Prologue

The Meeting, Tuesday, April 30, 2024

“Hello? Can you hear me?” Will asked, trying to keep the exasperation out of his voice and the frown off his face since he was on video for the meeting. It had been over three years since the pandemic started and his company went to a full-time work-from-home organization. Even with years of practice, many of Will’s colleagues struggled with the audio and video logistics of online meetings and started to talk while on mute.

“Oh, hi, can you hear me now?” asked a chirpy female voice. “I was on mute!”

“Yes, I can hear you,” replied Will in a neutral tone of voice. “Marci? Hi, I’m Will.”

“Hi, Will. Nice to meet you. Isn’t Eric on yet?”

“No, just the two of so far.”

“OK, he probably went to rub one out between meetings,” said Marci with a chuckle.

Will tried to keep his composure, not sure if he really heard what he thought he just heard. Even with his best effort Marci saw his reaction.

“Oh, sorry, didn’t mean to embarrass you,” she said.

“I’m not embarrassed,” replied Will, “but that may not be the best topic of conversation for the workplace.”

“Fuck political correctness in the workplace,” Marci said. “I just had my yearly one-on-one review with Eric and asked him if he had pledged to whack it once-a-day for National Masturbation Month. It starts tomorrow.”

Marci saw that Will was just as clueless as Eric.

“You two are absolutely clueless, aren’t you?” asked Marci rhetorically.

Will saw Marci shake her head in disbelief.

She continued, “Back in the 90’s, President Clinton fired his Surgeon General, Jocelyn Elders, I think, for suggesting masturbation be added to the standard sex education curriculum. Some of the adult toy companies used the publicity of her termination as a way to start National Masturbation Month. May 7th was the day she was fired and it is known as National Masturbation Day.”

About halfway through Marci’s explanation Will heard a beep and saw Eric’s video pop open in the meeting.

Eric grimaced as he said. “So you are getting schooled on the history of National Masturbation Month, too?”

Marci said, “Is that why you’re running late? Had to relieve yourself between meetings?”

Eric shook his head. His countenance did not change. “No. I had a package delivered that needed a signature. Figured I’d also top off my coffee for the final push of the afternoon.”

As he mentioned his coffee, Eric lifted his mug into view and toasted the camera.

Will desperately tried to get the meeting back on topic.

“OK, let’s get to our agenda. It’s late afternoon so let’s knock this out and be ready for when the executives call on us for a presentation. Eric, do you have the latest draft of the PowerPoint handy?”

Eric pulled the mug from his lips and said, “It’s 99% done. I need to add an updated graphic with our sales number from last quarter that corporate just published, and do one last pass for typos, but yeah, it’s pretty much good-to-go.”

“That’s great,” Will said. He turned his attention to Marci, “I understand you also have a deck? You are going to be talking about the team goals for next quarter, right?”

Marci said, “Yes, I have a deck I’ve been using for a few meetings so I’ll change the title and date and have it ready whenever it is needed.”

The three continued to talk about the logistics of their presentation and other tidbits, but finished in just under twenty minutes.

“And guys,” jumped in Marci before they disconnected, “remember, pledge to jerking one-a-day starting tomorrow because you know I will.” With that she winked into the camera and disconnected from the call.

“What the fuck was that all about?” asked Will.

“I don’t know,” replied Eric. “She just started in this role a few weeks ago. Christina loves her and has a bit of a devil-may-care attitude as well so they get along great.”

“OK, then. I guess we’ll have to try and stay clear of her in meetings for the next few weeks, or she may just call us out in the meeting and ask if we’ve jacked-off to meet our quota.”

Erick was not amused and agreed with Will. He then wished his colleague a good evening before also disconnecting.