Chapter 1: Welcome Home

I only thought I was tough! Eight years in the Marines couldn’t prepare me physically for domestic life, though. The women in my family could kick the collective asses of a whole platoon of Marines!

My name is Kenneth Robert Davis. I left home to join the Marine Corps when I was seventeen, because I couldn’t stand being at home and watching my pop drink himself to death. My mom was killed in a car accident the year before, and after we buried her my father didn’t draw a sober breath for a long, long time.

My Pop owns a Chevy dealership in Center City, Texas. He’s been selling cars as long as I can remember. At first he was just a salesman, but when I was eight, he bought the whole dealership. Davis Chevrolet soon became a household word in our small city, along with the slogan, “We don’t sell cars, we help people.” My father was respected and influential.

Pop didn’t drink then, and my childhood was upper middle class suburbanite good. We lived in a nice neighborhood, in a nice house with a pool. I won the Central Texas Regional Light Heavyweight wrestling title when I was still a junior. I was planning on getting an athletic scholarship to Texas A&M after I graduated.

After mom got killed, though, my Pop crawled inside a bottle. He went from a dynamic, successful car dealer to an incoherent, sobbing wreck. I was going nuts myself, and had to get out of there, so I blew off the state wrestling championship, got my GED, and hit up the Marine recruiter the day I turned seventeen.

I did two tours in Afghanistan, got a battlefield promotion to Sargent in combat, and was awarded a Bronze Star and a Purple Heart my second tour. The medals were pretty, but they sure as fuck weren’t worth what I had to go through to get them. I’m glad I did though, because after six months in the psych ward for PTSD, I decided that all the Navy shrinks that were shoving pills down my throat were full of shit. I got more help from my fellow Marines than from any of the ‘medicine’ they pushed on me, so I quit taking them and told the docs to fuck off. That Purple Heart prevented them from booting me out of the Corps for disobeying orders, so they just kicked me out of the hospital instead.

I was too whacked out for the civilian world, though, so I re-upped for another four years and got another stripe. Again, that Purple Heart pretty much guaranteed that I could have any job I wanted, so I spent the next two years as an MP, another two years as a Marine martial arts instructor in Quantico, and my final two years in the Corps as a Drill Instructor. Purple Hearts get the fast track for promotion, too, so I was promoted to Gunnery Sergeant, and spent my last year in the Corps as a Senior Drill Instructor.

My last two years as a D.I. pretty well burned me out. I was tired of the long hours and low pay, not to mention the astronomical load of pure military bullshit that’s part of daily life on Parris Island. I knew that I would get in trouble if I stayed, not least because I was fucking a fair few of my female recruits. I began thinking about what my future looked like if I re-upped again, and it didn’t look good. Even if I got another promotion, higher echelon NCO’s have to put up with even more bullshit than I was dealing with now. I’d had enough.

I hadn’t heard a lot from Pop since I joined up, just Christmas and birthday cards, so it came as a shock to receive a letter from him six months before my final enlistment was up. The letter said that he had quit drinking, and gotten remarried to an employee that had a couple of teenage daughters, who had been drooling over my old wrestling pictures in the high school yearbook.

He also mentioned that he had managed not only to save his own car lot, he was about to acquire another Chevy dealership in Lubbock! He said that between the service departments of the two dealerships that a lot of cash would be moving around, and that he was looking for someone he knew and trusted to oversee internal and external security. He offered me the job if I wanted it, starting at sixty thousand bucks a year!

Now, sixty grand a year looked pretty damned good to an E-7 Marine that was about to be unemployed! My experience as an MP would serve me well in a security job, too. I had been wondering what I was going to do after leaving the Corps, and here it was! I wrote my Pop and told him I’d take the job just as soon as my enlistment was up.

Pop responded that he was thrilled by my acceptance, and couldn’t wait until I was home. There was plenty of room in his new house if I wanted to move in with the new family, he said, but I had other ideas about that. I still had a hundred and fifty grand in the bank from my mom’s life insurance, plus another thirty grand or so I had socked away while I was overseas, so I planned on having my own place. I wasn’t about to let his new wife and her daughters cramp my lifestyle. HA!

