Chapter 13

The following morning Andrew was awake first as usual but lay trapped by both Merry and Helena. His bed was longer than standard due to his height but it was not wider than standard. As he, Abi and Helena had found out the previous year it was not designed for three people. He had no idea if either of them liked sleeping draped over their partner but it was the only way the three of them could cram into the bed.

Andrew lay there thinking about the night before. The thing that struck him most about the night was it had been for all of them. This was not a male fantasy played out by two willing women. This was the two of them doing it just as much for themselves. He was the lucky guy who got to be there with them but there were moments when he had sat back and watched them explore and play. Helena had talked about the difference in kissing Merry, the softness. It was idiotic to thing that fulfilling a sexual fantasy is profound and yet it is the word that Andrew thought of that morning. A man or a woman could go through life either individually or as a couple and have no want, no need, no desire to do what they had done the previous night. University was a bubble where the students were sheltered from the realities of the world, Cambridge epitomised that in the 1980s. But the three of them at that moment were in that bubble. And life beyond the bubble was unknown, the big bad world where being able to do something like that was not assured. University was a safe space. For a lot of people it was the chance to be somebody else. Teenagers play a role as pupils, bound by the rules of family and school. There is nothing teachers liked better than telling you that you can’t do something. It is why half of them were teachers. When you got to university suddenly you were treated as an adult. Nobody gets you up, nobody makes you go to class. If you have the money you can drink booze or do drugs. The rule book might be the same but a lot less of it is enforced. It is why Fresher’s week is so destructive and why first years, on average, gain a stone.

For the three of them this was all in the past and for Helena and Meredith they could feel the bubble starting to close in on them. Other than the feeling that the evening had been for all three of them he didn’t think he had anything more thoughtful to say about it. As he lay there how they were all going to react when they got up occupied his brain. Andrew had never found the etiquette book that talked about the morning after a threesome. Other than getting dressed quickly the morning was unremarkable. Both Helena and Marry hugged and kissed him and although they hugged each other they did not kiss. It was Merry who startled Andrew that morning by pimping him out.

“I am not going to be here much through the rest of the year. Like I said, as little as I can get away with. Come over while I am away, keep Andrew from getting into mischief. If the hockey team find out I am not here heaven help him.”

That sentence got his attention. Helena looked taken aback and hopeful at the same time.

“Really?”

“Helena, Andrew and I are not star crossed lovers. He is a wonderful guy who made this year much better for me. But I have no exclusive hold over him. Enjoy your last month at Cambridge. And if you want to spend time with Andrew and me the night before the Ball my last memory of life at Cambridge will be glamourous and wonderful and filthy as hell.”

Merry did kiss Helena at that point and with a wave was off. Helena looked as confused as Andrew felt and sank back down on the bed.

“It can’t just be as simple as that, can it? Borrow you whenever I want and have one final glorious night together in the run up to the Ball.”

Actually it was. It was whether they were going to do it that was to be decided. The ball was three weeks away and they didn’t have to make a decision immediately. Meredith was off to pack and was going to be away for 10 days. Helena stood up to go back to her room and smiled shyly at him. She cuddled into his arms and lay her head against his chest.

“Thank you for.”

She stopped to think what she was thanking him for.

“For being you. Teasing me, seducing me, letting me come here. Thank you for everything. I need some time to think about everything but will see you next week. Okay?”

Andrew thought about the physical aspects of the night before while he swam, not the emotional or mental. The evening had gone off as planned and nobody had freaked out in the morning. For a start a threesome needed a bigger bed, a single at university was absurd. At one point he smiled because he thought the whole thing needed practice. Your first time doing anything is often uncoordinated and you make mistakes. The sheer absurdity of that sentiment ‘I am sorry we have to do this again so that we can get better at it’ when in all likelihood it was a once or twice in a lifetime event. He had to stop swimming he was coughing so much from swallowing water. For the first time in three years it was unlikely he would be at the survivor photograph from the Ball.

But from the sublime it was back to the ridiculous, or at least the mentally taxing. The projects continued on, one blessedly smoothly and one with more tension than was necessary. Helena had dinner with Andrew on the Wednesday evening and with the longer evenings they went for a long walk, out west just catching up, giving each other a chance to take a step back if needed. But who were they kidding. After Suzanne, Helena was probably the most adventurous and sexual of Andrew’s partners. And they had enough history to know how to push each other’s buttons. They went for a walk but there was never any doubt in the outcome.

In a threesome there was and is an obligation to be inclusive, to share yourself and that included not just touches but looks as well. Helena and Andrew did not try and have that intense mental connection that he talked about in her room. It seemed wrong somehow with Merry there as well. So that Wednesday night there was no doggie. Instead it was all face to face with a lot of whispers, pillow talk and dirty thoughts. Just as with Merry Helena did not have much of a no list. But it was the talking that got them worked up.

“Why do you think you are how you are about sex?”

Andrew took a second to parse that sentence.

“How I am?”

“Andrew, you are incredibly slutty yet don’t come across like that. You never hang out at the bar in the evening listening to the bragging and the storytelling. Most of it complete and utter rubbish. Here you are, the quiet nerd, who has no limits and proves it again and again. I suppose it is a version of the hereditary versus environment debate. Were you born this way or have you learned to be this way?”

This was right up there with the oddest pillow talk of his life. But he thought about it.

