Chapter 2: Scope of the Problem

We were celebrating my thirtieth birthday at Swans, and then I detected that Russ had a heavy weight on his shoulders from some piece of psychological luggage. After some prying, Russ finally told me what was stressing him.

Russ had been promoted to vice president of west coast operations for TDI, his rapidly growing company. We’d been hoping for something like this for the past three years, but on the east coast. I didn’t even know they west coast operations. The promotion was overdue.

I got out of my seat and walked around the table so I could kiss my husband. We could be simultaneously happy for each other despite the complication our two situations threw into our relationship. We always found a way to deal with the problems that life threw at us. Many of our problems had dealt with our having accomplished so much by such young ages.

“Tell me more about the job,” I said.

“I’d be the point man for developing the company’s business in Silicon Valley, along the west coast, and in Japan, Korea, and China. TDI has a fledgling operation there now and they want to launch it into the stratosphere, and they believe that I’m the right man to do that. I know the job, and it’s is both a challenge and will be a real feather in the career cap for whomever takes the job.

“The person in the job will have a nearly unlimited budget to hire and to make this happen for TDI. They have some big investors – board members – that have put up a lot of money to do this. Over the past month they had several of us block out our thoughts about how to make this happen. Mine was the only one they felt was viable, implementable, affordable, and likely to succeed. Thus, the offer of the promotion. The benefits going with the job are truly amazing.”

“Tell me. Say more. This is great for you.” I tried to sound upbeat, but I could see the elephant-sized problem we’d be facing.

Russ went on, “The salary for the post is way into six-digits – much more than what I make now – almost triple. That person would become a member of TDI’s executive committee and go on the company bonus plan – also big bucks beyond the salary and normal bonus, plus that person vests in a thousand shares in the company after a year on the new job – that alone is worth a couple of hundred thousand. There are other stock options, and lots of other perks – like a company car, full health and dental insurance, just about unlimited access to any piece of technology that you can think of, lots of vacation – which that person probably couldn’t use because they’d be so busy, and even more. The base of deal looks like a half-million.”

“Like you when you got tenure and full professorship just before turning thirty, I’m still kind of in shock that they offered this to me. I don’t know what to do about it.”

I stopped his worry, at least temporarily over our special dinner. Instead of worrying the geographic dilemma we faced, we reaffirmed the love we felt for each other and our desire to remain deeply connected and committed to each other. We’d often talked about the spiritual connection we had with each other: mind, body, and spirit, across multiple dimensions, multiple universes, and multiple times of existence. We both believed that we were soul mates meant to be together forever.

We made love several times that night after we got home. Neither of us mentioned the ‘problem’ other than I assured him that no problem was insurmountable. We confirmed out love, lust, and our enduring horniness for each other.

Saturday morning after we got back from our seven-mile jog around the town, we sat down at the table. I brought a pad of blank paper ready to take note.

Russ said, “Let’s start with a clear and concise statement of our problem.”

I nodded and he went ahead. “My wife, who I adore, and I have two high-powered, high-paying, career-defining, prestigious jobs that would be 3,000 miles apart if I accept this new job. Further, we love each other and do not want to be apart, nor do we want to impede the other’s remarkable career track.”

I agreed and said, “What do we value that impacts this problem?”

“Good question. We are conscientious over-achievers. We like the power, prestige, reputation, and money that comes with our important work. We both grew up in lower middle-class families that wished they could get ahead the way that we seem to be; so, maybe, we’re over-compensating in some ways. We value situation where we can apply our intelligence and intellect, and be innovative.

“Conflicting with that is the love and sense of family that we have created with each other. We have about seventeen years of being committed to each other since we met, and neither of us would ever want to fracture that. You and I need to be connected nearly constantly – we are very physical with each other.”

Russ sighed and leaned back in his chair. He stared at the ceiling in our breakfast nook and I could almost hear the wheels grinding towards some mystical solution.

Russ rocked forward, looked at me, and said, I got it. I know what to do.”

I was shocked that he’d come up with a solution so quickly. “What?”

“I just turn down the offer. The job would conflict with too many of the things that you and I consider important values in our life, starting with each other.”

I lit into Russ like a buzzsaw through softwood.

I jumped up and screamed, “NO! DON’T YOU DARE TURN DOWN THIS JOB.” I prattled on for two minutes nonstop about how this was like everything he’d been working for since graduating, and on and on.

“There is no question about you taking this new job and running with it. What’s that quote, ‘Fate is what life deals you; destiny is what you do with it.’ We can weather a separation like this for a few years. Jobs, as we know, are temporary. They change over time. Companies get bought and sold, as we know.

“Further, there are things called airplanes that go back and forth between

Boston and Silicon Valley. One or the other of us can be on one of them on a frequent basis.

I went on in my agitated state, “We both sacrificed and put in long hours, sweat, blood, and tears to get to where we are today: my professorship and what you just had offered to you. You take it. We know our marriage and relationship is for the long haul, and that the careers we’re in are for the short haul. We should have fun in them, do the best, and then return to our relationship.”

Russ seemed surprised at how vehement I was about his accepting the promotion and all that went with it. I saw things like this as stepping stones to even greater rewards, and they needn’t be financial.

In the end, we agreed that ‘Super-Commuting’ seemed the only option. We’d be on the two coasts during the week, and one or the other of us would travel back and forth across the country for long weekends.

Russ and I had intense sex drives, a trait we attributed to the same high brain function that made us geniuses. I’d talked about it with my doctor and she said that I was probably ‘hypersexual’. When I studied that term later that day, I discovered that a polite term for ‘nymphomaniac’.

From that point on, I classified myself as a nymphomaniac, and Russ was the male equivalent. Were we unique? Hardly. We reflected back on the hot summer with Brad and Lindsey after discovering that they were as horny as we were. We spent that summer constantly fucking each other’s wives, and not batting an eye about it.

Monday, Russ confirmed that he wanted the job. It started that day as he circulated in the home office and passed off his current work to others.

Before Russ left to start work out west, we talked about how we’d handle our sexual needs. Of course, masturbation topped the list, but we planned to marry that to phone sex, video calls, pictures and sexts, porn, and even home-made ‘raw’ videos. Neither of us raised the possibility of involving other people. At that point, the idea was beyond us.

Although it was humorous, Russ made sure that I had a supply of batteries in my bedside drawer for the various battery-operated sex toys that we’d accumulated. He also left me a certificate with the words ‘Hall Pass’ emblazoned across it, and two-dozen condoms. I don’t who he thought I’d use them with.