S03E020: Carin Basham (60), from Birmingham

Pan around a large public park – grassed areas stretch away on either side of a concrete pathway. Dogs are running around together whilst owners watch on. It’s a brisk autumn day and the trees have already lost most of their leaves. The wind is whipping everything around.

We focus on an older woman standing on the path and watching the dogs running around. Her blonde hair (turning to grey) blows in the wind. Her friendly face is warm and approachable. She’s wearing sensible clothes for the cold conditions, not showing off too much flesh, but her shape tells us plenty about what’s hidden ... She’s a big woman – tall and relatively slim but with a huge pair of 38G boobs (yes, they’re THAT big).

She turns to face our camera and speaks with a loud, authorative voice (the voice stays clear and loud even when she seems a little embarrassed or shy).

“My name is Carin Basham, I’m 60 years old, and I’m a retired primary school head-mistress from Birmingham in England.”

We track along infront of Carin as she walks through the park. The way she’s talking, it’s hard to imaging that other park users can’t hear every work she’s saying. It looks like she may actually enjoy that possibility.

“I’ve been married forever, and we’re quite happy. I’ve got three grown up children, and eight beautiful grandchildren. My sex life is actually quite good ... I like it a little rough, and my husband is willing and able to meet my demands ... I got my nipples pierced for his birthday almost a decade ago – I love it when he pulls on the rings ... We’re not your typical granny and grandpa. But there’s some things even he can’t do for me ... I have certain ‘desires’...”

Specifically (we pan the camera onto some dogs running around in the park to our side) doggy desires?

She’s seen the dogs playing, she smiles and sighs. “Yes ... That seems to be the case...”

Tell us how that happened?

“Well, my daughter and her husband enjoy a night out every weekend. A night away from the kids – my grandkids ... So I babysit. Every week, an evening at their house.” She smiles as she thinks about those evenings. “Up until 8.30 it’s time with the grandkids, feeding, bathing, storytime ... But once they’re in bed, it’s just sitting around for 2 or 3 hours waiting for them to come home...” She smiles, demure and a little embarrassed about the story she is telling. “My daughter and her husband, they have a couple of dogs ... Big ones ... I must admit, maybe it was your show, or maybe it was just curiosity, but I started spending Saturday evenings fondling the dogs, trying to get them hard, if I got an erection from one of them I’d have a little suck ... I’d strip naked and try to get them to mount me ... Perhaps I’m too old, or they’re too old, I don’t know, but whatever it is, neither of them has ever mounted me, and I don’t like the idea of ‘dil-dogging’ ... I don’t want to use him, I want him to use me ... So, all I’ve done so far is suck on semi-erect dog-cocks...” She looks a little ashamed.

So granny is stripped naked, trying to have sex with the family dogs, whilst the grand children are asleep upstairs?

She smiles again. “Yes ... Disgraceful, isn’t it? The worst thing is, knowing the kids are up there, and that my daughter will be home at the end of the evening ... That just makes it even sexier for me. Then I go home to hubby and he hasn’t a clue that I’ve been trying to fuck a dog...”

How do you think they will react to you being on this show?

She considers the question. “I really don’t know ... At this point my desire to be intimate with a dog has outweighed my desire to not embarrass my family. It’s something I have to do.”

So what kind of dogs are we talking about?

“Wolfhounds ... I’ve read that they are too big for most women ... I’ve seen them half-erect, and I think I’d enjoy the challenge!!”

Well, we haven’t got a wolf-hound ... But we’ve got something we think you’ll enjoy all the same...

There’s a figure approaching – a tall and wiry man with long curly hair, with his hands in his pockets, leaning into the wind. Trotting along behind him...

Close up of a big, heavy sheath under a dog’s belly as it walks. Close up of a big pair of dogs balls, swinging heavy between a dog’s strong hind legs. Close up of big dog’s paws scrabbling on the pathway under foot. Close up of a huge dog’s head, mouth open, tongue out, drool and slobber on the jowls. Close up of a huge, fully erect, purple cock with little blue and red blood vessels criss-crossing its surface – a shot of things to come from a previous show. Pull back to a wide shot of the whole dog – the biggest of them all ... No words are required to introduce ... Dino! He’s almost dragging Bernard along.

Bernard looks up as he gets closer. Reaching out a welcoming hand to Carin, “Hello, I’m Bernard, and this is Dino, and I understand we have a job to do...” He smiles.