I separated from the Marines on my twenty-fifth birthday. I was six foot three, and two hundred and twenty pounds of solid muscle. My hair was a flattop with whitewalls, but what hair I had was full and dark. Even though it was July, I left the Island in my dress blues, with lots of big red and yellow stripes and all kinds of medals and such. It was a bit warm, but you wouldn’t believe how much easier that uniform makes traveling. Marines in dress uniform seldom pay for their own meals or drinks!

I arrived in Dallas at about five o’clock that afternoon. I saw Pop as soon as I walked off the concourse. He looked good! He was forty-six now, but apart from a few laugh lines around his eyes and some salt and pepper in his hair, he and I could pass for brothers. He was accompanied by a brunette and a blonde, two of the most drop-dead gorgeous women I’d ever seen in my life!

“Kenny! How are you, son?” Pop asked, stepping forward to greet me with a big smile and a hug.

“I’m great, Pop.” I replied brightly, “You look great! I see you’ve begun escorting supermodels, too!” gesturing toward the two smiling women.

Pop grinned hugely. “Son this is Sarah, my lovely bride, and her eldest, Krystal. Girls, here’s the guy I’ve been talking about all year.”

Sarah’s spectacular! Although she’s thirty-eight, she has the face and body of a woman a dozen years younger. She’s tall, slender, and tanned, with silky chestnut hair that falls to the middle of her back, and a pair of bottomless blue eyes, enhanced by a trendy pair of dark-rimmed glasses. She was fashionably dressed in a snug black, sleeveless dress that hugged her fabulous body like a glove. It was cut just low enough to show an enticing amount of cleavage, with a hem two or three inches above her knees. She was wearing a beautiful string of pearls around her neck and her earrings were seed pearls in silver. Her long, shapely legs were clad in black stockings, and she wore black patent leather high heels on her feet. She looked like a movie star!

“I’m so pleased to finally meet you, Ken.” Sarah said, extending her hand. “Bobby’s right, he hasn’t quit talking about you ever since I’ve known him. I’m looking forward to getting to know you better.” Her smile had a fascinating sneer in it, one of the sexiest expressions I’d ever seen on a woman! I shook her hand and hoped I wasn’t drooling noticeably.

Krystal, her daughter, was simply breathtaking as well! Only eighteen years old, she’s tall and slender like her mom, with almond-shaped eyes of azure blue, high cheekbones, and a slightly upturned button of a nose sprinkled with just the perfect number of freckles! Her fine, straight honey blonde hair hangs hangs like a golden waterfall to her waist. She wore a cropped, coral colored blazer over a white Cowboys tank top that was sheer enough to show off the red sports bra underneath, and her long, long legs were clad in sheer white leggings under a pink plaid miniskirt. White high-heeled cork sandals completed her ensemble. She was (is!) an absolute vision, and when our eyes met, I knew that my life would never be the same again.

Krys was checking me out, too, her baby blue eyes roving over my dress blues with excited interest! “Hi, Ken,” she said shyly, her flawless smile brilliant in her tanned face. “I’m so happy to finally meet you! I’ve always wanted a big brother.” She looked earnestly at me for a moment, then dropped her eyes awkwardly.

“I’ve often thought I’d like a little sister, too,” I said, “but I never thought she’d be a cover girl.” Krys smiled automatically, and I realized immediately that she was irritated by flattery, and that compliments about her looks weren’t the way to her heart. She probably had men hitting on her twenty times a day.

“So, where’s my other new sister?” I asked, looking around. I think Sarah was pleased that I already referred to her daughters as family.

“She’s at home. Her best friend, Amy, had a slumber party for her sweet sixteen, and Jackie didn’t want to miss it.” my gorgeous stepmom replied. “She can’t wait to finally meet her older brother, though. She and Krys have been mooning over your old high school yearbook pictures ever since they found them. You were pretty hot in high school, you know.” she grinned, her beautiful blue eyes twinkling!

Krystal blurted, “He’s even hotter now!” She seemed to suddenly realize that she had spoken aloud. Embarassed, her cheeks turned crimson as she looked at the terminal floor, the other passengers, anywhere except at me. Her mouth had betrayed her, and I could clearly see how awkward and uncertain she felt about meeting me. I realized that for all her spectacular beauty, she was still just a teenager, and that social situations made her feel out of her depth and nervous.

I chuckled, “Hey, sissy, I’ll make a deal with you. We can talk about anything except how freaking gorgeous we are, okay?”

