Chapter 13

Leslie slipped her arm into his as they started to walk round the Meadows.

“It has been far too long since the two of us just chatted.”

Andrew nodded in agreement.

“Mainly my fault I think, I am never here.”

“That’s true but we both got older, our lives changed and inevitably we moved on.”

Leslie was about to turn 26.

“Our relationship was always going to change. I met you at my most impressionable, puberty and the teenage years. Never mind dealing with cancer and my recovery. I would hope that a few of the lessons you imparted sunk in.”

Leslie was in a philosophical mood.

“Normally it is older people that look to try and recapture something from their youth. Yet here I am thinking about the last eight years, all the craziness and optimism from those first dark days.”

“Are you not happy with what you are doing?”

“Hell no. I love it. That is part of it. It is easy for me to use your separation at Cambridge as a reason for things moving on, not seeing each other as much as we once did. But I don’t know if we would be having these chats even if you were here in town all the time. I am totally swept up in the Trusts and get immense personal satisfaction when one of our investments starts to become a success. Talking of that, I haven’t had a chance to talk to you on your own about stepping down as a Trustee. You said all the right things but were you really okay? The original idea was yours. I would like to think that I would have got there eventually but I am not sure. Dad has mentioned that you forced him to think about some of his investments differently, first with the investments in the individuals. You did that from the initial ComputerCom money not even from Jullesand.”

It took a moment to untangle the question buried in there.

“The short answer is yes I am fine. You know that I had not been pulling my weight on that Trust, on either Trust come to think of it. Doug always talked about making sure we were investing to make a profit, otherwise it was nothing more than a complicated way to give to charity. In my mind I have given to charity. It was no different than putting money in a collecting tin rattled by someone on the street. Yes, the sums were larger, and I know who is trying to use the money but my involvement ended when I dropped the money in the tin. This is the same thing. I am delighted that you found your passion and what you are achieving with the Trust, both with the companies we invest in, as well as the scientific research. But it is not my life. If I wanted it to be my life then I would be taking more business courses. I only took one business elective at university. So I can’t have my cake and eat it too. That is what not stepping back from the Trusts would have meant. What you and Creighton and Doug need are two Trustees with passion that are going to question you, make you think about whether what you are doing or proposing to invest in is the right way forward. Not second guess you but make you better and more accountable. Julian and I were two passengers who knew our limitations.”

Leslie laughed but they both knew it was true.

“And I can see you grooming Julian’s replacement as well.”

“Really? Who?”

“Maggie. Despite not doing well at school and not going to university she is incredibly smart, she reminds me of you when she talks about the photography business. And I know you, that all three Trustees will be female will be a source of immense pride and satisfaction.”

Leslie shook her head.

“Remind me not to play poker with you. That was far too accurate. You are right and I have been talking to her about it. Julian can resign next spring.”

Her next question showed that her mind was bouncing around.

“What about this computer company. Do you really think that Julian can break into that world?”

At this Andrew threw his hands up.

“I swing back and forth like a metronome. Part of me thinks it is very similar to his dad’s firm at the very end of 1979, out of their depth and needing help. And at least this time we are not 14 and 16. I know that AIMS works already, that has been shown, proved and validated. Child of AIMS will address some of the things that my demonstration showed were needed. So the need is there and we have a solution that we can technically provide. But then I swing back to the other side and shake my head in despair and think I am so full of it. The big defence and security companies are all household names, you hear them on the news when a contract is announced. When I think about it in that context then I wonder if we are just stupid and naïve to even think about doing something in that market. But then it swings back the other way again and I think about how disruptive computers are, how so many people are worried about what they will do. To their jobs, their careers, to everything they have known their whole working life. Julian and I know this; I worked for the last three years during the summer at the Ministry of Defence, seeing the hesitancy, the downright fear that people our parents age have with computers. They need help not just to implement a computerised system but to use it, to get the most from it. I don’t know, I am all over the place as you can see.”

Leslie was quiet as they walked. Andrew could tell she was thinking and waited for her to work it out in her head.

“This is why we need to have time together, I think you might be onto something.”

He looked at her.

“Training Andrew, don’t you see? I hear what you are saying about the software and everything you say is valid and makes sense. But regardless of whose software they select and buy, they are going to need help getting the maximum out of it. That is the part that I wasn’t seeing.”

Leslie was off and Andrew walked quietly beside her as she started to get really excited.

