Chapter 6: I Have a High Art

Sunday

I did the rounds; told Scott and Daniel what I had planned, had a screaming match with Amanda and got a mug thrown at my head, Beth already knew, I stopped in and told Lis I was ready to pull the trigger, then I went to Stacy’s. That lead to a quick ‘last go’ with Jill. During which I made eye contact with the eye in the door again. I had Stacy clean me off and watched the eye disappear. I made my excuses and headed to the bathroom, but instead of the one in the hall I went to the one in the master.

I opened the door (it wasn’t even locked) and spoke, “Did you enjoy the show, Roberta?”

Robert was about Stacy’s height, so short; but she was a bit plump, and her hair was on the darker end of ginger. She gasped and turned toward me, her hand still on her button. The reaction seemed fake, “How dare you come in the bathroom when I’m in here!”

“You were in such a hurry to finger yourself after you watched Stacy suck Jill’s juices off my cock you didn’t lock the door.”

“I..., what do you want.”

I pulled out my cock and she got the idea and began sucking it.

“You saw the note. I’m going to fuck you. And if I ever catch you watching me or the girls again, I’m going to fuck you again.”

She seemed frozen like a deer in headlights, but she still kept rubbing herself even as the gaze showed confusion. I turned on the shower, regulated the temp, and then directed her under the spray. Without me even directing her she put her hands on the wall and bridged herself out to give me easy access, which made me wonder if she’d planned this.

“Eager aren’t you.”

She spit with a bit of faux venom, “Just do what you’re going to do.”

“No games. Just be honest. Do you want me to fuck you?”

She stilled and I watched her hips shake backwards. When that didn’t get the point across, she finally whispered, “Yes.”

“I will, but only if you answer one question.”

“What question?”

“Is my dick bigger than your husbands? Or much bigger than your husbands?”

“Don’t make me answer that.”

“No answer, no dick.”

“Please.”

I teased her velvety folds with the head, “Shame I don’t have a nice obedient hole to slam this thing into. Guess I’ll go take a crack at the girls.”

She whispered, “Much bigger.”

“Louder, I can’t hear you.”

It was more of an inside voice, “You’re much bigger.’

I entered her swiftly; she was soaked to the bone. I noticed she was whimpering and realized she was trying to be quiet even as I offered unyielding force. I had to catch her when she lost her balance and ended up sitting on the tub floor with her riding me for the last bit.

“Again, if I catch you watching I’ll be back to enjoy you.”

I didn’t really wait for her response. I just headed back to Stacy’s room. When I made it through the door, Jill immediately asked, “Where have you been? You were gone for half an hour.”

I smiled, “Bathroom.”

Though I spent a good amount of the time till I left wondering why the fuck I’d just done that.

Monday Evening: Sarah’s house

There she was the woman I loved. Her brown hair hung just below her shoulders. Her eyes held contact with mine for a second and I almost drowned in them. She was perfect. The girls and even Sarah had all pushed me to move, but apparently it just took being called a coward. I had decided to ask her out and passed the news around. I had a single rose in my hand, it was time I went after what I wanted most in the world.

Scott leaned down and kissed my Alex. I felt my stomach try to turn. This was so much worse than Adam. This was horrible. Scott was like my brother, and he was dating the woman I loved.

Worse than that, I knew the way Scott treated women. He was going to treat her well, till she spread her legs and then he was going to brag to me what a slut she was and never speak to her again. He would coerce her, probably get her drunk. He would cheat on her. He was going to hurt her. The only question is how quickly and how badly.

I’d finally gotten the courage to ask her out and my best friend beat me to it. He beat me to it knowing how I felt. My best friends were dating, I looked at Beth and she mouthed, “I’m so sorry.”

I dropped the rose and walked over to her, “Any of the girls around?”

“Sorry, Stacy and Jill are on a date and Lis is staying with Tracy and Mon.”

“Brilliant.”

“I can help you out if you need it.”

“I know were both hurting but that isn’t a good idea.”

“You’ve run out of excuses; your best ones are dating each other now.”

“You wouldn’t enjoy it right now. I need to get my head straight, figure out how to fix this before he hurts her.” Across the room the kiss had ended.

“She knows what she’s getting into.”

“She really doesn’t.”

