Chapter 33

After getting the girls settled in bed, Andi went looking for her fiancé. The Victorian house is a mansion on insurance and tax rolls. It is over 5000 square feet. What makes it a mansion is the three fireplaces. Coming down the main staircase, Andi had a choice; turning to the right put her in the living room, decorated in 50s/60s style with the aluminum Christmas tree, or to the left into the parlor with its pure Victorian decor and enormous Christmas tree in the front window. The choice didn’t matter; he wasn’t in either location. She looked in the formal dining room, kitchen, pantry, finally she looked in the huge library, a room she thought that would be better served if it were divided off into 2 or 3 rooms. There was a fire in the fireplace and Paul had pulled a loveseat in front of the fire, and in that flickering light, she saw his silhouette kneeling in prayer.

She quietly sat down on the love seat and waited quietly until he finally looked up and smiled. “What ‘cha praying for dear?” she asked.

“Lots of prayers, mostly of thanksgiving for being blessed with you. But also, for strength,” he sat down next to her and put his arms around her small shoulders, so timid, so fragile. “There are things we need to talk about.” He paused and steeled himself. This wouldn’t be easy on either of them. “I was talking with old friends of Frank and...”

She immediately shuddered and tried to pull away, but he held her close. “I don’t want to talk.”

“Just this once baby, and then it’s over. One and done.”

“It’s about the poker parties, isn’t it,” she sniffed. Then she stiffened with resolve. “No. You’ll hate me.”

Paul lifted her delicate hand and kissed it close to her engagement ring. “I heard their side of the story before I put this ring on your hand, and I did that with no reservations. Now I need to know your side of the story before I talk to Frank tomorrow.” At the sound of Frank’s name, she stiffened. “Maybe we can make him pay for what he did.”

She sat feeling miserable for a long time. Conflicting emotions over a half decade old tore apart her stomach. She thought she was ready to vomit. Finally, she spoke in an incredibly soft, quiet voice, barely heard over the popping and sizzling of the fire. “I suppose you need to hear it all, it’s only fair...” She twisted her hands together, twisting her engagement ring like she was considering removing it. Finally, with a resigned sigh, she began.

“I told you that I was a bit of a wild child, and once I discovered that if someone else touches my pussy, it’s a hundred times better than when I do it, there was no turning back. I forget when or to who my virginity went, some frat boy in the dorm at Denver U. most likely but God how I partied...

“When I started studying in earnest, when I was able to see the prize all of that stopped. I don’t even think I masturbated during med school and when I was an intern, I was 100% focused on getting my residency. I started seeing guys casually and my mother introduced me to Frank, she said he was the answer to my prayers. She said that he could help me pay off my student debt, and somehow, we ended up married. I still don’t know how.

“It was tolerable, I rarely saw him, he was out doing things ... mostly gambling. And sex ... meh ... it was sex. No love, no ... there was no ... Oh God!” she cried, “Oh sweet god no! I just ... I suddenly realized, you’re my first real love ... I just realized it ... even my high school crushes were nothing like this ... I love you so much and now I have to do this to you...” she wept against his chest, deep heart-breaking sobs.

Paul pulled her up onto his lap, where she buried her face in his shoulder and shuddered as she tried to hold back the tears. “This is hard, this is bad stuff,” Paul whispered in her ear, “but every word draws me closer to you, and I never thought closer was possible.” She shuddered and sniffed; her weeping ceased until Paul said, “You truly are my greatest love.” Those words caused the dam of her emotions to burst. Paul was afraid her wails would wake the twins, but soon he was weeping along with her until she regained herself.