Chapter 11: The Fuss Before the Storm

Christmas was a bit disappointing. Mindy did come home, but with Mickey in tow. Instead of sibling revelry, I had to spend most of it pretending she wasn’t engaged to a man who was a more pathetic version of our father and

fight the urge to bash him in the head with the nearest blunt instrument.

We got time together, but it was mostly sex and none of the actual emotional connection I was missing. The wedding occurring over the easter break was like a ticking time bomb. This inevitable disaster felt as if it were costing me something more valuable than a limb.

Wedding planning was the order of the day; with GG, Mindy, Sally Cinnamon, our mother, and Moonchild all taking turns pouring through magazines and a three-ring binder getting filled with things that would inevitably tax Robert’s wallet to it’s limit.

New Years brought me Alex and a stack of rented horror flicks. It was the first of a tradition that lasted a few years. We filled up on pizza and made fun of increasingly terrible films till nearly midnight when she insisted on switching over to the ball drop. At the end of the countdown, I was surprised when her lips met mine. She kept it chaste, but the hint of a spark was definitely there, hinting at potential I was convinced I would never get the chance to explore.

School returned with whispers ... everywhere I went. My kidnapping though short-lived had made the paper and the rumor mill had apparently run with it. I was approached by Summer of all people with an offer of an evening out. I quickly pointed out we’d barely spoken two words to each other and Beth was my friend.

Cheerleading workouts burned again. I’d been out of commission for nearly a month between my birthday and mid-January and with the football season over Beth had shifted into competition mode, so the workouts and training were harder and I was weaker to begin with.

The reactions to what happened were different with those I was closer too. The twins and I were still in a place of ‘not quite right”, not that I would have thought either were capable of offering any emotional support. Erin greeted me with a hug. Brian managed to stutter through checking on me and then I found out he’d managed to start dating Lexi. I had to give him props at the time.

Things with Amanda were odder. I hadn’t spoken to her at all since I’d left her duplex after yet another screaming match only to end up picking the wrong way home. While I was more than aware that her continued employment among other things was entirely dependent on our relationship remaining a secret I would’ve expected at least a phone call to check-in. She was also quite stand-offish for the first two days after our return.

She wanted control and that meant goading me into making the first move in her eyes, so she was in full on seductive diva mode and with a ‘storm of the century in the forecast’ that put things in an awkward position.

Wednesday

I was sitting on the fire escape, the door propped open. The feel of the cool metal of the railing caressed my back through blue button down and undershirt. My jacket lay draped across the railing above me providing additional shade. The sun glared behind me, the air still cool with January moisture despite it being unseasonably warm. The forecast had called for a blizzard, but for the moment it was in the mid fifties.

I was rereading “The Prince”. A bottle of water slowly stood evaporating between me and the door. It was a free period, one of those moments when the teacher doesn’t want to be there anymore than the students, but both are being watched.

Amanda allegedly intended to work with some of the “troubled” students, essentially those who couldn’t play whatever instrument their parents had spent the money for. In actuality, it was her running between those in a selection of kids showing off with chaos surrounding. She was as always trying to paint a picture in the minds of those around her. She wanted to seem doting and generous, she wanted people to be awed by her beauty and kindness. She wanted the wool to cover everyone’s eyes so she could hide the real her behind the image. She was a bit like me in that way, trying to hide in plain sight. She used extravagance while I preferred to go unnoticed. I tried to blend into the crowd; she tried to make them only look at certain aspects of her being. She was a magician in that way.

The ones she was working with were the unlucky ones. They had to keep pretending they were there because they wanted to play. Everyone else got to be themselves.

The thing about a free period is everyone becomes who they want to be, they immediately file into their preferred roles. A few were actually practicing or at least attempting to do so. They toyed with their instruments half-heartedly dancing around scales and broken melodies. They were unable to gain any actual semblance of unity. This group was made up entirely of the ones who were in the band because it was their only social outlet. It was important to them that they were part of the band because that was the only way they had to self-identify. It made them special in a way.

The legacies were in the band because their parents were and had self-identified as members in their day. Most of this group had been forced to join. They immediately broke off into their normal caste and took up a corner of the room. The strongest group had of course taken the corner with the television, the next strongest the one by the door, and the weakest the one opposite me which led to the auditorium. I had seen two or three of the “couples” sneak through that door towards welcoming darkness and no supervision. Several of the stoners had already beat me to the fire escape and disappeared presumably to alcove near the body shop. They of course were in the class because it was relatively easy. There was no actual measure of skills and so everyone got an A. Me, I whip out a book and lean back in the shade until I’m released. Even with friends, I’m still the loner.

Scott was showing off for one of the groups, juggling of all things and doing a horrible job of it. It was very difficult not to laugh at him. I still wasn’t certain why he was in the band, he didn’t play well and most of the times when the band played were at American Football games during which he would be on the team and now that the season was over Basketball would keep him out of the concerts. Neither of his parents had been band members and his athletic prowess would ensure a solid C plus in any class he took, a B if I felt like helping him on a paper or two. He loved music and had dreams of rock stardom, but his instrument was the guitar. I honestly believe a gorilla would have been better with a trombone than he was.

The only other member of my inner circle in the band was Lis. She sat on the riser nearest to me, doing all but interrupting my peripheral vision’s view of Amanda. She was doodling in a notebook. I really needed to stop fooling around with her, she wanted a relationship and I liked her enough not to lead her on. She was obviously still interested as I could feel her gaze on me on occasion. It wasn’t as intense as Amanda’s more practiced way of looking at me by not looking at me, but she made sure I knew she was there.