“I’ll talk to her; make sure she’s not going to get taken advantage of.”

“She will. It what he does, it’s what we both do.”

“You and he aren’t that much alike.”

“Yeah, he won. I’ll talk to you later.”

I walked out of the living room brushing past Sarah. Sarah grabbed my shoulder and I turned toward her, “What’s wrong, baby.”

“Forgot a lesson; Birds fly too high to catch.”

“What do you mean?”

I turned and started walking. I got out the door and found myself turning up the hill. I walked past the houses and the gardens into the trees. I saw no discernible path. I merely walked through the briars and thorns even as they pulled at my clothes and skin. I’m not sure how long I had walked when my feet started to hurt, but it had gotten dark. A treacherous dark there was no moon and clouds covering the stars. My moon had deserted me. Even the cool night air couldn’t calm me.

I turned and walked back to town. Eventually I made it home. As I turned into my room, I stripped my muddy clothes and stepped into the shower. I could smell her strawberries; I knew she was here. When I stepped out, she spoke, “Where’d you go, John?”

“Saw a problem walked trying to find a solution.” I toweled off and slipped into bed.

“What was the problem?”

“Me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ever hear about Cassandra?”

“No.”

“Daughter of Hecuba and Priam, princess of troy.”

“Mythology?”

“Apollo was the god of prophecy and he wanted a crack at Cassandra, gave her the gift of prophecy in attempt to seduce her. She accepts the gift, but doesn’t do the deed so he twists it. She can now see the future but only the bad ends and no one ever believes her. So, she has to know that Troy will fall, she has to know that every bad thing will happen before it does and can never prevent it.”

“So, what’s the moral of our story, there butch?” The playfulness in her voice made me want to vomit.

“Today, I got to be Cassandra.”

“Ok.”

“So, I walk in, and I see my two best friends make a horrible mistake that will only end in pain and even though I haven’t said a word to anyone I already know no one will believe me, but I’m compelled to help anyway.”

She slapped me across the face, “I CAN MAKE MY OWN FUCKING DECISIONS! YOU FUCKING BASTARD!’

“As you wish. But remember two things, One: When the time comes I warned you he was going to try to take advantage of you and likely break your heart, and Two: He’s my friend so when he does I may not be able to get rid of him the way I did Adam.”

“Condescending bastard! You’re not my father!”

“No, I’m actually around, I’m supposed to be your friend.”

She tried to slap me again and I grabbed her hand, “You can leave if you’d like but I will not be abused anymore. Not by my father. Not by a stranger. Not even by you. Scott is only after one thing, when you give it to him; he’ll hurt you.”

“You really think I need you to protect me. Do you think I’m helpless? Am I a princess waiting in the tower for a knight to save me? Are you that fucking stupid?”

“You know fuck this I’m leaving.”

“It’s your fucking house!”

I got out of the bed and pulled on my night skin which I retrieved from a drawer.”

“What’s your point?”

“Why the hell is this bothering you?”

“You don’t know what he’s like!”

“Is he fucking the entire fucking cheerleading squad? No that’s you! Has he gotten people expelled or arrested just because they’ve crossed him? No! That’s you too! I know, has he tried to control my life? NO! That’s still fucking you.”

“When the hell have I ever tried to control your life?”

“Are you not telling me who I can or can’t date?”

“I’m telling you you’re making a mistake. If you don’t want to listen, then it’s on you. You should know when you end up being the next notch on his bedpost, the next pair of panties in his collection I warned you. You’re the last damn cherry and he fucking wants it. That’s all he wants from you! He’ll do whatever the hell it takes to get it from you.”

“You think I don’t know that? You ever think that I might be tired of being the good girl.”

“Fine, go fuck him. Just don’t come back here crying when he fucking hurts you.”

“What I date him and we’re not friends anymore?”

“Friends listen to each other.” I walked back through the beads.

“Wait!”

“What? What the hell do you want?”

“John. Come back to bed.”

“I don’t particularly feel like sleeping next to you right now, maybe ever again.”

“I’m sorry I got upset, but even if this is a mistake it’s a mistake I’m going to make.”

“You can make it without me watching.”

“Are you fucking jealous or something?”

Yes, but that is not the point.

My other just cackled.