Carin appears to be a little lightheaded as she tries to talk to Bernard but can’t keep her eyes off Dino. She reaches out to stroke the dog’s huge head. “Yes, yes, quite ... I think I might have a ‘job’ to do too ... I hope so anyway.” She smiles a little nervous smile.

What do you think of him?

“He’s magnificent, isn’t he?” She says, trying to look into camera, but wanting to stare at the beast. “Huge.”

So, back to your place...? Or would you rather step into the bushes?

Carin looks to the tree line at the edge of the park, then at the dog, as if seriously considering some open air action. Then smiles to camera and laughs a little, “I think, erm, I think we’ll go back to my place this time ... Maybe if I do it again I’ll go for outdoors.”

“That’s a relief,” chimes in Bernard, “I’m bloody frozen, I didn’t want to stand around watching him pound an old lady in the park...” He considers what he’s said. “Not that you look like an ‘old lady’ or anything like that.”

She smiles and waves him off. “Don’t be silly ... I’m not easily offended!” She looks toward the dog. “If I was ... I wouldn’t be doing ‘this’.” We watch as Dino squats down to take a huge shit on the grass.

Cut to the living room of Carin’s home. She is already, very matter of factly stripping off her top.

Dino is on the other side of the room watching her. Standing, then sitting, then standing. Big tongue hanging out of big mouth. He knows what it means when a woman begins to take her clothes off, but he’s not keen on the way Carin pauses between clothing items to chat about the temperature, or to check the time to make sure we’ve got long enough before her husband returns.

“The biggest problem with babysitting,” she says, “when you’re trying to seduce your daughter’s dogs...” She places her blouse over the back of a chair. “Is that you spend half your time worrying that one of them is finally going to mount you, and then you’ll be interrupted by a child crying, or worse still, by a child coming down to ask for a drink and catching you at it... “ She imitates a grandchilds voice, “Nanny – what ARE you doing with the doggy!” She smiles. “Of course the problem has never eventuated...”

She unzips her skirt and lets it fall to the floor, leaving her in a big bra and bigger knickers. On show for the camera and crew alike.

She’s not fat – she’s just a large, healthy sixty-year-old. Tall, with weight, loose flesh, etc. Everything sags a little more than she’d like, but it’s not ugly.

“Now, the funny thing is, I find myself ready to surrender to this magnificent beast ... And I’m very much looking forward to it, but, alas, there’s no sense of danger that the children will come home early, or the grandchildren will come down and catch me at it...” She pauses, imagining being caught in the act, then has a happy thought, “I suppose I can look forward to the broadcast date – everyone I’ve ever known finding out the truth about me.” She smiles.

And the truth about you is...?

She turns to camera and answers with the most honest and earnest face you can imagine, absolutely deadpan. “That I’m a dirty wannabe dog-fucker!” This would sound good coming from any woman, but from such a respectable lady ... It’s actually outstanding.

Then we’re watching as she flips the shoulder straps of her bra off, then unhooks the rear and lets her big boobs loose. They sag, 60 years of gravity kicking in, and she looks a little disappointed. “I wish I could do something about that...” Then it’s her knickers, the waist rolled down until they are almost sexy briefs, then slipped down her thighs, over her calves and off. She’s got a well-tended pussy, trimmed short and shaped neatly.

A few minutes later, she’s on her knees with Dino infront of her. “Good afternoon Dino, my name is Carin...” She reaches out to him in a mock-handshake and is surprised when he raises his paw to meet hers – he’s well trained for more than just sex. She laughs at it. “Marvelous ... A dog with manners ... A gentleman...”

She leans forward and strokes his side, pats him on his big shoulder as she looks around toward us ... And he drops and rolls onto his side, one hind leg rising into the air exposing his belly and the delights below...

Carin laughs, “Oh lord, he’s not THAT much of a gentleman, is he?” She rubs his chest. “Not subtle at all!”

She shuffles forward and runs her hand over his belly, over his sheath, gently down, round and behind his big ball sack. Gentle. A little smile on her face, she clearly finds this soothing for her as well as the dog. Whispers, to us, “I’ve done this before, of course ... But it never ceases to amaze me ... The way it makes me feel ... It’s not like anything else in the world ... To know that I’m playing with a dog’s testicles and penis...”

