Chapter 3: Self-Control

It was late May, and naked Leah had joined Drew in bed on Saturday night, the beginning of the three-day weekend for Memorial Day. He was stressed because unexpected wet weather had kept the whole family cooped up inside, causing all kinds of unhappiness.

Val had kept control of her temper, surprisingly, but Ted’s behavior had seriously regressed. He was storming and shouting, angry over nothing.

Even 10-year-old Tim gaped at his older brother, disbelieving what he was seeing. Hearing him shout at Nia, Leah stormed out of the kitchen.

“Stop it! Leave Nia alone!”

“Shut up! You’re not my mother!”

Nia gasped and staggered into Val’s arms. Val’s arms!

Leah froze and just stared at him, eyes wide. She answered him sadly and quietly.

“No. No, I’m not.”

She turned on her heel and went to the kitchen, looking down at her feet.

Andrew walked inside then. He had been outside cleaning up before the weather deteriorated further. He was unhappily surprised by what he found. Val (Val!) was trying to soothe Nia who was weeping in her arms. Tim was staring into space, silent but teary. Drew heard Leah sniffling in the kitchen.

And on the opposite side of the living room, Ted stood red-faced, scowling, with clenched fists at his sides.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothin’!”

Ted stormed off to his bedroom and slammed the door.

Not knowing what to do, he asked, “Nia, are you alright?”

Sniffling, all she said was “Ted...”

Val interrupted, abruptly.

“I’ve got her; you go talk to Leah.”

Drew felt his gut clenching and anger taking hold.

“What did Ted do?” he thought, walking into the kitchen. His sister was sitting at the table, feeling morose. With her wet eyes glittering, she looked up.

“Ted was raging at Nia, and when I came out of here to yell at him, he cried, ‘You’re not my mother!’ Wait, Drew. Stop. You’re right to be angry. He’s being an asshole. But don’t go scream at him or hit him.”

“But, he can’t! No! It’s hard enough here for us without him...”

“Yes, yes, I know. But you can’t go off and make it worse. He’s right, I’m not his mother. Our mother. I’m trying to keep control of my feelings, Drew, and think: what would Mom do?”

“Shit. I know what Dad would do: beat him until he can’t sit down.”

“That’s my point exactly. She knew this, so Mom would intervene. She would talk to Ted first. Then, if that didn’t work, she would beat him into next week.”

“Heh, you’re right about that. Mom could be scarier than Dad.”

“I know you can’t let this go unanswered. Ted has to get along with us; he has to grow up. If you can manage to stay calm and just talk to him, we will get past it. And if you can’t get through to him, then *I* will beat him—thoroughly.”

As she had hoped, this last remark helped cool some of Drew’s fury.

Coming into the kitchen, Val stood in front of Drew. She felt protective of her little sister and wanted action.

“I know, I know, Val. Leah and I have a plan. She can explain things for you all while I’m in the boys’ room with Ted.”

Drew rapped twice on the bedroom door and let himself into the boys’ room, reconfigured now for just two beds. Drew sat on the free bed and spoke in a reasonable tone.

“I want to know...”

Ted interrupted and blurted out, bitterly, “She’s always bossing me around. She’s not my mom!”

In return, Drew paid his outburst no attention.

“Ted, I want to know, Ted, what you want to do. Leah’s not your mother, and I’m not your father. You don’t have to live here with us. You don’t. Remember Ms. Kumar, from Social Services? I still have her number. I’m sure she can work out something for you.

“The thing is, Leah and I are still teenagers just like you. We’re not qualified to be parents—well, parents of 15-year-old guys like you. Leah and Val are biologically old enough to have babies, but that’s a different ballgame; babies are a different kind of parenting. Think about it, a tiny baby is helpless. They eat, sleep, and shit. That’s all they do; parenting babies isn’t complicated.

“Of course, you’re going to be angry about what has happened to you. It’s very understandable. Every day, I think how much better our lives would be if Mom and Dad were still with us, just like you must do.