That broke the ice. Everybody laughed out loud, causing the people nearest our group to look around to see what was so funny. Kryssie’s smile became genuine and warm, all nervousness gone, and Sarah’s smile was relaxed and friendly.

Dad cleared his throat. “Son, if you’re ready, I thought we’d grab some dinner at Cattleman’s in Fort Worth before we drive home. I know you’re tired, but it’s only a few hours and Sarah and I have an important meeting in the morning.”

“You think I’d turn down dinner at Cattleman’s?” I asked, feigning amazement that he’d even ask such a thing. “When you’re buying? You’ve gotta be nuts! Fort Worth, ho!” I exclaimed, offering my arm to Krys, who grabbed it like it was a life jacket on the Titanic! Sarah took my dad’s arm, and my stepsister and I followed them down the terminal to baggage claim. Krys was thrilled at the smiles and the greetings other people gave me as we walked, thanking me for my service.

“So, Pop, how’d the new Lubbock dealership deal go?” I asked conversationally.

“You’re a little behind on the news,” he replied over his shoulder. “I was looking to acquire the one dealership, but when GM approved the franchise, another big dealer that’s looking to retire offered to finance the acquisition of all his lots too, for a really sweet price! The Davis clan is now looking to acquire five new car and two used car dealerships, in addition to the one in Lubbock! Tomorrow’s meeting is to set terms for the deal.”

“Jesus! Can you handle all that?” I asked incredulously.

“I can with your help, and the help of your new stepmother.” he said. “She’s made me believe I can do anything. She’s not only a marketing genius, she’s a helluva business manager.”

I looked at Sarah with a reappraising look, and she winked back at me. “Marketing cars is easy when you have a great product and good service. And a dealer you trust. People love your father! I couldn’t help falling for him myself.”

Dad said fervently, “And kept him from falling on his ass! Make no mistake, son, she’s the reason we still have a roof over our heads. I don’t have half the brains she does.” Sarah kissed his cheek and nuzzled his ear. Behind them, Krystal mimed vomiting into her hands. I laughed out loud at her antic, and she giggled in return, her blue eyes sparkling up at me.

“Alright, kids, behave!” Dad said in a paternalistic tone. “Here we are! How much luggage, son?” I only had one suitcase, a hanging bag for my uniforms, and a sea bag. We snagged them off the carousel and headed to the valet parking station.

Dad had driven a big, black Tahoe stretch limo. At his request, I got in the front seat with him so we could talk a little before we got to the restaurant. Krystal made a face, but Dad told her, “You can ride in the back with him going home, because your mother and I need to go over our presentation for tomorrow. It’s a three hour drive back, and we’ll have to hit the hay as soon as we get home.”

Krys’ face brightened and she gave me a wink. “Let’s get going, I’m starving!” she cooed to Dad, although she was looking at me! She glanced over her shoulder at me as she climbed into the back of the limo and caught me watching her fine little butt! She grinned and winked, and my cock gave a twitch! I didn’t want to hurt my Pop or Sarah, but my little stepsister was incredibly hot, and any idea that I could just ignore her charms and keep my interest in her strictly fraternal was just ridiculous.

As we entered the maelstrom of DFW traffic, Pop glanced at me nervously. “I never got to apologize for the way I fell apart after your mother died, son,” he said. “It wasn’t that I didn’t care about you, or the house, or the business. I didn’t care about anything.” He swallowed. “She was my everything, your mom. My sun rose and set on her, and you. Then she was gone, and so were you. The only thing I wanted was oblivion.”

“I understand, Pop.” I replied sadly. “You hit the bottle and I joined the Marines, but we were both running from it. I was just as lost as you were.”

Pop nodded and smiled gratefully. “A year after you left for Parris Island, I finally came to my senses. I had almost lost everything I had. I’d lost your mother, then you, and my car lot was about to go under. I had become a useless, whining lush, and I finally realized it. I knew I was better than that. I quit drinking, got into recovery, and worked myself back to sanity. Just in the nick of time, too.”

My father shook his head in a disbelieving sort of way. “I had local creditors and Detroit breathing down my neck, and the State was after me for back taxes. I couldn’t waste any more time with self-pity, I needed to start moving inventory, and fast! I sold our old house for a half million, and called in my last favor from an old frat brother at Union bank for a two hundred grand loan. I was able to keep the creditors at bay for a bit, so I took a chance and spent some money I couldn’t afford for a marketing consultant. That was Sarah.” Pop grinned at the memory. “It was both the biggest and the best risk I’ve ever taken.”

