Chapter 10

Wednesday morning I met Kate in the kitchen. I feared this would be another awkward discussion. However, Kate greeted me with a kiss and a smile.

“Mom, I really enjoyed what we did last night, and I have no regrets. Are you OK?”

“Sweetie, I enjoyed it too, but I am not sure that we should be continuing to do it in the future.”

“Why, Mom?”

“Well, honey, you are 15. It is important that you take it slow, see what your own interests are and mature in a regular way with boys and/or girls of your own age. By the way, I don’t think masturbating with me or with Erin makes you a lesbian. I know enough to know that exploration is normal and that sexual orientation isn’t something you choose, it is something you are. You might find that you are interested only in girls, and that’s OK. Or you might find you like boys, and that’s OK too. Or, you might be like me and like both and are bisexual.”

“Is that what you think you are, Mom?”

“Up till yesterday, I didn’t know that I could be so turned on by lesbian sex. But now that I think about it, I think I can qualify as a bisexual.”

“OK.”

“In any event, what I am trying to say is that as your Mom I want you to develop your own interests and desires, and mature on your own in a regular way. It would be better if you just masturbated on your own or with Erin, rather than having sex with me. Moms and daughters should not be having sex.”

“But Mom, I wanted to do it with you more so I could learn about more stuff to show Erin later. Can’t we watch videos together like we did last night?”

“Well, I guess you are going to watch these sleepover videos on your own in any event. So, how about this as a compromise. We can watch them together, and jill side by side, but not do anything with each other. That way you can learn and ask me any questions you want.”

“OK, can I tell Erin about last night?”

“Well, Erin is already in our ‘circle of trust’ from what happened last weekend, so you can tell her what we did. But it has to stay with the three of us and can’t go any further.”

“Are you going to tell Tony?”

“No. I am not.”

“Mom, speaking of Tony, when are you going out with him again?”

“He’ll be back on Friday and we are going out for dinner on Saturday.” I assume that you are going to Erin’s for your sleepover that night.”

“I guess.”

With that we finished our breakfasts. Kate went off to school and I went off to work. But, I didn’t get much done during the day. I was preoccupied with this conundrum – I didn’t want to have sex with my own daughter, but I did want to have sex to some extent with her best friend. I still fantasized about kissing Erin and even making love to her. I hoped that one day, I could join Kate and Erin and that Kate would share Erin with me. Balancing those desires along with my continued desire to have a relationship with Tony left me confused and anxious and unable to concentrate on my work.