Chapter 5: A Nice Boy – No Such Thing!

I did a small job with Uncle Frank on Saturday after cricket, stopping and skimming some drywall he had repaired. When I told him about our adventures with clingwrap, he was thoughtful.

“I don’t know any statistics about pregnancy from clingwrap, but plenty of people get pregnant using condoms!”

“How can that happen?”

“Easily! They slip off, they burst, people forget to use them, or they go bareback ‘just in a little way’ or pussyrub like your mate was doing before they fuck.”

“Shit!”

“Toldya. No naked cocks anywhere near pussies!”

“Do you reckon we’re safe doing the pussyrub thing with clingfilm like I told you about?”

“Probably fairly safe. But I’d be bothered about doing even that during the girl’s fertile times.”

“When’s that?”

“Middle of the cycle. If they’re regular they’ll be safe a week before and a week after they bleed.”

I arrived with my schoolbag at the Reed’s place around midmorning on Sunday. I had met Brian and Bronwyn’s parents a couple of times before, and they had seemed pleasant enough. They were both lawyers in a small firm in the city. He was a partner and practiced as a criminal barrister, and she had been a paralegal studying part time when they met. She continued her studies until the twins were born and resumed as soon as they were old enough for daycare. She had been fully qualified for seven or eight years now, and was working mainly in what would now be called ‘Family Law’. In comparison to our family, they were rich.

“They’re set up in the family room.” Mrs Reed handed me a bowl of apples. “Take these down. Will you stay for lunch?”

“Yes please.”

“I’ll call you. Probably around half twelve.”

The family room was through the house and downstairs at the back. The Reeds were able to afford to live on the slopes of one of Auckland’s many scoria cones, and the house was built on a steepish slope, with a half basement under the back of it. The basement was North facing and sunny, and the family room was bigger than our lounge. There was also a short hall, with a toilet, and a laundry with twin tubs and a roller wringer next to a coal gas fired ‘copper’.

The family room itself had an enormous TV combined with a radiogram and stereo record player, with ‘rabbit ears’ on top to receive the signal from the mast on top of a nearby cone. The Govt broadcasting corporation provided two radio stations 24/7, and one TV channel for three hours 7-10pm. The huge screen was over two feet on the diagonal, and Brian had told me that although the Black and White image was ‘snowy’, it was almost like having the movies at home. I had been looking forward to a ‘sleepover’ some time so I could watch it.

The twins had put four chrome and vinyl chairs around the table tennis table that still dominated the room, even though it was folded in half. There were a couple of couches against the wall opposite the TV/radiogram. Quite a setup!

Robyn had arrived before me and she and the twins were ‘head down and bum up’ on maths. Brian had always beaten me in maths, and I had accepted that as a ‘fact of life’, but I was cherishing the secret hope that I would be at least as good as Bronwyn, and better that Robyn. No Way! Bronwyn was as good as Brian and Robyn was way ahead of all of us. I had to ask.

“You didn’t use to be into maths?”

“Wasn’t interested. I thought I was dumb. Then Mum got together with Allan, and he has pushed me along. Once I started to get into it, something clicked, and now I find it easy.” Robyn eyeballed me. You were top dog at Primary school as far as schoolwork was concerned. Is it ok not to be?

“Mum and Dad didn’t seem to make it a priority up to this year. Now it is. I didn’t think of it much last year, but now I’m in the top stream, I’m competing with people as smart or smarter. I nodded at Brian. “Like him!”

“And now us!”

We spent the rest of the morning graphing simple functions. By the time Mrs Reed called us for lunch it was easy.

We ate at the table in the dining room off their lounge, It seemed like a semi formal occasion, and I was glad my family had all paid attention to what they called ‘Table Manners’. During the week Mrs Reed was working, and evening meals were simple, but she was interested in cooking, and in the weekends she ‘tried out’ recipes from the overseas magazines she borrowed from the local library.