“The first thing Sarah did was get me to donate a couple of new passenger vans that had been gathering dust on the lot for a year to the Shriners, to transport sick children and their parents to the Shriners’ Hospital in Dallas,” he continued. “That got us some news spots, and a few Public Service Announcements with the Shriners on TV. Just as good or better than regular commercials, and didn’t cost us a dime! Detroit liked it, too.”

Pop glanced over at me to make sure I was suitably impressed. “Then she came up with the damnedest marketing tactic I ever heard of - ‘Lifetime warranty.’ The only condition was that in order to qualify for the warranty, buyers had to finance through the dealership. People flooded in the doors! Detroit told me I was insane.” He chuckled. “I thought it was crazy, too, at first, until Sarah explained how it works.”

“It’s like this; forty percent of our customers lease cars, because they want a new car every couple of years. That’s great, it keeps inventory moving and we sell the old leases as used. Our real bread and butter, though, is new car sales. Most of the extra costs incurred by a ‘lifetime warranty for new car buyers’ is offset by higher interest rates on the financing. A few folks balk at the increased interest rates and want to shop elsewhere, but ninety percent of them only hear ‘Lifetime Warranty.”

Pop chuckled. “Like I said, your stepmother’s a genius. Anyway, our car sales quickly got back to normal levels. While we weren’t really selling a lot more cars than we did before I started drinking, what the GM offices in Detroit saw was a one-year increase in sales of forty-five per cent, while sales numbers at every other dealership in Texas remained flat! GM made us their number one dealership in Texas!”

He grinned ruefully and shook his head. “Between the number one in Texas rating, the Shriner publicity, and the lifetime warranty, the damage done to Davis Motors’ reputation by my drinking has disappeared. I’ve been incredibly lucky, and it’s all because of your stepmom. I’ll always be grateful for what she’s done, and rely on her business acumen. I’ll especially be depending on her tomorrow.”

I was impressed, and told him so. “She sounds like just what you need to make this humongous deal work, Pop. You got a one in a million.”

Pop sniffed. “I’m the luckiest guy in the world, son. I’ve hit the million-to-one jackpot twice now. First time was with your mom. I want you to know that I’ll never stop loving her, son, but she’s gone, and I have to move on.”

“Hey, Pop, I understand completely!” I said. “I’ve had to move on, too. The Corps was what I needed for a long time, but it really quit working for me a couple of years ago, after they sent me to the Navy witch doctors after my last deployment. I don’t need babysitters anymore, I need to find out what’s next for me.”

Pop grinned and punched my shoulder. “What’s next is a couple of beers and a big ol’ ribeye! We can figure out the rest after we eat.”

He grew serious.”Seriously, now, tomorrow’s meeting has the potential to make us very, very wealthy, son, at least on paper. Our real estate assets alone will be worth well over half a billion if this deal works out. The financing we intend to propose will give us title to all the real estate, no leasing involved. The only short-term debt we’ll accrue is inventory and outstanding service contracts. We’re using the original Chevy dealership in Center City as collateral on the deal, so we don’t have to rely on any bank loans.”

“You were right to ask me in the airport if I can handle all this, Ken. I’m definitely feeling the pressure. We have to be careful, though. The guy that’s selling these dealerships isn’t someone I like or trust, but the opportunity is too great to just reject out of hand. We’ll need a strong management team, and people we can trust in the right positions. That’s where you come in.”

It was great to see the ambition back in my father’s eyes. “How can I help, Pop?” I asked.

“I want you to be Security V.P. for Davis Enterprises, son, all nine lots. That includes IT security, monitoring and auditing all service departments, complaints, warranties, parts and personnel costs, and making sure our money is going where it’s supposed to, as well as the physical security for all the dealerships. It’s really a desk job, but you’ll be busy running all over Texas to do it.”

“But Pop, I don’t know anything about accounting, or payroll, or management, or any of that administrative stuff!”

“Crap,” he snorted. “You were a Drill Instructor. You managed hundreds of people and their records every day!”

“Managing jarheads isn’t like managing civilians.” I argued. “Those grunts were trained to do their job and obey orders. They were scared to death of me.”

