Chapter 10

Suzanne arrived back at the flat with all her stuff at the same time as Andrew got there with the dinner. He helped her get everything from the cab up to the flat. A snog full of promise was interrupted by his stomach rumbling so they sat and ate dinner catching up. Suzanne managed to say it first.

“How are you doing?”

He gave her a recounting of the term, starting from Courcheval, OTC, the night with Ron and his family, even helping Enfys. He overshared on everything except Ara. Most of this had been in his letters but this was the fuller version.

“You have barely mentioned the course.”

“It is the constant around which everything else fits. Relentless hard work, the sense of never being completely on top of it, three weeks to go and then the exams start. Enough about me, how was your term?”

“Busy, maybe not as crazy as Cambridge but the term was more taxing. It was a common comment among us, this term was a lot harder than last term. But the course is great. I am doing courses in economics this year and switched to an MA in Social Sciences rather than the straight BSc course. It is still four years but there is more of an emphasis on man and the environment rather than geographical techniques, cartography, things like that.

“Between all the discussions I was part of with you, Leslie and Julian as well as the time with the Forestry Commission I have a real interest in working with the environment. How you minimise man’s impact while still supporting thriving towns and villages. The tutorials and class discussions have been very insightful. A lot of the students are very paternalistic, as if they know what is better for an area than the people who live and work there. I have had some interesting arguments with people who couldn’t find a mountain if they tried to climb one.”

She shook her head.

“That is harsh. Most people are not like that but there seems to a reverse correlation between knowing what you are talking about and talking about it. Those with the least knowledge never shut up.”

It was like listening to himself the way Suzanne approached the world.

“Anyway, the course is fine, hard work but manageable and I have changed focus to something that I can see following as a career. Other than that it has been quiet. I swim most evenings, either before I head back to the flat or later if I want to give Nikki and Fran some space. I am out a lot between exercise and a couple of different societies. Everything else has been very quiet.”

They both knew what she meant. As they talked Andrew helped her unpack, start a load of laundry, they pottered around as they continued the conversation.

“Is that because of living with Nikki and Fran?”

“Partly. But I am more settled with who I am. I will give in to temptation every now and again but it is never serious. I don’t know what I want, well I sort of do, but I don’t know how to achieve it. So it seems to be a holding pattern. You?”

“It is a good way of describing it, being in a holding pattern. I want to resolve things in my personal life but it is still 15 months away until I can get things settled. Even things like the house, my summer job, what I am going to do when I graduate, they all seem to be out there and nothing is certain. I think it is why I am such a maniac with the studying. It is something over which I have control. Listen to me whinge. Fuck.”

Suzanne smiled but carried on the conversation.

“Why is the summer job such a stressor?”

So for the second time in a week Andrew told Suzanne about Freya’s help and involvement, but also the pressure.

“Is she pushing too hard, pushing you too hard?”

He had thought about that a lot.

“Yes she is pushing hard, but I don’t know about too hard. Part of the problem is it feels like parenting. Being pushed by my mother to challenge myself. And she is challenging me with my own words, and my own doubts. And there is the little matter of the fact she is not my mother.”

“You are getting from her what you never got from your parents?”

He didn’t look up but nodded.

“I wonder if I would have listened to them the way I listen to her and Jim. I have wondered if I treat their comments, the discussions I have with them, whether I give them more weight because of their jobs. I will listen to a Law Lord and a senior civil servant in a way that I didn’t to a teacher or social worker.”

“No. Don’t cast the blame on yourself. Jim and Freya listen to you. I think you give them respect because they in turn give you respect. Think about it Andrew. Sure they have serious jobs but they have also watched the tape of your commercials. You just finished telling me they showed it to Lord Wylie and his wife. Who you sat and had a long discussion with about the tape and the consequences. They take you as you are, I think that you keep them young. I am sure they are great dinner party guests talking about the honorary nephew and what crazy things he has been up to. They don’t judge.”

They couldn’t stifle the snigger.