I walked back out of my private entrance and down past the fence to the river. I lay down on the sand and waited for sleep to take me. It started to rain again.

Eventually the sun woke me up and I climbed the hill. I went back into the house and stripped my clothes and slipped back into the shower. She was still here. When I stepped out, I started to get dressed, retrieving my incidentals from the first pair of muddy pants I left lying there. She sat naked on my bed Indian style. I turned to leave again, “John. Please we need to talk.”

“We have school.”

“Where did you sleep last night?”

“In the pines, in the pines, where the sun don’t ever shine.”

“Huh?”

“Old folk song; My girl, my girl, don’t lie to me. Where did you sleep last night? In the pines, in the pines, where the sun don’t ever shine I did shiver the whole night through. Anyway, what do you want?”

“I want to fix this.”

“Nothing to fix, you don’t want my friendship if it means warning you, you’re doing something stupid. It’s simple enough.”

“I’m not doing something stupid. I can fix him.”

What? Surely, she’s not serious.

I sighed and shook my head, “For over a year you’ve slept in my bed. You’ve never asked about them.”

“About what.”

“The scars.”

“I’ve seen them, I assumed you didn’t like to talk about them.”

I took off my shirt and sat down on the bed,

“Pick one.”

She pointed to my eye, “Beer bottle 10 paces. I think it was because I didn’t’ answer a question fast enough, don’t really remember though.”

“The slashes on your back.”

“Buckle on a web belt sharpened with a whetstone. It makes these unique sounds as it turns in the air. Eooosh eoosh eoosh.”

“Belly”

“Blade on a boat motor. When I was eight, my father took me fishing. He didn’t like the way I cast my line, so he threw me into the water. Every time I tried to climb back into the boat he’d kick me back into the water. Eventually, I climbed up the back of the boat, nicked myself on the propeller, cut straight through the life vest in the process. I have a suspicion the life vest did save my life that day.”

“The circles”

“Most of them are cigarette burns except the ones on my chest that’s broken glass.” I then gave her a brief overview of the mirror story and finished it with, “That’s when I grew up.”

She put her hand on my shoulder, “The bite.”

“I’ve had two dogs in my life. When I first got to Florida, my father bought a bloodhound and named it Belle as in Belle of the Ball. After six months I was pretty attached. Anyway, I track mud into the house one day without thinking and later that night I hear him stomping through the house. I know what’s going to happen and I slip out through the window. I come back a couple of days later to find freshly hewn earth in the back garden and a dog collar hanging on the wall in the living room; Made me understand that if I didn’t get the beating then someone else would. Good lesson by the way; actions always have consequences even if they don’t fall on you.

About a month after that he buys a miniature Doberman. I don’t get attached this time. He keeps it in a cage in his den, abuses it, and doesn’t feed it. He goes away for the weekend on maneuvers and I do the stupid thing. I try to help the dog. I open the exterior doors and then let it out of its cage. I assume it’s going to run for the doors instead it leaps at me. I shift and it gets the shoulder, I fall down on top of it. Short version: I kill the dog put it back in the cage and when my father comes back, he takes me out for ice cream.

Then I spend a week in the hospital because it turns out dog bites aren’t sanitary.”

She was on the verge of tears, “Ok, you’ve been through hell why are you telling me this now?”

“Two reasons. One: that’s what happens when you think you can change someone. They keep being the same until you get hurt badly enough that you can’t overlook it anymore. Two: sometimes you try to help a girl and she bites you. Doesn’t make you angry at her, just the way things are.”

She opened her arms and I hugged her, it was my life but I was comforting her. “I’m so sorry, John.”

“Wasn’t you love.”

“No, I meant about not listening, I’m still going to date him, but I should have heard you out.”

“Just promise me you won’t do anything for him you’re not ready for.”

“How will I know when I’m ready, how did you know you were ready?”

“That’s two completely different issues, honestly, I didn’t have a choice in losing my virginity. I made a mistake and imbibed something I won’t be doing that again. I think I handled it pretty well because of what I am. I might have made the choice if I’d had the option but probably not with the woman it was and the choice was taken from me.”

“Suzie.”

“What makes you think that?”

“I saw you two together later.”

“I can’t tell you I promised, but I can say you’re hot.”

“What about me? How will I know I’m ready?”