“This is a lot more relaxed, son.” Pop replied. “This is a white collar position. You’re not going to have to wipe these people’s butts like you did all those Marine recruits. The personnel in these dealerships have been there for years, mostly, and they know their jobs. Don’t worry, I’m not going to take you around next week and tell everybody, ‘here’s your new boss.’ Your job will simply be to make sure everything’s legal and correct. While it may sound like bean counting, I think you’ll find it a lot more challenging than that.”

He sighed. “Anyway, if we make this deal tomorrow, we’ll take a few weeks to go to each new dealership, meet all the general managers and personnel, and arrange for audits of each of their departments. I’ve been selling cars a long time, and I know how a successful dealership should be operating. Like I said, though, I don’t trust the guy we’re buying from. Detroit says all his numbers look okay, but the guy has known mob connections, so we’re going to be doing a lot of fact checking and cash flow verification.”

“What do you mean ‘if we make the deal’? I asked. “What’s the hangup?”

“Sarah’s come up with a safety valve for us, and we’re going to spring it on them tomorrow.” Pop said. “They won’t like it, but we’re not going to give them a choice. Just in case everything isn’t just as kosher as we’ve been told, we’ll insist that the acquisition contract will have an escape clause giving us an entire year to back out of the purchase. Knowing how the cash moves around those dealerships is going to be a vital part of our verification process. What you’ll be doing is an important job, and I can’t let just anyone help me do it, Ken. I need someone that I can trust completely.”

I whistled. “Now I understand why you want me for the job. They won’t be happy if we back out, will they? Just say they go for it, though – what’s the next move?”

“We’ll spend the next couple of months just looking around.” Pop said. “We’ll take some time to see the lay of the land, and see where each dealership stands, and double-check all the numbers. You’ll meet all the people working for us, form your impressions of them, and not step on anybody’s toes. At least not yet.”

“Then you’ll review audits of the service departments for all the car lots. You won’t need an accounting degree, you’ll just need to be familiar with cash flow statements, personnel costs, GM service culture, and the terms of the service contracts and warranty policies of the different car manufacturers. You can start with our old Davis Motors service department, and then do Lubbock to get familiar with the process. We know they’re in good shape.”

“So, you up for this, bud?” he asked as we turned into the restaurant parking lot. I felt a surge of affection for my Pop. That was the question he had always asked me when I was growing up, whenever I was faced with an important decision.

As we pulled under the awning, I told him, “Pop, in Afghanistan my team was all I had to keep me alive. I’m part of your team now, Pop, and I’ll have your back no matter what! Yeah, I’m up for it. Besides, you know I can’t resist a challenge.”

Tears welled in my father’s eyes. “Thank you, son. I need you now more than ever.” He clapped me on the shoulder. “Let’s eat.” We got out of the limo and Pop gave the keys to the valet. Sarah saw Pop wiping his eyes and asked if he was okay. “Never better.” he replied, pounding my shoulder.

Sarah took dad’s arm, and I offered mine to Krys. Again, her grip was fierce and possessive, and she smiled brilliantly as we entered the ritzy restaurant.

Cattleman’s is the steak house for the elite of the East Texas business world. Million dollar deals are made within its walls every day, and the clientele are the rich and famous, the creme de la creme of the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex. The food is five-star, and its location in the Ft. Worth stockyards is as Texan as it gets. Cattle are no longer bought, sold, or driven through there anymore, but the Stockyards are still standing, and are on the National Register of Historic Places. The businesses there now are very upscale and trendy.

Business or evening wear is mandatory in Cattleman’s. (Cowboy hats and boots are always acceptable business attire in Texas!) Dad was fine in his gray Armani suit, and while Sarah would look elegant in a burlap sack, her dress was nice enough for business or cocktails. Krystal was a little casual, but who’s gonna send away a supermodel for any reason? Besides, her escort was a Marine in full dress!

Sarah was worried we wouldn’t get a seat without a reservation, but the Maître d’ greeted my father by name as soon as we walked in. “Mr. Davis! So good to see you! Table for four!” He beckoned imperiously at a waiter to seat us.

“Hiya, Larry!” Pop said, shaking the guy’s hand. “How’re the kids doing?”

“In the pink, Bobby, thanks to you. Darla and Greg are thinking about naming their first born after you. Is this your son you were telling me about? Semper Fi, bro! Larry Bascomb, Panama and Desert Storm!”

