Chapter 4: Lessons From Our Vacation

After the time at the motel – all right, the two times – with Ally’s “friend,” Hannah, it gave me some things to think about. Ally and I have never had a conversation about exclusivity, or fidelity, or whatever you want to call it. I mean, Ally said that I’m her husband, and that she is my wife, and those words have some implications about ... about us with regard to other people.

Janet and I were together ... what, 17 years, married 15 of them, and I was never “unfaithful” to her and I don’t think she ever was to me, and I don’t think that having an affair – or more – would have solved whatever it was that was troubling Janet these past several years.

But Ally – I don’t think there are any formal rules for how a father and a daughter in this kind of relationship should be. And the fact that Ally has declared herself to be my wife and me her husband does not clarify things one bit. Neither does the fact that, to my surprise, I’ve actually come to feel like Ally is my wife and that I am Ally’s husband.

But I also have concerns, about Ally, and how much I love her, but also how unfair it would be to her if the only sex she ever had would be with me, a guy who ... a guy who’s old enough to be her father.

Even thinking about Ally having sex with someone else – of any age – is heartbreaking. But also, I love her enough that I think I could let go if it seemed like she really needed the experience of ... someone closer to her own age, someone...

So the whole thing with Hannah brought an entirely new aspect to our relationship. Are we to be exclusive – “faithful” – to each other? Or... not?

Like I said, I do feel that Ally is my wife. But she’s also only 15. Should her total sexual life be limited (except, apparently, for the occasional lesbian experience) to just one man, one older man – who happens to be her father? The “father” part of me was having a hard time with that. As a father, I want my daughter to enjoy a variety of sexual experiences (safe) with a variety of partners (all safe and caring and protective of her). But as her declared “husband” ... I just didn’t know.

This was something she and I needed to talk about.

“Ally, sweetheart, about what happened – about what we did – about what we all did – with you and me and Hannah, at her motel...”

She immediately interrupted me. “Yeah, I was thinking that maybe we should talk about some stuff.”

“Good, because I...”

She cut me off.

“Were you mad at me, for what Hannah and I did at the motel. And are you angry because her and me did stuff at the Regionals last spring and I didn’t tell you about it?”

So this was her first concern – that I was mad that she did sexual things with a girl?

“No, Sweetheart, not at all. Your body is your own, to do with whatever you want...,” and then I thought to add, responsibly, “just so long as you don’t hurt other people ... or yourself.”

She bent over and kissed me on the cheek.

“I thought you felt that way – or at least I hoped you feel that way. But thanks for saying it – I guess I just needed to hear it.” Then out of the blue she asked me, “Did you ever do stuff with other guys when ... whenever?”

I guess she was curious, and considering what we’d just talked about I could understand her curiosity.

“No, I never have – never did.” Not strictly true, but that explanation would have to be for another time.

Then she got this sly little smile. “So, Daddy, did you like watching Hannah and me? Did it turn you on, watching us kiss and finger each other and suck each others boobs and pussies ‘n’ stuff?”

Now it was my turn to put on a sly, sarcastic smile.

“Me? Why would any man like me get turned on watching two good-looking athletic young women kissing and licking each others pussies and asses?” Then I tried for what I hoped was an “offended” took. “What kind of man do you think I am, anyway?”

Ally punched my arm, which I deserved. We both laughed.

“Yeah, it was really hot watching all the things you two did and especially how you responded when you did those things.”

“Yeah? So what was the hottest thing out of all the stuff Hannah ‘n’ me did?”

I thought for a moment, but it didn’t take long.

“No doubt about it, the hottest was when you and Hannah had your legs spread and you rubbed your pussies together ‘til you both came – I think you both came hardest then, and that’s what got to me the most, not just watching you do it but seeing you both cum so hard.”

... and I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation – with anyone, and especially not with my daughter-wife.

“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed our reunion.” Then she got that smile again.

“You know, Daddy, doing it that way isn’t just limited to girls...,” and I immediately started thinking of the next time when Ally and I could try it “that way.”

