Chapter 3: Learning the Family Secrets

“So where do I start?” My mom mused. I waited silently, unsure of what to say. Finally she took a deep breath and reached out to hold my hand. “I guess there’s no better way to start than to just say it ... I was an incest daughter myself when I was your age.”

OK, so there was a LOT of things she could have said which wouldn’t have shocked me but this wasn’t one of them. My mom fucked my grandfather? Granted, he died many years before and I really didn’t even have any memories of him but surely somewhere long the way this tidbit of information would have been mentioned. I just sat there, clutching her hand, mouth hanging open as I stared at her in disbelief.

My mom took another deep breath before continuing, “Unfortunately that was about ALL we have in common in that my father took my virginity when he raped me.”

“What?” I gasped, “He RAPED you?”

My mom grimaced. “OK. Maybe I shouldn’t have jumped to the punchline without explaining more. As I am sure you have learned by now, men are driven by their penis.” She paused as I grinned. “Now you’ve hear me say how ANY fantasy is ok, it’s what we DO that matters. Well, all men have fantasies which can vary widely but the common denominator is almost all of them never act on those fantasies, especially the more nasty ones. It’s like the men you see at church or at the store who stare at you. You know what they are thinking at the moment and while they may go home and masturbate about you, they’re never going to actually DO anything.”

I just nodded and she was so right about it, especially now since my boobs had finally appeared.

“Kelly, your grandfather was a good husband and father,” she continued as if she was already defending him. “However he was never one to show much emotion. I don’t ever recall him telling me he loved me - or my mom for that matter. We just accepted he did. He never told me I was pretty when I started puberty and rarely even hugged me. Little wonder I had no idea what lurked under the surface.”

I cocked my head in curiosity ... lurked under the surface? What did she mean by that?

My mom kept talking, almost like she was afraid if she stopped or paused too long she wouldn’t be able to get started again. “I was just fourteen, still a virgin who hadn’t even kissed a boy yet when my dad woke me one night in my bed. He pulled my covers down and just stared at me as I laid there wondering what was happening. It didn’t take long to find out.”

At this point she DID pause and I could see the pain in her face as the memories came back. “He didn’t say anything at first but I could hear him breathing heavily. Then he leaned over and whispered to me to not say anything to wake my sister who was sleeping in her bed. At first I didn’t understand but then he grabbed my PJ bottoms on each side of my waist and pulled them down and of of me so quickly I didn’t even resist. I stated to protest but he put his hand over my mouth and told me to shut up.”

“Kelly,” my mom said, her voice quivering, “I’ve never told this to anyone, not even your father but you need to know so you understand why I’ve done the things I’ve done with you. Hopefully it will help you to forgive me.”

“It’s OK mom,” I assured her, “You know you can tell me anything.”

“Then he raped me,” she said, cutting me off like she couldn’t hold back any more, “All he said was how much he needed this, how he couldn’t stop himself anymore. I thought I was going to scream it hurt so bad! He came inside of me - I wasn’t on any birth control of course and I was old enough to know what could happen. He finished and just pulled out and walked out of my room without another word. Then as if it was an afterthought, he came back and put his mouth next to my ear and threatened if I told anyone, even my mom, he would go to jail and I would be put in a foster home.”

“Oh my God mom!” I gasped, “That was horrible of him!”

My mother nodded and shrugged her shoulders. “At that age what choice did I have? After that night he would come in my room and fuck me whenever he felt the need - which was quite often. My mom never knew - or at least she didn’t show any signs she did. Funny thing though, after a while it dint hurt anymore and I actually found myself looking forward to our nocturnal episodes. Somehow he convinced my mom to take me to the gynecologist and put me on the pill. Why I never was pregnant those first couple of months was an act of God.”

“So what happened then?” I asked, my curiosity bursting out.

“Well, although I dated boys in school, I never had sex with any of them except your father,” mom answered. “I bet you would never have guessed your father was just the second man I had sex with, right?”

Now THAT was yet another surprise. While she had never shared with me much about her sexual exploits as a teen, I just assumed from the way she encouraged me that she was a slut like me. Wow, just her dad for all those years!

Mom nodded, a smile coming to her face for the first time. “Yes, the last time my father and I had sex was the night before the wedding. After that we never even spoke about it again. In a weird sort of way it was like he was protecting me until I met a husband.”

“So what did dad say about it?” I asked, eyes wide open now.

“I never told him for years,” she confessed, “In fact, I never planned to ever tell him. Only one other person knew about us and that was my sister.”

“You mean Aunt Linda,” I checked. My Aunt Linda was my mom’s younger sister. She had been married long enough to produce my cousin but as divorced before she was even two years old.

“Yes, in fact she also had sex with my dad,” mom explained, “Ironically we both dated your dad as well in high school so he was the second for her as well but eventually she had to find another man to marry. Also, for some reason my dad continued to have sex with her after her marriage. Apparently she threatened to break off the wedding unless he promised not to stop.”

“OK,” I sighed, “But what did dad say when he found out?”

Mom grinned again, “Actually he thought it was the hottest thing he’d ever heard and wanted to watch us have sex but my dad wouldn’t do it. As I said, once we were married he never had sex with me again.”

Then she gripped my hand even tighter. “So now you know why I made your father promise to never become sexually involved with you unless YOU asked for it first.”

“What???” I was totally confused now. “YOU made him promise? Are you saying he wanted me?”

Mom nodded. “Yes Kelly. I think knowing my background caused him to have fantasies of you and him together although I DO know he never even fantasized about raping you. So yes, your dad has been wanting to fuck you for years but he did his best to hide that from you.”

It was like the light bulb turned on over my head. Everything finally made sense to me yet at the same time I felt a surge of anger.