Dino lays still on his back as Carin moves from stroking to rubbing, then from rubbing to holding and jerking ... Everyone is silent, letting the old lady do her thing. No one wants to interrupt the moment.

Dino’s cock is showing, poking out of the sheath ... A couple of inches of thumb-thick meat, glistening with pre-cum ... The tip angled and flat, the shaft looking silky smooth...

She leans forward, getting comfortable, her head over the dog’s belly, looking up to make sure that we are in position to catch the action – we are – and then takes the cock in her mouth. Barely half erect, not at all scary at the moment, but a dog-cock all the same, and in her mouth, and her eyes tell a story ... This is where she wants to be ... Sucking a dog’s cock and fondling his balls.

After a relaxing, slow few seconds of sucking, she draws her head back until the meat plops out – it’s grown since she put it in her mouth ... Maybe doubled in size, and still has plenty to go ... She looks up and smiles demurely into camera... “This is as far as I’ve ever managed to get with the wolfhounds...” She says looking down at the cock in her hand. Licking her lips. “It looks like I’ll get to go all the way today, aye?”

With that she drops her head to his belly again and sucks the cock as deep into her mouth as she can. Taking long, slurping sucks – pushing it into her mouth, sucking, then opening wide to let it fall out again ... Swallow, sigh, repeat ... She’s the oldest girl we’ve had on the show, but she’s sucking cock like a pornstar. It appears that there really is no substitute for experience!

The cock is so big now that she can barely fit it in her mouth – and her mouth isn’t small. She takes it as far in as she can without choking ... Then a little more until she DOES choke ... And pulls it out quickly, a line of throat-phlegm hanging from the shaft to her lips – stretching – then snapping and slapping against her chin, neck and big dangling tits.

She smiles at this, bringing a hand up and smearing the goo all over her face until she’s a shiny mess of smudged make-up, phlegm and dogcum... “Oh, that’s wonderful...” Then she goes back for more. Close up of her forcing the cock as far back in her throat as she can get it, gagging but trying to keep it there until she is about to vomit, then almost coughing it out of her mouth – with another stringy mess of phlegm hanging from her mouth to his cock as she catches her breath.

Cut to the image of the old girl assuming the position on the end of her leather couch. One knee on the seat, her other foot on the floor, bent over the arm and sticking her arse out toward Dino. He’s skipping about, moving in to sniff her rear end. Letting out a very deep ‘woof’. His big cock hard and shiny, waiting to be used in anger...

The huge beast rears up and mounts Carin, his furry bulk wrapping around her big fleshy body. Her standing leg almost buckles, but she’s a strong woman and she manages to steady herself and then take his weight. She reaches down and places a hand between her thighs to help steer Dino’s cock into her big pussy, but he’s already on the job – angling the whole of his pelvis just right to slam his cock home in one go. Unlike other sluts, he appears to nail this one perfectly first time...

“OOOooooohhhhhh Jeeeeeezzzzuuss!” She cries as she takes the first six inches in one go. The shaft is fat, so it’s not just length she’s reacting to. Once in, he begins to pound her, hammering in and out of her old cunt, stretching her out - hard and fast.

Carin’s big tits sway and jiggle under her chest as the dog continues to fuck her deep and hard.

It’s intense. It’s dirty. It’s ugly. He’s huge and he’s twisted up on her back, and she’s a 60 year old woman...

From a side angle, we watch as the dog heaves himself up against her, it’s more of a lurch than a pound now. A slow, lumbering thump into her pussy from behind. Harder, longer strokes. Each accompanied by a gasp from Carin. “Ohhh ... Ooohhhhh ... Ohhhh...” She gasps.

She stares straight ahead, ignoring everyone in the room, just focusing on the big dog with his big cock in her pussy. Giving her a lumbering, slow, hard fuck ... Gritting her teeth and swearing as he hits it hard – to true heavyweight delivering knock-out blows. “Aaahhhh ... Ahhhhhhhh ... Shit ... Oh bloody he-elllllll!”

She drops her head down, exhausted but unwilling to stop ... Her mouth open ... She doesn’t turn to face us, or even really acknowledge us, just speaks – almost under her breath. “I don’t believe I’m doing this ... I’m a dogslut...” She seems to like hearing it, repeats herself. “I’m a dogslut.”

