Chapter 1

Amara paced back and forth in her room, her hands repeatedly clenching as she tried to steady her breathing. Thoughts raced through her head, each one trying to find meaning before another pushed it away. Her long brown hair, so perfectly curled the night before, now sat in a tangled mess. It bounced around with each frantic turn before she finally crashed back to her bed.

“Amara you idiot!” Her voice echoed through her room, her eyes absent-mindedly tracing cracks in the ceiling. Grabbing a nearby pillow, she used it to muffle a scream, then an angry sigh.

A few minutes later, she reluctantly pulled it off her face and tossed it to the floor. She sat up to look around, her cluttered room suddenly feeling wrong.

Standing up, she moved to the window to let in the morning sun. Wincing slightly as the light hit her face, she opened her laundry basket and started picking through the piles on the floor.

Her pajamas could stay on, it was Sunday. She grabbed loose clothes from Friday’s classes, throwing them into the hamper, and kept moving. Various shoes went back in the closet, as did a few outfits that had been put together but ultimately rejected. Her backpack was slumped in a corner, papers haphazardly pushed in without rhyme or reason.

Amara rolled her eyes before dumping the backpack’s contents on her bed. There was no doubt one of her friends had ‘borrowed’ some of the answers for the week’s assignments while everyone else had been doing their makeup.

Spreading the papers out on her bed, she sat in the middle of them and pieced together which assignment went in which folder. It was nice to have mindless labor, paying just enough attention to her tasks to avoid thinking about more pressing issues. Her breathing had calmed, and by the time she’d zipped her backpack closed she already felt exponentially better about the state of her room. She went to place it on the chair in the corner, and that’s when she saw it - the dress from last night.

Last night.

Memories rushed into her head, replaying the start of her evening. After more than a year of classes, the stress of college had finally gotten to Amara. Her friends had convinced her to go to a party - her first ever. They picked out outfits, pointed out which guys were single, and helped her do something special with her makeup.

My makeup! Fuck!

Amara checked her pillow, finding it covered in foundation. After another loud groan, she headed for the bathroom. She started putting her hair up, hip checking the bathroom door open before starting the sink. She paused, then turned the shower on too; as much as she loved her apartment, it took forever for the hot water to kick in. Makeup wipes in hand, she pulled together the courage to look in the mirror.

Golden-brown eyes stared back at her, almost unrecognizable through the heavy eyeliner. They seemed exceptionally vibrant today, as if they were glowing. She loved their color, how they perfectly matched her slightly darker complexion. The eyeliner came off quickly, and the rest of her face did the same.

Her eyes trailed down and lingered on her lips, healthy traces of lipstick still present, though some had certainly gone missing. She wondered if the rest of it was still on his–

Stop. Stay focused Amara.

Pulling her eyes away from the stranger in the mirror, she washed her face with unusual vigor. Slowly but surely her own face returned to her, and looking in the mirror felt easier. Her eyes still seemed unusually bright, but that hardly seemed to matter. By now the shower was ready, and she quickly stripped down before stepping in.

Hot water poured over her, and she could already feel a sense of calm returning. She nudged the faucet warmer, then started her routine. There was barely room in the shower for all her products, but thankfully she had no roommates to battle for space. The steam surrounded her, fragrances mixing together to help her relax.

Start at the beginning, Amara - The party was a good idea! I should have let Tessa talk me into it earlier ... no doubt she’ll be rubbing that in my face for weeks. Assuming she remembers last night at all.

Amara laughed, now remembering she’d lost count of how many drinks her friends had finished. She had been tempted to join them, but decided to play it safe, a decision Nick had supported.

Nick. Is he just as stressed as I am? Will we still be friends after this?

They had been best friends for years, always there for each other when times got rough. Though people loved to joke they were secretly in love, there had never been any truth to those rumors. In fact, Nick and Amara had talked about dating several times, but it never felt right. They worked best as friends, and they were happy to keep it that way.

So how did last night happen?

More memories surfaced, replaying the night once she arrived at the party. Dancing with friends in the basement, guy after guy trying to make a move. None succeeded, as usual, but the attention had certainly excited her. Surrounded by hormones, she might as well have been drunk; An itch had appeared, one normally satiated by toys and vibrators. Before she could question herself, she had dragged Nick upstairs, locking them both in an empty bedroom.

Don’t re-open that door, Amara. Just ... not now. Think about something else, anything. Is your homework done?

Her thoughts drifted back to her classes, thinking about the assignments she’d packed away earlier, mostly finished but still needing some final touches. As eager as she’d been to step away from the world of studying last night, there was no denying she loved school. Her classes kept her excited and engaged, and she’d never once regretted her choices.

Steam filled her senses, pulling her thoughts back to her immediate surroundings. Grabbing yet another bottle, she continued her routine. This time, she focused on her body, on how good it felt to pamper herself. As she massaged her legs with fragrant body scrub, she became acutely aware of how sensitive her skin felt.

Is this because of last night?

Every part of her felt alive in a way she’d never experienced before. The connection between her mind and her body was stronger than ever, and she was determined to explore that connection. Her fingers gripped her thighs, massaging them before moving higher. Her fingers teased her waist, her chest, and finally lingered on her neck. The itch was returning, stronger than ever.

Feeling brave, Amara allowed herself to open the door.

She remembered locking herself in the room with Nick, his puzzled look turning to excitement as he realized what was happening. After pushing him to the bed, she pulled her dress off and tossed it aside, eager to feel another person against her skin.

She pushed her shower hotter still, losing herself in the sensation. Water running down her back, her chest, retracing where Nick’s hands had been just hours earlier. She let her own hands wander, finding that same path. She pushed her breasts together, teased her nipples the way he had, then continued down. A gasp escaped her lips as she ran her fingers over her sex, teasing her clit with small circles.

