Chapter 4

Nothing changed in Andrew’s life and yet he felt calmer. All the distractions, all the uncertainty, all the doubts, they were all still there but the feeling of being back in Cambridge, back at Trinity, made him feel much better. The paradox of Trinity and his course being the place that he worked the hardest was not lost on him. Immersing himself in his course pushed everything else into the background. Of course, nothing went away and maybe that was why life was so jarring and chaotic during the breaks. But that Saturday, January 11^th 1986, it was good to be back in Cambridge. It was also telling that the only one of his friends who was there that first evening of residency was Pedro. Equally out of sorts in Madrid as Andrew was in Edinburgh, they shared holiday stories. Andrew had decided that he would describe things as frosty with his parents. A complete rupture would be too intrusive and just lead to too many follow up questions. ‘They don’t seem to understand me any more’, that was a common refrain among students generally, and it would suffice.

“How was Balcombe?”

Pedro laughed.

“Quiet. And expensive.”

“Expensive?”

“When you miss the last train it is an expensive taxi back to Balcombe.”

“Was she worth it?”

“No but Justin thought her sister was.”

“Did you survive Madrid?”

Pedro’s face twisted into a grimace.

“Survive is the right word. We all change coming to a place like this. Maybe all students change just from living away from home. But do you think your parents changed while you were away?”

What an interesting thought. Andrew had never considered it that way before. It was pretty clear that his parents had.

“I hadn’t thought of it like that. Mine have definitely changed, and not for the better. Yours?”

“It is more than changed with me. It is as if they have become more conservative, traditional. I don’t know if that is them changing with me not there or whether it is me seeing them through different eyes when I return after being here. Either way they are more catholic and traditional every time I return. I do not seem to be able to do anything right with them.”

That sounded familiar. He blamed Rowan, unfairly, in his response.

“With me they go on about making more of an effort with my little sister. They have it in their heads that I am the problem between us, she is blameless. Like I said it makes things frosty. But at least I don’t have to stay with them. I have my own flat in Edinburgh. Thank goodness.”

“What I would give to have somewhere to stay when I am in Madrid so that I didn’t have to listen to the lectures or suffer the looks from my parents. Why did you get the place in Edinburgh? Were you originally going to go to university there?”

Andrew thought back to the reason he purchased the flat. It took a moment before he remembered and he smiled at the memory.

“I was away on holiday at the start of September with a friend. While on the trip we laughed about how freaked out our parents would be if either one of us went over and stayed in the other’s bedroom. It was at the end of the holiday, it might even have been on the journey home. We also talked about how everyone immediately bed hops as soon as they get to university. Often just because you can, that sense of freedom, being no longer under parental authority. When I got back to Edinburgh I don’t know what was the final straw, maybe it was something my parents said but I decided to buy a place there. I had a little money in trust which I could use so although it was three weeks before I came here I bought a place in the main student area in Edinburgh. It is a sheer indulgence and I have been lucky that prices seem to have risen. But since I came to Cambridge I have not spent one night at my parent’s house. The flat is my home now.”

“So it is empty all during term time?”

“Yes my flatmate goes to Glasgow University and I am here. We are only there during the breaks.”

Before Pedro could ask about his flatmate two of the women on the hockey team came over to chat and the conversation veered away from life during the break. If Pedro’s parents were as traditional as he seemed to suggest the randy Spaniard was going to wound up like a compressed spring. Andrew shuddered at the thought. The four of them headed to the bar which was half full, it would be much busier the next day when the bulk of the remaining students returned to College. Pedro paired up with a second year named Mary and soon the two of them were in their own little bubble. That left Andrew talking to a Catherine, a 1^st year Nat Sci student.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Why did you not come to the end of term bash?”

She seemed interested in his answer.

“There are two reasons. The first and main one was that I had another event that night, at the Officer Training Corp. But even if I had not, 31 to 1 seemed to make no sense. Even if there was five men then the dynamic would have been different. It seemed like the opportunity for someone to get upset at me was too high.”

Andrew didn’t explain why, she could figure it out on her own.

“It seemed strange to me that a man would turn down the chance to party with so many women.”

