Chapter 5

“Stephan,” Bella called after me as I walked into my office, “You’re being an idiot.”

I turned around and poked my head back out. “I know I am.”

Despite the fact that Mel was a world away, the fact that she was a camgirl, that she hadn’t actually done anything, and most of all that she was my best friend, I still felt betrayed. Totally, utterly irrational. My emotions were all over the place - we hadn’t talked since I had told her to wait until today and that was throwing me into a tailspin as well. For the past weeks of getting to know her all over again, it was like I had her here with me, and now I had cut myself off.

My lonely night out, eating alone at a restaurant, and going home to an empty apartment, had only served to frustrate me further. The closest friend I had on the continent was also apparently my secretary and wanted to sleep with me - Bella was the only person I could talk to about this. Sure, I had other friends from my college days but we were distant at best. My clientele worried people; my successes kept criminals on the street. Who wanted to be friends with the scumbag who did that?

But Mel, she didn’t know that, and if she did she wouldn’t care. Blind faith, blind compassion - she would love me all the same. But would she?

Bella could tell I was out of sorts when I stepped out of the elevator and into our little lobby. She’d stood, as always, with a file in one hand and a coffee in the other, today in a black dress that was high-collared in the front but backless, the skirt riding high on her shapely, athletic thighs. “Good morning, Mr. Tanner,” was all she had said as we performed the morning ritual we had perfected over our years together. File in one hand, coffee in the other, I nodded my thanks quietly and went to my office.

And then she broke the ritual, and so did I. We’d been doing that a lot recently. Sitting in my office, I had to close my eyes to think.

Every morning for the past weeks I had woken up to a picture, or a message, and once even a video from Mel sent to my anonymous account. She didn’t know my name, she only knew my pseudonym. OverCsSteve. But then, I wasn’t supposed to really know her name, she was just DellaLightful and not my Mel.

I stared down at my phone, playing the most recent video she had sent me quietly. She was lying in bed, the covers up around her shoulders and her eyes still sleepy. No makeup, still pretty but not perfect. She whispered to me about how she was going to do the girl-girl show that had happened yesterday, whispered about how she dreamt about me and how she was doing this because she was curious and I thought it was hot. She smiled dreamily, her voice breathy. Morning light was peeking through a window off-screen, bathing her in an angelic light. And then the video was over.

I’d watched it plenty of times before. I watched it again, leaning my head against the edge of my desk as I tried to block out the world.

‘I’m sorry, ’ I typed out. Yesterday I didn’t need to say that. Yesterday, Mel was the one who had broken a trust, however tenuously and minutely, when her friend talked about what Bella and I had been doing.

Today I was the idiot.

OverCsSteve: I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be frustrated but I am. I shouldn’t feel hurt, but for some reason I do. I’m being an idiot. I feel like I’m some raving teen. This is totally my fault and I wouldn’t blame you if you think I’m crazy or something and wanted to stop talking like this. I’d just be happy we had this for at least a little while. Tell Pixie I apologize, she didn’t do anything wrong and was great in the show.

I hit the send button before I could rethink the message, before I could wordsmith it or try and build in some nuances. I set my phone down and turned on my computer, but before it could even boot up my phone let out the little bingle that I had a notification from Kik. I grabbed it and fumbled the password twice before I got it unlocked.

DellaLightful: omg steve I’m like crying I’m so happy you messaged

DellaLightful: I felt lonely when we weren’t talking and I thought you were so pissed at me I wouldn’t see you again.
DellaLightful: and STOP saying ur sorry right now. I know you don’t like stuff getting out about you. Pixie feels super bad she didn’t realize how srs I was when I told her not to say anything about the cam-to-cam.

I had to take a deep breath to steady my nerves. She wasn’t pissed at me, didn’t think I was crazy or being a child.

OverCsSteve: Della, I AM sorry. I’m sorry I made you worry and I’m sorry I kept you waiting and I’m sorry I’m an idiot. Believe me, I think the only way you’ll get rid of me is if you tell me to leave you alone.