“Ken Davis, Larry, just back from the Island and Afghanistan.” I responded, giving Larry’s hand a hearty shake. “Always a pleasure to meet a fellow Marine.”

Larry escorted us to our table himself. My uniform and the spectacular beauty of the girls made ours easily the most glamorous party in the place that evening, and it seemed like every head in the restaurant turned to follow our progress!

Dad held Sarah’s chair for her while I held Krystal’s. The teen was thrilled at he looks our party was being given, and at being treated in such a formal manner. “I feel like a real lady.” she said to me as I seated her.

I put my hand on hers, feeling electricity between us when we touched! “You are a real lady, Krystal, and I will always treat you as such,” I said, looking straight into her sky-blue eyes, “I will also cheerfully break the jaw of any man that doesn’t.”

Kryssie’s eyes grew round, her lips parting slightly. “Oh my!” she murmured.

Sarah beamed at me and turned to my dad. “I can see that a blarney tongue is hereditary in the males of our family.”

Pop grinned back at her, not to be outdone, and said, “As is the flawless beauty and cunning wit of the females.”

Sarah breathed, “Ohhh, that’s very good!” Pop winked at her and chuckled.

Pop ordered a bottle of Dom Perignon from the wine steward, and indicated to the waiter that Krystal was to be served also when it arrived. Krys, immensely gratified to be treated as an adult, sipped her champagne delicately. “Ooh, it tickles!” she gasped as the bubbles went up her nose.

We laughed and made light conversation all through dinner. Neither Krys nor I seemed to be able to look away from the other, even when people stopped by the table to shake my hand and thank me for my service, or to shake hands with my father and congratulate him on the huge business deal we were about to realize. One guy even thought Pop and I were twin brothers! Sarah and Krys both felt glamorous, and absolutely thrilled with all the attention and envious looks we received!

Pop winked at me. “Two weeks ago, most of these assholes wouldn’t have given me the time of day,” he said quietly, so only our family could hear. “Now they’re kissing up because we’re making the big deal of the day.” I suspected that Pop wanted us to see and be seen at Cattleman’s. We could have eaten dinner anywhere, but Pop was making sure that word got around in Dallas about the Davis clan!

About eight, Pop paid our tab and started yawning pointedly. Sarah stuck one of her fingers in his mouth when yawned the last time, and he vainly tried to bite it off.

“Look, Bobby,” she said in a practical tone, “why don’t we just get a hotel tonight? By the time we drive home it’ll be midnight, and we’d just have to get up at five and drive it all over again.”

Pop blinked as his gorgeous wife continued. “Jackie’s over at Amy’s, so we don’t need to worry about her. The Marriot can clean and press your suit overnight, and this dress will be just fine for me. We can go over the cash flow and balance sheets on my laptop at the hotel tonight. Tomorrow morning we’ll be rested and refreshed, and able drive over to Irving in plenty of time, no rush. Ken and Krys can just hang at the hotel till the afternoon, and we can stay again tomorrow night and celebrate, and then go home Saturday!”

Dad looked thoughtful, and Krys said, “Ohhh, daddy, that would be so cool! I don’t ever want this night to end, it’s been so wonderful! Can we stay, pleeeze?” She batted her eyes at me coquettishly. “Can I borrow one of your shirts to sleep in, Kenny? I usually use one of dad’s, but he needs his.”

“Anything that I can give you that will make you feel warm and safe is yours, little sister.” I said. “That’s what big brothers are for.”

Krys stared at me, her big blue eyes adoring, her perfect lips parting with a sensuous smile. “Thanks, big brother.” she murmured.

Sarah just shook her head and muttered, “How do you Davis boys always know the right thing to say!”

Dad chuckled and reached over to slap my shoulder. “C’mon, Marine, let’s go find a hotel!”

As we followed dad and Sarah out of the restaurant I couldn’t help but notice the way Sarah’s high heels made her luscious butt sway back and forth in that snug black dress! With an absolutely gorgeous blonde teenager on my arm and a perfectly shaped derriere twitching in front of me, I would have to have been dead or gay not to become aroused. My cock was already at half-staff as we went through the door!

While we waited for the parking valet, Krys stood on tiptoe and whispered into my ear, “Don’t cha think my mom has a fantastic ass?”