Chapter 1: Before everything

When I look out over the city of Manizales, Colombia, I’m greeted by a stunning blend of nature and architecture. Nestled right in the heart of Colombia’s coffee region and perched high in the Andes mountains, the city unfolds before me. The houses and buildings, painted in a kaleidoscope of colours, cascade down the hillsides, surrounded by lush greenery and sprawling coffee farms.

Here, the old and the new stand side by side, reflecting the city’s rich history alongside its modern stride. The Cathedral of Manizales towers over the cityscape, its imposing structure visible from miles away. This magnificent church, with its unique design, offers a viewpoint from which the entire city can be seen in all its glory.

And then, there are the mountains. Standing behind the city, they present an ever-changing backdrop, their appearance transformed by the shifting sunlight and the dance of clouds, creating a mesmerising view that captivates me every time. On clear days, the Nevado del Ruiz volcano is visible, its grand silhouette covered in snow, enhancing the breathtaking beauty of this place. It’s a view that never ceases to amaze me, a constant reminder of the natural splendour that surrounds this vibrant city. Now obviously you can’t see any of that from my room or my flat. But I like to remember that it’s all out there and that I live in a beautiful city.

My name is Akira. It is of Japanese origin, as my mother was Japanese. I believe the name means bright or clear. Unfortunately I never learned the language as my mother passed away during labor and I was raised by dad who’s Columbian. I just learned to speak Spanish and English, but I find my accent horrible despite being told that it sounds adorable sometimes.

At 14 years old, I am 5’2 or 1m57 - I know it’s quite short. I was growing up so fast and then just suddenly stopped at some point. That’s how it goes for girls from what I read online. I am mostly around 102 to 106lbs (46 to 48kg). My genes mixed up pretty well as I am both Asian thin and Latina curvy with a mix of Latina and Japanese looking face. It’s strange because I get plenty of different reactions to how I look, some see the mix in me and some only see one half of it. My face is highlighted by black medium length hair, about to my collar bone. I like to dye it sometimes and the length can vary to shorter or longer but this is my most common look. I have brown eyes with a straight small nose and big plump lips. I have B or C cups breasts which mostly depend on the brand of bras. And as all or most girls around here I am shaved. We hear stories of other countries not doing that and it seems a bit strange. At 14, I didn’t have any tattoos or piercings, except for earrings.

I take care of the home mostly. My dad doesn’t care that much. As long as it wasn’t too dirty and there was some drinks for him, he was fine with it. Most of the time I would see him drunk but at least he’s not angry drunk, just drunk. He works for a coffee company, as Manizales is the coffee production capital in Columbia. He’s mostly indifferent to me it seems and I know it’s horrible but sometimes I wish I kept my mom and he would be gone instead. Although sometimes I do think that there’s no guarantees my mom would be better. Welcome to my train of thought! I’ve always had conflicting conversations like that with myself.

My daily life revolves around four items - school, home, friends and journaling. In school I do not do very well most of the time. Sometimes I tell my self it’s because I’m stupid and sometimes I tell myself it’s because I don’t really put in the effort. Weirdly enough for a 14 year old I wouldn’t mind taking care of the house. Every time I get to it, it actually feels like I disconnect completely and my body is autopilot cleaning or cooking, etc ... When out with friends I have got two moods - life of the party or leave me alone. It’s almost like being bipolar I guess nothing I can do when I feel this way. And finally I like to journal at the end or the beginning of my day. I never really knew why I did it, but at the very least for this story it helped me recall some events. It is also one of those tasks that feels very soothing and relaxing, almost like I’m watching someone else write my story and I’m just double checking.

I would have these mood swings and or could be absent minded a lot. But my school counsellor says that it’s normal for teenagers to have that. Right about that time I started to have a weekly meeting with him. Sometimes he felt like another father to me but someone who cared more than my real dad. His name is Mateo and he is about 42 years old at the time. We would often discuss motivation and life goals, even if most of the time i didn’t have the answer or I changed my answer all the time.