Chapter 15: Such are the Plans We Make

Oceano, California

June 22, 2001

“I’m sorry,” said Jake. “Please repeat that.”

It was a pleasant Friday night and Jake, Celia, and Laura were sitting out on the deck of Casa Kingsley, all with wine glasses in hand. The stars were shining brightly and a pleasant night breeze was blowing. The age old sound of waves crashing into the cliff boomed rhythmically. Caydee had been put to bed twenty minutes before. Eric the violinist was shut up in his room for the night. Grace and Chase were watching TV in the entertainment room. Meghan was in Los Angeles, having been flown there by Jake (with Caydee along for the ride) after the day’s session had ended. And now, his wife had just told him that she wanted to divorce him.

Celia giggled a little, but it was a nervous giggle. “That’s what I said the first time you two asked me to have sex with you.”

“That’s right,” Laura said. “And look how that worked out.”

Jake refused to get drawn into a discussion of the past. A rather major bombshell had just been dropped on him. “You cannot be serious about this,” he said.

“It’s a perfect solution to C’s problem, sweetie,” Laura told him. “You and I get divorced. Once it’s final, you marry C so she can have your baby, give it your last name, and have it be legitimate in the eyes of the world.”

“This is the craziest, most asinine thing I’ve ever heard of,” Jake told her, still trying to grasp what she was suggesting. “I don’t want to divorce you! You’re my wife and I love you! We’re not having marital problems—at least I don’t think we are. We can’t just get divorced.”

“We won’t really be divorced,” Laura said. “I mean ... well ... legally we will be, but between us everything will remain the same. I’ll still live here, sleep with you and C, have sex with you and C, be Caydee’s mommy, be in love with both of you. Nothing will change in that aspect of life. This is so C can have her little baby Kingsley.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Jake said, shaking his head a little. He looked over at Celia, who had remained mostly silent during the discussion. She seemed very nervous about the whole thing. “What is your thought on all of this?” he asked her.

“Like you, when it was first brought up to me, I thought it was the craziest thing I’ve ever heard in my life,” she said.

“Yep,” Jake said, “and I’ve heard some crazy shit in my time.”

“I understand if you don’t want to do this, Rev,” Celia said. “Really I do. I told Teach that this is way too much for me to ask of her, to ask of you.” She shook her head miserably. “I wish we wouldn’t have even brought it up.”

“Now hold on, love,” Laura said. “Tell him what you think about it now, after you’ve had time to process it.”

Jake continued to look at her, an inquisitive expression on his face.

She sighed. “I think we can make this work if we try,” Celia said. “I don’t want to try to force you into anything if you don’t want to do it, but Teach and I have talked about this a lot over the past few nights. It can work. If you say no then it’s no and we’ll speak of it no more. I will not leave you two if you say no. I will still be happy with you. This is just a chance for me to fulfill a need, a desire that I have for my life. If it can’t be done I will accept that and move on.”

“I understand your need have a baby, C—I really do, but ... divorcing Laura? Do we really have to go that far? Is there no alternative?”

“You know my thoughts on the legitimacy of a child I bear,” Celia said. “If I were to genuinely get pregnant by accident, that would be one thing. I would love and embrace the child, but that is not what I want for a baby with my genes if I can avoid it. I want that baby to be conceived and born in wedlock and I want it to be conceived with you, Rev, to have your last name. I want my cake and I want to eat it too.”

Jake nodded. He knew how deep Celia’s desires ran and knew she was sincere in all she had just said. “I understand,” he said softly.

“Then you’ll do it?” Laura asked.

“I didn’t say that,” Jake said. “I am willing to talk about this, however. I have some questions about how this would work. How far have the two of you worked this little scheme out to?”

“Uh ... well ... I think we have the basics of it covered,” Laura said.

“Yeah,” Celia said, nodding. “The basics.”

“Okay then,” Jake said, “tell me, basically, what happens after C and I get married and have a baby? Do we stay married forever with my ex-wife living in the house with us?”

“No, no!” Celia said immediately. “I promised Teach I would give you back when I was done with you.”

“Give me back when you’re done with me?” Jake asked, raising his brows a bit.