“Like I said, if there were a few more then I probably would have gone. Just me on my own seemed different.”

He shrugged.

“I suppose. I guess what you are not saying relates to dealing with drunken advances from the women.”

He pondered how to answer that.

“I don’t presume that women would have made advances to me, drunken or otherwise. My only other coaching experience was with my school team. And I was friends with most of the players when I started. Other than Navya who is a good friend I don’t really know any of the other players on the team. When I stop and think about the party despite being your coach I don’t know you as people, just as players. It seems odd to be doing a meet and greet at the end of term.”

“Okay I can see that. Do you not think you should have made more of an effort with us?”

Skewered, well and truly.

“I have no quick answer to that. I think I know you well on the hockey pitch, your strengths, areas you need to keep practicing. But it is also true that I don’t come out for a drink after the practice and normally go to London after the game. But I had not planned to play or coach hockey this year and if it had not been Navya that came and asked I probably would have turned you down. I am finding the course hard work and I don’t have a lot of free time. You will see that this term. I will only be at half the games on Saturdays because of OTC training weekends. There is only so much time.”

It was nice to sit and chat with one of the team and have an interesting conversation. Catherine was a nice person but Andrew knew nothing about her. She was one of the midfielders, a good dribbler and she was fast. Other than knowing that she was in 1^st year and doing Nat Sci he had exhausted all of his knowledge.

“Why did you start coaching at school?”

Andrew recounted the whole four years of field hockey, just relaxing and letting the tale flow. He talked about the girls starting at the school and supporting his friends. He hammed up some of the dating stories which had Catherine laughing loudly. Then he transitioned to the day Hendricks asked him to coach. He remembered and shared the course up at St. Andrews where all the other participants were out at the pub while he ran like Chariots of Fire through the surf. He really ran on the sand but wasn’t going to let facts get in the way of a good story. And he talked about the final year, the push ups with the team if they could tackle him. He must have talked for more than 40 minutes.

“That is amazing. So you starting coaching when?”

Andrew had to stop and think.

“Er, I was asked at Easter of 4^th year so that would be, what, March 1981. I did the course that summer, it was a week long, and then coached for all of 5^th and 6^th year. I played here in 1^st year but just on the 2^nd eleven and didn’t play at all last year. And now this.”

Sometime during the story Pedro and Mary had left so it was just him and Catherine. At the end of the night Andrew was surprised to get a quick hug as she left and walked across Angel Court to her room. He traversed Great Court and across Nevile’s before gratefully falling asleep in his bed.

Even better than returning to Cambridge was being able to run and swim. It had been a week of just his exercises so he headed north towards Girton into a cold blustery wind before eventually ending up at the pool for a long leisurely swim. HIs pace at both was slow after a week off but it was great to stretch his muscles and get back into a routine. He stopped by Peggy’s Café on the way home to see if it was open. It wasn’t but Peggy was there preparing food for the coming week and when she saw him motioned for him to wait and she went to the door and let him in. Andrew got a surprisingly big hug from her.

“It is good to see you luv. I wondered if you would be by. The soup isn’t ready yet, won’t be for a couple of hours, but there is some left over chicken pot pie if you want it.”

Peggy had embraced his odd eating habits and thought nothing of offering reheated pie for breakfast.

“If it is not too much trouble.”

They both knew it was tokenism and she laughed and pulled it out of the fridge. Three minutes later Andrew was standing at the counter eating the pie as she continued her preparations around the kitchen.

“How are things? Did you have a good break?”

“It was great thanks. It is just Beth and I so we went over to my brother’s place for Christmas dinner. His in-laws were there, he has four kids, his wife’s sister was there. It was a huge, crazy mess of a day and it was great fun. No fallings out. How about you?”

“I find it tough sometimes, I am changing down here, they are changing while I am away. Things seem to be different.”

Peggy nodded sympathetically.

“I know what you mean. I see that with Beth and me more and more. Things are still close between us, but she has friends now from university. Mind you I worry she is going to come back with a squaddie one day.”

Andrew looked confused.

“She is at Essex University in Colchester.”

He smiled. He had been in Colchester for 10 days but hadn’t been allowed out to check out the nightlife.