OverCsSteve: You are the complete package of beauty and brains, but most of all you are the kindest, most beautiful person I know on the inside.

DellaLightful: Oh great, now I’m crying again.

DellaLightful: And I’m still at work so people are gonna look at me like I’m crazy

OverCsSteve: I bet you’re even pretty when you cry, breaking hearts all over the hospital.

DellaLightful::) Stop complimenting me! I’m supposed to be the one who’s sorry

DellaLightful: BRB, need to do work.

It was OK. I didn’t know how, but everything was OK with Mel. I honestly should have known better than to think she would be done with me - she had always been a bit of a bleeding heart for anyone who was hurt. She’d been the one to console me when my high school girlfriend, a senior while I was a junior, broke up with me when she went to college even though she was still on the island.

Mel had spent an entire weekend cramming me full of peanut butter ice cream and watching rom-coms with me, cuddling on the couch in our PJs. On the third day, she took me surfing, forcing me to stay out on the water until I caught a perfect wave all the way to shore. She knew instinctively what I had needed, more than my guy friends could have ever helped with. I had loved her the most out of everyone. I always had.

Now I just loved her.

I’d thought about it before but it was something I couldn’t put into words in the real world. It wasn’t something I wanted to send to her over text, or in a Snapchat or even in a video. I needed to say it live, talking to each other. I needed her to know who I was, to know what it actually meant. But that was the problem - she wasn’t just some woman I’d fallen for. The amount of history between us was a mountain. And now, the deception of keeping my identity from her, of watching her on cam ... She loved me, the real me, in a familial way, I was sure. We’d always have our childhood and high school together. If I revealed who I was, it would be like souring all of that for her because I had turned into some creep who watched her on the internet.

Bella knew something had happened as soon as she brought in the first client for my morning meeting, but couldn’t ask me anything. John Marc could though.

“What’s happened?” the crime boss asked as he sat down in the plush chair across my desk. “You look like you got hit by a bus then raised by an angel.”

I chuckled under my breath, shaking my head. “Something like that, John Marc.”

“Lady troubles? You’re not one to get stuck on a girl, Stephan, I’m surprised at you.” The dark-haired Italian man was big, but over the few years I had known him I had been surprised to find he was empathetic. Sometimes that made him seem like a softy, but I also knew it could make him a very scary man to cross.

Sighing, I shrugged, “It’s a first for me, honestly. The whole thing is complicated.”

“So uncomplicate it,” the big man grinned. “Pussy isn’t hard to come by, my friend, but a real woman? Rare as can be. If she’s pussy, drop her. You don’t need the hassle. If she’s a woman, be a man. Do the right thing.”

“It’s not like she’s pregnant, John Marc.”

“Even better,” he laughed, “Usually that’s what complicated means. Is it another guy?”

“No,” I shook my head, “It’s all me, honestly. Gotta get my head straight when it comes to her. But that’s all personal, and you’re a busy man. What can I do for you? You usually don’t drop by like this. Is something wrong?”

The crime boss took a deep breath and shook his head, “No, no, everything’s fine. I wanted to come by myself to express my apologies over the actions of my brother yesterday, to you and to Bella. Joey is an ungrateful bastard and has been riding on our family name since we were kids. He won’t be doing that any more, but I wanted to be sure you understood how deeply I disapproved of what he did.”

“John Marc, there’s no need-” I started as my client reached into his jacket and pulled out an envelope.

“No, there is. I know I’ve already paid for the time he’s wasted, you billed it fair and square, but this is just something extra for all the trouble he caused. You’ve saved my family and associates a great deal of grief since we hired you, our appreciation should be known.”

I didn’t look in the envelope when he handed it to me, instead silently nodding my thanks and slipping it into my own inner suit pocket. “I thank you,” I said, standing to follow him as he headed towards the door.

“No need, Stephan. You’re valuable, and every once in a while you need to show your valuables that you care.” He grinned at me, “I’ve apologized to Bella as well, I’m sure she’ll share something from the gift basket with you.” He paused and cocked his head, eyes narrowing slightly, “It’s not Bella, is it?”