“Can you imagine your mother’s reaction to your modelling. Never mind what would the neighbours think it would be what would the world think. What is the population of all the countries these are shown in?”

“Around 200 million people, roughly.”

“Can you imagine your mother knowing that potentially hundreds of millions of people have seen your arse. They would have to put her in a home.”

They had gotten off topic somewhat.

“You need to stop worrying about Jim and Freya and their role as surrogate parents. That ship sailed a long time ago. You don’t want to disappoint them and so are going along with what she is proposing. Do you think she is manipulating you with your own words?”

Suzanne was not pulling any punches that evening.

“Yes but I think in a way that helps me. The making a difference goal is broken. It has been for three years since we licensed the software and received the money. Making a difference is handing over a cheque once a year and that is too passive. She has talked about working within the government as a way to make a difference. That is where she is pushing me.”

“Not as a politician? As a civil servant?”

He nodded.

“Do you think you will be satisfied with that life, the stereotype is very conformist? And you are anything but.”

“Another one of my concerns, and uncertainties.”

“In the Ministry of Defence?”

Andrew could hear the ice start to crack.

“Potentially.”

Suzanne saw the look and tone of Andrew’s voice and got to four faster than he could write 2+2.

“Really? Wow.”

He never said a word but Suzanne Jenner was not a fool. She also knew his secretive nature better than anyone, her and Leslie. Having gone down this conversational cul-de-sac it was time to ease the tension.

Andrew made love to Suzanne all evening. Even when it was a frantic rut he was still making love to her. She was magnificent physically and without compare sexually but it was more than that. Just sitting talking at dinner had given him so much insight. He was a mass of contradictions and she understood all of them. She had asked months before what a woman could bring to a relationship with him. In one evening she had answered her own questions. Accept his nature, support the obsessive geek, just be there for him. In so many ways it was very simple. And at the same time it was not. Suzanne needed a little extra something that Andrew could not give her. He almost crushed her he held her so tight that night.

The following morning after they swam Suzanne borrowed the car and went home to see her family. Andrew sat and studied and the day passed in the blink of an eye. The evening brought home cooked food as they walked down to see Leslie and Julian. There was a lot of repeated conversations from the night before, from both of them. Then they turned to how the various businesses were doing.

“The stock market is up again so both Trusts are doing well. We will talk about the details of the next round of potential investments in June. The assets are increasing. So are your own investments.”

Leslie had been managing Andrew’s money ever since she graduated. He was given a detailed listing of his investments by Creighton every six months but he looked at the total not the detail. It was a flaw in his way of behaving stretching back several years. He had made far too much money as a teenager and he never thought about it. Every year Andrew made money from working, what Creighton called employment income, his summer job, the OTC and the modelling; he earned rental income, from Suzanne for the flat, Harry for the farmland, Hailey from the Gallery, and the house in London; and then he had investment income, dividends and interest from the stock market, ongoing royalty payments for AIMS and the other software, although the latter was all but gone. And all he had as outgoings were the, still heavily subsidised, cost of university, living expenses, and then some travel costs, petrol or airfares. Even without any of the rental or investment money he was still making more than he spent just from his jobs. All the money for the new studio was an investment. Because he never really spent a lot of cash it meant Andrew was terrible at monitoring his money. And he trusted Leslie and Creighton. It was not an excuse or a rationalisation it was something that had built up over years. They licenced AIMS to the three companies and he was never allowed to sign a single document, he was still a minor. Andrew was more interested in how the two of them were doing, was it stressful, how were the programs doing, rather than a business update.

“How is the software coming on?”

The magic ‘S’ word had the four of them split into two pairs.

“I am rethinking what we are doing. A lot of what we are trying to program is already out there. We have some useful code but we completely misunderstood the control environment for these industrial processes. They all exist, and have done for more than twenty years. A lot of what we were trying to work on is undertaken by Programmable Logic Controllers, PLCs. There are different models and I am playing catch up. Think about the petrol station software we wrote. This is trying to integrate the output from the pumps into the computer and then do something with it. I don’t even know what language PLCs use. I know you will be studying but one night if you need a break I would like to sit and talk to you about what else we can do.”

