Chapter 1

“Ajay. I am leaving now,” she said.

I was awake and heard her well, but didn’t respond. I chose to remain locked up in my room, hiding under the bedsheet, until I heard the click of the lock echo through the house. It took a good few seconds before that happened; she always does that. Every morning, it is the same story. She says goodbye, and waits for me to respond; I do not respond, and she is forced to leave silently. Every morning it happens and it sinks my heart lower and lower with each passing day. I am sorry Mom, I am not a good son.

I tossed the heavy blanket off me and began panting heavily. Sweat covered my naked body from head to toe and for a brief moment, I truly believed I was going to drown in it. It was the middle of summer and here I was sleeping under a heavy blanket. The things I do to stay horny.

My skin is burning hot and my chest is feeling heavy. There are butterflies in my stomach while my legs jitters uncontrollably. I put my right hand behind my head while I gently caress my abs with my left hand. Oh, how I wish it was a woman doing this to me right now.

As I stared into the ceiling fan above, whose slow speed did very little to alleviate my troubles, my mind began to wonder. Free of the burning inferno I began to think again. The first thought that arose in my head was that how my life has been a living hell.

From when I can remember, it has just been me and my Mom. She has been my only family. Father has been absent from my life since I was born. Mom would not speak of him, let alone give me his name. Anytime I brought up him up, her usually cheerful face would turn dull, as if almost about to cry. She never even gave me his name. The same goes for my grandparents. I do not know what happened, but even Mom’s parents are a complete mystery to me. No uncles or aunts ever visited our house. No cousins or nephews to speak of. Family outside this house didn’t exist. However, none of this really bothered me. In fact, I am more than happy that it is just Mother and I. It does, however, explain why I am the way I am. But more on that later.

Not having a family wouldn’t have amounted to much, if my social life was decent. I had friends. I still remember bringing a few of them over to my house to the joy of my mother. But that was a long time ago. As I grew up, making friends was a talent I slowly began to lose. Even to this day, I am not sure what went wrong. The year I turned fifteen, my small group of friends turned to one and the next year it turned to zero. I tried, I tried every possible way, and yet I found myself distancing others, rather than making new ones. I never understood what went wrong. Things went from bad to worse in the final two years of high school. I was, basically, ostracized from the class. No one talked to me, no one tried to be friends with me, it was truly a living hell. What was worse, to this day, I could not tell you why that was the case.

There is, however, one aspect of me that would have made a good reason, had they known about it. But I highly doubt they did, and I am fairly confident if they did, I would have made more friends. This is the fact that I am indeed a pervert. A well-hidden pervert, mind you. I love sex. I love to feel the skin and I love to be horny. It is a secret I buried inside me for a very long time. I still remember those days, the fruitful age of puberty when I began to think about women’s breasts and what their underwear hid from me. But I buried it. I was always a good boy, someone who never got into any trouble, and it was a face I wanted to keep. However, that good-boy attitude did jack shit for me. I continued in a downward spiral of loneliness, fear, and self-hate until I hit rock bottom. And yet, I didn’t break the face. Through the last year of High school, people never knew who I was. Always called, the maid virgin, a half-right nickname. I never managed to have sex till now.