Chapter 4

In February 1985 a female cadet was raped during an OTC training weekend. She was not believed and the matter was hushed up. The rumour started during the training weekend and was deemed to be true by the Sunday night, although nobody had any facts to substantiate the rumour. Andrew did not know the woman that suffered the rape and as mentioned, there was a lot of rumour and speculation about the incident. There was no point in sugar-coating the issue; the Army in the 1980s did not prosecute rapes. The presumption, and Andrew heard senior officers say it unapologetically, was that it had been consensual, too much booze and then regrets afterwards. Enlightened times. Andrew’s thoughts and feelings the following week were all over the place, most notably impacted by what Helena had said at the start of the term. The regular OTC training night was training as usual, it was conspicuous and obvious that the incident, or alleged incident, was not even addressed. But other than that the week went by as normal. Andrew was at least partially distracted by thoughts of his trip to Edinburgh that coming weekend. It was the only real chance to plan Julian’s stag do.

Abi had broken up with her first boyfriend, Philip, but had immediately started dating another so other than around College he did not see much of her. She still came by once a week to work at his desk using his computer but she was always gone by the time he returned from either OTC or modelling. They were friendly, and it was not even fake or forced friendly, but they were no longer having heart to heart discussions or anything else. The sense that Abi had used Andrew and had now moved on was growing with him. As a distraction he highly recommended the newly elected Vice President of Trinity College Student Union. Helena had ended up running unopposed but she was excited about the role, and about the chance to influence the College, even slightly. Her gratitude was lovingly bestowed and she was staying over in Andrew’s room pretty much every Sunday and Wednesday. Although unspoken, neither of them were looking for anyone else at the time and their arrangement suited them both very well. Their sexual compatibility was high, for Andrew only Suzanne was higher, and they had many nights of spirited fucking. Helena had such a short refractive period, wrong gender but the concept is the same, that Andrew was always a drained husk at the end of the night. What was also noticeable was that Helena had turned into quite the anal enthusiast. Sunday nights had turned into ‘plunder Helena’s booty’ nights. Andrew was pretty sure there were all sorts of reasons why she was into anal but Helena didn’t share anything. But both their orgasms were huge, mentally they were completely into it.

Andrew got back to Edinburgh at midnight on the last train up on the Friday night. When he returned to the flat for the first time in six weeks there was only a small pile of mail behind the door with the rest on the table by the door, Suzanne had been there. Just the thought of that excited him but then he wondered if she had moved out. Knocking on her door Andrew peeked into the room. A breath he didn’t know he was holding escaped, all her stuff was still here. But other than the picked up mail there was no trace of her. The kitchen was clean, there was nothing in the fridge, the bathroom was tidy. So it looked like it had been a flyby visit. Regardless, for the first time since September Suzanne had been in the flat. Andrew celebrated with a glass of water, as usual the flat was bereft of any kind of food or drink.

The following morning his exercises seemed so easy, there was a bounce to him that was clearly due to only one thing. Returning from the pool Andrew started calling around. An hour later he and Brian were sitting with Julian’s dad drinking coffee and discussing the stag. Andrew figured that they might as well be involved since they were there and could manage some details for him but more importantly they could set the tone. There was no point in Andrew trying to recreate the last days of Caligula without their input.

“I thought that we should collaborate on the stag, pool ideas from each of us and see what everyone thinks is appropriate. Let’s get it out on the table right at the beginning. Are you two going to be comfortable with a stripper or strippers at some point during the day?”

Might as well put them on the spot and get it dealt with. Brian just laughed.

“No gently skirting round the edge of the subject, eh? As father of the bride I have no problem with a young lady taking her clothes off. But I would prefer not to be in a dingy, grotty pub when it happens and it shouldn’t be the main focus of the day.”

“I am the same. Bit of a laugh without getting carried away.”

That was that dealt with. They spent an hour going through the various options for the day. It was nothing that hadn’t been done a million times before. An event or two during the day, dinner and drinking in the evening.

“Look Andrew, Julian”

Brian indicated he meant the father not the son.

“And I have decided that we are going to pay for the stag. The wedding is small, and this is the only time we are going to get to do this. So let’s have some fun with this and not worry about cost. Julian and Leslie are paying for most of the wedding themselves, so we feel we should be involved somehow.”

“Okay. Look I don’t think golf works for everybody. If we were all golfers then an afternoon at Murrayfield would be ideal but it splits the group. But as a venue for the evening’s activities it is ideal. Why don’t we end up there for dinner? Is there a private room that we can use? I know the engagement party was there but that room would be too big for the stag.”

Julian’s father confirmed there was a smaller room beside the main bar. It would be perfect. It was a joint effort in the end. Andrew suggested carting having seen the carts at Snetterton three months earlier. There was a circuit at Knockhill, up in the hills 40 minutes outside Edinburgh. Julian suggested clay-pigeon shooting at a venue further north, another 30 minutes away and Brian floored them both with his suggestion.

“I said let’s have some fun. My company works with Bristow’s, the helicopter company. Let’s hire a helicopter for the day to take us to the two venues and bring us back to Edinburgh.”

This was about the flashiest thing Andrew had ever heard. Really? A helicopter to fly between stag venues? But Brian was serious. He would get a deal from Bristow’s and it definitely would make the day memorable. So it was all set. A mini coach would collect all the attendees, get them to the airport, take them back to the golf club for dinner and drinks and then get them home. There was space at Knockhill for the helicopter as well as at the shooting venue, which was outside Dunkeld, north of Perth. There were two things left to do, confirm the bookings with deposits and figure out numbers. A bunch of calls later and they had the constraints, the helicopter could hold 12 plus the pilots so they had the maximum numbers. Julian, the son, was sent for and he turned up looking suspicious.

