Chapter 8

I had two completely opposite reactions to what had happened in the woods. On one side my inner slut was driven and I was sucking even more cock at cruising spots without Daddy, and yet I was also struck by personal negativity.

I wast disgusted by what I had done. Taking piss in my face and letting it run in and out of my mouth. I was a worthless person. However I did feel valued in that moment. Receiving. Taking whatever comes. It was making me very confused and unstable.

As we hit the one year anniversary of that first fucking in May, I reflected on the past year’s journey and where it had taken me.

In recent weeks I had been far more willing to have my cock sucked when cruising, although my preference was still to be the cocksucker. I think the reason was because I could picture that student sucking me, and remembering that I was his first.

I’ve never been able to cum when receiving oral. I’m not sure why this is, as I always get a guy shooting down my throat when I suck them. It was something else that I needed to understand about myself. I suppose it was telling that I got more pleasure from making another man cum, than cumming myself.

As May brought with it the sunshine I found myself more and more at cruising spots with and without Daddy. They were starting to get more busy with new faces. I would not only now get on my knees to suck a few cocks, but I would occasionally get fucked while others watched. This ended with me being fucked hard over a car bonnet one afternoon by a guy in his 40s. It was very exposed which just made it more exciting.

I was a whore. I was a slut. But I was also so depressed. I was up and down all the time and not in a good way. I just didn’t know which way to turn.

I decided to take a step back from it all for a while. To see if I could resist the call and spend some proper healthy time in the sun to restore my balance and maybe my dignity.

Surprisingly Daddy was ok with my issues. I had worried that he would turn against me and find another willing slut to use. He said he understood and it wasn’t a problem. That I could get back in touch anytime. I said he could continue to talk about me with his friends online and off and it still excites me that he does that

The urge to suck did creep back and I unexpectedly got a message from the student I met some months previous. He was heading back home for the summer and wanted to give it another go before he did. I recognised that urge so we met for an oral meet.

Sadly I didn’t manage to cum from his sucking alone. I hoped the meet would finally get rid of that curse. He did well and I assured him it was me and not him. I wanked over his face and shot in his mouth so he could experience cum.He seemed to enjoy it and it made me feel very powerful. I’d starting to enjoy letting other guys suck me, as before I wasn’t really bothered.

I sucked him of course and loved taking his young load down my throat. I’d definitely missed it.

Ended up telling him that there are plenty of men out there that would love to meet him, both in his home town or here, and not to wait or be ashamed. Told him a bit about my recent troubles which hopefully might help him cope.

It made me feel a lot better about myself.

And that was basically my year of madness and descent. Of course I still occasionally go looking to suck cock, and I have ended back in Daddy’s bed on occasion. I suspect the madness may return at some point. We can only ever do our best.