Chapter 4: The Joker in an Otherwise Rational Deck

I was momentarily distracted by Alex’s car pulling out of the space when she opened her arms and stepped towards me. I stepped back. Mindy appeared from the bathroom and greeted her

I felt my pulse increase and I was elsewhere. Ten in base housing for the first time. I heard a loud thump and vacillated between the window and the door, settling on the door. I creep down the hall till I come to the bathroom, I open the door and she’s lying there bleeding next to a broken toilet. The random guy is pulling on his pants and takes off, running past me and my bleeding mother. His wallet is on the ground, I pick it up so today isn’t a complete waste. Water pours from the tank into where the bowl used to be. The blood is oozing from her forehead. I grab her by the shoulders and drag her from the room.

I go in and shut off the silver valve behind the toilet. She tries to stand and slurs out, “It’s okaaay” and falls back to the floor. I step back out and look at the wound. It looks familiar, but I don’t think she’ll bleed out. I go to the phone and dial 999 ... hang up, curse myself and then dial 911.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I’m back in reality with only a few phantom slashes against my back as punishment for the toilet. Mindy is crouched down and looking me in the eyes, “What is that? It’s the fifth or sixth time you’ve done it front of me.”

“Nothing important. Where did she go?”

“Mom went down to talk to GG and Granny. I’ve got to get to class, but she said she needed to talk to you too.”

“Can you stay?”

“Tell me what that is ... a seizure? What?”

“They made me see a counselor for a couple months before the world tour year and while I was in Queens before the accident.” Or at least what I convinced those morons was an accident.

“What accident? What does a counselor have to do with it?”

“It’s called a flashback. I’ll loan you a book I stole about them ... it’ll tell you about the panic attacks too.”

Her eyes flashed in two or three emotions I didn’t recognize, but finished on resolve, “And seeing mom triggered that one?”

“Something like that. Why is she here? What does she want? I was almost happy.”

“She’s been here for 8 months ... she hasn’t talked to you yet? I assumed you were seeing her some of those times when I dropped you off in the Heights. She was staying in the guest room, but then moved in with her boyfriend.”

“Eight months?”

“Let’s go downstairs and talk to her...”

I had a brief fantasy on the thought of running upstairs to grab my bag and getting out the window, but I really didn’t have anywhere else to go. I could bunk with the twins for a night or two, maybe Alex ... but I wasn’t sure how long Sarah’s general acceptance of our weird friendship would hold out..., but there wasn’t anywhere else to stay for more than a night or two. I could sleep in the woods, like I had on the streets or the swamp in the past ... but that would just delay the inevitable.

My other added color commentary, “We can flee into the night. Take solace in the moon.” It’s like 0700.

She continued, “I’ll stay with you while you talk to her ... let’s go downstairs together.”

I descended the staircase with Mindy following after and took in the living room from the landing. The conversation stopped as I came around the corner. The grandmother was seated in her recliner, GG was on the end of the couch, and my mother was sitting beside her. I moved to the loveseat end of the sectional and Mindy followed along, grasping my hand. She squeezed it periodically.

“Why are you here?”

My mother turned towards me, “I thought you should meet my fiancé ahead of the wedding. You can pick out and decorate your room and then it’ll be ready to move in when we get back from the honeymoon.”

“No.”

GG added, “Johnny, she’s your mother.”

“Grandmother? This is your home. Do I have to leave?”

The grandmother spoke, “This is your home and it will always be your home.”

“Then I’m not going anywhere.”

My mother spoke, “Johnny ... This is a chance for us to be a real family. Robert is an amazing man ... I know things were bad, but the situation has changed ... I’ve changed. I love you and I want you to come home with me.”

“Mindy said you were here for 8 months. Is that true?”

“Yes, I came home when the divorce was final and I stayed here for a few months till I moved in with Robert.”

“So, you claim you ‘love me’, but we’ve not spoken in 18 months ... I’ve been in this house since June ... so five months. You ‘love me’ but didn’t bother to let me know you were here ... to check on me ... you didn’t bother to write a letter or call while I was on the world tour year. You claim this Robert is ‘Amazing’, but I’m willing to bet there was a time you said that about my father too. I have no reason to believe you care. I have no reason to trust your judgement. I’m honestly just surprised you managed this much of a conversation while you were sober. So, unless you’re going to call the cops on me again ... I’m not going with you.”

Mindy asked, “She called the cops on you?”

My mother fired back, “He was gone almost a month ... I had to.”

Mindy glared at me with questions in her eyes and I answered, “Yeah ... I stayed with a few friends ... while I worked on a plan, till the cops showed up and decided I needed ‘taught that I was stupid to run away when I had it ‘so good’ at home. They dropped me off and she couldn’t answer the door cause she was passed out between two dudes on the living room couch. That was about a week before I broke my leg ... Which she noticed after a month.”

Mindy scoffed, “That can’t be true.”

My mother had the decency to look guilty, but she dug in her purse and came out with a sandwich bag filled with plastic coins. She tossed them at me and I caught them. She explained, “1 day. I have three of those. 30, 60, 4 months, 5 months, 6 months, and 1-year chips ... after I put you on that first plane ... I stopped. I won’t say I didn’t relapse, but I’m 16 months sober. Things will be different now.”

“So, you’re okay to drive away without me then.”

“Johnny, I’m your mother ... I can force you if I must. I have full custody ... not my mother.”

“I’ll eat dinner with whatever shitstain you dragged out of the gutter, but I’m not moving in with a stranger.”

“We’ll talk about it ... you’ll like Robert ... he’s actually a good man ... and he’s really looking forward to having kids.” And there it is. That’s why she showed up. I’m a bargaining chip for the latest random fuckwit.

\GG offered, “Perhaps we can start with him splitting time. Staying with you a couple times a week until he’s more comfortable.”

“Is there a butcher near here?”

GG offered, “There is one in Sampson Flats ... near the school.”

“Shepherd’s pie. Lamb. Enough that I can take a pan back here with me. If I have to have dinner with you, mother, that’s my price.”

My mother nodded, “I can do that ... Next Friday. Mindy can come with you since you’ve gotten so ... close and Robert should get to know his new daughter too.”

“Fine. Is that it?”

“I ... I guess for now ... is there anything you need? Anything I can do to make you feel more comfortable? I know I screwed up, but I want us to be a family again.” Can’t go back to what we never were.

She began making small talk with GG and the grandmother and I stood up and headed upstairs. Mindy followed and said, “I do need to go to class now, but I’ll be home later.”

“Can you drop me off in The Heights first?”

“Sure ... your friends will be at school though.”

“It’s not here.”

“Susan Falls or Sarah Taylor?”

“What?”

“Which one are you wanting to talk to. Cause Alex’s mom is a professor at the college I go to...”

“Just drop me off in the heights, please.”

“Okay.”

She retrieved her bag and I followed her out towards the beat-up orange Volkswagen. I rode along as she drove me towards The Heights. I hopped out in front of the twins’ house, though I had to agree to talk to her later in the process. I walked around the house to the sliding glass door and saw Suzie was home. I knocked and she turned to look at me from her make-up table. She smiled and after a moment came to unlock the door.