“Exactly. I hope she has more sense than her mother.”

Not knowing what to say to that Andrew decided on nothing. The pie suddenly consumed his interest. When he put the plate back on the counter he left the envelope with the money for the term.

“Thanks luv. Here, there is too much.”

“No, I will be here the full week after term ends. My exams are right at the start of third term so I need to get the studying in.”

Peggy nodded and let him out.

“See you in the morning.”

Little things, all adding up to the larger whole. Pedro at dinner, running, swimming, a bite to eat at Peggy’s Café. Life was slowly slotting back into place. Including helping people with their bags! Helena had pared down her luggage over the terms but there was still more than she could comfortably handle. When Andrew pitched up it allowed her father to leave without having to find somewhere to park the car, always a complete disaster on these days, or leave his daughter with multiple trips.

“Thank you, Andrew. It is good of you to help Helena.”

Judging by Helena’s face she was surprised as Andrew at her father’s civility.

“Not a problem, her room is on the way to mine.”

“Well thank you anyway. I don’t have to try and find parking in this bloody town.”

With a hug to his daughter and an overall smile and wave he was off.

“Does your father have a twin? Let me guess your new boyfriend has tattoos and a motorbike and suddenly I look better?”

Given he was the help she didn’t need to whack him but when had that ever stopped anyone.

“I am as amazed as you are. I have no idea what came over him. Other than really not wanting to have to find somewhere to park. Thanks for doing this.”

“It is hardly like the first time I met you. Hillary had less gear to climb Everest.”

“That is unkind Andrew. True but unkind.”

The Bursar’s office was as efficient as ever and seven minutes later they had all her bags in her room. It was a weekend of big hugs as Helena pulling him into one and held it for a couple of beats longer than was normal.

“It is good to see you. It felt like last term passed in the blink of an eye and I never really got a chance to talk to you. Often the only time I saw you was when you got me out of bed.”

“Pedro is around, although I don’t know if he will be joining us for brunch. Do you need to unpack, hang anything up or shall we just go and eat?”

Three minutes of hanging up clothes and they were on our way to Hall. Pedro was there but was sitting with Mary so they left him to it and found space to sit and chat. The first 15 minutes were the holiday tales, just getting caught up on the last five weeks.

“Are you going to be as busy this term? We hardly saw you at the weekends. Did you play bridge at all last term?”

“Just once when you were away playing soldiers. I don’t know yet to be honest. Remember the elections are really early, at the end of the month, what is that three weeks? Once the new people are elected then things start to change. I do need to focus on my degree as well.”

That was one of the things that would be most jarring about the end of 3^rd year and the start of 4^th year. Helena would be leaving at the end of the year. Justin and Pedro were also on three year degree courses but both had applied for a Masters at Trinity and should find out in early February if they had been accepted. That was the formal announcement; informally they had been told they were in. The only close friend leaving was Helena.

“You look sad Andrew. What is wrong?”

“I was thinking about next year without you. Everyone else will be here for 4^th year but you will have graduated. That was all.”

Helena looked like she wanted to say something but the words never came. They were saved from an awkward moment by first Navya and then Justin arriving. The rest of brunch and the afternoon passed with all of them just catching up. Andrew didn’t talk much, let others tell the truth of their holiday as opposed to the lies, either of commission or omission, that he would tell. No talk of the bust up with his parents, no talk of Paris, Courcheval, Helsinki. So he listened more than he contributed. At dinner Matt finally arrived and Pedro joined them so the six of them had a fun dinner and joined the throng at the bar. Matt and Navya left first, it really was a token appearance at the bar by them, but Andrew stayed longer than usual for him.

Monday morning followed a familiar routine and after an early breakfast with precious few others around, he headed over to the Library to get ready for the coming term. Less than 20 minutes after he got there Olivia took her usual seat down from his. Other than a hug of welcome they saved any chat until lunchtime. Matt and Keith were there by 11.00 and Pedro was there after lunch. No one was slacking off. Olivia didn’t say much at lunch but asked if he wanted to come over to Newnham for dinner. He had Addenbrooke’s afterwards but a quick dinner and catch up would be fine. Other than that it was a quiet day in the library. But the chat started as soon as they were out of there.