This was a classic illustration of how lucky they had been the first time through.

“Are you keeping Kenny and Aiden?”

“Yes. I have them writing something to help Leslie and Creighton. I don’t know how functional it will be but it is keeping them busy.”

They rejoined Suzanne and Leslie who were talking about Leslie and Julian’s first wedding anniversary.

“I can’t believe it has been a year for you guys already.”

“The year has flown by. The first two months Julian was studying for his finals and so it was only when we went on our honeymoon that it seemed real. We were living here before so there were not a lot of changes. Mind you we nearly had a horse at the end of the garden.”

“How is Sundar?”

“She is great. I try to ride every week and am getting better. It was one of the things I did to get out of the house to let Julian study. It would have been nice to have her at the end of the garden but it is a lot easier to pay someone else to clean up after her. Talking of weddings, were you not invited to Moira and Lars’ wedding?”

“No. I have met Lars twice, once here in Edinburgh before Jim became a Law Lord and then at their wedding. And it was the same two times with Moira after she left school. I know Jim a lot better than I know either of them. I would have been surprised if I had been invited and as it is next weekend I would have said no anyway. I was invited to Manon and Phillippe’s wedding but that is the weekend before the exams start and they knew back at Christmas that I would be unable to attend. It would have been nice, but probably strange, and a struggle to keep up with the language.”

“At least you wouldn’t have to give a speech.”

“True. I am trying to cut down on the speeches.”

There was a round of reminiscing about Jim and Freya’s wedding. Which lead to the guests.

“Have you been out to dinner with the great and the good again?”

“No. Last week I was in a little Indian restaurant where they know I speak horrible Hindi. I ended up sitting beside a nice Swiss couple doing a French or English translation of what was being said in Hindi. Translators must hear voices at the end of the day. So that is more my kind of crowd, a small curry house besides King’s Cross. Has there been any press interest in the Trust? Has there been any sign of word getting out?”

“No, nothing at all. I think that most of the people had the same outlook as Pete. It will eventually but nothing so far. There is more noise around the Endowment Trust than Faith’s Trust. What about you and the modelling? Any questions?”

“No. Only the three who I write to know my real name. My guess would be if there is a leak it is from Hermès. But at the moment all roads lead back to Drummonds. 15 more months of anonymity and then I can dissolve Shetland Models and Andrew Bressay will be no more.”

“It is still so funny to know someone who has a stage name. You are like Michael Caine.”

This started a game of who else had a stage name.

“What will you do if anyone finds out?”

“Nothing. There is nothing I can do. Although it would be funny to see my mother’s reaction.”

“She doesn’t know?”

“Not a single thing. And not just about that. They have never been to the flat and they don’t have either the address or the phone number. They don’t know about Hermès, the modelling, the summer job, all the overseas trips, Jim and Freya’s wedding, your wedding. None of it. In all my emergency contact information with the University it is now you two that are to be notified. I changed that when I returned after Christmas.”

Guess who just farted in church.

“Sorry didn’t mean to crush the mood but it is all true.”

Later as they were walking back to the flat Suzanne made an interesting observation.

“My parents know more about your life than your own parents do. I was thinking about it tonight after you said that. They know about the weddings, your summer job, they have been to the flat and know the phone number. The only thing I have not mentioned is the modelling.”

She giggled.

“Can you imagine. Vanessa’s head would explode with excitement.”

“Maybe your mother’s too.”

He really did just like getting hit by women.

The following morning after an early swim the two of them sat and studied until close to noon. They separated again, Suzanne borrowing the car once more to go and see her family and especially her grandmother. Andrew did the same, although he skipped the church service. He figured the minister would drone on with it being Easter, so he waited outside the church for his Grandma. The smile on her face was always so wide and bright when she saw him. Grandchildren can do no wrong and Andrew was no exception in his grandmother’s eyes. There was extra preening and showing off before he was finally allowed to escort her back to her flat.