“She pinky swore it,” Laura said. “Once the baby is born and weened, you two will get divorced and then I’ll marry you again once that’s final.”

Jake’s head was swimming now. “What am I? A joint that gets passed around from person to person?”

“Oh, come on, sweetie,” Laura said. “You know we don’t mean it like that. You know we both love you with all of our hearts. That’s the only way this thing can work. Trust and love. This is not a change in our relationship with each other. Everything will continue as it has been going through this entire process. We’re just changing the legalities of our relationship to manipulate the system so that C’s baby is legitimate in the eyes of the law and the public.”

“In a just world we wouldn’t have to go to all this trouble,” Celia said. “In a just world I would just be able to add myself to your marriage as another legitimate spouse and everyone would just accept that even if they did not approve of it. We do not live in a just world though. The government and society feels they have the right and the obligation to regulate who marries whom and how many they marry.”

Jake nodded. What she said was true on all levels. “I understand that,” he said. “And I would love to be married to you both at the same time.”

“Don’t you see, sweetie,” said Laura, “in our eyes, we already are married to each other. We all love each other. We live together as husband and wives. We are a team and it is the three of us against the world. All we would be doing is switching which one of us is the legal spouse. Everything else goes on as it had been.”

“I get that,” Jake said, “but it just seems too simple to me. I’m not sure you’re thinking through all the angles here. What are we going to tell the public?”

“As little as we can get away with,” Laura said. “‘Jake and Laura Kingsley have filed for divorce after six years of marriage, citing irreconcilable differences as the cause. The separation is amicable. The couple has one child and will share custody of her equally.’ Nobody is going to question the idea that I’m divorcing a scumbag serial cheater and druggie like you.”

“Don’t forget wife beater,” Celia added.

“Right, wife beater too,” Laura said with a smile.

“Uh huh,” Jake said. “And what happens when the media finds out that you are still living here? They are not going to miss that.”

“We already thought that through,” Laura said. “‘Jake and Laura are putting the best interests of their daughter Cadence first and foremost. For that reason, the divorcing couple will continue to stay in separate rooms in the Kingsley house in San Luis Obispo County to avoid disrupting the routine of young Cadence.’”

“And you think they’ll buy that?” Jake asked.

“Who cares whether or not they buy it?” Laura asked. “This whole thing is a farce. If someone figures out what is really going on, do we honestly care? After all, they’ll have no proof as long as everyone who could supply actual proof keeps their mouths shut. That’s a short list. Basically, the three of us, Pauline, Meghan, and Elsa are the only ones on it. I trust everyone on that list to keep the information private. If anyone else in the know blabs—either purposely or by accident—it’s just hearsay. We deny it like we do any other outrageous accusation.”

Jake nodded slowly a few times. “Okay,” he said. “I guess you have thought this through a little more than I’ve been giving you credit for. And what you say does make a certain sort of sense. But ... we’re just scratching the surface here. What are we going to tell Mom and Dad? What are you, C, going to tell your mom and dad and brother?”

“We will pretty much have to tell Mom and Dad Kingsley the truth,” Laura said. “I’m sure they won’t be happy about it, but I don’t think they’re going to disown us or anything. Do you?”

Jake sighed. “I think that’s an accurate representation of the scenario,” he said. “Their biggest objection to the three of us being together is the impact it will have on Caydee. We have already decided that she is just going to grow up knowing that Daddy has two women in his life, Mommy and See-Ya, and he loves them both equally and they love her equally.”

“That’s just the way it is,” Laura agreed. “Whether we do this or not, that is still going to be Caydee’s reality.”

“As for my parents,” Celia said, “I won’t like lying to them, but it will be necessary. It is their eyes and their judgment that is most important to me when we talk of the question of legitimacy. After you and Teach are officially divorced I will tell them that you and I have begun dating each other. After working together on my last CD after you and Teach split, we began to develop romantic feelings for each other because we had been friends and business partners for so many years and now both of us are single and able to act on long-standing feelings we’ve shared. This is the same thing, by the way, that we will tell the media when it becomes known that we are dating or noted that I am all but living here.”