The next few minutes were electric, the way her body responded to her hands felt incredible. She continued teasing herself, water cascading down her body as soft moans filled the shower.

Amara had been a virgin before last night, but was intimately familiar with how to get herself off. She felt her body trembling as she moved closer to her entrance, fantasizing about how good it felt to have someone else inside her. Slipping a finger inside, she could feel her toes curling as she felt the first hints of an orgasm start to build.

And then it vanished.

There was still pleasure, but it seemed further away the more she tried to reach for it. She gave herself another minute of soft exploration, hoping it would re-appear just as suddenly, but it never happened.

That’s what your toys are for, Amara.

She groaned in frustration, upset she couldn’t get herself off. Summoning the strength to hold her libido at bay, she resolved to finish her shower as quickly as she could. The water felt lukewarm again, but she was surprised to see it couldn’t get any hotter.

Making a note to check up on this later, Amara dried herself off and eagerly left the shower. She returned to her bedroom, pulling out a shoebox from under her bed, filled with exactly what she needed. Vibrators, dildos, a few butt plugs she hadn’t yet worked up the courage to play with, everything to make a woman sing. She pulled out her favorite, a relatively small vibrating dildo that hit all the right places.

Sinking back into bed, she resumed the exploration she started in the shower. Remembering what it was like to have someone touch her, kiss her, pleasure her. She bit her lip as she moved her toy between her legs, teasing her clit once more, but taking it slow. The vibrations surged through her body, and she closed her eyes, willing herself to surrender to the release she so desperately needed. Spreading her legs, she pushed the toy inside, a loud moan filling the room. Inch after inch pushing deeper inside, and she knew an orgasm couldn’t be far off now. Her hips started meeting the thrusts of her hand, the toy moving in and out while the vibrations continued to build. She pushed the toy harder, increasing its power as she brought herself closer...

Until she lost it again.

Exactly like in the shower, all the pleasure that had been built up dispersed without warning. She could still feel everything, the toy, its powerful vibrations, her sensitive clit, and yet it felt like everything was ... out of sync. It was as if her body was rejecting its normal forms of pleasure, searching for something else that wasn’t there.

Or ... someone else?

Amara shook her head, shocked she was even thinking about it. Nick was her best friend! Last night had clearly been a mistake, but she couldn’t get it out of her head.

Maybe that’s the problem! We need to talk, to reset everything to normal!

It was the best guess she had, and there wasn’t much else to do today. Letting loose another groan of frustration, she tossed her toy aside and pulled her pajamas back on. Grabbing her phone, she pulled up Nick’s contact info and froze. Their messages from last night stared back at her.

Nick: 8 PM right? Your place?

Amara: Yup! You gotta see what the girls did with me, I barely even recognize myself!

Nick: Wellll you’re also willingly going to a college party, so I already don’t know who you are XD

Amara: Oh shut up and text me when you’re here idiot

Nick: Here!

It all seemed so ... innocent now. Could things go back to the way they were? Did she want them to? There was definitely a lot to talk about, but it all had to start somewhere. She iterated a few times before deciding to keep it short and simple.

Amara: Hey, I’d like to talk about last night. Come over?

Heart pounding in her chest, she had no idea what to expect. Would he be angry? He had seemed into it but what if she just caught him by surprise?

Stop overthinking this Amara. He’s Nick! He’s the most understanding guy you know, he’ll get it.

Taking a deep breath, she exhaled slowly just as his response came in.

Nick: I think that’s a good idea. Gimme ten.

Amara was thankful Nick was true to his word, but that didn’t stop the ten minutes from stretching out like an eternity. By the time he texted again, she’d managed to rearrange the throw pillows on her couch dozens of times. Opening the door, she was pleased to discover she didn’t have to force a smile, and his grin seemed equally genuine.

They stared at each other awkwardly for a few seconds before Amara finally threw caution to the wind and moved in for a hug. It still felt right, and Amara breathed a sigh of relief as she pulled him inside.

“You’re looking well,” She chimed, closing the door. “Glad you made it home safe!”

“Thanks! And, uh, you too, obviously.” He laughed nervously, but the words seemed to be coming easily enough.

Amara vaulted the couch and curled into her favorite spot, patting the cushion next to her. Nick opted for the long way around, which was probably for the best.

“So. I don’t want to tiptoe around this. We’re adults, right?” Amara paused, waiting for a nod before continuing. “We ... We had sex.” Finally saying it aloud felt odd, but strangely comforting at the same time.

Nick took a breath, likely mulling over his words before speaking. “We ... did, yes. I want to say that I’m sorry if things got a little out of hand; I wasn’t thinking straight, I think I had a bit too much to drink, and if you want to just forget it ever happened, I’m happy to do the same.”

Amara chuckled as he stumbled his way through the words, no doubt he’d been practicing them all morning. “Hey, I didn’t say I wanted to forget about it. People have sex all the time! Is it a little odd that my first time was with you? Sure, but at least it was with someone I trust, right?

He laughed too, the stress in his shoulders relaxing somewhat. Amara couldn’t help but notice that she felt drawn to him now. “I suppose you’re right ... Do we want to change anything? In the past we’ve agreed we weren’t interested in dating, is that still true?”

Amara bit her lip as her eyes lingered on him; something was different now, she just couldn’t place a finger on it. “I think my opinion hasn’t changed. You’re a great guy Nick, but we both know we’re not cut from the same cloth.”

His body relaxed further, sinking into the couch as relief took hold. “I’m glad we agree! I’ve been worried about ... about losing you, your friendship.” He looked at her again, the tension gone, only this time Amara noticed something else - the itch was back.