Chapter 1

Sherri and I had just returned from our honeymoon. I was still amazed that we were actually married. Sherri and I are both very shy. We likely would have never spoken to each other if a mutual friend hadn’t set us up for a double date. We admitted to each other later that we had each nearly backed out but didn’t want to hurt Carly’s feelings. We had a great time together. I had never felt this comfortable around a girl before. At the end of the evening, I worked up the nerve to ask Sherri if I could see her again.

“I’d like that, but there is something you need to understand. I still live at home with my parents and have to follow their rules. They don’t believe in dating. I lied about what I was doing tonight.”

“Is that a long way of telling me no?”

“You didn’t let me finish. My family is very religious. I am, too, which is why lying to my parents feels so bad. I’m breaking two different commandments at once. We believe a young couple should become close friends during church activities. Traditional dating isn’t allowed. If you want to see me again, it will have to be at a church activity.

“I’m OK with that.”

“I don’t want you to just be OK with that. It is important to me that you take the church part of the activity seriously, not just as a way to spend time with me.”

“I’d be lying if I said I wanted to go whether or not you were there. But I was raised Christian. I attend church most weeks. I’ve always hoped I would settle down with a Christian woman. Church activities would be a great place to get to know each other better.”

“You’re not just saying that?”

“Of course not. I’m not that type of guy.”

“As you have likely guessed, a church that doesn’t allow dating is strict in many other ways. I don’t want you to be disappointed that we can’t be seen as being too close, particularly right away. It would set off red flags; church leaders would question your motives and my complicity.”

“I understand.”

I was accustomed to the weekly church activities being limited to Sunday School and the service. Sherri’s church also had large, nearly mandatory, attendance on Sunday evening and Wednesday evening. Youth and young adults were also expected to attend Friday evening meetings and often had social activities on Saturday afternoons, like nature hikes.

I first attended a church activity with Sherri during a Friday evening meeting. Sherri assured me that was the time when visitors were most likely to participate. Carly arranged for one of her male friends to introduce me as his guest. The group ranged from high school students to singles in their late twenties or early thirties. Everyone was very clean-cut. The guys looked like an ad for business casual wear. The girls were all in dresses or skirts, had simple hairstyles, and lacked any noticeable make-up or jewelry. The activities were structured to encourage interaction with a variety of people, intentionally limiting the amount of one-to-one time with members of the opposite sex. I had about 5 minutes of individual time with Sherri. Surprisingly, I didn’t mind. The religious study part of the evening was much deeper, and more interesting than I had experienced before. Everyone seemed nicer than the typical groups I knew. I would have enjoyed myself even if Sherri wasn’t there. One of the leaders invited me on the group hike the next day. Sherri and I had considerably more time to talk together during the hike. It seemed that these social events were intended to allow a little more space for couples to get to know each other. You were always in sight of the group leaders, but people were spaced out enough to have semi-private conversations.

Within two months, I was attending all of the church services, meetings, and activities. I sat with Sherri and her family. It was clear that we had an interest in one another. Her parents would have preferred I had been raised in their church but were pleased with my apparent interest and acceptance of their beliefs. Three months later, Sherri and I were engaged. Within a year of meeting, we were married.

I point all of this out to help explain how vital church has been to our relationship and to Sherri’s entire family. We were excited for our first week back to church after our honeymoon. We sat with Sherri’s parents, her little brother Danny, her older sister Sandy, her brother-in-law Ted, and their three children.

As we prepared to leave church, my father-in-law asked Ted if we should invite Elder Jones and his sons to dinner. Mrs. Jones had a shift at the hospital and couldn’t join the family for dinner.