“And before long, that dating relationship will lead to a quicky, impulsive marriage,” Laura said. “It seems you two don’t think things through before you make life-changing decisions. You do it in Vegas or Hawaii or someplace like that, with only a few guests.”

“Maybe one of those places in Vegas where Elvis marries us and we get a few casino chips after the ceremony,” Celia said.

Laura giggled. “I like the way you think, love,” she told Celia.

Jake was rubbing the back of his head where a tension headache was starting to form. “It seems you’ve worked that part out,” he said, picturing himself and Celia standing in front of an Elvis impersonator in a smokey casino, “but there are many other things to consider. What about the finances of the marriage. Am I going to be paying you alimony while we’re divorced? Are you going to have a separate bank account? Am I going to be paying child support?”

“There is no reason for any of our financial situation to change,” Laura said. “We maintain our normal bank accounts and credit cards and investment accounts and all of that. The court will order you to pay alimony to me but, since I never complain about not receiving it, no one will be any the wiser.”

“We’ll probably have to add Jill to the list of people in the know on this thing though,” Celia said. “She is in charge of your accounts and distributions. She could hardly fail to notice that you two are keeping your finances as if you’re still married while you’re divorced.”

“Won’t everyone know if we do that?” Jake asked. “That would be pretty close to proof if it came out.”

“It won’t come out though,” Laura said. “I’ve looked into this part. While actual divorce filings are public record, the details of the final paperwork—which is where the financials are found—is not. The only person who would know about this is any lawyers involved and the judge who signs the final papers. All of them are bound by confidentiality laws. If any of them or their staff blabbed, we would own them.”

“Now we’re talking lawyers here?” Jake asked.

“Well ... we will need one lawyer to help facilitate all of this,” Celia said. “I suggest we use Anwara over at Brackford, Redman, and Jackson. She’s the one who handled my divorce from Greg and I trust her.”

“She the one from Bangladesh, right?” asked Laura.

“That’s right,” Celia said. “She’s married to a surfer dude.”

“Boy, did he win the lottery of life,” Laura said, shaking her head a little.

“Hold on a second,” Jake said, exasperated again. “I’m still trying to process the thought of even doing this thing and you’re already talking about what lawyer we’re going to use to do it?”

“If you say no, we won’t hire the lawyer, sweetie,” Laura told him. “We’re just showing you that we are thinking this thing through and we are serious about it.”

“I can see that you’re serious about it,” he said. “You don’t need to convince me of that part any further. There are still lots of questions though.” He nodded in the direction of the house. “What about Grace and Chase and the rest of your family? What do we tell them?”

“Hmm,” Laura said after she and Celia shared a look with each other. “That is one thing we did not think about.”

“Nope,” Celia said. “That one never even entered my mind. I think we would have to tell them the truth though. They’re your family.”

“My brother is a homophobe and pretty right wing,” Laura said. “I don’t think he would understand or approve. Gracie is terrified of him finding out that she’s a lesbian.”

“Do you think he would disown you?” Jake asked. “That does seem to be a family tradition for the Best clan.”

“He would strongly disapprove,” Laura said, “but I don’t think he would disown me or you. After all, Gracie and Chase will still have contact with us even if he doesn’t like it. They’re adults now and can do what they want. Also, we’re paying for their college education. Most of all, however, he truly does love me and he loves you as well, sweetie. I think he will reluctantly accept what we’re doing. He might not visit as much, might not invite us to visit, but he’ll stay in our lives.”

“You’re talking about an entire family full of disapproving people who might blab what they know to someone,” Jake said. “Are you sure that is wise?”

“I don’t think they would blab anything,” Laura said. “This is information they would rather keep to themselves and would likely be afraid of the rumor getting out into the world. But even if someone did blab, they fall onto that list of people who have no proof of what they are blabbing about. We just deny it and deny it and deny it again.”

“‘There’s nothing to see here’ is our strategy, huh?” Jake asked.

“That’s the name of the game, Rev,” Celia said.

Jake looked at his wineglass. It was now empty. “I need something a little stronger than wine,” he said.

“Okay,” Laura said.

“And I need to think this thing through,” he added. “I’m gonna go sit in the hot tub for a bit with a big-ass glass of my The Song single malt that G was so kind to give to me, and think about all of this.”

