Chapter 15: Moonfall

It was a Monday and I was standing in front of Suzie’s sliding glass door. I pecked on it. She waved me in.

She gave me a half-hearted smile, “Didn’t think you were coming back.”

“I thought we should at least talk about it first.”

“So, we’re done?”

“Yeah.”

“Was it because I was fantasizing about Scott?”

I shook my head, “I’ve thought about it a lot. I don’t care if you fantasize about Scott or Danny boy. I don’t really care if you fuck them. I care about the fact that you don’t respect me. Our first encounter ... well, best case scenario you started while I was asleep.” I watched her eyes blanche. I continued, “You could’ve just asked if I wanted to play with you; you didn’t. You took that choice away from me. I overlooked that. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I did cause I figured we were using each other. I wanted...”

Someone to fill in for the mother I never had. Jesus, I’m fucked up.

I shook it off and continued, “I wanted experience so if I had the chance to turn the head of the girl I wanted I could make her happy. I thought you wanted me, cause I was young. You didn’t. If you’d just outright said, ‘you look my son and I want to fantasize without acting on it.’ I would’ve gone along with it. Hell, We could’ve played the mommy game and gotten into it ... but again; you took that choice away from me.”

“It wasn’t just that you look like Scott; it just made that fantasy easier.”

“That’s fine, but I can’t keep doing this while I’m wondering what choice you’ll take away from me next. Thank you for the lessons, Suzie. Despite the way it started, I think some part of this will always be precious to me, but I can’t do this.”

I saw the response bulging in her throat, but turned and walked back out the door. I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to give her the chance to talk me out of it. I’d let her in when I shouldn’t have. I’d gone to her for comfort. It wasn’t my first mistake. It wasn’t my last, but that was the day moon fell.

February

Cheerleading competitions are hard fucking work. The state competition we went to was a two day even near the end of February. Each team did two routines, one on each day, and the scores were averaged. Everyone was ranked based on that score. The top two went to another competition.

This was also the point where I found out we did actually have a staff supervisor. It had been the band teacher. The substitute technically took over his duties, but wasn’t interested in traveling with us, but she used the funds to book us three rooms in a cheap hotel. Stacy and Jill had claimed one instantly. I was ‘designated one’ as the squad’s lone male, but Lis through her stuff in the room with mine. Tat left Angie and Beth in the third room.

We were all supposed to meet up in Beth’s room for planning for day two and socialization, but I was prepping my gear for the next day. I’d laid out my ‘uniform’ and a pair of trainers and was polishing my boots when Lis asked, What are you doing?”

“Polishing my boots.”

“Why?”

“Cause...”

So, my father doesn’t beat my ass isn’t a good answer when you haven’t seen him over two years and he doesn’t know where I am.

I continued, “Force of habit I guess.”

“So, you polish your boots every night?”

“No, usually every other. Same as my nails.”

“Nails?”

“My finger and toenails.”

“Why do you clip them that often?””
Su ... My tutor in the amorous arts told me I should. Considering where I stick my fingers, I don’t want to scratch something unintentionally and maybe cause an infection.”

“Oh ... well, thank you then. Any other habits?”

“Have to shave every three to four days? Not really sure what you’re looking for.”

“Just wondering why you do the things you do. You were able to sew Angie’s ripped skirt in the car. You can play the piano. You can cook.”

“How do you know I can cook?”

She rolled he eyes and spoke as if I’d asked how a razor blade tasted, “Beth told me about the soup. It’s not normal stuff for boys or boys your age.”

“I used to sneak out of the house a lot when I was young to avoid ... to avoid my family. Down the lane a few house was an old woman. She taught me most of that.”

“So, you’d sneak out and visit a little old lady?”

“Yeah and she put me to work. Cooking, cleaning, sewing. Then later the piano. It ... It was nice, but these are all basic skills everyone should have. Everyone should be able to take care of themselves and others.”

“Well, let me know when you’re done so we can head over.”

Two hours and a long discussion about dance aesthetics later;

Stacy and Jill were cuddled together seated on the bed nearer the door. Beth was seated on the far edge of the one closer to the Bathroom. Angie was posted up on the wall behind her. I was sitting in the floor and Lis was sitting on the dresser next to the television.

Beth put on her best queen bitch voice, “Stop being a pussy and drink.”

“As amazing as this foray into an afterschool special is, I don’t do that.”

She fired back, “That’s the point, it’s bad enough you sit there like a lump when we smoke, but you can have a fucking beer. Especially when we’re trying to play a game.”

“I tried the molly on my birthday.”

Her eyes widened, “You did?”

“Yeah, didn’t really like it. Won’t be doing it again.”

“That’s exactly the problem.”

I glanced around the room. The girls wanted to please Beth. That was usually the case. Angie seemed to be on my side if I was reading her body language correctly, “You do realize I have reasons I don’t drink, right?”

Stacy defended me, “It shouldn’t be a big deal if he wants to sit this one out.”

Jill took a stand, “No everybody plays or no one plays.”

“I can go back to my room.”

Beth’s voice sharpened, “No, you’ll play the game and you’ll drink like the rest of us.”

Angie had a bit of sympathy in her voice as she asked, “Your father was an alcoholic right?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever told you guys that, but yes, both my parents were. My mother seems to have sobered up. While I know that’s not the only reason he was a bastard, it’s not a habit I want to pick up. Plus, I kind of like having my senses work.”

Beth softened for a moment, then continued, “Just this once. In a safe space.”

Lis raised her hand and I briefly flashed on Stop In The Name of Love, “If he doesn’t want to we can’t make him.”

“I will on two conditions.”

Lis seemed surprised, “What conditions?”

“One I get a marker from each of you. One favor no questions asked, no ‘I don’t feel like it’ or ‘I have other plans.”

Lis wasn’t impressed, “Well, I mean we bang pretty much all the time I’m not sure what that is good for?”

“Doesn’t have to be sex. It likely will be considering the nature of most of our relationships, but Beth’s will almost certainly be non-erotic and Stacy’s will be within the boundaries we’ve set. Bottom line I say, “I’m calling in my marker.” You make it happen whether it’s sexual or not.”

Angie literally waved me off, “You know I’m graduating this year. You’ve haven’t got long to call this in.”

“Well, that’s the thing, I could dial you up 20 years from now and say, “Hey, leave your kids and husband at the house I’m at the corner of fifth and main and need a quickie,”

Angie clapped back, “And you think we’ll agree to that.”

Statement not a question? Interesting.

“If you want me wasted and willing to play a stupid drinking game? Yes. If it makes you feel better, I’m calling yours in tomorrow night.”

Lis ran her foot along my neck, “And mine?”

“Don’t know what I want for you yet.”

Angie had some apprehension in her voice, “But you do know mine.”

“Yep.”

“Which is?”

“I’d like to get to the bottom of things.” I smiled as Angie’s eyes widened.

Beth interrupted with a dismissive flair, “Fine. What’s the other thing?”

Stacy whined, “You can’t just agree on our behalf. You may lead the team, but you don’t own us.”

“My ginger princess is right. It’s all of you or none of you. I can take a walk if you want to debate?”

Beth took charge, “Who agrees? Hands. Looks unanimous to me.” I glanced around and all the girls did have a hand in the air, though Angie seemed more reluctant than the others. She continued, “So, what’s the second thing?”

“Open the wine. I’m not drinking beer. That shit tastes terrible.” The cork was popped and a mug filled and I took a drink, “So, what game are we playing that absolutely required me to imbibe?”