Lunch was something she called a ‘Kedgeree’. She had made a cheesy white sauce and added smoked fish, and served it spooned over creamed corn pancakes. I was impressed and said so. That scored me a few brownie points. We followed it with stewed apple, and the ubiquitous ‘cuppa tea’. I scored more brownie points by recognising the apple had been flavoured with cloves.

But the food wasn’t the main feature of the lunch. That was the cross examination carried out by Mr Reed. He was still in his gardening clothes, and slightly sweaty from trimming hedges, but his professional skills were evident. His questions were silky smooth and polite, but by the time we had finished dessert he knew an awful lot about me and Robyn. He was particularly interested in Uncle Frank’s wisdom, but even more interested in what I made of it. I left out almost all Frank’s advice about sex, but I was pretty straight up over my beliefs about communication and fairness.

At the end of the meal, we said our goodbyes, and Mr Reed addressed us both as we were leaving

“Studying tomorrow?” Robyn reddened. I don’t know whether I blushed, but it was clear that neither of us knew what to say. As the silence became increasingly uncomfortable, he took pity on us (or perhaps he was just playing what Uncle Frank would call ‘good cop’). “Never mind – either way we would like you both to stay for a meal. We will make sure you are home at a reasonable hour.”

“I’ll ask Mum and let Brian know at school.” Mr Reed smiled.

“Or perhaps you could let Bronwyn know after school!”

Neither of us answered, and we made our individual escapes as soon as possible.

Brian and I ate our lunches together on Monday. I had no clue what was going on with his parents and neither did he.

“There’s sure as hell something going on with them! After you and Robyn went home, he asked me to give him a hand in the workshop – said helping him build some shelves would improve my manual skills.” I laughed.

“They need it.”

“Maybe, but he gave me the third degree about Robyn and how often she had been here. Just as well he didn’t ask what we got up to. He can spot a lie from a hundred yards with his eyes shut!” I was impressed.

“I’m pleased he didn’t get into anything specific when he quizzed us over lunch, but I suppose it had to come out eventually.” Brian grinned.

“What? Eating pussy and sucking cock?”

“No Dickhead! Hanging out and prepping dinner.”

“We might already be busted anyway. Mum was talking to Bronwyn while Dad was grilling me in the workshop. She didn’t want to tell me what they had talked about. She said she had promised Mum not to.” I didn’t really want to hear that particular news.

“Shit! So what happens tonight?”

“From what Dad said, we are allowed to get together after school and you are expected still to be there with the meal prepped when they get home, and to stay for tea.” I was worried, but remembered a comment Frank had made – ‘all plans fail but it’s still best to make one!’ I tried for more information.

“Has anything like this ever happened before?”

“Nothing exactly like this. Bronwyn and a couple of other girls in sixth grade were caught shoplifting a few years back.”

“Shit! What happened?”

“Big family meeting. They wanted the full story – all the details, and didn’t give up until they’d got them.”

“That’s different from my family. Dad’s pretty down a lot of the time, and Mum won’t see anything she doesn’t have to.”

“What did your Mum think when you asked if you could stay for tea?”

“Dunno what she thought. She gave me one of her ‘looks’, but she said ‘yes’.”

I waited for Brian after school and we walked back to his place together. Bronwyn and Robyn weren’t in the kitchen, but Mrs Reed had left instructions for prepping the meal. Brian was oblivious, but I noted dinner was going to be more elaborate than usual.

“Fancy meal! They give condemned prisoners a treat for their last meal before their execution!” Brian wasn’t impressed.

“Fuck off! If we make a full confession, we might only get probation. Lies really bug them!”

Bronwyn and Robyn came in. They had changed, and there had obviously been some clothes swapping and lending, and also a touch of makeup. They both looked really pretty and I said so. They laughed it off, but looked pleased.

With four of us prepping (Brian albeit somewhat grudgingly), we were done soon after four, and adjourned to the twins’ respective bedrooms. Bronwyn and I sat on the edge of her bed.