“But there’s something else, Sweetheart,...”

“Yeah, I know – it’s about other people, isn’t it?”

Yes, she understood. Apparently events had taken her to the same place as me.

“We’ve never talked about that, have we, Jim?”

“Jim” again. I guess we’re back into husband-wife mode.

“No, Sweetheart, we never have.” I waited to see if she already had some thoughts. She didn’t act like there was anything she wanted to say. Or was she waiting – deferring to me, the “more experienced” one in relationship stuff like this? Since it didn’t seem like she was going to say anything, I started.

“I’m not sure the best order to say this, so I’ll just start with the part about me. Ally, I love what we have with each other. I’ll admit it – I’m in love with you, and I love you being my wife, and I’m in love with the idea of you being my wife and me being your husband.

“But also, I know that you’re very early in your life, and the idea of you being tied to just me – to just one person...,” and I paused, to see if she would “correct” me on this. I mean, if I didn’t know about Hannah ... how many other things were there that I didn’t know about?

But Ally didn’t say anything or “take the bait” so I went on, trying to finish the thought I’d started.

“So, anyhow, I love you, and I am so very happy with our life the way it is, but if ... well, you know... “ And reading this, you know just what it was that I was afraid to say.

Ally smiled at me, this almost sad smile, and touched my cheek gently with her fingers, and it was the touch of a much older, mature woman.

“Jim, that’s so brave – it must have taken a lot of courage to say ... what you just did. Jim, right now I don’t need anyone but you – you’re everything to me. But that might change. Like you say, I’m only 15, and things might ... happen ... that I’m not expecting. And I can’t imagine ever loving anyone like I’m in love with you, but like you said, things happen...

“But I worry about you, too. Will you get bored with me some time, or maybe not really bored, but missing someone closer to your age, maybe someone who’s had experiences like yours, maybe someone who’s had more sexual experience than I have...,” and she smiled. “Although we’re doing our best to make sure I catch up, aren’t we?”

But then she got serious again. “I mean maybe someone who’s gone through what you have – maybe the experience of having a child and worrying about them, or maybe of losing a wife ... Anyhow, what I’m trying to say is ... I don’t know what I’m trying to say, but, yeah, I guess maybe we both have to think about it, about sometime maybe wanting something that the other one can’t do for us...”

At that moment I realized that I loved my new wife more than words could ever relate, and that I wanted her as my partner for the rest of whatever life the world will grant me. But also, at the age of 15, she also realizes the challenges the two of us might face in the many years to come.

“I guess we’ll just have to remember how much we love each other, and how very careful we’ll need to be about each other’s feelings.”

Ally came over and snuggled into me on the couch.

“I guess that’s what we’ll have to do, huh, Jim?”

And that’s what led to what would become the next major turning point in our life together.

Ally and I have become much more comfortable – and much more confident – in our life together – in our relationship as “husband” and “wife.” And now, most of the time, I’m Jim.

Part of this is being able to do things as a couple rather than as father and daughter – but without doing it in ways that might look “inappropriate” and which might bring other people’s attention to us in not-so-good ways.

Ally and I like to go on “adventures,” travel together, see new places and things. The first time was our “road trip” to Lake in the Hills, and that first night in the Pineview Hotel. And you know how that turned out!

But when we do this, we still need to be cautious, discreet. One obvious thing, of course: no PDAs – public displays of affection. That would set off alarm bells in a lot of people. No “familiar” touching or walking too close. We might be able to get away with holding hands – if we don’t stand too close while we’re doing it. So we never take the chance.

Other things are more subtle. For example, when we travel, like when we stay at a hotel or lodge, I need to be sure to specify “two beds” rather than the single bed where we’ll end up spending most of our nights – and other times. And just generally acting like a father and daughter wanting to ensure each other’s privacy – instead of exactly the opposite, which is what we really want!