“Do you want us to join you?” Celia asked hesitantly.

“No,” he said simply. “You two stay here and drink your wine. I’ve got a lot on my mind just now.”

They watched him as he went into the house. About five minutes later, he came back out dressed in his robe and carrying a quadruple Scotch with two ice cubes in it in one hand and a joint and a disposable lighter in the other. He had a bath towel draped over his shoulders. He nodded at both of them but did not speak. He walked slowly in the direction of the hot tub and disappeared into the darkness.

“What do you think?” Celia asked softly.

“I think he’ll do it,” Laura said.

“Really?”

She nodded. “I know him well,” she said. “He didn’t outright reject the idea so that means he is seriously considering it. He loves you as much as he loves me and he wants you to be happy. He’ll do the right thing.”

Celia sighed. “I feel so conflicted, Teach. I’m asking so much of both of you. I’m not sure I would do what you’re doing if our positions were reversed.”

Laura smiled and then leaned over and gave her a soft kiss on the mouth. It was kiss of love, not of passion. “I have more faith in you than you have in yourself, love,” she told her. “We’re going to get you that baby. I feel it in my heart and my soul.”

They could hear the motor that was running the jets in the hot tub faintly over the sounds of the waves breaking. A few fleeting whiffs of skunky marijuana smell drifted by. Otherwise, they could see and hear and smell nothing that was going on at the edge of their cliff. They talked of neutral things, mostly music, not bringing up the topic of divorce and marriage and childbearing.

Finally, after maybe thirty minutes, they heard the sound of the hot tub jets cease. A few minutes after that, Jake emerged out of the darkness, his robe in place, the towel once again draped over his shoulders. His drink glass was empty.

“Do you two want the rest of this joint?” he asked, opening his right hand where about half a joint and the lighter were displayed.

“Uh ... sure,” Laura said. “I could use a few hits about now.”

“Yeah,” Celia said. “Me too.”

He handed the joint and the lighter to Laura. He then sat down in the lounger next to them. He did not speak so Laura fired up the joint, took a big hit, and then passed it on to Celia. They each took three hits and then Laura tossed the roach into an ashtray on the deck table.

“Did you have a good soak, sweetie?” Laura asked him.

“I did,” he said with a nod. “I thought everything through and came to a decision.”

“Okay,” Celia said softly.

“What was the decision, sweetie?” Laura asked.

He smiled. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you for a divorce,” he told her.

Jake, Celia, and Laura all skipped their sessions on the next Friday. They were working on more of Matt’s guitar tracks so Jake was not missed. Celia simply gave her entire band the day off, telling them they had earned it, and they had, but that was not really the reason. The three of them had business they needed to attend to in Los Angeles. They had an appointment with Anwara Khatun-Nelson, the ball-busting divorce lawyer who had not been allowed to bust Greg’s balls when she represented Celia during that troubled time. Pauline was taking the day off as well and would watch Caydee for them while they were talking to the lawyer, although, to this point, she did not know that that is what they were going to do. She had just been told they had an appointment at eleven o’clock. They planned to break their rather shocking news to her when they went to pick Caydee up.

Since it was the weekend that Meghan visited Massa in LA, she was along for the flight, though it was much earlier in the day than they usually made the trip. She and Massa would stay in the Granada Hills house like usual and Jake and Laura and Celia would stay in Celia’s Malibu house. They would all fly back home together on Sunday night. Meghan sat in the left side seat directly behind Jake while Caydee was strapped into her car seat next to her behind Celia. Laura sat in the rear-facing seat behind Caydee. Both of the redheads were asleep well before the sterile cockpit rule came to an end.

Jake and Celia took the opportunity to tell Meghan their plan for giving Celia a baby.

“You’re not making this up just to fuck with me?” she asked once she heard the scheme.

“We are not making this up just to fuck with you,” Celia told her.

“Wow,” she said, still trying to absorb it. “It’s seems so ... odd, even for the three of you, but also so complicated as well.”

“That is kind of how we feel about the whole thing,” Celia told her.