“If I see your naked derriere one more time so help me.”

As an opening line it made him smile, but she sounded exasperated.

“Dancing around bullfighting a naked woman!”

Andrew was surprised he wasn’t whacked.

“You and your backside are on the television a lot, same at the cinema. I am becoming afraid to turn on the television.”

Andrew counted up in his head how many different models he had shot with over the break. 10 models in who knew how many commercials the first week and seven models in nine or ten commercials the second week. Best to keep quiet.

“It is good to see you but as you can tell having a naked you on the television all the time is very disconcerting. My mother even said something about you in the commercial.”

She stopped.

“They are funny. That is what gets my attention at least. The whole thing is only 30 seconds and there is no more than 10 or 12 seconds of the pretend bullfight but it is clear you are having fun. You see the way the other model tries to smack your bum as she runs past. You see it when you wrap her up in the scarf at the end. It works.”

She shrugged and then shuddered.

“Mama called my Papa her matador and told him to take her to bed. My mother!”

The whack and the shudder arrived at the same time.

“Terrible man. Did you shoot more?”

“Two weeks’ worth, as I am not shooting at Easter because of the exams. I am done now until right before final year starts.”

That did get him a half-hearted whack but she had vented and was now fine. Their talk over dinner was all about the upcoming five modules of courses, the ongoing labs and completing the second Full Technical Report. But Andrew would include Olivia’s comments in his next letter to Manon. After a quick dinner he was off to Addenbrooke’s, it was time to see if he could subtly change the focus of his volunteering.

The ward sister was thoughtful and did not immediately shoot the idea down. She was quite positive actually but her challenge was that if patients received the good news they were discharged very quickly. Andrew thought back to his own experience, he had been at home the week before he got the all clear, he was not even in hospital. He volunteered between 6.00 and 10.00 in the evening, hardly regular hours for talks with patients being discharged. She agreed that it was a good idea and was pleased to hear that a survivor had applied to the university two years after being discharged. So he would talk to anyone who had received the all clear but was still in the ward but it was unlikely to be many people and some weeks there may not be anybody at all. But every little helped and as always, Andrew needed to remind himself that he was doing this for the patients not for his own gratification. So that Monday night was similar to so many others, helping on the ward, seeing if any patients needed anything, trying to talk to anyone who wanted to engage. But it was early January, cold and dark outside and the energy level in the ward, never high at the best of times was low. Mandy’s idea was brilliant but it was still a long four hour shift with limited bright moments. And he talked to himself about it, as usual, on the walk back into Cambridge.

Tuesday saw the library busier than the day before and from earlier in the day. Cambridge put that pressure on you, and the way Andrew and so many others coped with it was working constantly.

Even although classes did not start until Thursday there was full attendance at the OTC on the Tuesday night. 2^nd term, Lent term in Cambridge parlance, was when the bulk of the weekend training happened. The first training weekend was that coming weekend, so as always, the focus that evening was getting all the gear ready, making sure that they were prepared for the weekend. Matt and Andrew had chatted at Trinity but this was the first time he had a chance to talk to Jack and Rollie. Last term had broken the habit of weekly visits to Cindies, on either the Tuesday or Wednesday. Matt was loved up and Andrew was if not loved up then lusted up with Meredith. So their attendance had petered out. Jack was keen for them to restart weekly attendance but none of the other three were that bothered. An occasional trip maybe but it made more sense to get signed into one of the College bars, or have a few beers at the mess at the TA Centre. Cindies’ time had passed. Jack didn’t take that well, although if they got him laid most of his moans would stop. Rollie, by far the biggest player of the four of them, was surprisingly unbothered about going to Cindies.

“You okay with skipping Cindies?”

He and Andrew were checking supplies for the upcoming weekend and could talk as they worked. Rollie just rolled his eyes over at Jack.

“Yes. I didn’t go there to dance, although I would if I had to. I went there to meet women. After more than two years here you start to see the same faces, ones you have been with, the ones that turned you down, the ones that you turned down. Sure there are all the Freshers but.”