Charley’s voice can be heard from behind the camera. “Just a dirty fucking dogslut ... You fucking love it, don’t you, dogslut?”

A flicker of a smile crosses Carin’s face. She clear does love it ... And especially loves being called a ‘dogslut’. Charley talks again, “Does your husband know he’s married to a dogslut...? Do you children know Mummy’s a dogslut...? Do your grandkiddies know granny is a dogslut...? They fucking do now, cunt!”

This makes Carin look up, but not with any anger – just to smile right at Charley and wink, before wincing as the dog gives an extra hard lunge forward.

A low angle shows that despite the sloppy, loose, old nature of Carin’s cunt, Dino’s knot has formed outside her body, and it’s too big to slide inside ... But his shaft is more than enough to pleasure this dirty old girl – and it’s so fat that it’s pretty much locked in place even without the knot.

“I can feel him cumming in me...” She gasps, between pulses of the dog’s big ball sack. “I can feel every little squirt ... Filling my tummy...” She takes a breath, licks her lips, sighs ... Just relaxing and taking what she’s given.

After a few minutes of relative calm, Charley steps into frame behind Carin and Dino. Bernard has given her quiet instructions “Nobody wants to see me on camera ... Just reach under there and pump Dino’s cock into her cunt...” She does. Gently taking hold of the base of Dino’s huge fat cock and pushing it into Carin’s pussy – then pulling it – then pushing again ... Carin moans as our pretty young assistant fucks her with the dog’s cock...

Carin loves it. The perfect combination of a huge cock, an animal, and just the right rhythm. Charley knows her way around a woman’s pussy, knows how to please them ... Does it just right – and within a minute Carin is breathing hard, turning a rosey red colour in the face, shaking, and then, blowing the air out with a “Ffuuuuuuccckkkkk!”

Charley fucks her with the massive meat for a few more strokes until Carin begs her to, “Stop ... Stop ... Please stop...” and Charley stops – then very slowly eases the cock out of the old woman’s cunt. It’s much thicker at the end than at the base of the shaft, so she gets a pretty good groan as she pulls it out.

Carin flops forward onto her big tits leaving Charley kneeling on the floor, holding Dino by base of his massive erect cock. Looking a little uncomfortable.

Carin regains her senses, sees Charley still holding the big cock, rolls over and crawls back – bringing her mouth up to Dino’s member. She’s about to start sucking again when her manners return. “Did you want to suck it, dear?”

Charley shakes her head, “No, I don’t do that ... I’m not a dogslut like you!”

Carin smiles in reaction to the comment, then opens wide and engulfs the fat cock in her big mouth. Moaning again as she tastes that sweet flavor – pussy juice on dog-cock ... She takes as much as she can in her mouth – but it’s not much – he’s just too big for that. She sucks for a while, then pauses to catch her breath, then sucks some more until he loses interest and staggers away as his cock shrinks and hides away in its sheath.

Carin sits on her naked arse, cum on her face, sweat on her huge tits, catching her breath and taking in what she’s just done.

“Was it everything you ever dreamed it would be?” Asks Charley, with just a hint of sarcasm and insincerity.

“It was ... I feel so dirty now ... Like a really dirty slut. I’ve always wanted to be one. A slutty slutty whore. Not a boring respectable teacher...” Jokes Carin.

They wait in silence for a second. Carin looking at Charley and licking her lips. “There’s one other thing on my wish list...” She says, looking at Charley in a way that lets us know exactly what that one other thing is... “I’ve had sex with a dog ... But I’ve never actually kissed a woman ... Especially not a pretty young one...”

Charley smiles, then flips her long hair back and holds it out of the camera’s line of sight. She leans into the older woman and plants her mouth on hers. Lips locked, tongues obviously working inside. Both women with their eyes closed. Carin’s hand coming up to the front of Charley’s t-shirt, squeezing her boobs through the material. Charley holds the kiss for maybe thirty seconds before pulling away with a smile.

Carin’s eyes stay closed as she savors the memory of her first lesbian kiss coming so soon after he first dog fuck. The two ladies, one old, one young, smile to camera and give little finger waves. Carin blowing a kiss to the viewers at home. Charley appears preoccupied with the strange taste she has in her mouth – the after effects of Carin’s doggy-blow-job. She turns to the camera and drops a little aside, “You know, three years working on the show, and that’s the first time I’ve actually tasted dog-cum...” She twists her face up, “UUrrggghhhh!”, and we fade out.