“No,” I said, holding up my hands. “It’s not her, though she’s part of the problem.”

John Marc rolled his eyes and his grin came back, “I still haven’t figured out if she’d be worth angering my wife over.”

“I bet she would,” I smiled back, thinking of Bella spread and fingering herself in the chair next to me as we watched Mel’s show yesterday. “But then again, I haven’t seen your wife angry.”

“Pray you never do,” John Marc laughed.

I walked him out and he gave Bella another brief apology, bending to kiss her hand as he left, making her blush. As the elevator doors closed, Bella walked over to stand next to me in the middle of the small lobby.

“How was the meeting?” She asked innocently.

“Fine, Bella,” I answered.

“And your other meeting?”

I took a breath. “Fine, Bella.” I turned and walked back to my office but felt bad and turned while still on the threshold. “It was good.”

She smiled sweetly, but something in her eyes looked distant.

I didn’t get any teasing pictures beyond the ones Mel sent wide that day, and even those were a little more demure than usual. It was obvious we were still a little bit on tenterhooks, our usual back and forth a bit more tentative. The flirting was downplayed but still there, it felt more like status updates than anything else.

As morning turned to afternoon I found myself furtively checking the clock. I’d been doing this for weeks, but it had always been in excitement - now it was nervousness. Would things be different with us feeling weird? Would she be ok to do her usual show?

Why did I even think it wouldn’t go the same as usual?

With five minutes to go Mel had already sent out her notification tweets and Snaps; she was dolled up but wearing a baggy t-shirt with a deep v-neck that showed off a ton of cleavage, her long hair up in a messy bun instead of loose and flowing. I was just finishing up reading a document when Bella knocked on my door and opened it, peeking her head inside tentatively.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey?” I asked. Bella never knocked on my office door.

“I, ah-” She stuttered, stepping into the room. “I was wondering if ... well, yesterday went so well ... Can I watch in here with you again?”

She was blushing and biting her lip and I had to take a breath. “Um-” I said.

“Technically the bet wasn’t just for yesterday,” she rattled off. “It was that I could come in here and watch on our breaks, how many times or when wasn’t stipulated.”

I could tell she had been practising that one. “I- yeah, ok.”

“OK?” She raised her eyebrows.

“Sure. We won’t be camming back to her today though.”

“That’s fine,” Bella said, walking over and moving the extra chair I had set up yesterday to behind my desk. She reached up and fiddled with the tight collar of her dress which clung to her neck, supporting it up and leaving her shapely back bare. “This dress is harder to get off than yesterday, so I’m just gonna take it off to start.”

She stripped off the cocktail dress quickly, revealing her pert, small breasts with their soft brown nipples. The dress had required her to go braless, but I was surprised to see she’d been totally commando, her smooth mound immediately bare to my eyes. She ran a hand down her tight, athletic stomach, fingers brushing over that mound as she stood before me. “Is that OK?”

“Yeah,” I said a little hoarsely, blinking. Fuck, but she was a beautiful woman.

I reached to the computer and logged onto the camming site, bringing up Mel’s page. She hadn’t logged on yet but there were already several hundred people sitting, the chat streaming by as people referenced the show from the day before. Mel’s popularity had blown up after doing a girl-girl show, her rating on the site rocketing up to within striking distance of the top 20 list.

Bella sat down in the chair next to me, legs slightly spread, leaving herself open to my view. I took off my suit jacket and tie, unbuttoning my shirt halfway but leaving my belt and pants alone.

“Stephan,” she breathed out, but then the screen lit up as Mel started camming.

The show started slowly as Mel talked about seeing Pixie off and answered questions about when she might have another girl on. She looked a little frazzled but still my beautiful Mel. About fifteen minutes in, once the first tips had started rolling in, I picked up my phone and messaged her.

OverCsSteve: Your hair looks great.

Her phone buzzed as she was talking to someone and she glanced down at it, finishing her answer before reading my message. She smiled and brought a hand up to her hair, tucking a loose lock behind her ear.