“I have never thought whether sluttiness was an inheritable characteristic. Assuming that it is, I still don’t think that describes me. I am a product of my environment. It started with that day in the hospital with Faith when Leslie talked about sex. She gave a teenager’s version of sex education but it was not the myth, lore and bullshit of the school playground it was an 18 year old woman’s personal journey and observations. It so profoundly influenced everything else that followed in my life. The first two times I had sex I was 14. The first girl was 16 and the second 17, maybe they were both 17 it doesn’t matter. You know this I have talked to you about this before. The first one knew what I would be like in terms of ready to pop instantly and so dealt with me twice before we did anything. This meant that she could actually enjoy the fucking because it lasted more than seven seconds.

“For her I was the smart kid working at the farm, she called me her fantasy. And the second young woman was a New Zealander in Edinburgh on a school exchange who was unhappy. With both of them I channelled everything I heard from Leslie and tried to make it memorable for both of them. When that worked I developed confidence and a confident approach starts a virtuous cycle. Look at us. You saw it that first night together. I still went off far too soon for any chance of you getting pleasure. But the girl I was with the first time knew that and so taught me not to stress about it. Make it part of the evening because the rest of the night will be better for both of you. If I had not had that tutelage imagine how I would have been. The first time I had sex it would have been over in less than 10 seconds and the woman would barely have felt anything. No confidence and things work out very differently. Life is like that. A whole series of random moments. The first time I licked a woman’s arsehole it was a complete accident. I was eating her pussy as normal and she came so hard she moved on me and my tongue slipped. Complete fluke. But then she hissed ‘yes, don’t stop’ and so I kept going. Maybe that is the innate part of me. Not freaking out about what I was licking but just going for it, because she was loving it. I remember afterwards standing in her bathroom looking in the mirror going what do I do now? Never mind cleaning my teeth I wanted to brush my tongue as well. Not the kind of question you can ask at the dinner table. Fortunately I found a new toothbrush in one of the drawers and the moment passed.

“But why I am the way I am is made up of all these little moments. But you have heard this a million times. I like smart women, competitive women. And women like that want to be good at everything. Add to that they mostly have been defined by their brains not their bodies. I love those women. The women who just need a nudge in the right direction for them to blossom. Abi is the classic example. A wallflower in first year who has matured and understands herself better now. And deals with men much better than before.”

“What about me Andrew?”

“Still fishing for compliments I see. You embrace more than almost anyone I know the mental aspect of fucking. Your blow jobs are the best. But it is not because of the physiological, or at least not only that, it is because of the way that you engage with me. The looks in your eyes, the sparkle as you do that ‘I am sweet and innocent, how is this happening?’ look. The look of corrupted innocence I call it. Nobody taught you that, it is all you. There is all this talk about blowjobs being very submissive, a woman kneeling at a man’s feet. Yet when you are kneeling in front of me I am totally at your mercy. You have all the control. You have taken physical beauty and sexiness and added to it the mental aspect.”

She kissed him and the conversation was forgotten for a moment.

“So you think it is mainly your environment, the women you have been with?”

“90% of it is that. The talk with Leslie and the first young woman were the fundamental building blocks, and everything flowed from there. Let me turn it round. Why are you the way you are?”

She looked at him strangely.

“Why would you ask that? You hate being praised. I am this way because you showed me that it was possible to be this way. A bunch of hand jobs, some rough fingering and four fucks was the sum total of my sexual experience other than my own fingers before I came here. That first night when you went down on me was beyond belief. So it is all your fault. I arrived here not a virgin but clueless about sex. When you showed me how it could be it all suddenly seemed to fit. So I think more of my make-up is hereditary not environment. It wasn’t like I fucked around the whole time. Most of the year it was just you. But you didn’t need to show me more than once and I understood it in a way that I can’t explain. I think I came to Cambridge not knowing that I was this person. When you showed me what sex was really like I just took it and ran. Not in the number of partners but in the nature of the act. Just taking joy from sex.”

She shook her head.

“I can’t believe you called it. I was competitive. I wanted to be good at sex.”

She smiled cheekily.

“Let me show you.”

Helena was very good at sex.

The next day Andrew found out he had passed his exams. In fact he found out he had done incredibly well in his exams. And he needed to, as Olivia was less than 10 marks behind him. There was no doubt he was on for a First again. Matt found him after reading all the exam marks. He too had got a First again.

“Do you think she will catch you?”

Apparently they were skipping the congratulations part. Rather than play obtuse Andrew answered his question.

“I don’t know. You know how freaking good she is at the experimental stuff. I think she was three marks ahead of me after the labs, the two reports and the Surveying. We are both going to get roughly the same marks for the one project so it is just whether I get marked down of the group part of the software project.”

Andrew smiled at Matt.

“I think I might just squeak it by a mark or two. I will have to see. You know me I don’t care. If Olivia beats me the person who will give her the biggest hug is me.”

“Stop being so fucking noble. You are supposed to be upset. ‘No woman can beat me’, crap like that. Channel your inner arsehole.”

They both knew who they meant.

“Well done. Firsts in all three years.”

“Mum and Dad will be pleased, Nav too. She finds out tomorrow and is stressed as to whether she gets one also. She doesn’t want to miss the scholarship ceremony.”

“Does it matter now? You guys didn’t have to move because of the ballot?”

“No. I was joking about the ceremony. But Rupashi went three for three and you know how competitive she is with her sister.”

Andrew nodded in agreement. The ballot and the selection of rooms which had been a topic of endless discussion in 1^st year had passed them by without too much incident this year. He didn’t have to move and everybody stayed roughly where they were. They were all settled. The extent of his uncertainty was who was moving in opposite him in 4^th year.