The two squished off in the direction of the bathrooms to try to dry off.

“Damn, they look like they took a shower with their clothes on!” Ben laughed.

“We won’t get any more customers,” Ace said. “There goes my tip jar.” He went to tap a few beers.

“Did you see the shot-girls?” Ben asked.

“Ivan said they were Hana’s sister and the sister’s roommate.”

“Here comes the roommate,” Ben leered.

“Hi, boys,” a petite girl in a naughty schoolgirl outfit teased. Her silky-smooth skin was the color of caramelized brown sugar. “Who’s thirsty?”

“What do you have?” I asked.

“Ummm, B-cups. But my nipples are cute.”

Ace called over his shoulder as he was pouring a shaker of shots, “You’re not lactating, are you baby? What’s in your shot rack? Old Splinter-Pecker’s thirsty.”

“Splinter-Pecker? You poor man,” the dark-skinned beauty laughed.

Ben punched me good-naturedly in the arm. “Yeah, and don’t listen to his line about how at least he has wood.”

Ace chimed in, “More than you can say, Ben, according to your wife. Or was it your daughter who told me that? Hell, I slept with both of them so many times, I can’t remember.”

“It was his Dad,” I said.

“You’re right! That’s why he always liked to take me along when he went fishing,” Ace laughed. “Anyway, guys, meet Onyx. Onyx, honey, that’s Ben, and that’s Harry. I call him Splinter-Pecker because he runs a lumber yard.”

“Got any good deals on gopher wood?” Onyx asked.

“Gopher wood?” Ben wondered.

“Noah’s ark was made of gopher wood,” I answered. “Didn’t you pay attention in Sunday School?”

“No, I watched the girls.”

“Onyx!” a female voice called. “I’m out of Red Headed Sluts. Time to refill.”

“Do you have any Harvey Wallbangers, Jae?” Onyx asked.

“Hi, guys,” the Asian girl said. “Who wants a Harvey Wallbanger?”

“Harry does,” Onyx answered, pointing to me. “What about you, Ben? Oh, boys, this is Jae. Jae, meet Harry and Ben.”

Jae was dressed in a backless little black micro-dress, cut nearly to her waist in the front. She was taller than Onyx but every bit as sexy. She had the taught, lean, very feminine body of a dancer or figure skater.

“Hi, Harry! I have two Wallbangers left,” Jae said.

“I’ll take ‘em.”

“What about you, Ben? Do you want anything?” Onyx asked.

“Maybe a mocha latte later?” my buddy leered.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Ace called over his shoulder as tapped a pitcher of beer. “Onyx is a classy girl. If she’s with a guy, he’s a real man, right, babe? I’ll bet neither of these old heads has twelve inches of love to give!”

“You don’t either,” Onyx said.

“How would you know that?” Jae asked.

“Ha!” Ace laughed.

“I saw it on his wife’s phone, okay?”

“Uh huh,” Jae giggled.

Gary and Cheryl came back from the bathrooms. They weren’t dry, but they weren’t making puddles on the floor anymore. “Ace, you gonna close early?” Gary asked.

“Why? Because it’s raining?”

“Yeah,” Cheryl said. “It’s bad. When we left the house, it was raining, but about halfway here it was like we were in a car wash. We got this wet running from the parking lot.”

Ace said, “You know Suzie. At least one bar in this building is open every day, no matter what. Last winter we ran the front bar on generators for two days after that bad ice storm. We’re here, even if there are no customers.”

“What the hell is that on TV?” Ben asked.

Ace turned up the volume.

“ ... disaster workers are preparing for the worst floods this area has ever seen. Debris in storm sewers and streams has made some streets and rural roads impassible, wash-outs have been reported, and the worst is yet to come. Authorities are strongly advising evacuation of all areas where flooding has occurred in the past or where water could rise. Citizens are urged to stay in their homes if they are on high ground. If you must travel, avoid ALL areas with standing or flowing water. Do NOT, under any circumstances, cross into areas marked by emergency barriers or signs,” the commentator said.