Chapter 2: Katie Starts Dating

It was easy for Katie to keep a chastity pledge when she was not dating at all. Katie didn’t have a boyfriend during her first year of high school, so she never faced the pressure of sexual temptation. She hung out with her female friends both in person and online.

in the beginning of her second year of high school, her crowd of friends expanded to include boys, including boys from other schools who lived in our town. Shortly after she turned 16 she was asked to a Halloween dance by Brad, one of the boys who attended a public school in the area. Brad was 17 and drove a car. He was coming to the house to pick her up for her date – her first real date.

In the hour before her date, while she was prepping at the makeup mirror in my bedroom, I had “the talk” with Katie about keeping her chastity vow while dating. “Sweetie, I know this is an awkward subject but I feel it has to be said directly.”

“Mom, you aren’t going to tell me about the birds and bees – I did have sex-ed in class, you know.”

“I am not talking about ‘mechanics’ or ‘plumbing’ but ‘chastity’ – keeping your promise to yourself and to the Lord to remain pure until you are married. There will be temptations that you will have to consciously resist to keep that pledge. I know from my own experiences in dating boys in high school that you have to go into a relationship with a firm commitment to maintain your pledge and let the boy know that from the start. Otherwise, it is just too easy to let it fall away. God gave all humans a sex drive and desires because, as the Bible says, we are intended to get married and ‘be fruitful and multiply.’ But the Bible also says we should be ‘chaste’ before marriage. The chaste life before marriage isn’t easy, but its benefits for you and your future are worth the effort.”

“So, Mom, what does that mean in real life? Can we hold hands?

“Of course.”

“What if he wants to kiss me goodnight after the date?”

“Closed-mouth kisses, short ones, are just fine. Better on the cheek than the lips but even on the lips for a short time is okay too. But a long kissing session really is off limits because it does lead to temptation to do more and more. Do you understand that difference?”

“Yah. I guess.”

“Here is the point I really wanted to make, sweetie. Most boys will want to go further than that and will go as far as you let them. The nice boys will respect your limits, but others will want to push to see whether you give and how far they can get. Giving them even an inch will only encourage them to grab for more. You simply cannot rely on the boy to restrain himself. It is up to you to be the guardian of your own purity.”

“Mom, I don’t think Brad is like that.”

“Sweetie, you really never can know until you are in that situation. Have fun, dance, and laugh. Just be conscious of your pledge and know that keeping it is up to you and you’ll do fine.”

When Katie returned home after the dance, I asked her how the date went. She said that Brad respected her chastity limits and never seemed to push for more than holding hands and a closed-mouth goodnight kiss. Katie said that she never felt any pressure to do more.

Katie and Brad continued to date after the Halloween Dance. By Christmas it was clear that they were a regular couple, dating every Saturday night and texting and chatting during the week.