“What did we do when we created AIMS? We designed the software and then sold it. Now we only ever had two customers but we never thought about the people who were going to use the software. I even remember Dad mentioning it at the meeting with the Government all those years ago. Don’t you see? We can design AIMS 2.0 and see if we are successful in being accepted, passing all the security tests and whatever. But what we should do is employ people to train. That is the key to closing the sale. Look at it from the Government’s point of view. Not just buy the software but get people to use it, be comfortable with it, make a difference.”

Leslie was bouncing on the balls of her feet. But Andrew was thinking about West Berlin and Worthy Down and the MoD Police at Earls Court. He was even thinking back to the Julian’s dad’s firm when they sat down with everyone once the templates were installed. Buying the software was the easy part, getting people to use it, getting people to change was the challenge.

“It is a brilliant idea. The people we employ will need to get clearance, and will be travelling a lot. Remember how Mhairi told us to get an administrator? I think we need to hire that person, and quickly.”

“I will call her and go and see her next week. It feels like there is a lot to do.”

There was a lot to do but between Mhairi and Leslie he knew that they would get it done. Still, there was a lot that could go wrong. Leslie changed topics again.

“Julian told me what the two of you talked about yesterday morning. Do you really think that they will go for something as crazy as the Open University OTC?”

“I thought about that this morning while I was swimming. Honestly, I have no idea. But it makes sense from their point of view. They can be sure about security. And it is actually commonplace for civilians to be around bases. I have seen Vickers guys at several bases. They had their own vehicles and everything. Sure 95% of the people working on the kit are in the Army but they send for civilians when they are needed. For example, it is a lot easier to bring the repairman to the tank than take the tank to the repairman. Part of our challenge is that there are huge parts of the forces and all the spooks that no one knows anything about. Where I worked this summer was a prime example. So as people talk in Whitehall someone might say ‘oh, this group does that already’ and we are shown the door. There is also the issue of politics. Mhairi said that the big defence groups are all well connected politically. We might have the best solution, the cheapest solution, the right solution for the problem and we could still lose out due to ‘a word in the right ear’. Lets’ face it, it wasn’t like we had a lot of success actually selling AIMS. We designed great software but breaking into the market was beyond two students and a schoolboy. We are older but the challenges still exist.”

Leslie nodded.

“I have lots to think about with the business but let’s park that for just now. How are you doing? One of things I do miss is listening to you ramble on, talking about your goals, plans for the future. We haven’t done this in nearly a year, I think the last time was in Regent’s Park last year after dropping the cheque off with Dr. Bodmer at the Cancer Fund. By the way we should talk about that date so don’t let me forget. So tell me how you are doing?”

It was slow at first but gradually Andrew warmed up and shared more with her. Especially the doubts and concerns he had about his career.

“It still feels like I have too many choices. But at the same time I also am putting a lot of constraints on myself. One of my big concerns is I have never worked for anybody, well other than you.”

Leslie laughed but didn’t deny it.

“I am used to being in charge, or at least having an opinion that is listened to. I think back to Julian and the guy at Ferranti during the summer after his 3^rd year. That was 10 weeks and it put Julian off forever. Most people have to put up with shit like that, a know-it-all boss, unpleasant working conditions. I know that I don’t have to, and it gives me pause. I am sorry I keep talking obliquely about this summer but that was part of it. I didn’t care if they fired me, or I lost the chance to work permanently there. I also don’t want to go and work for a research laboratory on my project, the thing I have been working towards for six years. Nobody knows I have already set up an engineering firm, well the usual people up here but nobody down south, nobody on my course. But suppose I go and work for myself, it will be like back when we were trying to sell AIMS, nobody was listening. And then you factor in potentially working in the secret world. I am smart, I know that, but I am not the best when it comes to people skills.”

“Julian and you really did change, didn’t you? He is even more adamant than you about never working for someone else. His passion for this new opportunity, as he said a chance to make a difference on his terms, is wonderful. And we have the safety net of not worrying if it succeeds. We are so lucky.”

“I know what you mean. I could play at being a consulting engineer for two or three years and if it didn’t work I could move on.”

“What about your other goals?”

