Chapter 6

“Well, I guess I should try and find whoever wanted to turn my face into a pincushion,” Rhia said. “Can I tell what direction I got shot at from?”

“Give me a perception check,” I said.

She rolled, winced at the number, and then checked her character sheet. “Seven,” she said.

“Not enough, sorry,” I said. “You aren’t sure which side of the road it came from, and there are trees all around you.”

“OK,” Rhia said. “Um, then I guess I’m going to try and help Renee with the knife-lady so we can get into cover. I’ll jump and try to tackle the bandit to the ground as I yell, ‘Get to cover, Renee!’”

“Cool. That’s a sort of grapple check, so it’ll be an opposed roll.” We both rolled and I checked the numbers. “Looks like you’re successful,” I said. “So we see Oliva of Parnasus leap to save her friend, barreling heroically into the bandit lady, when her name splashes across the comic panel. What’s your tagline?”

“Party Paladin,” Rhia said with a smirk.

I snorted and the girls chuckled. “OK. I probably should have asked this already, but what deity does your Order of Knights serve?”

“So, as far as I know, you haven’t had this one show up in your world yet,” Rhia said. “But I was thinking Revelry if that’s OK? She would be, like, the patron of Festivals and Parties and Celebrations.”

“Hmmm,” I nodded, thinking. The deities in my world of Firth were all based on Emotions. The core three, Joy, Sorrow and Anger, created all life and filled it with their children, which were more nuanced emotions. My players had explored all sorts of different minor deities over the years - Glee, Guilt, Rage, Grief, Melancholy, Lust. I’d definitely never had a Revelry though. “OK,” I said, deciding to lean into Yes, And. “So Olivia of Parnasus, Party Paladin of Revelry. Are you the defender of the Keg Stand?”

Rhia smirked and rolled her eyes. “No one does keg stands anymore, Shane,” she said.

“We stick vodka-soaked tampons up our butts. Gets us drunk way faster,” Elyse said.

They all started laughing at the look on my face.

“I’m joking!” Elyse guffawed.

“Good God,” I said, wiping a hand over my forehead. “You had me with that one.”

“Technically it would work,” Tori said. “None of us are that crazy though.”

“I heard that Rachel tried it once, and got her boyfriend to do it too,” Elyse said.

“Well, she’s pretty much an alcoholic,” Rhia said. “Did you hear that-”

“Anyways,” I said, cutting the drama talk. “We see Olivia’s name flash across the comic panel, and then she and the bandit woman crash to the ground. Anything else you want to do?”

“Can I stab her with my sword?” Rhia asked.

“Tackling her definitely took up your action. Got a bonus action?”

“Not at this level,” Rhia shook her head. “I’m done.”

“Alright,” I said. “Then you all hear a thwack from the right side of the road, the same thwack that happened right before the bolt hit Olivia’s back.” I rolled a die behind the screen. “It looks like the hidden bandit shot at Jade, and...” I rolled the hit. “Ooh, that’s a seventeen to hit.”

“Agh,” Tori said, scrunching up her nose. “Got me.”

“The bolt thuds into the back of your thigh painfully and you take ... five points of damage.”

“Fuck!” Tori exclaimed, dramatically wincing again as if she’d gotten hit.

“Hah, you get shot in the butt,” Rhia snickered.

“It was my thigh, not my butt,” Tori said.

“Won’t stop us from saying it was your butt when you can’t sit down,” Elyse smirked.

“Can I side with the bandits?” Tori asked me.

“Might be a little late for that after you dropkicked one to death,” I pointed out.

“OK,” Tori sighed. “It’s my turn, right?”

We’d reached the end of the turn order and were starting a new round, so I told her to go ahead. Jade, limping but trying to hide her pain, tried to fight back against the bandit attacking her with the axe but apparently her dice didn’t like the idea of her going to fisticuffs and she rolled low. Renee was next, however, and seeing that Jade was in trouble she followed Olivia’s orders and rushed into the brush on the left side of the road into cover from the crossbow shots, but put her back to a tree and summoned another fiery shadow bolt.

“I’ve got you, Jade!” Renee called, releasing the bolt at the axe-swinging bandit and catching him squarely in the back. The bolt chewed through his leather coat like a hot knife through butter and sent him spinning to the ground and smoking.