And, of course, I’m always “Dad,” never “Jim.”And that’s what we had to do when we decided we wanted a week-long getaway someplace warm and sunny – as opposed to the cold, drizzly weather we mostly have here this time of year. Together we decided on a resort near Tucson, Arizona, called Las Casitas. It looked warm and sunny and they had palm trees and lots of different cactuses (I know – cacti!) and two beautiful swimming pools – one of them with a swim-up bar. And all the “rooms” were actually separate bungalows – the casitas in the name. We figured this arrangement would make it easier for Ally and me to act a little more freely than we might in the closer quarters of a regular hotel layout.

Including the waiting times to board and disembark, we were on the plane for 4-1/2 hours. And believe me, there were so many times that I wanted to reach over and take Ally’s hand, and I think she was the same way. We did manage to get in a few surreptitious squeezes, but we had to keep things on the down-low, well, because you know...

We got our baggage – two suitcases plus a shared carry-on were plenty, since a lot of our stuff was shorts, swimwear, and lightweight summer vacation clothes – and picked up the rental car in the VIP row, and in 20 minutes we were pulling up in front of Las Casitas’ lobby. And I had a sudden flashback, to that time a year ago, when Ally and I pulled up at the Pineview Motel, and the memory...

Anyhow, like I said, I went into the office and registered. The cheerful tanned healthy-looking young man at the desk showed me a laminated map of the resort and where our casita was and how to get there and where to park. When we got there Ally was delighted to see that ours was one of eight or ten casitas clustered around one of the two swimming pools.

We got our bags out of the car and walked to the rustic Spanish mission-style veranda. I noted the two large comfortable-looking rustic mesquite-wood chairs and immediately started thinking about how nice they’d be to sit in on the quiet desert evenings. I held the keycard up to the lock. It clicked, and we opened the door to a lovely, spacious one-room apartment with a huge king bed – just like we requested when we reserved!

We couldn’t wait to unpack and explore the grounds, but just as soon as we stepped outside we realized that the mid-afternoon Arizona heat would not make for a pleasant “stroll.” We ducked back inside and changed into our swim suits and headed out to “our” pool.

And that’s pretty much how we spent our first two days at Las Casitas – strolling among the cacti on the beautiful grounds early in the morning or later in the evening, swimming or at the poolside mid-day. There were two restaurants – one elegant and upscale serving Southwest cuisine, and one coffee-shop type cafe-restaurant, perfect for “casual” dining, including lots of Southwest and Mexican choices for breakfast.

In other words, it was just like we imagined our winter desert getaway would be – perfect!

On our third day as we were leaving for breakfast at the coffee shop we saw our “neighbors” in the casita next to us, a young couple – a woman and man – and exchanged friendly “Hello”s and a few remarks about how lovely the resort is and how nice our rooms are – you know how those conversations go.

When we returned from our breakfast they happened to be coming back at the same time. We exchanged greetings again. A few words about the weather, and how nice the resort is, and “Our cottage has this... “ and “ ... Does yours have...?”

The woman then introduced them as Marie and Rick. As we talked I realized that the woman – Marie – was older than I thought when I first saw her. She looked young, petite, maybe five-two or -three (now that I think of it, that’s about the same height Ally is now) and she had this wholesome all-American girl face, a short hair cut that curled around cute little ears, and a smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks, and basically she looked like a high-school cheerleader who never lost her looks.

The “man” turned out to be a “young man,” perhaps even a teenager. His hair was lighter, almost blond – I immediately thought “surfer,” although we’re 400 miles from the nearest coastline. But you could see it in the chin and cheekbones, and especially the eyes, that he and the woman were related.

And of course I started wondering, “Could they...?” Yes, they might be – in fact, probably were – mother and son. Or perhaps aunt and nephew?

But could they ... like Ally and me...? Could they be a... couple?No – no way!

I mean, what are the odds...?

We finished our morning routines. I completed the shave that I’d skipped before breakfast while Ally wanted to do her stretching exercises. I joined her but since I don’t have Ally’s flexibility – or her youth – I begged off after the first two routines.