“You’ll know when it’s the right guy. Even if it is the right guy, if you’re nervous at all, if you hesitate at all then you’re not ready.”

“So, are we good?”

“You and me, yeah, I don’t think there’s much you could do that could keep me away from you. When I hit him later today don’t read anything into it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Has to be done, not related to you, he broke the rules.”

“What rules?”

“The unwritten rules of American masculinity. Don’t worry, it doesn’t involve you. Feel like driving us to school so we’re not insanely late?” She drove us to school and we arrived after second period.

I skipped that class and hung out in the library. It was vacant when there wasn’t a class, but I found myself ramming my fists into the white brick walls in the one area they weren’t covered in shelves.

I heard from behind me, “You’re going to break your hand.”

“The wall will break first, Darling.”

Beth took up a spot on the ugly orange couch and my other added, “Can we burn the couch now? Then we can redecorate the band room.”

Beth spoke and her voice was laced with something akin to pity, “I’m sorry. You must be devastated.”

“I ... can I be honest with you? ... you’d need to keep it close to your chest.”

“Of course.”

“I’m going to have to hit him ... and I don’t know if I can stop when I do ... I’m not great with emotions and I’m not used to these ones ... I keep wanting to kill him. I want to keep punching till his brain spills on the ground ... and I know I can’t, but I don’t know how to deal with this.”

“You’ve never been jealous before?”

“Of course I have. I’m not saying this right. There is this thing in my head. I call it the cold. I can pull it over me out of the corner of my mind and it just stops the emotions. It freezes them till I can deal with them, makes them slow and workable. I can’t get it. I keep trying to grab it, but I just find more anger and jealousy. I don’t know if I can be this.”

She looked at me and I could tell she was pondering what to say, but the toddler tapped the turtle and she made an excuse to head to class and I went to wash the blood off my knuckles.

I ran into Scott at lunch time, “Do you want to do this here or outside?”

He didn’t hesitate. I’ll give him credit for that. He knew what was coming and kept his cool, “Outside.”

He led the way out to the playground and turned toward me. I gave him a haymaker with all my force he wilted and barely caught himself on his hand. I fought the urge to start kicking him. I fought the urge to dive on him and start pounding his head into the concrete. I wouldn’t be that guy ... at least not that day. He spoke as he was pushing himself back up, “We good?”

I shook my head, “No. We’re done you knew what I was planning and you betrayed me anyway. You went after her knowing how I felt, knowing what she meant to me.”

I felt the hand on my shoulder, “Yeah principal’s office suspended three days. I’ll just walk home.”

I turned and it turned out to be Daniel, “You deserve that bro?”

Scott answered him without hesitation, “Yes.”

“Alright then. What’d he do, John?”

“He’s started dating Alex after I told him I was going to ask her out finally.”

Daniel turned and slugged Scott in the stomach. We both started to walk back to the cafeteria. “Thanks.”

“No problem, brother dearest. He should know better, be like sleeping with your sister or your mom. No that’d be ok if they made the first move, so it’s worse.”

“Yeah, You and I good Danny-boy?”

“Yeah, brother dearest. How long you gonna be mad at the turd burglar?”

“Not Sure I’ll get over it.”

Daniel and I split as we entered the cafeteria, he sat with the jocks, and I sat with my girls. My girls we’re extremely sympathetic to my plight.

The rest of the day was fairly normal with the exception of a lot of hugs and whispered apologies from the squad and my lab partner Erin Barnes oddly enough.

As I entered the band room Scott put his hand on my shoulder, “Hey bro, can you help me with a paper tonight.”

I brushed his hand off, “No.”

“Bro, let me talk to you.”

I looked at Amanda and indicated I would not be attending class with a nod in the direction of the auditorium. I passed through the auditorium door and Scott followed. The stage was still dark. I turned facing the imagined audience, “Like to the Pontic sea, Whose icy current and compulsive course Ne’er feels retiring ebb, but keeps due on To the Propontic and the Hellespont, Even so my bloody thoughts, with violent pace, Shall ne’er look back, ne’er ebb to humble love.”

“Shakespeare?”

Surprised he got that.

“Othello, what do you want Scott?”

My other spoke, “Of course, you’re ready to chop someone into messes for taking what is ours.”

