Chapter 11: Hiring Ira

“Ira, you write in your CV that you worked as a flight attendant for Yuzmash-Avia and Motor-Sich,” I continued, ignoring the pressure in my groin. “Can you tell us why you gave up that profession?”

“Pay and safety,” she said. “We earned very little money and the Yak-40s and AN-24s were getting older and older. We had more and more incidents with equipment failing in flight. I didn’t feel safe any more.”

“Have you served on any other aircraft types?” I asked.

She shook her head. “Motor-Sich had an AN-74, but that was only used for cargo flights.”

My inner aviation geek confirmed that her CV had not been exaggerated. She had described the fleets of the two Ukranian airlines spot on. Having exhausted my questions, I handed over to Sofia, who asked her some questions in German.

Sofia had refreshed her knowledge of German during the language classes we attended together, but my German was still rudimentary at best, so most of what they talked about went way over my head. What I did get though was a snippet of Sofia asking her to show her something or other, and I realised she had asked for a practical demonstration when she grinned at me and Ira sashayed over and started to open my trousers.

With practised ease she wrapped a condom over my erection using her mouth.

I sat back in my chair, my brain completely fried from Ira’s practical demonstration of her skills. Just watching her leave the room, still gloriously naked, had been an amazing experience.

Sofia shook her head.

“That was the most pointless job interview I have ever seen,” she said.

“Huh?” I asked, using up all my currently available cerebral capacity.

“That girl is never going to work a single flight to Hungary,” she said. “You would never allow that.”

“Huh?”

She laughed. “Just look at you. Two hours ago you talked all la-di-da like Lord Snot of Buttsville. Now I can’t get more than a few grunts out of you.”

“Two hours?”

“Yes, in case you’ve missed it somehow, your little practical demonstration went on for ninety minutes and you’ve filled three condoms to the brim in the process.”

“I’ll have to take your word for it,” I said, feeling a blush on my cheeks. “I think my brain melted somewhere along the way.”

“So much is obvious,” Sofia said with a giggle. “Even when you tried to sound as posh as possible, it didn’t take Dr. Freud to see that the two of you were practically flirting all the way through the interview. And the last ninety minutes leave little doubt you fell head over heels for each other the moment you met.”

As Sofia had predicted, hiring Ira came with a huge price tag – three-hundred thousand Deutschmarks in fact. This was still a ridiculous amount for a ‘penalty fee’, but it wasn’t a trumped up charge. Apparently Ira had rejected each and every client since the moment she had had her job interview with us, and her pimps had taken a dim view to that kind of motivational issue. Technically it was a private loan to Ira, but we both knew I would never go and demand that money to be repaid.

She had booked herself into a modest two-star hotel in the city, but if Sofia’s prediction was right, there was no way she would stay there. I knew Sofia had been spot-on about me, but I didn’t yet know if she had been right about Ira.

We had agreed by email that someone would meet Ira at the railway station, leaving out the fact that I would be the one waiting for her. I stood near the platform stairs when the visibly aged Intercity train from Cologne clattered into the station, piercing my eardrums with a horrible screech when the brakes were set.

Since I was at the head of the train, I could easily see all the carriages. Emden was apparently not really a tourist attraction and only a few people got off the train. One of them was a drop-dead gorgeous Ukrainian, who was heading my way with two large rolling suitcases.

When she spotted me, she stopped dead in her tracks, abandoned her luggage and came running towards me, crying. She jumped into my arms and nearly toppled both of us over. She showered my face with kisses and babbled something in Ukrainian or Russian.

“I missed you too,” I said to remind her that my language skills were limited to English. Then I saw a bruise on the back of her left hand. “Did they leave you with a parting gift?”

“No,” she said, wiping her tears away with a Kleenex. “I did that myself. Never throw down the lid of a Samsonite if your other hand is still in it.”

We both chuckled.

“No reason to abandon the culprit on the platform though,” I said and went to fetch her suitcases.

We walked to the car, not saying much, but I enjoyed the beautiful smiles she kept flashing me. I loaded the two heavy suitcases into the back of the Merc and opened the door for her.

“I’m glad you came to meet me,” she said. “I wasn’t sure if I had just imagined it.”

“What, that we fell head over heels for each other as soon as we met?” I said. “Well, I didn’t know immediately, because my brain went on the fritz during our ‘practical demonstration’. Apparently we were at it for over an hour.”

She giggled. “You don’t remember?”

“Not much,” I admitted. “I guess we’ll have to repeat it.”

She laughed out loud. It was a beautiful sound.

“Sofia saw it immediately though.”

“She’s not really your assistant, is she?”

“Well, she is, as far as her job goes. But we also live together, but not as a couple, but we had sex until I met you. It’s all a bit complicated.”

“I don’t mind,” she said, surprising me.

“What do you mean, you don’t mind?”

“If we really want to be together, you will be quite busy keeping up with my needs, but if you sleep with Sofia, Esther or any other girl, I don’t mind, as long as you make sure you don’t bring an STD back.”

“That’s quite a generous attitude,” I said. “You know Esther?”

“Of course. I originally applied for a job with her, but she told me she forwarded my application to you, because I’ve been a stewardess in the past.”

“Now I really have to thank her,” I said with a chuckle.

“I knew you couldn’t say no to those tits,” Ira said and giggled as well.

“We visited her in July,” I told her. “I thought that was the most amazing pair of breasts I’ve ever seen. That was, until your CV landed in my inbox.”

“Flatterer,” she said and gave me her most beautiful smile.

“I’m serious,” I said.

“By the way, if we keep going round and round through that roundabout here, people will think you’re on drugs, or drunk,” she said with a giggle.

I spotted a nearby parking lot, finally got out of the roundabout, and parked the car. I took out my phone.

“Um, Sofia? This is a bit embarrassing. I’m in the parking lot of the Saturn store. I think I’m a bit too distracted to drive safely. I’ve just played merry-go-round in a roundabout for a few minutes.”

Even Ira could hear Sofia and Bea laugh hysterically in the office, which made her chuckle. Thank god Fred and Jack were in England. I would never have heard the end of it.

Ira and I were busy tongue-wrestling when the horrible ‘rang-nang-nang-nang’ of Bea’s old Wartburg interrupted us. She winked at me as Sophia climbed out of the old East German bucket of bolts to take over our stranded Merc. Bea disappeared in a cloud of two-stroke fumes.

“You have a Wartburg?” Ira asked with a giggle as she and I bundled into the rear passenger seats of the Merc.

“Bea can’t bring herself to get rid of it,” I said. “If she sold that thing she could make out like a bandit. Collectors would pay a king’s ransom for a still functioning East German car with Lydia Karass as the original owner.”

“The Olympic marathon champion?” she asked.

“The very same,” I said. “Bea is her sister.”

“Now, where do I take you two love-birds?” Sofia interrupted us.

“I think I’ll show Ira her new home first,” I said with a grin.

“Whatever ‘practical demonstrations’ you have in mind, don’t forget to show up in the office in the afternoon,” Sofia told me as she drove out of the parking lot. “Fred and Jack landed in Dresden an hour ago.”