“I hoped you would come today. It is good to see you. Tell me what you have been up to.”

Other than his time with Meredith he gave her a full accounting of the term. All the OTC weekends, the Monday nights at Addenbrooke’s, the hockey, as much as he could remember. Most of which was a recap from their calls. The one thing that was new was Ron and his family.

“That can’t have been easy.”

“I always worry I am going to say the wrong thing. But we all survived and he and I nod good morning every day at the café. I saw it with the Campbells, it just takes time.”

“How long are you here?”

“Just two weeks. I get access to my room on the Saturday one week before my first exam. I will be in Cambridge that day so that I can get eight full days of studying in before the first exam.”

It was good to see his Grandma, she was still sharp mentally and seemed steadier on her feet. That might have something to do with the sherry, or lack of it. Of his parents there was no mention. He returned to studying for the rest of the afternoon and it was only when Maggie and Tony ran the bell that Andrew realised what time it was. He phoned in a takeout order and tidied his books out of the way.

“We never really got a chance to chat with you on Friday night, it all seemed so rushed and was mainly about the business. Are you sure we should spend more money?”

“You have said I sometimes rein you in, stop you getting carried away. Everything you told me seems to suggest that we can invest a little bit more money and potentially grow the business substantially. My only concern is if you can afford it. If you can afford the alterations to the shop and renting a small space near where Mrs. Miller lives then this is one of the times when I say we go for it.”

Andrew shrugged and the two of them nodded happily.

“Leslie is going to give you a call this week and talk about the offices. There is a large inside office that gets no natural light that could easily be a store room, and there is an office for Elspeth. There are no plans for anyone to use them at present so she was pleased to help. I will leave the two of you to sort out the details.”

Business was finally put to bed.

“You gave us the bare details of the shoot in the Alps. Tell us all what it was like.”

Andrew spent an hour, interrupted by a quick dash to get dinner, talking about the differences in a location shoot.

“It was just one cameraman, there was no crew. One of the costume ladies held a second light a couple of times but that was it. The only time we were really filming in public in a risky way was the last night in the hot tub.”

He told them about the makeshift screen and the challenges of hopping in and out of the hot tub. Maggie was smiling but Tony looked horrified.

“Was it, I mean didn’t it, er...”

Andrew saved them all any more embarrassment.

“Yes. It was very cold.”

“I can’t believe you are so casual about it.”

“I always talk about being naked and to the camera it appears that I am, but I am covered, just. I don’t really think about it anymore. And it is a very odd thing. I am quiet and shy, secretive almost, yet with this I just don’t care. It all comes back to Maggie’s mantra, what’s the big deal?”

“Do you enjoy it?”

“I am all over the place with that one. Yes, at some level I must because I am happy to do it. But I have said to several people in the last month that I am looking forward to it being over when I graduate. Maybe the thing that is different for me is the sense of external validation. When I study it is just for me, I want to do well in the exams but I don’t do it so that I can be lauded. When Manon tells me that the commercials are being well received and, most importantly for Hermès, sales are increasing then I do get a sense of satisfaction.”

“Do you ever get recognised?”

“Just the once when I was with Heloise last year. But in Courcheval in January? Nobody gave me a second look. I was with three beautiful models, why was anyone going to look at me?”

Maggie looked puzzled.

“What about the women?”

“What about them?”

“I can understand the men focusing on the women. Do the women not stare at you? In fact, your friends Nikki and Fran are lesbians, yes?”

He nodded.

“Maybe some men look at you as well Andrew.”

He seemed to go through his life with something obvious staring him in the face but never joining the dots. He was a man, he liked looking at women, and he never thought about anything else. Did women look at him? Did men? When he stopped and thought about it, they probably did. But he just wasn’t aware of it. He tried to explain all that.