Ally, already half-undressed from her stretching session, took no time in getting changed into her bikini and was gone while I was still fumbling with my belt. By the time I got changed and out the door Ally was already by the pool talking with our next door neighbors. Actually, Ally and the woman, Marie, were doing the talking. “Rick” was standing there, kind of awkwardly, but also ... intently interested in whatever it was that Ally and his mom were talking about.

I came up behind Ally. It was almost reflex for me to put my hands on her hips, but then I caught myself just in time and let my hands fall helplessly to my sides.

But Marie looked straight at me. She’d obviously caught the slight forward movement of my arms toward my daughter and she smiled ... a smile that said, “I saw that – I saw what you almost did,” but her look almost seemed to say, ” ... and it’s alright.”

Ally turned around and grabbed and squeezed my arm.

“Oh, hi, Dad – Marie and I were just talking. She and her son Rick are here to get away from the Midwestern weather like we are. It sounds like we might have a lot in common – c’mon, I’ll tell you later but right now the sun’s getting hot and it’s only ten o’clock.” Taking my arm and pulling me toward the pool, she looked back and said, “‘Bye, Marie – bye, Rick – we’ll see you later.”

Once we were in the pool Ally said, “Here – let’s lounge in the water here,” and dragged me over to a shallow part of the pool that was shaded from the morning sun and we could laze against the edge.

“Jim,” yes, Jim – must be something serious and couple-related, “You know I was talking with Marie and Rick – well, mainly, with Marie – Rick mostly just listened – and you won’t believe this – I’m 99% sure they’re like us – that they’re together, like a couple! Can you believe it??”

Well, no – and yes.

“Why do you think so, Punkin’?” I haven’t called Ally “Punkin’” in a while, but somehow it seemed like the right way to address a daughter who’s just bursting to tell me something wild! “Why do you think Rick and Marie are like ... us?”

“We’ll, when we first saw them this morning you had to notice their ages, and there’s no way they could be married, but also, it didn’t seem like they were brother-and-sister, either. So when I saw them by the pool I thought I should go over and talk to them, like maybe it would be nice to have some friends the week we’re here.

“But then we got talking, and the way Marie said things, it was like it was always ‘us’ and ‘we,’ and it was kind of like the way the we talk about ourselves. And then she said that it looked like you and me are ‘close’ – that’s the word she used, that you and me are ‘pretty close to each other,’ and then she said, ‘ ... kind of like Rick and me.’

“And that’s when the 99%-certain clicked. So I said, yeah, that my dad and me were close, and then like she did, I said, ‘ ... like you and Rick... ‘ and kinda left my voice hanging there like that.”

“And what did she say?”

“That’s kind of it – she didn’t say anything more. It was like everything that needed to be said was already said. Isn’t that wild?”

Ally and I splashed around in the pool for a while, and I went through a show of swimming a few lengths, but after a while we decided to get out and start thinking about lunch. The resort actually had “room service” – there was a menu for the coffee shop cafe that you could order off of, online or by phone, and a perky young man or woman would bring bring your food or drink right to your casita. Ally and I both ordered two Santa Fe Wraps and iced teas, and in twenty minutes they were at our door. When I went to tip the chirpy young woman she said that they don’t have tipping – “Instead, you just leave a single tip when you check out and that gets shared with the whole staff.”

After lunch we thought about going back out to the pool but in the end decided to hang out in our air-conditioned casita and watch a movie. Okay, we might have fooled around a bit, but nothing heavy. After all, we were on vacation, so even the sex is vacation-casual.

We went back out late in the afternoon. The air was still quite warm but the sun was now lower in the sky so it was actually kind of nice by the pool. Apparently our “neighbors” had the same idea, because we looked up to see them waving at us. Rick found two more deck lounges and motioned for us to come and join them.

We went over and said hi, but almost as soon as we’d made our polite greetings Ally said, “It’s too warm out her – I want to get into the water.” Then she looked at Rick. “Wanna come?” Rick took a quick look at his mom, then said “Sure!” and off both of them went toward the pool.

Marie and I exchanged a smile.

