Tapestry Book 2: Crescent Moon

Anybody remotely interesting...

She ushered me out the back door. I wasn’t quite sure how to take that. I suppose it was better than walking a girl to her door after 20 minutes of fumbling in the back of a car. I didn’t think to check my watch. It was all I could do to stand and walk down the hill. As I progressed to the center of town the moon hung above me a welcoming crescent. It hung as if it had pierced the blackness, an earring to the sky. It was calming, it was comforting. I stopped on a patch of grass that made up someone’s front garden and stared at it for a moment before my legs gave out. I’m not sure how long I lay there, the dew wet grass on my back the crescent moon above but eventually I arose and continued my journey.

As I walked toward the grandmother’s house, I was more confused than anything else. I don’t feel any different, but I should feel different. My mind, I will admit, was not functioning at the highest level it was capable of, but even so I had difficulty wrapping my head around the concept. I didn’t feel any different. I was still me. Still heartless, guess I shouldn’t have expected what happened to change that. I wasn’t anymore manly any more decisive. I was supposed to be different. This was supposed to be one of those important events that changed who you are. It was supposed to be a rite of passage, something every boy had to do to reach manhood. One of those moments that defines a life. It was supposed to feel I was like a foot taller, like I was more than I was prior. It was supposed to matter, but it was just another night with me walking. I didn’t feel any different. I wasn’t any different. I was me. Sexuality added nothing to me, it seemed at the time. I was no longer a virgin, but that was the most insignificant fact in the world.

All I felt was woozy, tired, somehow off and confused. Did this mean something? Was it a one-time thing? Did I want it to continue? I enjoyed it, well what I was awake for, at the same time it seemed like an unnecessary complication to my life. Did she want it to continue? Maybe, she definitely was the instigator. I suppose that would depend on my capabilities. I was unconscious for the beginning and untrained. I couldn’t have been proficient. I hadn’t kissed her. That seemed odd. Almost everything I’d read and witnessed indicated kissing was important in these things.

Was I in a relationship with Susan? One night seemed a far cry from a relationship, but I really didn’t have much to compare it too. What was normal? What the hell do I tell Scott? I had a more than passing belief that he would be upset. I’m sure this violated one of the unwritten rules about American Masculinity. Do I tell him anything? I didn’t have a moral objection to lying; however, I preferred not to do it when I could avoid it. If you don’t lie often, you are more likely to be believed when you need to lie. Where was my Other? He was never this quiet. Wasn’t all this illegal and did it matter? After the fact I’ve always wondered if I had been drugged that night, because though I can count the number of times I’ve imbibed alcohol on my fingers I never gained that woozy sleepy world isn’t real feeling again.

The questions were new but could have been brought up by a kiss. Allegedly this was the moment every boy dreamed, every boy worked towards, devoted all his energy towards and it was meaningless. There wasn’t a revelation of any kind. I wasn’t something more than I was prior. I wasn’t any different. I hadn’t gained anything; I hadn’t lost anything. It was all just the same. To be honest I was more, disappointed than anything else. The moment should feel more important than it was.

At the time I was definitely having issues, besides my random run of questions and half paced thoughts. I was having trouble keeping my eyes open as I walked. I might actually have fallen asleep while still in motion. I do remember hitting the ground at least twice. I flashed back to when I’d read “The Long Walk.” I chuckled out loud as I realized four miles per hour was a near impossibility in my current state. Susan’s house was barely six and half miles from my grandmother’s home and it already felt like I had been walking for hours. I was very focused on getting back and getting into bed. I had no desire to pass out along the side of the road or in someone’s garden and I knew it would be more likely the longer I took. A shower too, I wasn’t covered in sweat, but I felt sticky nonetheless.

The air was early September cool, ushering down the piercing moon lighting my way, all the haze in my mind. Eventually I persevered and found my way off the hill and to 60. I hiked down the highway, my head clearing ever so slowly. It must have been between 12 and two because during most of the walk I barely saw a pair of headlights, stepping off the road and over the hill each time I did. Eventually I reached Valleyview, I was dehydrated. My mouth was dry and now in my less hazy state of mind I realized a shower was out of the question. I had little doubt I could sneak in the gate and across the roof to the attic window, but my sister’s room was between my room and the upstairs bathroom and it would be impossible to get there undetected. I had no real sense of loyalty from my sister, I didn’t know for sure if she would back me or not. This was assuming my aunt hadn’t taken an interest in my life and decided to wait up for me. That would be an interesting explanation. The most obvious would be that I simply fell asleep at Scott’s house and declined a ride, should they decide to check I had some faith that Susan would be able to back that up, even without a bit of warning. My breath might be a tip off, I had drunk the glass of wine, but I didn’t know if they would be able to smell the alcohol or just the grapes.

I began climbing the hill, I would need to survey the area before entering, I had no idea how they would react to me being out this late as I usually came home early and then left via the window once I was certain they were asleep. I still hadn’t gained a full understanding of the way my new “family” reacted to various situations. Would I be punished if caught, had they noticed at all? It really didn’t matter that much, I had to return. I was far closer to hitting the ground then I wanted to admit. I stared in through the fencing, the padlock and chain had already been placed on the gate. I pushed the bottom of the fence in and slipped through the gap between the fence and ground. A quick scan of the house, showed the only light still on was in the 2nd floor bedroom which belonged to my sister. I climbed onto the walkway and onto the roof. As I reached the window, I glanced in. As I saw nothing I pulled out my pocket knife and edged the window lock open. I raised the window slowly, my eyes on the stairs watching for any light, any movement up the stairs.

Gradually higher, I raised the window until it reached its full berth. I slipped in and walked over to the bed. I crashed onto it. Everything would have to wait. Everything grew dark as I felt unconsciousness calling me.