“I don’t expect you to keep this information from Massa,” Jake told her. “Yes, telling him about anything involving us is a violation of the NDA you signed when we hired you, but we are realists. Lovers tell each other their secrets. That’s fine. All we ask is that you wait to tell him about this new development in our relationship with each other until it becomes public knowledge that Laura and I are divorcing. And when you do tell him, you absolutely must impress upon him how critical it is that he tell no one else what he knows. Can you do those two things?”

Meghan nodded. “I can do it,” she said. “I’ll let him know that if the story gets out and it’s traced back to me, I’ll get fired and sued.”

“If he truly loves you, that will do it,” Celia said.

“He truly loves me,” Meghan said with a smile. “He told me so for the first time last week.”

Celia smiled. “That is so cool, Meghan. It’s always nice to hear that for the first time, isn’t it?”

“That was the first time anyone ever told me that,” she said, her face flushing a little. “I mean ... in a romantic way. My parents and Dannie have told me that, but they don’t really count. Different kind of love.”

“Did you say it back?” Jake asked.

“Yes,” she told him. “I’ve known I loved him since about a month into your tour. I couldn’t wait to say it to him.”

“Good for you, Meghan,” Jake told her. “I know we can count on your discretion. And it sounds like we can count on Massa’s as well.”

“You can,” she assured them. “After all, he knew about the three of you while he was out on tour with us. He never said a word about it, not even to me.”

They landed at Whiteman Airport at 9:00 AM. They all piled into Jake’s truck—it was a tight fit in the back seat—and drove to Granada Hills, where Meghan was dropped off. They then drove to Silver Lake and parked in Pauline’s driveway. They took Caydee inside and she immediately began playing with her older cousin Tabby, who was home for summer break. Obie was in the living room watching CNN in his sweat pants and t-shirt. He grunted out a greeting to them. Pauline was dressed in sweatpants as well.

“Who are you meeting with?” Pauline asked.

“One of the lawyers over at BR&J,” Jake said. “We should be done by noon or so and back here before one.”

“Taxation issues?” Pauline asked.

“Something along those lines, I guess,” Jake said with a shrug. “We’ll brief you on the situation when we get back here.”

“Okay,” she said with a shrug of her own. “Don’t have lunch though. We’ll put a sandwich bar together and have a beer or two. You’re not flying back tonight, right?”

“Right,” Jake said. “Sandwiches and beer sound great.”

They made the thirty minute drive to Brentwood where the offices of Brackford, Redman, and Jackson were located, arriving fifteen minutes before their scheduled appointment. Anwara saw them as soon as they came up. One did not keep wealthy clients like the Kingsleys and Celia Valdez waiting if one did not have to, though she was quite perplexed about why both of the Kingsleys were meeting her and not just one of them.

“This is the story in a nutshell,” Jake told her after the introductions were made, the preliminaries completed, and she asked them just how she could help them. “Laura and I are going to get divorced. We would like you to handle the legalities of the separation.”

She looked from one to the other of them and then back again. “Uh ... okay,” she said carefully. “And which one of you will I be representing?”

“Both of us,” Laura said.

“Both of you?” she asked, raising her eyebrows. “That is not how this works. I can only represent one of you. Even if it is a friendly, uncontested divorce, it is a conflict of interest for a lawyer to represent both parties.”

“This is not your typical divorce,” Celia said. “You see ... they’re not really going to get divorced.”

“Excuse me?” Anwara asked, raising her eyebrows. “What does that mean?”

“Well ... you’ve heard about people getting married so one of them can stay in the US, right?” Jake asked her.

“I have heard of that,” Anwara said slowly. “Never dealt with it myself, but I get the concept. What about it?”

“This is kind of the opposite of that,” Jake said. “In the stay-in-the-US scenario, the couple are not really romantically involved with each other. They are just getting married to take advantage of a loophole. What we’re planning to do is to pretend to be divorced while we are still romantically involved and living together in order to take advantage of another loophole.”

“What loophole is that?” she asked, perplexed.

“That divorced people are free to marry someone else,” Laura said.

“Huh?” Anwara asked, clearly not following along.

“What we tell you here is confidential, right?” asked Jake.

“Yes, of course,” she said without hesitation.