“Maybe you’re surprised that I didn’t come in here all angry and yelling. I can imagine Mom and Dad would know, way better than me, what to say. What to say to their 15-year-old son, who they loved to pieces. Like the rest of us do. They even loved VAL, for shit’s sake!”

Ted had been cooling down and becoming more thoughtful during Drew’s talk, and this last line got a small smile—just as Drew intended.

“So, brother, I want to know. What do you want to do? Will you leave or stay?”

“Stay, I guess.”

“You don’t sound very sure. You could be somewhere else; maybe just visit us once in a while.”

“No, I want to stay.”

“Sharing a room with Tim? Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“OK. Then, moving on, you and I must have an understanding. We’re not your parents, but Leah and I are in charge of this house, this home, and the four of you.

“We will not tolerate you being abusive to any member of our family. That means no shouting, no screaming, and never ever any hitting. It tears my heart to see one of us crying because of you. I won’t allow it.

“It has to STOP. Every one of us has lost too much. We cannot be hurting each other. You have to recognize this. You have to use your self-control. You must help Leah, and you must help me keep our family together. Together and strong. Together and happy.”

“It’s just ... I get so ANGRY sometimes.”

“I know, I know. I appreciate what you’re saying. I don’t expect you to be perfect. I just want to see you’re doing everything possible to help. You must have seen me disappear into the backyard a few times. That’s because I didn’t trust myself. I was too angry and out of control. Like I said, I’m a teenager too. I’m not a teen-ogre, though, I hope.

“What would really make me happy, Ted, is if you walked out of this bedroom and apologized to each of us, one by one, from youngest to oldest. I think that would help this, I don’t know, help stick in your mind that you will be responsible to each of us going forward.”

That’s what Ted did. He started with Nia.

“Nia, I’m so sorry I was yelling at you. I’m not going to do that anymore, because I love my little sister. Will you forgive me?”

“You have to be nice to Val and Leah, too.”

“I have to? Nice to Leah? Nice to Val? Why, Nia?”

“Because they are my big sisters, stupid. You make me so mad when you yell at them.”

For a nine-year-old girl, Nia was impressively angry and skeptical. Ted was taken aback and glanced at Drew, who had a “see what I mean?” look on his face.

“I’m sorry, sister. You’re right. I promise, no more of mean Ted. You will see that I’m going to be better. Tell you what, for the next two weeks I’m going to do dishes for you every time it’s your night.”

Still glaring, “Three weeks.”

“Four weeks, Nia,” he grinned. “It’s my final offer. Do you forgive me?”

She rushed up and hugged him. Then he approached Tim, who negotiated for two weeks of laundry duty before he accepted Ted’s apology.

Nervously, he moved on to Val, who gave him a calculating look. Then she smiled.

“It’s all right, Ted; if you live up to what you promised Nia, then I’m satisfied. But if you disappoint her, you’ll be singing soprano in the school choir, if you know what I mean.”

Leah endorsed Val’s position but added that she was absolutely confident in him, and that it meant everything to her that he would try to be better. She walked up and wrapped him in her arms, squeezing for a solid minute. She left him with a firm kiss on the cheek.

Later, back in the kitchen when it was just Leah and Drew, she asked, “What did you SAY to him?”

“Not much. I told him he didn’t have to stay; I had Ms. Kumar’s number. Being teenagers ourselves, we don’t have the skills of our parents. When he chose to stay, I told him his obligations to be better and to not to hurt any of us. I suggested he apologize the way he did.”

“I guess you handled him exactly right, Drew. I could hardly breathe, watching him apologize to Nia. I didn’t know he had it in him! You are going to get...”

Val interrupted them.

“Get what?”

Leah almost left her feet; she was so startled.

“God! Val, what do you want?”

“It’s my night to cook. Get out of my kitchen!”

“Yes, ma’am.”