“Would you like something to drink?”

She thought about it for two seconds. “Strawberry margaritas?”

“Sounds good.” I went to the poolside bar and in a couple of minutes was back with two frozen strawberry margaritas.

While I was gone Marie had repositioned the deck lounges so that two of them were side by side.

“I thought this way we could talk and neither of us would have the sun in our faces.”

“Good thinking.” I handed her her drink and I carefully lowered myself into the lounge next to her. It was lovely. Despite the heat there was a gentle breeze blowing and under the shade of the umbrella it was actually pretty pleasant.

“Cheers!”

We exchanged a few more observations about the resort and the staff and our rooms, but then Marie got to what it was she apparently wanted to talk about.

“Your daughter – Ally – who’s a lovely young woman, by the way – and I had a chance to talk with each other...,” she took a sip of her drink, “ ... and talk about some things.” She waited, giving me a chance for her words sink in. “It sounds like you and she share some things in common with Rick and me.” And again, a pause for me to understand what it was she could be referring to.

I thought the best approach would be to respond in kind.

“Yeah, Ally told me that. She says it seems like you and Rick are like her and me ... in ... a lot of ways and share a lot of the same things that Ally and I share...”

She took another sip of the sweet red slush. Yes, we both understood what we were talking about, so it was OK to take the conversation farther.

We looked over toward the pool, where Ally and Rick seemed to be having a great time, splashing each other, walloping each other with foam “pool noodles,” and generally having fun.

Marie said, “It’s good to see them like that. Given our... ‘circumstances,’ Rick doesn’t get a lot of chances to just have fun with young people like himself.”

“I’ve thought the same thing about Ally. It’s really good, seeing her having fun with someone her own age.”

So now Marie and I had just shared something else about our relationships: Our concerns that the wonderful relationships that we share with our own children may be ... depriving them ... of some of the normal experiences they should be having.“So ... how...?”

Under the circumstances there was only one thing I could be asking about.I had to ask, especially because half of my question was an attempt to understand Ally and me, and how...?

Marie took another long pull on her margarita.“When my asshole husband...,” she practically spit out the word, “– I won’t even mention his name – ran out on me – us – I was pretty much crushed. I mean, things were not perfect between us, but then, they never are. But I didn’t think that we were ... that we were on the brink of anything like this. But then when he just spilt and ran off with some whore he met at a trade show – well, I was totally caught off-guard, and like I said, well, I was ... crushed.”

I nodded, to let her know that I understood – the situation, and also how it left her feeling.“But Rick – he was a rock. First, I think he might have seen it coming, and he pretty much sensed that his dad was an asshole anyway. But what he did – he understood how I was feeling – how I was ... devastated, and he did everything he could to make me feel better. And that included a lot of physical affection. He’d hug me a lot, and especially he would hug me from behind, with his arms around me, and with our different heights my head would fit in right under his chin. And he’d hold me like that and kiss my hair and tell me that I was a beautiful woman and that he loved me.“But then one time when he was holding me like this he turned me around so that we were facing each other and he bent to kiss me, and it was a nice, normal mother-son loving kiss. But then, it seemed like he held his lips there, like he was waiting for something. And I guess I must have been waiting for something, too, because I let my lips soften, and then I was moving my lips against his, and I opened my mouth and he opened his mouth, and we started kissing like that, and then we stopped and looked at each other, like ‘Did we really do that?’ and then, ‘Do we want it to happen again?’ and we both knew that, yes, we wanted it to happen again.

“He took my hand and led us into my bedroom and I slipped off the bathrobe I was wearing and skimmed off my panties and bra and he stepped out of his track pants and his T-shirt and Jockeys and we got on the bed and he fucked me, and it was the best fuck I ever had in my life.”

Marie smiled. “But there’ve been lots of even better ones since then.” She smiled again. I smiled with her.

“You?”Now it was my turn, to share my story – our story – with Marie. But also, another opportunity to try and understand how we – how Ally and I...