“I need help with the paper I did the work this time. I just want you to look over it.”

“No.”

“C’mon we’re friends.”

“Not anymore.”

“Because of her?”

“Not just because of her. You betrayed me that’s the first thing, and you’re going to end up hurting the woman I love that’s the second, and yeah, she’s the third. So, no we’re done.”

“I’m not going to hurt her, she’s special.”

“I know you aren’t a reader, but did they ever read Aesop to you in school?”

“Fables?”

“Yes, I’ll summarize the Scorpion and the Frog. A scorpion comes up to a river. He sees the other side of the river and it looks like paradise, but damned, if he can’t swim. So, he sees Mr. Frog over by the water’s edge catching flies, feeling a bit froggy and ready to jump. So, he walks over to the Frog and asks if he can hitch a ride across the river. Now, Mr. Frog isn’t an idiot, so he says ‘fuck no you’ll sting me.

The scorpion rebuts ‘hey man if I sting you we’ll both drown.’ So, Mr. Frog says all right, the scorpion hops on his back and he swims him across the river. What happens halfway across?”

“Scorpion stings the frog.”

“Why?”

“Cause it’s what scorpions do.”

“You’ll hurt her, because it’s what you do and when the time comes I’m going to have to deal with you because it’s what I do.”

“Deal with me, don’t kid me.”

“You’ve seen what I do to people who hurt my friends. What am I going to do to someone who hurts the woman I love?”

“What do you want me to do here?”

“Doesn’t matter, we’re done. You ended our friendship. No more homework help, no more covering for you, no more cleaning up after you. Honestly, what have I gotten out of this friendship? A few rides that you didn’t expect help in exchange for? Some kind of status I gained because I was your friend, something that I wouldn’t have cared about? Anyway, no more limitations on my behavior with you know who out of respect for you. You didn’t respect me; I have no reason to respect you. We are done!”

“There has to be something I can do. I’ll cancel the date.”

“Hurting her is your first solution?”

“What can I do?”

“You can only do what is in your nature to do.”

“C’mon man, we’re practically brothers.”

I sang, “He loves his brother, but he’d sell him for a fistful of gold.”

“What’s that?”

“Stone roses, What the world is waiting for. I’ll be waiting for you to do what you do best. When you hurt her don’t be surprised at my response. I will take care of you and no matter how paranoid you get you won’t see it coming. I wasn’t sure I could do it, because I considered you my friend, but it occurred to me you never were.”

I walked back to the band room. Band class was normal, I sat at the piano and read while everyone else hunted and pecked around the notes they should have been playing. Eventually, the toddler tapped the turtle and the crowd ran for the exits as if the room had suddenly caught fire.

I approached Amanda after the class had rushed from the room. I was feeling angry, dominant, like a lion freed from a cage, “You will wait for me after cheerleading practice. I have plans for the nigh perfect body of yours tonight.”

“I’m not your slave.”

“I didn’t say you were, I just said I was going to fuck you with-in an inch of your life tonight.”

“I thought you wanted to end this.”

“People make mistakes.”

“I’ll have to punish you for threatening to leave me high and dry.”

“I’ll have to punish you for thinking you can punish me. Wait here, after cheerleading practice you can drive me to your house, we’ll rent a video of your choice, and then I’ll fuck you for the rest of the night, we’ll after I spank you of course.”

I’ve never spanked her. It never occurred to me before; it just seems like a good idea since she threatened to punish me. We always compete over who’s in control, I like it when I come out on top, but the struggle is tiring.

“I’ll wait. Am I going to have to clean another girl off my cock before it fucks me?”

I offered a kiss, “I don’t kiss and tell, luckily for you.”

With that I turned to the auditorium. Lis was waiting in the hallway that led from the band room to the auditorium for me. “It’s my turn today, little devil.”

I kissed her forcing my tongue down her throat, “I have other plans, sweet Lis.”

“What do you mean?”

“Today I am completing the set.”

“John, you aren’t going to fuck Beth just because of what happened with Alex and Scott.”

“No, I’m going to fuck her because I want too and because she wants me to as well as because of what happened with Scott and Alex.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I’ve hesitated for this long out of respect for him, but I have no barriers now. It’s time to breach the wall.”