Video update: Carin advises that her son-in-law has taken out a restraining order that stops her coming within 50 meters of his wolfhounds but that she still gets to see her grand-children regularly, so long as another family member is present. On the positive side, her husband purchased her a wolfhound of her own for her birthday and they are working together to train it to service her more ‘Earthy’ desires. They’ve already posted several videos on the United Kingdom Of Zoo forum.

Bonus end of Series 3 special: Charley Kiefer (27), from Manchester

Footage courtesy of British Academy of Television. We see the brightest and best of the British television industry, all dressed up in their best – hair perfect, make-up (for the ladies, mainly), and big smiles. Amongst the familiar actors, actresses, chat-show hosts, comedians, reality stars and general celebrities, we see a face that looks slightly out-of-place, yet still familiar to us ... It’s our very own Charley, in a long, white, figure-hugging dress, low-cut (but not too low). She’s no tv superstar beauty queen, but she’s entirely pleasant and easy on the eye.

Then we’re on the podium, Jimmy Carr and Rachel Riley from Channel 4’s “8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown”. Jimmy looking as sleezy and polished as usual, with a lascivious little white toothed grin; Rachel, looking as good as ever, all sweat and innocent. She opens an envelope and slips out a card with the winner’s name on it. “The award for Most Popular Host goes to...”

Then Jimmy jumps in, unable to resist the joke, “The woman who gives new meaning to ‘going dogging’, Charley Ozvik!” But his smile is one of amazement rather than humour, as in ‘how the fuck did SHE win?’

And then we’re watching a rather stunned Charley making her way up to the stage – her nipples noticeably hard against the fabric of her dress. She’s stopped on the way to stage by a red-haired woman who insists on a congratulatory hug, she looks familiar (as do most of the audience members – maybe someone from daytime tv) – and then Charley’s on her way to the stage again.

On the stage she takes a hug from Rachel, then blocks Jimmy with a palm on the chest – part in jest, but mainly because she doesn’t want him to touch her ... She takes her award, then readies herself at the microphone whilst the applause dies down.

“I can’t believe I’m up here...” She says, her Mancunian accent a little shaky from the nerves. “I didn’t even know I WAS a presenter until I got the nomination. Nobody told me. I thought I was just asking a few questions then helping out a bit...” She giggles, looking around at all these faces she’s previous watched on tv. “When we started making the show, no one wanted to have anything to do with us, and no-one ever admitted to watching, but the viewing figures were always high – so we knew some of yous were watching...” She smiles a very cute knowing smile as she points her finger around the room. “This,” she holds up the award, “This is for everyone who’s worked on the show ... Behind the cameras and, erm, beneath the dogs...” The audience laughs a little, semi nervous, laugh. Charley gathers her thoughts. “I told the guys that I had no chance of winning tonight ... I said, if I win, I’ll do all of the dogs...” She laughs, as does the audience. “No ... No, I’m serious. I’ve never done one, but tonight’s going to be one hell of an after-party!”

She steps back from the podium holding up her award and taking the applause and wolf-whistles from the audience. Rachel talks to her as they walk off the stage, exchanging girly laughs. The look on Jimmy Carr’s face is pure bewilderment – there’s nothing he can say that’s more shocking than Charley has just said!

We cut to: lower quality video. Hand-held, we see a party in mid-swing. It’s our production offices, our main studio floor to be precise. Looking around the room we recognise most of the faces – around 50 of the 61 women who’ve featured on our show over the last three series, plus their partners, plus crew, are present. All casually dressed, laid back. Chatting, joking, sharing stories ... This is the first time our former cast-members have been in the same place.

“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the British Television Academy’s Most Popular Host – Charley Ozvik!”

The door opens, and Charley enters holding her award over her head, still wearing that pretty figure hugging dress and a big smile. Everyone cheers her into the room and applauds. There are hugs and cheek kisses from almost every woman she passes, the occasional buttock squeeze too.

She eases through the crowd and takes up a position on a raised stage at the front of the studio. Our producer, Luke Ozvik himself, is on the stage already, holding a microphone, ready to interview her. The party crowd settles down to watch. Those who don’t have a clear view of the stage being able to watch any of the dozen tv screens spread around the studio floor.