So I told her how I came home one evening from an overnight client visit and Janet wasn’t there, and how Ally was already home and knew, and about the note on the refrigerator door.And how Ally took my hand and led us upstairs, and the words she said – “Jim – it’s time to go to bed.” And how she took the responsibility for consoling me those first two nights, but then on the third night she told me that she was going to be my wife, and how she took my cock and guided it into her... “And weird as it sounds, that’s pretty much the way that it’s been ever since that night that she ... announced it, I guess.”

Marie seemed to be waiting in case I was going to say more, but I guess I didn’t know where to go after that.

When I didn’t say anything, she asked, “And is that how it is now – that Ally has become your wife, and you’re her husband?”

I thought about it, but only for a moment.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much the way it is.”

“And how does that work out. I mean, what’s it like. I mean, Rick and I have never said the words or talked about anything like ... that. But that’s pretty much the way we live. We sleep together every night and we touch each other a lot, just casually, and we pretty much relate like ... well, we don’t relate like mother and son, that’s for sure.”

I answered, “Yeah, that’s pretty much the way it is with Ally and me. Most of the time we’re like partners. I mean, some of the time, like when she wants to tell me something about friends or school or track, I guess I’m her dad and she gets to tell me about all the great or funny – or sad – things that happened that day. But like I said, most of the time we’re partners.

“And the thing is, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so ... calm, so content with my life. I love the fact that when I come home from the office, that she meets me with a kiss and has dinner ready for us, or if she gets home later we get to make dinner together, and sometimes when she gets home late from school or track or friends, then I get the chance to have supper waiting for her.

“And even when she’s away, like staying over at a friend’s or away for an out-of-town track meet, I’m happy just thinking about when she’ll be coming back.“And each night we take each other’s hands and go up to the bedroom – to our bedroom. And then we’re not father-and-daughter any more, or partners. When Ally takes my hand and we walk up those stairs, she’s my wife and I’m her husband.

“Usually we’ll have some kind of sex, but even when we don’t we’re just happy to be there lying there holding each other.”

Marie reached over and took my hand and gave it a little squeeze.“That sounds beautiful. And also, when I hear you describe it, it sounds a lot – almost exactly like what Rick and I have. Sometimes he needs a mother, and those times I’m there for him, but most of the time we’re ... partners ... like you describe with Ally. I don’t know if we’ve reached the point of thinking about the husband-wife thing, but now that you mention it, it sounds a lot like the way we are.” She paused and took another sip of her drink. “Maybe that’s something Rick and I might want to talk about...”

Since we were talking about it, it seemed like the opportunity to bring up something else with ... with someone who’s kind of in the same boat I am.

“Marie – do you ever worry about Rick – and I don’t mean to say anything disapproving about your ... relationship, because, well, I’m guilty of exactly the same thing, but ... do you ever get the feeling that the relationship the two of you have is ... sort of ... preventing him ... from having some kinds of experiences he should be having – learning some things that he should be learning now...?”

She smiled and took another sip of her drink, and she seemed to be thinking it over.

“What Rick and I have is beautiful, but yes, it’s also depriving him of some experiences he should have – like making love to someone his own age, for example – someone who has the same kinds of experiences and thoughts he does.” She looked over toward the pool where Ally was up on Rick’s shoulders, her legs around his neck, and they were “jousting” with another young couple. “It makes me happy seeing him like that, having normal fun with someone his own age – like Ally.”

Another sip, and then another smile.

“How about you? Do you get the same kinds of thoughts and concerns about Ally?”

I took a sip of my drink.

“‘Bout like you, I guess – loving what she and I have, and everything that we share. But, yeah, I have the same kinds of thoughts and concerns you do. I mean, is it fair to her to have her life centered around a middle-aged man who’s old enough to be her father?” We both chuckled over of my literal self-characterization. But seeing Rick and Ally horsing around in the pool with the other young couple, it just brought the whole thing home. “Like you said, it’s great to see her having normal fun with a boy her own age.” Actually, Rick’s probably two, maybe three years older than Ally, but he’s a whole lot closer than I am.