“They are mostly okay. And I am not stressed about them at present. Until I sort out the career part of my life then the rest are taking a backseat. I work on my balance, think about karma and constantly think about making a difference, but they are within the context of nine months left in Cambridge. What happens after next summer, well there is no point in making grandiose plans if it is all going to change. One of the things I am going to have to think about is volunteering. I don’t know what the right thing to do is going forward.”

He told Leslie about the last four terms at Addenbrooke’s.

“Does it affect you? Is it affecting you longer term do you think?”

He sighed and shrugged.

“It does affect me, how can it not, and I know that it is almost unheard of for someone to volunteer in the children’s cancer ward. But however much it affects me, I am getting 1% of the emotional turmoil of the medical staff. I am not telling a patient and their parents that treatment has not been successful. Shit Leslie, think back to that terrible day at the Infirmary. It was the worst day of your life but to the doctor it may have been the fourth such day that week. I have no idea how they deal with that. I can’t see how the highs can make up for the lows. Regardless of the weather I walk home on a Monday night, trying to purge the emotions from my system. Olivia is bloody fantastic with me on a Tuesday morning, never says much and lets me return to normal, usually around lunchtime. And that is me volunteering three or four hours one night a week. Imagine being married to a doctor or nurse where that is their job.”

Andrew shook his head.

“Does it affect me? Yes it does. But I also don’t think it affects me enough. It is horribly complicated. Come next September in London I will have to think about what I am going to do.”

Leslie said nothing but the grip on his arm was tighter. When she did speak her voice was soft.

“I never thought about the doctor that day. As soon as the words were out of his mouth he ceased to exist for me. But you are right, it takes a special kind of mental strength to deal with distress that acute day in and day out.”

It was not so much a sigh as a long slow exhalation.

“To think that Mum once considered doing this. She wouldn’t have lasted 30 seconds.”

Andrew nodded.

“Is it still survivor guilt that makes you go back?”

“I don’t know what it is. I am sure that is part of it. Mostly it is a stubborn refusal to give up, to let cancer win. Right now that is the main part, sheer bloody-mindedness. And the tyranny of symmetry. It seems wrong to stop after three years when I am in Cambridge for four. But then I will see Mandy at Hall sitting and chatting away with her friends and I remember the positives. I do think that without the contact with Mandy I may have stopped. She represents the one that got out, the face of all the others that survived. And now she is a student at the College. She is incredibly important.”

“You sound so happy when you talk about her.”

“Like I said she has an outsized importance.”

“Is she coping?”

“I think so. I never ask her about her course. She is too busy trying to shock me. She is like a little sister and she will be trying to recount her latest exploits. I have to put my fingers in my ears. She is worse than me.”

This made Leslie snort.

“Okay, maybe not that bad.”

“Can I ask about you? I will lie with Julian some nights and we will be talking away and you will come up for some reason. He is always amazed at how open you were with me about your sex life. I have been bad and told him some of the tales. In amongst all the odds things about our relationship it was one of the most odd. I remember when you told me about your first time with Kenzie and you were so matter of fact and yet very graphic. It all became very real then.”

“So you want to hear about my sex life?”

She laughed and half-heartedly whacked him.

“No. I think those days are done. I just wanted to check that you are okay.”

“For the most part. It is another thing that is going to be an issue next summer. I will have to work some stuff out. But I am getting less slutty.”

“Your definition of less slutty is open to considerable debate.”

They laughed but Leslie turned pensive again.

“My friendship with Suzanne complicates things doesn’t it?”

“No. Well okay, a little bit.”

Andrew shrugged. Talking to Leslie would probably help but Suzanne was Leslie’s closest friend now. Double shrug.

“I need to remember that I am only 21 and just because my best friends got hitched young doesn’t mean I have to.”

Leslie smiled and didn’t even bother whacking him.

“Best thing I ever did.”

Andrew squeezed her hand.

“That’s what he says too.”

It was the perfect point to stop and they had nearly completed their second circuit of the park. With a hug and kiss on the cheek Leslie dropped Andrew off at Maggie and Tony’s flat as she headed home. He stood on the street watching her turn and head off up Marchmont Road before heading up to their flat.

“It was good to see you last night, you missed the comedy of my attempts at riding. I noticed you didn’t want to chat about the house so I didn’t mention it. Is everything okay?”

“Oh everything is fine. We are just being low-key about it. We will have you all out at New Year to see it. It is just a lot of work. Yesterday was things for the kitchen. It is tough to buy lots of nice new stuff and leave it all at the empty house.”