Charley steps up next to Luke, straightens her dress out, her nipples still very obvious through the material. She catches her breath, then looks up. The height difference between them is large – she’s a little over 5 ft tall, he’s well over 6 ft. Having learned the tricks of the trade, Charley has slipped her heels off as she stepped onto the stage, so she looks even smaller next to him.

“Do you want to get the formalities out of the way?” Asks Luke.

She looks into camera. “Hi – my name is Charley Ozvik ... I’m 27 years old, I’m from Manchester, and apparently I’m Britain’s Favourite TV Host!”

The crowd claps, cheers, and laughs a little at hearing the famous UK Zoo intro coming from Charley herself.

“Why are we here tonight?”

“Well, I’ve been getting letters since the show started, since I was first on camera, asking when I will be on the show ... All the dog owners have at one time or another asked if I was interested ... And you, you – you dirty bugger – have dropped hints non-stop the whole time that you want to see me do it... “ She pauses, looking up at Luke as if all she wants to do right now is impress him. “I said last week that if I win the award – I’d do it ... Then yesterday, when you asked which dog I’d do WHEN I won the award, I suddenly realised that I couldn’t decide. I’d seen them all in action up close - I’d seen how much the girls enjoyed them all, and I’d watched the videos in the editing room for so long ... I realised I couldn’t pick...”

“So tell us what you’ve decided instead...?”

She takes a deep breath... “I’ve decided to do ALL of them...” The crowd begins the cheers and applaud. “ ... One after another... “ They applaud louder, and whistle, and cheers, and holler. “Right here, right now!” This brings the house down – maybe a hundred partiers, full of booze and good will, and delighted that they are about to witness the most dementedly perverted performance of all time!

“One girl ... One night ... ALL OF THE DOGS!” Calls out Luke, whipping the crowd up even further!

Charley’s nipples look incredible as they strain against the front of that tight dress – but her smile, a combination of excitement and embarrassment is even more impressive. “Bring them on ... The more the merrier...”

Everyone calms down a little.

“Now tell us Charley, just for a little background on this night ... You’ve never had sex with a dog before?”

She shakes her head, “Nope.”

“And how many men have you had sex with?”

She thinks for a second. “Maybe half a dozen.”

“So you’re going to have more dog cocks through you tonight, than you’ve had men’s cocks in your life...?”

She smiles, “Yes, that appears to be the case, doesn’t it?”

“And how many women?”

She thinks a little longer, cocks her head on one side as if it will help her thinking, “Maybe the same...”

“You’d call yourself a lesbian?”

She smiles, “You’d call me a lesbian ... You always do...” She laughs. “But I’m not averse to a man, if it’s the right man...” She looks up at Luke in a way that suggests he might be that man. He moves the subject on quickly...

“Are you looking forward to this?”

She looks a little nervous, but smiles all the same. “Yeah actually ... I think I’ve been in denial for a while ... I’m actually quite keen now!”

“Let’s go then...” Luke takes Charley by the hand and leads her back down through the party crowd. As they walk she smiles and he continues to talk into the microphone... “We would love to do this in here with everyone watching, but that would distract the dogs – and we don’t want that...”

“No, we do not, do we?” Adds Charley.

They walk out of the rear of the studio. “So we’re actually going to film it in my office – and everyone here can watch it on the screens here...” He says as we see shots of our party-goers taking up positions infront of the tv screens.

We watch Charley’s rear, wrapped in that sheer white material, heading away down a narrow corridor toward Luke’s office, then cut to a close-up of a familiar couple of faces from the past. Former ‘guests’ on the show, giving brief ‘vox-pop’ interviews.

Then we’re with huge smiling Macclesfield lunatic, from “Charley’s an amazing girl. Amazingly lucky that is ... I can’t believe she’s going to get to do them all ... Most I’ve managed in one session is 3! Good luck to her!”

Fresh faced dentist Ruth, from S02E016... “Yeah, I’ve never done more than one actually – that’s more than enough for me ... Charley was a great girl on the set – she helped me relax off camera ... She’s a great kisser... (she laughs) Can I say that?”

Cut to Charley, entering Luke’s office. It’s a big room and the furniture has all been moved to the walls – his desk and chair in one corner (with a cameraman sitting on the desk to give him a high-angle and to stay out of the way).

She turns around and faces camera, looking a little coy, not used to being the centre of attention – but knowing what time it is.