“We want to talk about your stag, and the numbers. How many people do you want to invite?”

Julian continued to eye Andrew with suspicion.

“That’s it? I am not getting any other details?”

“Nope, just the names of the people you want to invite so that we can arrange the day.”

It turned out to be pretty easy. He had 10 names in less than a minute and with some gentle nudging was able to think of two university friends to make 12. There was the four of them there that morning, two guys from his course, one guy from his year at Heriot’s, Creighton, Doug, Mhairi’s husband Neil and Leslie’s uncle Mark Porter, he of the three crazy boys from back during Andrew’s cancer treatment. The surprise pick, to Andrew, had been Tony Brown. Five people their age, four older guys and three sort of in between. And with that it was done, mostly. Julian stayed to have lunch with his folks and Andrew drove Brian home.

“That was not too bad. What are you going to do about a stripper? I don’t think that Murrayfield will let that happen in the clubhouse.”

“Both places are in the middle of nowhere so I doubt it will happen. As you said, we are not going to end up in a grotty pub somewhere so frankly I don’t care. I have been to Hamburg and Amsterdam in the last year.”

Brian looked at him.

“You went out on the town while you were there?”

“Amsterdam not so much but Hamburg yes. A night out on the Reeperbahn.”

Brian started laughing.

“Why does that not surprise me about you Andrew. What was it like?”

“Interesting and sad all at the same time.”

“Why?”

“Look, some of it was fun but a lot of it was sad and desperate. We went to a live sex show at the end of the night. Small sweaty basement place, beer that tasted like it was straight out the Elbe and two people fucking who could not have looked more bored or unsexy.”

Andrew shook his head.

“Never again.”

“That bad?”

“Most people think I am exaggerating but I am probably understating it. This was after a skinful of beer. It is not the sort of thing you want to watch when you are sober.”

After dropping Brian off, Andrew would see him and Mary the following evening, he headed over to meet Leslie. With Julian having lunch with his folks it was a good time for them to chat.

“Did you behave this morning? No wild trips to Morocco?”

Andrew laughed.

“No passports required. Both dads plus your uncle will be there, how wild can it get?”

His raised eyebrow just got him a whack.

“Seriously, is it all sorted?”

“Yes. One place will take a deposit by cheque but the other wants the money in their hand before confirming. I am going up there tomorrow morning. And don’t ask where there is.”

With the stag out of the way they talked about the Endowment Trust for a while. With Creighton and her now getting into a routine, things were settling down. He had a junior accountant working for him and Leslie was talking to Doug about starting a junior investment manager to assist her. It was a small compact operation and she loved it.

“We bought that building years ago, mainly because of location and the fact it was dirt cheap. But now it feels like things are starting to come together. We are interviewing for the property manager which will let us have six people there all the time. If Julian starts a new computer company and they take over some of the space downstairs then it will be great. The two of us can walk or drive to work together, while working near each other without being in the same office the whole time. It doesn’t get any better than that. Oh, and Morag cannot wait to talk to the male model Andrew Bressay the next time you pop by.”

He laughed at that.

“If she sees the commercials she’ll never look me in the eye again.”

Leslie talking about her job let Andrew transition onto talking about his own career choices. Leslie listened to him as he talked about it all. It wasn’t whining or even one of his classic rambles, it was more that he was lost and unsure what to do. Leslie listened quietly until Andrew had finished.

“I think that you have to think about your career in terms of your other life goals. I think you need to consider how making a difference and karma play into your career. Now I know that just seems to make it more complicated but it is clear, at least to me, that part of your problem is that you will never be happy just doing a job for the sake of it, to get a salary. Does it mean you work for yourself, I don’t know? You have Mhairi working on establishing an engineering company, which gives you that option. It comes back to your life goal of making a difference. Because the computer companies were so successful you have been struggling with that one for nearly two years. You should go away and think about what making a difference means to you now and how you want to make a difference with your career.”

Andrew had been groping round the edge of this for a while but what Leslie said made sense. He was struggling every week to define making a difference other than three or four hours at Addenbrooke’s. Andrew did not see himself working at an engineering firm just as an employee for the next 40 years. It made sense but it didn’t provide the answer either. Then Leslie changed the subject and turned serious.

“We need to talk about Suzanne. The poor woman is a complete mess and we, but you especially, have to handle it carefully. She has lost herself, her sense of identity, and is generally just always sad. I don’t know all the details but she had her head turned by one of her flatmates at the start of the year. She seems to have manipulated Suzanne into believing you were bad for her and that she needed to drop you from her life. That is why she kept her distance all last term and we didn’t see her during the Christmas break. This term Suzanne has managed to regain a bit of her spirit, her independence, and she came through to see me a couple of weeks ago. She stayed here and we had a bunch of long chats. She is my maid of honour and she knows that you are Julian’s best man, which is why she came to see me. After a lot of talking in circles she wants to make sure that our day goes perfectly. What that means for her is that you don’t ask her a whole lot of questions and really just stay apart where possible. She will be in the photos after the ceremony and will stand next to you all smiles but she can’t cope with talking to you, at least right now.”

Leslie paused and Andrew pondered what she had said. If not for the wedding, Suzanne would not be in his presence this term or the upcoming break.

“That is sad but of course I will do what is necessary to make sure your day goes off without a hitch. So after the wedding is that it? She doesn’t want to keep in touch?”

“No, that is the part where she is all over the place. I took her round to the flat and she sat in the lounge and wept. She couldn’t bring herself to leave her home. That’s what she called it Andrew, her home. But at the same time she will not be there while you are in Edinburgh during the break.”

He seemed to be shaking his head a lot these days but was powerless to stop himself. What was he meant to say or do to all this?

“I know Andrew, it is a mess.”