“You can have my ass right now if you don’t do this.”

I kissed her again, “Sweet Lis, I may just take that later anyway.”

“John you’re not normally like this your being so ... demanding.”

“I get to be demanding with my girl. You do still want to be my girl, don’t you?”

“Wait, are you saying you and I can...”

“If you still want to, I don’t have a good reason to hurt you anymore, I should have a girlfriend and you are my sweet Lis, you’d fit the role perfectly.”

I felt the sting of pain across my face. Her voice wasn’t loud, just cold, “Bastard.”

“I offer you what you want and you slap me?”

“You only asked me out because you can’t have her.”

Yeah, I know what that feels like, damn I am a bastard sometimes.

“You’re right I’m sorry. If you don’t want to go out, then that’s fine.”

“Wait, let me think about it.”

Sure, but I’m not sitting at home anymore.

“We have all the time in the world, sweet Lis. Though, I may date around while you vacillate.”

I offered a barely believable smile and headed on into the auditorium. For once, my girls were actually going over the routines. I walked over to Beth and kissed her, “No more excuses.”

Beth positively beamed at me and grabbed my wrist leading me to the alcove. When we reached the mats, she fell back onto the mat pulling me on top of her. She pulled me into a kiss. My hands roamed her body as we necked. She was wasting no time already working on undoing my belt. “Shhhh, my darling love, it’s time to reveal the real you. Stand up.”

I stood and began to undress her, exposing more of her perfect skin. As I moved to her jeans she said, “Wait, John.”

“What’s wrong, darling?”

“Are you just doing this because of Scott and Alex?”

“No, I promise I really want to fuck you senseless. I have for months.”

“But you’ve always turned me down before now.”

I sighed, “Yes, at first because I wanted to get to know you, I do. Then I wanted to be your friend, which I now am and later out of respect for him. Respect he doesn’t deserve. Most recently because you were drunk and I won’t be your mistake.”

“We aren’t going to do this until you’ve forgiven him.”

“As you wish. Can we do some other things? I can’t imagine going my entire life without doing something sexual to you and I’m the only member of the squad that hasn’t had my tongue in you.”

“No sex, but we’ll do everything but.”

With that I continued removing her jeans and blue panties, “Lay down, pretty lady.” I knelt before her.

An hour later:

When we returned from the alcove, Tracy ran over to me, “Is it true you asked Lis out?”

“Yes, little one, got turned down to.”

“Um, could we go out then?”

“I don’t know, little one? Do you want me to date you?” She nodded. I continued, “You’re a bit young for me.”

“You’re only a year older than I am.”

“Yeah, until December.”

“Yeah, but...”

“What does your sister say?”

I looked up to Mon who answered, “Can I get a date too?”

“I think that can be arranged. Friday night after the game?”

Tracy practically begged, “What about me?”

“Saturday night, if Mon is willing to drive and your parents approve.”

Lis looked befuddled, “But what about me?”

“You turned me down, love; I told you I’d be dating around.”

“I turned down the girlfriend offer for now. Can I make your schedule?”

“Sunday?”

Jill seemed bemused, ‘Your schedules getting pretty full.”

“I have time for my blonde beauty if your girlfriend approves.”

Stacy eyed me, “Actually can I get next Friday?”

“Really? Why would you want to go out with me?”

Jill answered for her with an eye roll, “Her parents are worried she’s spending too much time with Simon.”

Stacy sighed out, “Yeah there worried I’m going to lose my virtue as my mother put it.”

”Sure, why doesn’t Jill meet us and you two can have a romantic date while I sit at another table.”

Stacy’s eye grew, “You’re the best, John.”

“Anything for my ginger princess, besides I can think of a way the two of you could repay me.”

Jazz Thursday:

Sarah picked me up from School on Thursday as was our normal custom. “Hey Baby. Alex was worried when you didn’t come home last night.”

She started the short drive to her house, “She didn’t go home herself?”

“No, she stayed at your place. Can I ask where you were?”

Vying for control.

“Sorry, Sarah, you know my rules.”

The rest of the ride was silence. She led me in and I took my normal spot on the couch. She put on Them Dirty Blues by Cannonball Adderley and set down on the other side of the couch her hand found mine, “You ready to talk about it, Baby.”