“You won’t even discuss it with your colleagues? With the partners who are your bosses?”

“I do not discuss my cases with any of my colleagues unless they are involved in some way, which is generally not the case when dealing with a divorce,” she said. “It does sometimes become necessary to discuss cases with partners in certain circumstances and with paralegals who help my research, but they are all bound by the same confidentiality rules as I am. We do not gossip among ourselves at this firm. That is drilled into us from day one and is absolutely sacred. No one who does not need to know is told anything and asks nothing, and if one does need to know, it is top secret information.”

Jake sensed no deceit from her. In fact, he sensed a strong sense of annoyance that the integrity of herself and her firm was even being questioned. “It’s good to hear that,” he said, “because what we’re about to tell you is pretty juicy.”

“You have got my curiosity piqued, that is for sure,” Anwara told him.

“The three of us are lovers,” Celia said simply.

Anwara’s eyes widened almost comically. She looked from one to the other to the other, searching their faces for signs of joking. She saw none. “No shit?” she finally asked.

“No shit,” Celia confirmed.

“All three of you?” Anwara asked. “Like ... like at the same time?”

Celia gave a nod of her head. “Yes,” she said.

“That’s wild,” Anwara said in wonder.

“It usually is,” Celia said with a smile.

“So ... so ... the other woman that Jake wants to marry after divorcing Laura ... that’s you?”

“That is correct,” Celia said.

Anwara looked over at Jake. “But you and Laura will actually still be living together as man and wife? Sleeping in the same bed? Raising your daughter together?”

“That’s right,” Jake said. “Nothing will change except the legality of the relationship. We’ll still be man and wife in our eyes and Celia will eventually become my wife in the eyes of the law.”

“At least for a few years,” Laura put in. “C does have to give Jake back when she’s done with him.”

“I wish you would stop putting it that way,” Jake said sourly.

“Sorry, sweetie,” she said. “I’ll work on it.”

“Thank you,” he said.

“I have to ask what is the point of all of this?” Anwara said. “Why go to all the trouble and expense and deceit just to maintain what is already going on anyway?”

“Because C wants to have a baby,” Laura said. “And she wants the baby to be legitimate in the eyes of the law and society and to have Jake’s last name and be publicly acknowledged as Jake’s son or daughter.”

“Okay...” Anwara said slowly. “I think I understand that. So ... when you have the baby, Celia, then you and Jake are going to get divorced and then Jake is going to marry Laura again?”

“That is the plan in a nutshell,” Jake confirmed. “We do plan to spread it out a little bit so it doesn’t seem too suspicious. We’ll wait for a few months after the first divorce is final before C and I publicly admit we’re in a relationship. We’ll wait a few months after that before we ‘impulsively’ get married. And we’ll wait a few months after that before we really start trying to get her pregnant. And then, once the baby is born, we’ll wait until he or she is weened before we announce separation and divorce.”

“Wow,” Anwara said. “I have to admit, this is a fascinating scheme.”

“You’ll help us pull it off then?” asked Celia. “We need someone to do all the paperwork and make the filings and make sure this is a legitimate divorce.”

“I’ll help you pull it off,” she said. “I wouldn’t miss this even if you weren’t paying me—which you will be, by the way. But again, I can only represent one party. The other of you will need to hire your own lawyer.”

Jake and Laura were both shaking their heads. “There’s no need of that,” Jake said. “This will be an uncontested divorce. We’re not going for each other’s throats here. We just need the legalities covered and covered well.”

“But we’re talking about multi-millions in assets, right?” asked Anwara. “A house, a recording studio, lots and lots of money—a child?”

“Right,” Jake said.

“There is a lot at stake here,” Anwara said. “Child custody will need to be established and then those assets will need to be divided up in the final filing based on the prenuptial agreement the two of you have in place.”

“There is no prenuptial agreement,” Jake said.

Anwara’s eyes got wide again. “You’re kidding me,” she said.

“Nope,” Jake told her. “I didn’t feel the need to have Laura sign one. I still don’t. I didn’t plan for our marriage to fail and it hasn’t. Remember, this isn’t a real divorce. We’re just playing pretendsies here.”